I have heard many of my single adult friends complain about their parents seeming interfere with their life. Indeed I have heard the comments, "Why can't my parents just leave me alone?", or "Why can't they acknowledge that I am an adult?", or "If only they would stay out of my life."

I must admit that a time or three I used to feel that way, as well. As an adult I felt the need to spread my wings and independently fly. Part of becoming an adult was to be independent isn't it? It was my right and responsibility to think and act of myself (and live with the consequences.) Besides my parent's responsibility toward me was over, wasn't it?

I finally came to realize how unjust and immature I was being. It was pride and misunderstanding that stood in my way of accepting their wisdom, counsel, and involvement in my life. What I needed to realize was that my parents will never outlive their responsibility toward me, their child. President Ezra Taft Benson the 13th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as the Mormons)taught,

"Fathers and certainly mothers too, yours is an eternal calling from which you are never released. … A father's calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity." To the Fathers in Israel,Ensign, Nov. 1987, Ezra Taft Benson

Where parents will never outlive their responsibilities as parents, when their children grow into adulthood, their parental roles do change. This can be difficult to adjust to on both sides. This merely necessitates more love and understanding.

"While parental responsibility never ceases, it does change. After the birth of a child, parents provide for the baby's every need. As the child grows, the amount of parental involvement decreases. Over time, the degree of involvement becomes harder for parents to determine. By the time children have reached adulthood, the complexity of determining the timing, extent, and direction of parental involvement in children's lives sometimes causes parents to give up. As a result, they either assume a very passive role or stop those relationships altogether. When this happens, everybody loses. Parents feel alienated from their children's lives and activities, and the children lose opportunities to draw on the wisdom their parents have accumulated through years of experience." July 2006 Ensign, Families Are Forever—and So Is Parenthood, By Garth Hanson and Steve Hanson

As we realize that our parents are trying to adjust to this new role they have in our lives, (which is not easy for them) and recognize that their actions stem from love toward us, then we can have more patience and understanding toward them.

There is still much that we can learn from our parents. There always will be. This is a great blessing to us. In closing I would like to remind all my single adult friends that as we learn how to adjust to our relationship with our parents, it is important for us to remember that being an adults, doesn't void God's commandment to always,

"Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." Deuteronomy 5:16

This last weekend my sister was visiting with her new husband. They were planning their wedding reception which is coming up on the 12th of April. Saturday night, my new brother invited two of his good friends to come over. When they arrived, they demanded details on his whirlwind courtship with my sister. After three hours (because of so many interruptions)they had only gotten to the point in their story where they were holding hands (which occurred before the first and only date they had before getting married). We had to set up another game night to finish the story.

However, at one point in the narration of their courtship, one of his friends made the comment that listening to them it sounded like their courtship was as slow as molasses, which we all knew was anything but the case.

To this, my sister and her husband explained that their courtship wasn't slow, or rushed, but went naturally as God planned it. For as anyone who has seen my sister and her husband together can attest, they were clearly brought together by the hand of the Lord. They are perfect for each other. Where I have been to many weddings, this is the first time I have seen such a union of souls.

Many people have had problems with the shortness of my sister's engagement. Their first date was only days before they got engaged, and just under a week before they were sealed together in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. What most people didn't know was that in the weeks before their first date they spent probably a hundred hours talking as they walked to and from school, church, firesides, and as they just sat in my sister's living room with their friends.

In an article entitles, Making Dating Smooth Sailing, which was adapted from a Brigham Young University–Idaho devotional address given on 18 November 2003, Sister Susan W. Tanner Young Woman's General President said the following,

"One of the ways to develop a strong, loving relationship is with sound communication. Communication is the way a good relationship begins and also endures. My unmarried children ask me constantly how it is that anyone ever gets together. It seems like such a mysterious puzzle. I know that everyone's falling-in-love story is different. But there seems to be at least one commonality among most stories. This is a spontaneity in conversation. So many couples say things like, ‘We just talked and talked; I lost track of time when we were talking; it was so comfortable to talk; we share the same sense of humor; we loved talking about our similar interests and values.’…

I've heard it said that "love is a long conversation." I believe it. In fact I often joke with our children that if I ever run out of things to say to Dad, then the marriage will be over. I'm pretty safe saying that, because we love to talk to one another about everything.

