Elder Richard G. Scott, a living Apostle of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, tell us:

Since truth is the only meaningful foundation upon which we can make wise decisions, how then can one establish what is really true? Increasingly more people are finding that making wise decisions is becoming more and more difficult because of the ultra-interconnected world in which we live. Constantly forced into our consciousness is an incessant barrage of counsel, advice, and promotions. It is done by a bewildering array of media, Internet, and other means. On a given subject we can receive multiple strongly delivered, carefully crafted messages with solutions. But often two of the solutions can be diametrically opposed. No wonder some are confused and are not sure how to make the right decisions.

To further complicate matters, others try to persuade us that our decisions must be socially acceptable and politically correct. Some pondering of that approach will reveal how wrong it is. Since social and political structures differ widely over the world and can dramatically change with time, the folly of using that method to make choices is apparent. (Richard G. Scott, “Truth: The Foundation of Correct Decisions,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 90–92)

In order to find truth, Elder Scott goes on to tell us that we should go to the source of all truth. He's right. The source of all truth is Heavenly Father. The Holy Ghost's, the third member of the Godhead, sole job is to testify of truth. All truth.

In order to have access to that truth, we must have faith, an unwavering faith. In addition, we must also have a willingness to keep God's commandments. Personal faith and worthiness are necessary to open lines of communication between you and Heavenly Father. And those open lines are necessary to know truth.

So what truth is it necessary to know? As Elder Scott mentioned, modern life is so chaotic with so many experts and their conflicting opinions on every subject known to man, including religion. When we boil down to what truth is most important for us to know, it is the truth about Jesus Christ and His gospel.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God and indeed, the God of this world, descended from His heavenly throne and submitted to the will of His Father in being born into the world. In the 33 years He lived on this earth, He restored the truth of our Heavenly Father's plan of salvation, paid the price for our eternal souls with the Atonement, broke the bands of death with His resurrection, taught the ancient apostles for 40 more days before ascending to heaven in full view of the apostles and two angels.

These basic, and yet critical truths, are under greater fire from every corner of the world than ever before, calling into question our very God. Why? Because it is easier to dismiss than to dedicate ones self to learning the truth.

Profound faith is the very key to believing that if you kneel and ask God truth, He will answer you.

Faith is a gift from heaven. It grows from faith the size of a mustard seed, and if you can get it to that size, then as you study the scriptures, pray with humility and sincerity and really believe, truth will be revealed to you, it will.

Have you prayed to know if Jesus Christ is indeed the Son of God?

Have you prayed to know if Jesus Christ was indeed born into the world in the prophesied manner?

Have you prayed to know if He restored the full truth and power of the Kingdom of God during the meridian of time?

Have you prayed to know if He did Atone for our sins, sorrow, pain and illness in the Garden of Gethsemane?

Have you prayed to know if He did indeed die on that cross on Golgotha?

Have you prayed to know if He broke the bands of death and insured the resurrection of every one of Heavenly Father's children through His own resurrection?

Have you prayed to know if He and His Father did indeed appear to Joseph Smith, Jr. early in the spring of 1820?

Have you read and prayed about the Book of Mormon to accept with full understanding that it is a second witness of Jesus Christ and contains within its pages the full Gospel of Jesus Christ?

These are just a few truths for which I did kneel and pray. I did ask my Heavenly Father each one of these questions and believe, with whole faith and heart, that I have received an answer to each of these questions. These are questions which I believe the whole world should ask of our Father in Heaven.

The answers which hold these truths can come in a variety of ways. As we pray a conversation with a friend may be prompted, without knowing, with the answer. The answer may also come as you study the scriptures or writings of trusted theologians. The answer may also come in what Joseph Smith, Jr. called "pure strokes of revelation", in which the answer comes completely into your mind. The answer may come as you sit in church and the speaker conveys the answer to your question.

