When my first child was a newborn, I decided it was time to become the perfect Mormon. I’d been a member of the church for six years now and felt I ought to be doing everything. While trying to care for an infant who had to be fed every hour around the clock, and learning to live far from my parents and in a new culture, I tried to do everything I had heard members ought to do, and to do it all at once. I learned to bake bread and never bought anything pre-made or convenient. I tried to keep a perfect home. I tried to do my genealogy and to take on numerous callings. If I heard about something in Relief Society, I went home and added it to my schedule. Within months, I was near collapse. Some kind people took it on themselves to explain to me about seasons.

 Mormon FamilyThere are seasons in everyone’s life, times when you focus on certain parts of the gospel more than others. That was my season to learn about parenting, and to get through the health challenges of my child. I was reassured it was not wrong to buy cookies or bread at the store, especially when I was so exhausted all the time. Genealogy could wait until things were more under control. I didn’t have to do everything every day.

That didn’t mean I could sin, of course. It just meant that not every aspect of the gospel has to be done every day. We’re taught to do our family history, but we don’t have to do it today if today there is a greater priority. We’re asked to serve in our community, but not if it will harm our families.

Dallin H. Oakes spoke of this in General Conference in October, 2008. He said, “As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best.” He recounted the story of Mary and Martha:

“Jesus taught this principle in the home of Martha. While she was “cumbered about much serving” (Luke 10:40), her sister, Mary, “sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word” (v. 39). When Martha complained that her sister had left her to serve alone, Jesus commended Martha for what she was doing (v. 41) but taught her that “one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (v. 42). It was praiseworthy for Martha to be “careful and troubled about many things” (v. 41), but learning the gospel from the Master Teacher was more “needful.” The scriptures contain other teachings that some things are more blessed than others (see Acts 20:35; Alma 32:14–15).”– Good, Better, Best, Elder Dallin H. Oaks Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Note that he did not say Martha should never clean house or cook, instead spending all her time studying the gospel. Nor did he say Mary should spend every moment studying the gospel, never cleaning. But at this particular moment, the Savior—the Savior!-was at their home and they had a precious opportunity to learn at his feet. At that particular moment, Mary had chosen best, and Martha had only chosen better. At another time, the homemaking would have been the best choice for the moment.

As a new member, don’t confuse culture with commandments. (Baking bread is culture; reading scriptures is a commandment.) There are many things to do, but you have time to do them. Keep the commandments and note all the other things we’re asked to do. Then prayerfully discover the proper season for doing each of those things.

About Terrie Lynn Bittner
The late Terrie Lynn Bittner—beloved wife, mother, grandmother, and friend—was the author of two homeschooling books and numerous articles, including several that appeared in Latter-day Saint magazines. She became a member of the Church at the age of 17 and began sharing her faith online in 1992.

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