This communication that is so fun in a friendship is also essential as you really get to know someone's deeper self. A relationship may never develop into a courtship because it can't get beyond inch-deep generalities." Making Dating Smooth Sailing, New Era October 2004, Susan W. Tanner

With this sort of deep conversation they had often engaged in, my sister and her husband had formed a deep and lasting friendship long before they ever had their first date. Friendship came first, but courtship did follow. Because they were both worthy and prepared, when they each prayed to the Lord for confirmation about marriage their answers came sooner then most.

When they had their answer, they did not delay acting upon it. This, I believe to be most wise. When we do not act right away according to the revelations we have received, then sometimes we miss the opportunity to do so, and often we begin to doubt the revelation we received. I am so happy my sister and new brother followed the promptings of the spirit in coming together. I see how happy they are because of it.

Now for some friendship and courtship may take longer than others. This is fine. The important thing is to involve the Lord from the first. Follow the promptings of the spirit in how you approach your relationship, and in how you progress your relationship. And when you get your confirmation/direction from the Lord, do not delay upon action.

Late one night while, sitting around the campfire, at our last Singles Ward Relief Society campout, (we have one at least once a year) the question arose of what our greatest pet peeves were.

Some of the sisters claimed that they had no pet peeves for nothing bothered them. I must not be as perfected as they are yet, for I most definitely have some. I found myself nodding my head when some of my sisters answered,

-When someone chews with their mouth open

-Couples making out in public

-When someone is always putting them self down

-When couples are always putting down their other half

-Gossip, crudeness, or general meanness

When it finally came my time to answer, I had to stop and think for a moment. What is my greatest pet peeve? For, though these things may annoy me, I can normally, but not always, brush them off. Yet there is one thing that bothers me to no end. What is that? Cell phones in church or during important meetings.

Being a young single adult, I see this all too often. It is a common thing to hear the request at the beginning of a movie, class, or meeting to, "Please turn off your cell phone!" And yet then invariably sometime during the said event someone's cell phone goes off. When this happens the person with the cell phone always feels embarrassed and normally doesn't even answer the call, but instead fumbles with their phone to stop the ringing. However by that time, the person speaking has already been interrupted, and the rest of the audience distracted.

I have heard it referred to as an addiction of having to know who wants to speak to you as the reason why some people never turn their cell phone off, not even at church where they specifically ask you to do so. Today it is not just phones ringing that are a distraction in church, but the constant texting that is going on.

In a message given in the August 2007 New Era about texting and cell phones Russell and Brad Wilcox said,

"Like all communication tools, cell phones with text messaging capabilities can be positive or negative depending on how they are used. Stories can be told of a texted birthday greeting that made someone's day or a disaster that was avoided because someone was warned quickly and effectively in a text message. Still, not-so-positive stories can also be told of teenagers texting their friends during Sunday School or seminary lessons, of people being hurt by the content of a message received, or, …of people avoiding or disregarding those around them in favor of texting someone else." Keep Texting from Taking Over, Russell and Brad Wilcox

Two Sundays ago one of our high councilors in our Stake, issued a challenge to all of us Single Adults in his talk about preparing for our upcoming General Conference. He challenged us to turn off our cell phones during Conference this year. This wise high councilor said that though it is nice to know who wants to speak to us that at conference time we know who wants to speak to us. For the Lord said that,

"What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same." Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

At conference time the Lord is trying to speak to us. The words that will be spoken by the Prophet, Apostles, and General Authorities of the church, are really the words of the Lord. And the message He wants to give us will bless us more than any message we could receive from one of our earthly friends. This is the same for our regular church meetings, however if this is too big a step, then I challenge my readers to start with General Conference (the coming weekend) and see what a difference it makes.

A number of years ago when I first joined my stake singles ward, I had a Relief Society Lesson that changed my life. I no longer recall all the details of the lesson, but there is one part that I will never forget.

The sister who was teaching Relief Society that Sunday, was a nurse. She works with babies, specifically premature ones. She told us that part of her responsibility was to visit the babies in their home after they were released from the hospital to give them checkups etc… Normally she enjoyed these checkups, but there was one home she always dreaded to go. It was a small home, and the only surface she could lay the baby upon to do the check up was a small coffee table in the front living room. Normally this wouldn't bother her, except that the parents always had the TV on and what they were watching was not something she ever wanted stored in her mind.