In whatever way the answer does come, and there are a myriad of ways, the Holy Ghost will testify to you of that truth:

Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me. (D&C 9:7-9)

Elder Scott tells us:

The process of identifying truth sometimes necessitates enormous effort coupled with profound faith in our Father and His glorified Son. God intended that it be so to forge your character. Worthy character will strengthen your capacity to respond obediently to the direction of the Spirit as you make vital decisions. Righteous character is what you are becoming. It is more important than what you own, what you have learned, or what goals you have accomplished. It allows you to be trusted. Righteous character provides the foundation of spiritual strength. It enables you in times of trial and testing to make difficult, extremely important decisions correctly even when they seem overpowering.

I testify that neither Satan nor any other power can weaken or destroy your growing character. Only you can do that through disobedience.

Understand and apply this vital principle to your life: Your exercise of faith builds character. Fortified character expands your capacity to exercise greater faith. Thus, your confidence in making correct decisions is enhanced. And the strengthening cycle continues. The more your character is fortified, the more enabled you are to exercise the power of faith for yet stronger character. (Ibid)

Take these words into your heart and begin your journey. You, as a child of God, have the right to know the truth, to understand your role in the eternities and to recognize your Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ who love you beyond all comprehension. Let no one stand in your path, for at the end of that path They await. Begin your search now and I testify to you that your answers will come.

Men kind of get a bad rap in this world. It is a sad statement, but true. Of course, some of them do all they can to foster that bad rap. But they aren't who I want to talk about. I want to talk about the benefit of having a righteous priesthood holder in my life.

I grew up with a man who was rather stingy with the priesthood, my biological father. He and my mother divorced when I was 14 and I still really had no idea what a righteous priesthood holder was supposed to do in a family.

On November 8, 1980 my mother married Fritz Hendrik Sluyter the man who came to be the father of my heart, but also the man who truly helped me to understand the power and strength of a righteous priesthood holder in the home.

First, I think we should define the priesthood:

The priesthood is the eternal power and authority of God. Through the priesthood God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power He redeems and exalts His children, bringing to pass "the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). God gives priesthood authority to worthy male members of the Church so they can act in His name for the salvation of His children. Priesthood holders can be authorized to preach the gospel, administer the ordinances of salvation, and govern the kingdom of God on the earth. (Gospel Topics, "Priesthood," www.lds.org)

This then, is the power a man holds when he remains worthy.

However, there are those who choose to betray these covenants with God and family, and of these men, President Gordon B. Hinckley, the 15th called prophet in this modern days, said:

Personal worthiness becomes the standard of eligibility to receive and exercise this sacred power. It is of this that I wish to speak tonight.

I begin by reading to you from the Doctrine and Covenants, section 121:

“The rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and … the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

“That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man” (D&C 121:36–37).

That is the unequivocal word of the Lord concerning His divine authority. What a tremendous obligation this places upon each of us. We who hold the priesthood of God must stand above the ways of the world. We must discipline ourselves. We cannot be self-righteous, but we can and must be decent, honorable men.

Our behavior in public must be above reproach. Our behavior in private is even more important. It must clear the standard set by the Lord. We cannot indulge in sin, let alone try to cover our sins. We cannot gratify our pride. We cannot partake of the vanity of unrighteous ambition. We cannot exercise control, or dominion, or compulsion upon our wives or children, or any others in any degree of unrighteousness.

If we do any of these things, the powers of heaven are withdrawn. The Spirit of the Lord is grieved. The very virtue of our priesthood is nullified. Its authority is lost. (Gordon B. Hinckley, "Personal Worthiness to Exercise the Priesthood," Liahona, Jul 2002, 58–61)

With that being said, let's leave it behind and concentrate on the incredible reward of having a righteous priesthood holder in the home.

As mentioned before, my father, Fritz Sluyter, is the one who taught me the value of a righteous priesthood holder. He was the one who parented with love and gentleness, but with firmness. He was the one who was with me as my father in the toughest times I faced in my young life (open heart surgery just being one of those things.) He was the one who became the model for the man I wished to marry.

