Mistakes! We've all made them. Some mistakes are easily corrected, others can take quite a lot of time and effort to fix. I've made my share of mistakes. I will probably make a few more before my time on this earth is through. Big or small, I can honestly say that I've learned from my mistakes. They've made me a better person, a better mother and wife. My mistakes and my journey to overcome those mistakes are as much a part of me as any other attribute that makes me - me.

But what happens when our children make mistakes? Are we as patient or as understanding? Do we forgive? Do we look at it as an opportunity for them to grow, or do we only see the looks that we imagine our neighbors and friends are giving us? Do we view it as a reflection on our abilities (or lack thereof) as parents? Are we somehow threatened by our children's mistakes because of the way it might make us look?

One of the hardest things a parent has to do is watch their children make mistakes. It is hard to stand by and watch your child make bad choices. It's even harder to watch them suffer the consequences of those poor choices.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught that each of us is given the gift of agency. Agency is the ability and privilege God gives us to choose and to act for ourselves. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much that he allowed us to choose.

And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free.
He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you. (Helaman 14:30-31)

He will not force us to obey Him and follow His will. Instead, He gave us the freedom to choose for ourselves. Knowing the pain I feel when I watch my children make mistakes, I can imagine how much more our Heavenly Father hurts when we make mistakes. Yet, as a loving Heavenly Father, His way is not to force, but to guide, to forgive, and to give us chances over and over again.

Can we do any less for our own children? Yes, we'd rather they didn't make some of the mistakes they made. Yes, we wish they had made smarter, better, worthier choices than they made. Yes, we hurt, we're disappointed, sometimes we're even angry. But now is not the time for "I told you so" speeches. Now is the time for love, an outpouring of unconditional love.

As a mother, I need to trust that I've raised my sons the best way I know how. I need to remember that I've taught them the word of God. I need to remember that I've tried in every way I know how, to instill in them a love for everything that is good, virtuous, and praiseworthy. Then, I need to stand back and allow them to exercise their agencies. I will always guide, counsel, and advise, but in the end, it is up to them. I need to acknowledge that they too will make their share of mistakes. When (not if) they fall, I will be there to help them pick up the pieces. When they fall, I will be there to help them find their way back. When they fall, I will forgive them.

President Howard W. Hunter, 14th President of the Church, taught:

To fully understand this gift of agency and its inestimable worth, it is imperative that we understand that God’s chief way of acting is by persuasion and patience and long-suffering, not by coercion and stark confrontation. He acts by gentle solicitation and by sweet enticement. He always acts with unfailing respect for the freedom and independence that we possess. He wants to help us and pleads for the chance to assist us, but he will not do so in violation of our agency. He loves us too much to do that, and doing so would run counter to his divine character.

Given the freedom to choose, we may, in fact, make wrong choices, bad choices, hurtful choices. And sometimes we do just that, but that is where the mission and mercy of Jesus Christ comes into full force and glory. He has taken upon himself the burden of all the world’s risk. He has provided a mediating atonement for the wrong choices we make. He is our advocate with the Father and has paid, in advance, for the faults and foolishness we often see in the exercise of our freedom. We must accept his gift, repent of those mistakes, and follow his commandments in order to take full advantage of this redemption. The offer is always there; the way is always open. We can always, even in our darkest hour and most disastrous errors, look to the Son of God and live.

Don't you just love that? There aren't enough words to express how grateful I am for the gift of the Atonement.

I'm thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and for His gift of Agency. The knowledge that He trusts me so much that He allows me to choose gives me the courage to pick myself up when I've made mistakes. I'm so grateful for a Church that teaches us about the wonderful principle of Agency. I'm thankful because I know that this gift is available to my children as well. It is available to all of us.

This, and other teachings of the Church, gives me eternal hope. I have hope that, whatever mistakes my sons may make, they will make it right. I have hope that when they do mistakes, they will remember that their Heavenly Father will forgive them if they sincerely repent of those mistakes. I have hope that when they fall, they will pick themselves up and try again. I have hope that when they fall, they will learn and grow and become better men because they corrected and overcame their mistakes.

There has been a lot said recently about a certain new children’s book. Apparently the whole premise of the book is to prepare a child for their mother’s upcoming plastic surgery. At this point I become very torn. While the nurse in me agrees that children definitely need to be told and kindly taught what is going on with their mother when she undergoes any surgery, the woman in me becomes a bit discouraged. Plastic surgery is a very strange message to be sharing with children, especially when the images and focus of the book is taking a natural, wholesome woman and mother and surgically creating something “beautiful”. Is the child who loves totally and completely supposed to now judge that love based on whether or not the mother is beautiful?

I almost wonder if the woman who is being so critical of herself is perpetuating a dangerous cycle. We already have a huge problem with eating disorders and other physical manipulations as our young teens try to make themselves pretty according to the current standards. How young does a child have to be to realize that the woman who hates her own body and criticizes herself can also be looking at the child in the same way? I used to do some counseling in a teen unit for eating disorders. Do you want to know the number one stated beginning steps toward such destructive behaviors were? Watching their mothers. Whether or not the woman was anorexic herself, she was sending a very clear message to the child that weight and shape, and being able to control those things, were more important than many others. As the teen grew it became more obvious and the woman began including the child in her comparisons. Oh yes, there were many more very serious reasons why these girls were choosing to harm themselves, but the underlying cause for choosing this path rather than another was watching women they admire spend all their time focused on their waistline.