For weeks she struggled to just keep her head down and focus on the baby to get through the checkup as fast as she could and then leave. Yet, no matter how hard she concentrated, she could not block out what was being shown just a foot away from her head. Her quiet humming could block out the noise, but somehow no matter how hard she tried there she would always leave with at least one more unwanted image ingrained in her mind.

Then one morning while studying The Book of Mormon, she came across a powerful verse of scripture:

"And they pitched their tents round about the temple, every man having his tent with the door thereof towards the temple, that thereby they might remain in their tents and hear the words which King Benjamin should speak unto them." Mosiah 2:6

In her study that day my friend cross-referenced that scripture with this scripture,

"Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom." Genesis 13:12

What an amazing difference the direction of their tents made in the lives of these two people. The first people pitched their tents toward the Temple of God, and the Lord's Prophet and they were greatly blessed because of it in so many ways. However, Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom, and the world, and in the end he lost everything including his wife.

After reading these two scriptures, my friend made a decision in how to handle this difficult circumstance. The next time she went to do the checkup, instead of just bending her head, she repositioned herself so that her back was to the TV all together. She said that this made all the difference in the world.

At this point she told us that we all have a choice to make. It was up to us to decide which direction we were going to pitch our tents in our lives. She reminded us that right now, in our single lives, we have the most freedom to rearrange the direction of our tents if needed. Later on when we have more permanently established our lives with our spouse and children it will be much more difficult to do so.

I used to hear quotes like the following and feel guilty:

"The Lord said also, 'Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven: but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.' (Matt 7:21) And I was thinking that there are as many wards and branches in the Church as there are people in this room, one for one. And what great accomplishment there would be if every bishop and every branch president in all the world, wherever it's possible...had a storage such as has been suggested here this morning..and took to their three or four or five hundred members the same message, quoting scripture and insisting that the people of their wards and branches do the things the Lord has requested, for we know there are many who are failing. 'Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?" (President Spencer W. Kimball, Ensign, May 1976, p 124.)

For years I used to think about how I knew I needed to begin a food storage program ... but then my heart would fail me. I just plain didn't know where to start. I knew I needed to begin, but the task seemed too large. Well, if one thinks an action is too big, those actions follow suit and nothing ever gets done.

Finally, one day, I realized I was spinning in circles -- and I was manifesting no faith. I stopped the spin and sat down, literally. First I began to think about what having a food storage really meant. The biggest realization came when I started to break down what a year's food supply implied in simple terms.

For example, one week of meals implies 21 meals (more or less): 7 breakfast, 7 lunch, and 7 dinner. To make my meal storage easy, why not plan on having the same dinners weekly? Therefore, if I planned on spaghetti for Monday nights, I would need 52 packages of pasta for a year's supply, in addition to 52 jars of spaghetti sauce (i.e. 52 weeks of Mondays in a year).

Of course, this is not a full meal. I might (to make it easy) store 52 cans of corn for a semblance of veggies with the meal. Not a fancy meal, but it would be food nonetheless for my small family. Plan this out for the 21 meals in one week's time ... and you have a charted course to begin building your food storage! (Begin with the first goal of having one week's of food in storage. Once that is completed, double that to two week's worth of food supplies. And so on. Little by little soon becomes a lot -- and much quicker than we might think! Ah, this is the pathway of faith.)

Times are rough that face us currently. Whether it is news of a trucker strike (which could clear the grocery store shelves in less than a week) or news of a bird flu epidemic that would force quarantine large populations, having a planned food storage system will greatly ease the stress of many traumatic situations. Let us therefore, be faithful to what the Lord's servants have counseled us for decades -- to have a food storage and to begin it now!

To learn more how to begin a food storage system, little by little, visit the Provident Living website. To read more of President Kimball's talk, "Family Preparedness, visit "Family Preparedness," Ensign, May 1976.

It's a common question asked amongst the good people of the world, no matter your religion, race or creed: "Why does God let bad things happen?"