Because of him I wanted a man who loved his wife, treating her with love, respect and gentleness. Just like he did my mother.

Because of him I wanted a man who honored his priesthood and covenants made with Lord. Just as he did with God.

Because of him I wanted a man who was generous with the priesthood, giving blessings of comfort, healing or strength as the need arose, always responding in the affirmative if a blessing was asked of him. Just as he did with us.

Because of him I wanted a man who stood with strength and conviction for his beliefs, standards and testimony of Jesus Christ. Just as he was until the day he died.

And because of Fritz Hendrik Sluyter and the example he was to me I married the love my life. I am married to a man who loves, honors and respects me. He is generous with the priesthood. And because of his worthiness he makes me a better woman. Because of his worthiness a protection and shield have a physical presence in our home. He is generous with the use of the priesthood, as his Heavenly Father intended him to be.

That, my friends, is the value of a righteous priesthood holder. Let us close with the words of our prophet, Thomas S. Monson:

My brethren, let us ever remember that the priesthood of God which we bear is a sacred gift which brings to us and to those we serve the blessings of heaven. May we, in whatever place we may be, honor and protect that priesthood. May we ever be on the Lord’s errand, that we might ever be entitled to the Lord’s help.

There is a war being waged for men’s souls—yours and mine. It continues without abatement. Like a clarion call comes the word of the Lord to you and to me and to priesthood holders everywhere: “Wherefore, now let every man learn his duty, and to act in the office in which he is appointed, in all diligence.”

May we each have the courage to do so, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. (Thomas S. Monson, “The Priesthood—a Sacred Gift,” Liahona, May 2007, 57–60(

The 11th Article of Faith of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, often referred to as the Mormons, states:

We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may. (Articles of Faith 1:11)

This is something President Thomas S. Monson, the 16th called prophet of these modern times, has taken to heart. In the last General Conference, he stated:

“I would encourage members of the Church wherever they may be to show kindness and respect for all people everywhere. The world in which we live is filled with diversity. We can and should demonstrate respect toward those whose beliefs differ from ours.”

President Monson has made a point of always welcoming and fostering good, solid relationships, as well as friendships, with the leaders of other faiths. He's a good, kind and friendly man. It is a natural extension of who he is and he has asked that Mormons keep in mind the struggle we had, and still have, in being respected for believing in the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. In keeping that in mind, it should help us to have kinder feelings and thoughts toward friends of other faiths, for indeed, that is who they are, friends.

Indeed, his counselor, a living Apostle of Jesus Christ, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, also in the last General Conference, reinforced that request with:

“We honor and respect sincere souls from all religions, no matter where or when they lived, who have loved God, even without having the fullness of the gospel. We lift our voices in gratitude for their selflessness and courage. We embrace them as brothers and sisters, children of our Heavenly Father. … He hears the prayers of the humble and sincere of every nation, tongue, and people. He grants light to those who seek and honor Him and are willing to obey His commandments.”

In a news release dated April 18, 2008, the LDS Newsroom reported:

The late Krister Stendahl, emeritus Lutheran Bishop of Stockholm and professor emeritus of Harvard Divinity School, established three rules for religious understanding:

(1) When you are trying to understand another religion, you should ask the adherents of that religion and not its enemies;
(2) don't compare your best to their worst; and
(3) leave room for "holy envy" by finding elements in other faiths to emulate.

These principles foster relationships between religions that build trust and lay the groundwork for charitable efforts. (LDS Newsroom)

Good points for all of us to live by. Indeed, it does us no good, anyone, to fight over the difference in beliefs. It is much more important to unite over our common beliefs. "It is important to note that interfaith cooperation does not require doctrinal compromise." (LDS Newsroom, "Respect for Diversity of Faiths", April 18, 2008)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has united with Catholic Relief Services to relieve human suffering, as well as joining with the Islamic Relief Worldwide and the Islamic Society of Great Salt Lake to accomplish the same purpose. This is something we are always willing to do, and indeed have sent tens, of thousands, of millions of tons of relief supplies across the world. It matters not the country, culture or religious differences, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, under the direction of The First Presidency, always steps up when the children of God, regardless of their geographical location or religion, always steps up to fulfill the admonition of Jesus Christ, which is to "Feed my Sheep." The Savior had in mind that His followers teach His Gospel to the world, but He also intended that we care for our fellow man. His prophet simply follows that admonition. It is an added benefit that it is, as stated before, that this is a natural extension of this man that is the living prophet of God today.