I do realize that there is a definite place in this world for the talents of plastic surgeons. Knowing many who have had to undergo mastectomies, I consider it a great blessing for them to have the option of replacing what has been lost. There are many other valid reasons a woman might contemplate this type of surgery. I don’t think a crooked nose should be one of them. I do not see the need to take what is already beautiful and unique about women and mold it into something else. The image of an ideal woman, physically, is a changeable creature. I think we have let ourselves become a little bit too gullible. The Lord’s views on what makes a woman beautiful have never changed and still today we berate and belittle God’s creation and feel that the world’s standard is the one we should be conforming to.

It’s not just some women; I would dare to say that in this day and age it is most women. I’m just as guilty as most. Most days I never think about my rather fluffy shape or limp hair. I’m too busy living life and finding joy in it. But there are plenty of other days when I’m already frustrated or too focused on myself when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, or see a candid photo of myself and think, “ugh, who is that hideous woman”? That’s simply a part of our feminine nature that draws us to beauty. We want to reflect that in ourselves. May I boldly suggest though that we need to judge our own beauty on our Heavenly Father’s view of us, not the world’s?

I’m talking about more than saying someone is "beautiful inside", I’m talking about realizing that when we really are beautiful on the inside what we radiate outside is the most beautiful glow of all. Sure, we have flaws. This is an imperfect world. But it is still full of diversified beauty. The landscape I find beautiful, may not be the same that you appreciate, and that is how it should be. The beauty of our bodies is the same. I have never had someone come up to me and say, “thank you for helping me, but next time don’t come if you’ve got a zit on your chin.” You want to know who was thinking that as they headed out the door? Me. Because Satan did not want me to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands, He did not want me to experience a true joy that has nothing to do with whether or not my jeans fit right.

Below is the well-known poem Audrey Hepburn once quoted when asked to share her ‘beauty tips’.

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.”

I think I’d like to see more children’s books that teach these concepts and let the plastic surgery one gather dust on the shelf.

If you’re a man who has recently joined the church, you may be wondering how the teachings of the church will affect your relationships with women, particularly your wife.

Everyone is Heavenly Father’s child and He does not love any one child more than any other. God doesn’t favor any gender, race, or nationality. That said, He didn’t create the genders to be exactly the same.

Spencer W. Kimball taught:

“Within those great assurances, however, our roles and assignments differ. These are eternal differences—with women being given many tremendous responsibilities of motherhood and sisterhood and men being given the tremendous responsibilities of fatherhood and the priesthood—but the man is not without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord (see 1 Cor. 11:11). Both a righteous man and a righteous woman are a blessing to all those their lives touch.

Remember, in the world before we came here, faithful women were given certain assignments while faithful men were foreordained to certain priesthood tasks. While we do not now remember the particulars, this does not alter the glorious reality of what we once agreed to.”--Spencer W. Kimball

The jobs are different, but neither is more important than the other. In fact, both parts are necessary for the world to function at its best. With this in mind, LDS men are counseled to treat women with great respect, and to honor the assignments God has given them.

It’s a hard time to be a woman. So much of the world teaches women to throw away their self-respect and their assigned roles. It can be a challenge to settle into a very traditional role and to feel good about it when the world is trying to pull you away. A husband’s support can make a world of difference to a woman trying to find her proper place in the eternal scheme of things. If your wife is also a convert, and is working to alter her accustomed role, it will be your responsibility as the priesthood holder or future priesthood holder, to encourage her and to show her how proud you are of the changes she is making.

As the head of the household, you should work to create a situation in which she can focus on the home while you focus on earning the money. This is an old-fashioned concept to many, but the world was, perhaps, a gentler place when children were raised by mothers, and not by employees. You must teach your children to respect her and her role, and this is done through your own example, as well as through your expectations for your children.

“As you walk on the way to eternity, it is important to gain some understanding and appreciation for the wonderful endowments and callings God has given uniquely to women.

I wonder if we really understand the fulness of these queenly endowments. If we could recognize the true greatness of these women, we would not treat them as we sometimes do. The world often uses and abuses women. We holders of the priesthood should honor good women in and out of the Church as true sisters, not as objects and sources of service or pleasure. Our consideration for women should spring from esteem for the daughters of Zion and an awareness of their true identity more than from a concern with their functions and roles.

President Ezra Taft Benson has stated, “Man is at his best when complemented by a good woman’s natural influence” (Woman, Salt Lake City, Deseret Book Co., 1979, p. 69).

In 1935 the First Presidency stated, “The true spirit of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gives to woman the highest place of honor in human life” (James R. Clark comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–75, 6:5). This has been confirmed by President Heber J. Grant: “Without the wonderful work of the women I realize that the Church would have been a failure” (Gospel Standards, comp. G. Homer Durham, Salt Lake City: Improvement Era, 1941, p. 150).”-- James E. Faust, “The Highest Place of Honor,” Ensign, May 1988, 36

As a Latter-day Saint husband, you'll learn to balance your role as head of household with that of treating a wife as an equal partner and a person to be valued, honored, and considered with awe at the challenges of her own role. This is one of your most important priesthood duties, and one that will have an eternal impact on your family for generations to come.