No one, and I mean no one, escapes suffering in this phase of our eternal existence we call mortality or life. It's just the way it is. We came from heaven, known as premortality, determined to do our best, to prove to our Heavenly Father that we could be more like Him and His Son, Jesus Christ.

In heaven we were given the opportunity to make a choice. We could follow Heavenly Father's plan or we could follow Satan's. By virtue of your physical existence, you chose Heavenly Father's. The sticking point between the two plans? Free Agency.

Satan wanted to force us to live righteously and return every single one of us to Heavenly Father with no growth whatsoever, simply subjugated, dominated and uneducated.

Heavenly Father's plan included allowing us to choose for ourselves if we wanted to follow Him or turn our backs on Him and walk away. But He refused to force us. He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, as our Savior and Redeemer, to insure we would have a way to return home, whom President Thomas S. Monson, the living prophet of God, calls the Master Bridge Builder. Jesus Christ provided us bridges of obedience, service and prayer. In utilizing these bridges in mortality we are brought ever closer to our heavenly home.

In following Heavenly Father's plan we have been given the freedom to become more like Him or the freedom to choose to follow Satan to his fiery eternal destination.

Satan and his minions were cast out of heaven for rebellion against God the Eternal Father. (Revelations 12) He holds a grudge unlike anyone you have ever met since you were born on this earth. He wants every single one of us to fail. You have something he does not, a physical body and a chance at eternal life. He has nothing but his bitterness, anger and everlasting greed and bitterness to bring us all down.

So, there are several reasons why bad things happen:

1. Choices. If you choose to become addicted to drugs and involve yourself in the continual feeding of the habit you WILL eventually rob, permanently maim or murder another human being in order feed that habit. This can often spill over to innocent human beings who had nothing to do with your choices. But your choices never effect only you. They always, always effect at least one other person if not more.

2. Bad things that happen can be turned around if we seek help from our Heavenly Father. Indeed, our Father in Heaven will never rob us of our free agency on this earth. But He cannot, nor will He, protect us from the consequences of our actions. But if we turn to Him, He will strengthen us to survive, possibly overcome, if we are willing turn to Him permanently and remember who we are.

3. Sometimes trials are given to us to make us stronger. Indeed, if we lose the "woe is me" attitude along with the "why me, why me" questions and simply ask "what would You have me learn," then these trials become something which refine us into stronger, purer servants of God, much as gold is refined through the fires of forge, so too are we through the fires of our trials.

We have proof of a loving God, because if we turn to Him in times of unspeakable pain and horror we are given strength, comfort and peace to come this horrible time, even if it was caused by another's actions.

Jesus, the Bridge Builder, spanned that vast chasm we call death. “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.” (1 Corinthians 15:22) He did for us what we could not do for ourselves; hence, humankind can cross the bridges He built—into life eternal.

I close by paraphrasing the poem “The Bridge Builder”:

“You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide—
Why build you the bridge at the eventide?”
“There followeth after me today
A vast throng whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm that has been naught to me
To that great throng may a pitfall be.
They too must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for them.”

(Thomas S. Monson, “The Master Bridge Builder,” Ensign, Jan 2008, 4–9)

Indeed, regardless of our circumstances in life or the horrible things which occur around the world, we are children of a loving Heavenly Father who allows each of us the freedom to be a savior or murderer of His children, you and me. The consequences of each are great . . . I'll leave it to you to figure out which set of consequences is preferable.

In my last blog, I observed that balance between being too strict or too lenient is first found by giving our children knowledge. We help them know their own strength and power - they are children of God with unlimited potential. They can do anything! We teach commandments to show them the most efficient path to the goal. We teach them to follow the Savior as a mentor and example. We teach them to listen to the Holy Ghost who can give personal guidance and inspiration.

Once they have correct knowledge, our children are ready to choose. In fact they usually sound like the famous words of Founding Father, Patrick Henry:

“Give me liberty or give me death!”