President Monson has called on all Latter-day Saints, Mormons, to follow his example in respecting the diversity of faiths which exist across the world. We, as has he, need to reach out to neighbors of all religions and foster friendships while respecting the differences in our beliefs.

The command to "Love Thy Neighbor" did not distinguish between faiths. Jesus Christ simply asked us to love everyone, as has His prophet, Thomas S. Monson.

Source: "Respect for Diversity of Faiths," LDS Newsroom, April 18, 2008

Several weeks ago an interesting idea came to mind. Okay, it was probably more like several months ago. Nonetheless, I toyed with the idea for quite some time before I spoke to anyone about it. After a few interesting conversations with friends I called my mother. You see, my mom is always the final source of confirmation for me, just to make sure I don't ever go off the deep end. My mom is one of the straightest shooting people you will ever find.

As I explained to her what was, and still is, in my mind I was quite surprised by her answer. I'd expected a quick and painful dropping back to earth rather than what I did receive. She said,

"I've been thinking a lot about all these public shootings which have been going on. As I've thought about it I've wondered what I would do in that circumstance? Would I fight back or would I cower in fear? I realized, thinking back over the courage and strength our ancestors have shown through the forming of this nation that cowering would not be an option. Candace, can you walk away from this and still face our ancestors when you finally pass through the veil?"

It simply took me aback. I hadn't thought about what would happen when I finally died and passed to the other side of the veil. It hadn't occurred to me that my ancestors might ask me what I did with mortality and what I did with the sacrifices they made so that I could live in America and be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, often referred to as the Mormons.

I began to consider the idea which had been percolating in the back of my brain much more seriously. Then came the preparation for my husband's kidney transplant, his transplant and now the recovery process. I hadn't done much with my idea, being otherwise occupied.

This afternoon, Alvin and I were driving south on I-15 on our way to watch my sister's group perform for the senior citizens of her town and then a local elementary. As I glanced up I saw the majestic Wasatch mountains framed against a blue sky with clouds floating lazily across that canvas. Something about the crags, cliffs and rocks of those mountains brought my ancestors back to mind.

There was Thomas Dodd Smith, my great-great-great-great grandfather who was reputed to have been a bodyguard of George Washington during the Revolutionary War. He suffered, as the Revolutionary War soldiers suffered, and spent those long months and years away from his wife as he fought to free America from British rule.

There was Moses Harris, my great-great-great grandfather, the son-in-law of Thomas Dodd Smith, who was first introduced to the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ in 1832. Despite the trials, tribulations and persecutions already occurring, Moses and his wife, Fanny, recognized the Gospel, remembered what they'd been told by her father, and joined the Church. They were driven state to state, home to home, suffering all the above mentioned and they never faltered. They followed Joseph Smith to Illinois and then Brigham Young to Utah. They always completed anything the prophet asked them do, it mattered not how difficult or lengthy the task. They stayed true to the Gospel, as did their children and down through them, to my mother and then me.

My great-great grandfather, John Smith Harris, who had two wives, finally had to flee to Mexico, where he lived the remainder of his life and died in the colonies just across the border. My great-great grandmother, his first wife, stayed in Utah and her son, my great-grandfather, Thomas Dodd Harris, eventually settled in the Southwestern corner of Colorado where my mother was raised.

On my biological father's side, his ancestors also fought in every war from the Revolutionary War to my cousins currently serving in the military, having already completed stints in Iraq.

Every war this nation has fought, my blood has been on the front lines defending America, freedom and the hope that this country stands for ... a future full of promise if we will only work hard enough to believe that we can do it and then follow through.