Why is it such a strong feeling? In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, known as the Mormons, we are taught:

"God gave to man part of his divinity. He gave man the power of choice, and no other creature in the world has it. So he placed upon the individual the obligation of conducting himself as an eternal being. You cannot think of any greater gift that could come to a man or woman than the freedom of choice. You alone are responsible, and by wielding and exercising that freedom of choice, you grow in character, you grow in intelligence, you approach divinity, and eventually you may achieve that high exaltation. That is a great obligation. Very few people appreciate it. The roads are clearly marked—one offering animal existence, the other life abundant...Freedom of choice is more to be treasured than any possession earth can give. It is inherent in the spirit of man. It is a divine gift. … Whether born in abject poverty or shackled at birth by inherited riches, everyone has this most precious of all life’s endowments—the gift of free agency; man’s inherited and inalienable right." David O. McKay (“Chapter 22: Agency and Responsibility,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay, 205)

What an amazing gift! The need for choice and the opportunity to exercise that choice is absolutely essential for growth.

Agency is the impelling source of the soul’s progress. It is the purpose of the Lord that man become like him. In order for man to achieve this it was necessary for the Creator first to make him free. David O. McKay (“Chapter 22: Agency and Responsibility,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay, 205)

Most of us know our children need choice, but how do we go about it? We want our children to obey not because obedience is the ultimate goal, but because progression is the ultimate goal. How do we help them keep choice on the right track?

What is the cycle of progression our Father in Heaven gives to us?

1. He gives us commandments and asks us to obey them. (Keep in mind He is a perfect leader and has given a perfect law.)
2. He lets us choose.
3. He gives us time.
4. He asks us to check in for review.

We’ve already discussed the first two steps to this cycle. The next two are just as important.

Time

Our Creator gives us time to choose. He gives us the gift of time before rewards or punishments (“consequences”) are given. Here's why, even for rewards:

“If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil—all would do good but not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency, only satanic controls.” Spencer W. Kimball “Chapter 2: Tragedy or Destiny?,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, (2006),11–21

Most parents I know have a constant internal debate. Do I come up with a list of rewards or punishments for bad behavior? When do we let natural consequences set in and when do we create consequences?

Like the science experiments with mice where they get a zap or reward by going on the right path, immediate consequences can create conditioned behavior. Time is opportunity for growth. If we fail to give our children time in their choices, we can think that we are enforcing “consequences”, but we are really just conditioning behavior and conditioned behavior is immature behavior.

Our Creator gives us time to see the good and bad effects of choice for ourselves. These choices help us to reason, to process information, to weigh cause and effect. Time helps us mature. If we received an immediate response from Him after every action, our growth would be sabotaged.

What He usually does is wait until He sees patterns or halted progression before He acts. He then knows what we are really going to do if left on our own.

When I noticed this pattern, I decided to try it at home. I told my 6-year-old son that he could stay home with his older brother if he did his homework while I took another child to an activity. When I got home, the homework was not done and my son was playing at a friend’s house. The following week I told my 6-year-old that he could try again – that he should finish his homework before he went out to play. The second time, I found him watching a show, his homework not finished. I tried a third time with similar results. We had a conversation about what was preventing him from finishing his homework. One was the strong lure of friends to a six-year-old. The second was his need of more support with homework. The next week, he came with me and we finished it together in the car.

Review

One tool our Father in Heaven uses to keep choices on the right path is constant review. He has commanded us to pray. In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior teaches us how to pray (Matthew 6).

There are many references to prayer in the scriptures. We can find there an entire list of the many reasons to pray, ways to pray and outcomes of prayer. (TG)

Prayer is the Progress Check. Prayer is His feedback system for choice. He can tell us if we are on the right track, how to stay on track or how to get back on track. We can share our struggles, our sorrows and our joys and accomplishments in prayer.

Th Progress Check method also works with our children. We can give them time, but can also meet with them regularly. The time we allow between Progress Checks may depend on their age or maturity level. It may be hours, days, weeks or months. But we can always meet with them to ask them:

1. What goals do you have? What are you trying to do?
2. What did try?
3. How is that going?
4. What worked?
5. What didn’t work?
6. How can I help you?

This feedback loop helps keep tabs on the choices so good choices can be encouraged and bad choices can be flagged.

All of this said, I believe that parenting around choice is much easier said than done. In theory, it sounds easy. In reality, it is very tough to give kids great opportunity for choice. It is hard to give them the knowledge they need. It takes time and great effort to train them. It takes self-control to give them the ability and time to choose, especially when the behavior is bothering you or someone else in the family. It takes personal and family organization to do regular reviews.

Sometimes we let fear take over. What if they choose badly? Out of the best possible intentions, our fear can drive us to skip these important steps or take over for them. We want them to be happy. We want them to avoid pain and suffering. It takes great faith to know that if we follow a heavenly example, it will turn out all right in the end. Sometimes it is not their challenge, but ours to learn the elements of choice. Take heart, keep trying. We can do this if we too follow His guidelines.

There is a final element of free will, or choice. The last step is responsibility. We have heard that we get to choose our actions, but don’t get to choose the outcomes. My next blog will responsibility that comes with choice and will talk about right conditions for consequences.

There is a wonderful lesson taught to the four to eight year old children in Primary (the children’s auxiliary) about Heavenly Father. They are told the story of a prince who was kidnapped by bad men who tried to force him to be immoral. He withstood all pressure and temptation. After six months of failed attempts to corrupt the young prince, they asked him why he wouldn’t give in. He answered, “I cannot do what you ask, because I am the son of a king, and my father has taught me to do what is right. I was born to be a king.” The children are then taught that they too are the son or daughter of a king, the greatest king of all, their Heavenly Father, who trusts them to do what is right.

How does it make you feel to know that you are God’s child, and that He trusts you? Even on those days when you may not live up to that trust, He goes right on trusting you to do better in the future.

Think of some of the ways God has demonstrated His trust in you. First, He welcomed you into His church. He allowed you to take upon yourself the name of His Son, Jesus Christ. What a sacred responsibility it is to take on His name and to help to represent Him. As a new member of the church, you are just beginning to understand what it means to take the Savior's name upon yourself, and yet He didn’t say, “Well, wait a few years until I decide if you’re going to be someone I want wearing the name of the Savior.” Instead, He allowed you to tell those in authority that you were trustworthy and then He trusted you to go ahead and begin to represent Him while you are still learning.

You may have been given a calling. A calling is a clear sign of God’s trust in you. He is trusting you with a small corner of His church, to care for and to build. The gospel matters to Him. Do you think it demonstrates a powerful trust to let you have responsibility over even the smallest part of it? It does.

If you have or will receive the priesthood, you are being given a very sacred trust. Elder Stanley G. Ellis of the First Quorum of the Seventy said, on the subject of the priesthood:

Brethren, think of what the Lord has given us—His power and authority! The power and authority to act for Him in all things pertaining to His work!

With this priesthood power and, when necessary, the authorization of those with appropriate keys, we can perform the ordinances of salvation in His name: baptize for the remission of sins, confirm and confer the Holy Ghost, confer the priesthood and ordain others to priesthood offices, and perform temple ordinances. In His name we can administer His Church. In His name we can bless, home teach, and even heal the sick.

What a trust the Lord has placed in us! Think of it, brethren. He trusts us!

Our Heavenly Father’s trust in us is a magnificent gift. It’s our responsibility to prove ourselves worthy of His trust. As we prove our worthiness, He will trust us more and more, until He trusts us to enter into His kingdom. It’s a gift worth working for.

One cannot be strong all the time. Or at least I have not figured out yet how to be, though I am generally a happy person, and I try to look at the bright side of things. Every now and then the realities of my life come crashing down upon me. In those moments when I look at my life as it has been and compare it to the life I planned, I have my small moments of struggle. Now it isn't as if I haven't lead a good life, or that I haven't been greatly blessed in my life. It's just that as Anne Shirley (in the book Anne of Green Gables) couldn't imagine her red hair away, I cannot imagine away that I am twenty-five, a return missionary, and an oh so, single adult.

It's not just that I am not married. Oh, no it goes far beyond that. In my 25 years of existence (never mind the fact that I didn't start dating till I was 16) I have never had a single relationship. If truth were to be told, I have gone on fewer dates in my entire life, then most of my friends have in a year.

This used to weigh on me very much. I used to constantly wonder what was wrong with me. Why it was that the only guys, who showed even the slightest interest were guys that I was least inclined to go out with. On the same note, the men whom I did like, never showed the least interest in me.

One night while with a friend the topic of conversation turned to this oh so touchy subject. Fighting back the tears of frustration, I asked this dear friend his opinion of what was wrong with me. I had tried to figure it out for years, and fix it myself, but no matter what improvements in my nature I made, the results always stayed the same. I was unwanted.

That night my friend looked me straight in the eyes, and told me most sincerely, that there was nothing wrong with me. I just hadn't found the right one. Where others had told me this before, never had I was able to accept this answer. Then my friend said the sweetest thing a friend could say. He told me that he couldn't wait to someday meet the man worthy enough to win my heart. For that man will be amazing. I asked him why he said that, and to this, my friend replied with a smile, that I deserve to be equally yoked in my eternal marriage, and God knows this.

That conversation made all the difference in my outlook of my life. Now, I have no idea how long I will have to wait for that one man who will make my waiting and preparation worth it, but that is okay. I don't need to know. I can have peace in happiness in my life right now, by focusing on doing and being whatever God has planned for me. As long as I do that, then the rest will come in it's own due time.

Gordon B. Hinckley, a prophet of God, said,

"To you single women and men who wish to be married I say this: Do not give up hope. And do not give up trying. But do give up being obsessed with it. The chances are that if you forget about it and become anxiously engaged in other activities, the prospects will brighten immeasurably." A Conversation With Singles, President Gordon B. Hinckley

Now why am I thinking and thus writing about this today? Well I just received an e-mail from that same friend I have just written about. (He is leaving to serve a full-time mission next week.) In his e-mail he sent this little thought about how women were like apples on a tree. His cousin had sent it to him, and he felt that I needed to see it. I am glad he sent it, for when I read it I was reminded of that conversation long ago which I admit I needed to remember.

"Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

Families, can't live with them, don't want to live without them!

Isn't it funny how the ones that we love the most can also be the ones that make us the maddest? It seems to me that the ones that I love the most can push all my buttons the wrong way. Probably because they know all the right buttons to push. Of course by saying this, I'm fully aware that the ones who love me the most can say the exact same thing about me.

My extended family is pretty normal, at least we like to think we're mostly normal. We have our good times and our bad days. We have days when we all agree on the best course of action, and we have days when we absolutely know the right thing to do and everyone else is wrong. We have days when we just can't get enough of each other and we have those other days too. I'm sure your family isn't that different from mine. So what do we do when we don't see eye to eye with each other?

Well, if your family is like mine, we sulk and we vent to our spouses or to anyone else that will lend a sympathetic ear. We refuse to talk to the guilty party for a couple of days. Then we kiss and make up and we're one big happy family again. Well, we don't literally kiss and make up but you get the idea. My family is such a central part of my world, I really can't imagine a life without them. My extended family (parents, siblings, cousins, etc) is just as important to me as my own small family.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes known as the Mormon Church) values the "family." Our theology and our lifestyles in the Church are Christ-centered and family-centered. "Mormons place particularly strong emphasis on family as the basic unit of the Church and of society...There is also much focus on extended family, genealogy, and personal family history, providing young and old with a stronger sense of roots, identity, and belonging. The highest and most sacred ordinances of our faith relate to our families, both living and dead, and some of these ordinances take place in our temples." (Elder M. Russell Ballard, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)

Adversity is everywhere. It's in our homes and families. Adversity, even the most minor examples, can damage relationships and destroy families. How do we ensure that the adversities that we face on a regular basis in our families doesn't lead to the destruction of these sacred relationships? I'm not talking about major trials and challenges. I'm referring to the simple every day occurrences that usually just annoy and irritate us. You know the kind of thing that can happen when someone says something that is completely innocent but taken the wrong way. Or when someone forgets to say something that should have been said or simply forgets (like a birthday). How do we stop such minor incidents from becoming full blown problems?

We do so by acknowledging that despite our differences and disagreements, we are all still part of a family. We apologize. We listen and we are listened to. We acknowledge the other point of view as valid and we expect that our point of view is acknowledged and respected as well. If we are lucky, we will also be counseled by a loving spouse or a dear friend who isn't afraid to point out how childish the whole argument is. If we are extremely lucky, we'll listen to the promptings of the Spirit and we will forgive the real or imagined slight and love the target of our wrath again.

Adversity can either break or strengthen us. It can do the same thing for a family. As part of Heavenly Father's plan of redemption, all people experience adversity during their lifetime. Trials, disappointments, sadness, sickness, and heartache are a difficult part of life, but with the help of the Lord they can lead to spiritual growth, refinement, and progress.

Through adversity, we can come to know the Lord as never before. It is during times of adversity, whether they be great or small, that we need to strive especially hard to remember the teachings of our Savior and to do as He would have done. "As we experience adversity in our own lives, let us, like Job, remain steadfast in our faith. Like Paul, let us seek to develop Christlike traits through our suffering. Like the Savior, let us learn obedience and meekly submit to our Heavenly Father’s will." (Elder Monte J Brough Of the Seventy)

I'm grateful for a Church that places such a strong emphasis on the value and importance of the family. I'm grateful that my Church teaches me all that it does about the importance of our relationships, not just with our immediate families, but with our extended families as well. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints helps me to put things in their proper perspective when it comes to families. It helps me to realize that despite all their flaws and imperfections, I love every person in this wonderful circle that is my extended family and I know they feel exactly the same about me!

I didn't always aspire to be a stay at home mom.

I aspired to be many things and not one of those things was being a housewife (does anyone else hate that word as much as I do?). I've always enjoyed the challenge of a professional career. I worked hard for it, even went on to graduate school so that I can pursue the career that I've always wanted. Being a stay home mom was the furthest thing from my mind. I will even go further and say that being a stay home mom didn't come naturally to me.

Now in case you're wondering, I do enjoy being a mom. I love being a mother. I do indeed believe that being a mother is the most important job that I can ever have in this life. For me, it wasn't a question of one of the other, but both. I firmly believed that I can have it all - a career and a family. Well, I was right in some ways but I was also wrong in so many others.

Like many professional women, a lot of my identity was tied up in what I do, my career and my professional interests. Having a career validated who I was in many ways. I was someone who had accomplished something in her own right. I wasn't just someone's wife, or just someone's daughter, or just someone's mother.

I don't know exactly when the big realization came for me. Perhaps, it was gradual and it crept up on me a little bit at a time. It really doesn't matter how it happened, what matters is that it did. I came to really understand that the greatest accomplishment that I can ever hope to lay claim to is to raise my children to be honorable in all their dealings with their fellowmen and with their Heavenly Father.

President Gordon B. Hinckley (15th President and Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) spoke lovingly of our sacred duty as mothers:

You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. It will not be the money you have made. It will not be the cars you have owned. It will not be the large house in which you live. The searing question that will cross your mind again and again will be, How well have my children done?

If the answer is that they have done very well, then your happiness will be complete. If they have done less than well, then no other satisfaction can compensate for your loss.

And so I plead with you tonight, my dear sisters. Sit down and quietly count the debits and the credits in your role as a mother. It is not too late. When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help of the Lord to assist you in your trials. But do not delay. Start now, whether your child be six or 16...

God bless you, dear friends. Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value. Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days. I hope that when that occurs you will not be led to exclaim as did King Lear, “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child!” (King Lear, I, iv, 312). Rather, I hope that you will have every reason to be proud concerning your children, to have love for them, to have faith in them, to see them grow in righteousness and virtue before the Lord, to see them become useful and productive members of society. If with all you have done there is an occasional failure, you can still say, “At least I did the very best of which I was capable. I tried as hard as I knew how. I let nothing stand in the way of my role as a mother.” Failures will be few under such circumstances.

For me, it came down to this - I had to be there for my children when it mattered. This meant being home full time. I needed to be there when they come home after a particularly bad day. I needed to be home when they come home bursting with news from school or from a friend. My children didn't just need me to be home when they were newborns or toddlers, they need me home as preteens and teenagers. In fact, they need me home during these trying years even more than ever before. This realization enabled me to take a leap of love - embracing and loving my status as a stay at home mom and not with reluctance and regret as I did before.

Of course, I realize that there are many mothers who work outside the home out of necessity. I applaud those moms for they are doing what they need to do to take care of their families. If my situation were to change tomorrow and I had to support my family, I would gladly work full time again but today I'm grateful that I can stay home. For me, it was a leap of love that has blessed my family in countless ways. Being a stay home mom might not have been what I'd envisioned as my "dream career" but today I can't imagine doing anything else.