All this poured through my mind, along with their sacrifices, as I looked at those mountains. You might ask what point am I coming to?

We honor our ancestors by living our lives by not only being grateful for the decisions they made which not only brought us to this point in our lives, but also by living up to the fullest of the potential which exists in us, both temporally and spiritually. So, here are just a few questions to ask ourselves:

• Do we take advantage of the time, freedom and opportunities we have or do we spend all our time in front of the television or playing video games?
• Do we take the time to continue the learning process, constantly honing and perfecting our gifts and talents, or do we simply coast through life?
• Do we take the time to understand our faults and weaknesses and to do as Enos did in the Book of Mormon, repent and do so with all the sincerity and humility in our hearts? In other words, do you work every day to be just a little better?
• Have we taken the time to learn and understand who Jesus Christ is, what He's done for us and why He is such an integral part of every aspect of our lives?
• Do we take to heart the request of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and live our lives in such a way that others notice something different when we live as He has asked us?
• Do we study the Gospel of Jesus Christ and then share what we've learned as opportunities are presented to us?

This is just a little of what I think of when honoring my ancestors. So yes,

• I strive to be the best at what I do.
• I immerse myself in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, absolutely absorbing the knowledge which pours from the scriptures and the mouths of moderns prophets and apostles.
• I constantly work to improve, increase and hone my skills and talents.
• I work, every day, on weaknesses to make them my strengths, as described in Ether: And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27)
• I learn as much as I can, actually thirsting after knowledge.
• This nation my ancestors fought to create, and then preserve, is left to me, and all American citizens, to maintain and defend.

So this idea percolating in my head is beginning to come alive. I will not face my ancestors and say I had not the courage to proceed. I will not say to them I wasted the opportunity and privileges they died to make sure I would have. I will not say to them I treated the Gospel of Jesus Christ with a casualness, never understanding the full potential of what they fought to provide for me. I will not say to them that I took the sacrifices and Atoning Gift of Jesus Christ and turned my back on Him.

I will live up to the expectations of my ancestors. I will honor them and their sacrifices. I will fulfill my divine and mortal potential. I will.

This, I believe, is honoring my ancestors.

When Christ was preparing to leave His disciples for the final time, He promised them a special gift. This gift, the Holy Ghost, was described by Christ as a Comforter, as foundation of peace, a Teacher, a source of truth and a Testifier, a way for Christ to be with His disciples even when He was removed from their physical presence. It was, in my opinion, the most beautiful gift He could give them.

16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
19 Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.
20 At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.
21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him. . .
26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:16-27

The Holy Ghost’s role within the Godhead is to offer a direct connection with our spirits. Our spirits remember and rejoice in truths and recognize our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The spirit within us that remembers and recognizes these things is the very center and core of who we are. We are literal children of a loving Heavenly Father who sent the purest of His children as a Savior for all of us. When our spirit recognizes this, it changes who we are, it awakens our true nature and potential for goodness, it allows us to be disciples of Jesus Christ.

When Christ promised this gift to those who would follow Him, He was promising to keep that line of contact and communication open to us. He was promising that as long as we were living His commandments, we would have access to His loving guidance through the Holy Ghost. The faith we gain because of our connection with the Holy Ghost allows us to take His love into our hearts and trust in it. We can not cast our every care upon someone who we don’t intimately know and trust to comfort and bless us with what we need most. We can not trust in an atoning sacrifice that can relieve us our all our imperfections if we do not know we are loved to such an extent. We can not heed or follow His voice if we do not know what those tender whisperings feel like.

Keep the commandments and live worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. He is the best friend and companion that Christ can offer His disciples when we need to feel His love and guidance.

In this world that is drenched with sexual images and commodities, what is a parent to do to strengthen their child (and even themselves) against this onslaught? It is a rampant problem, one that appears to be worsening.

My husband a few years back attended a conference for mental health counselors and psychologists. The focus of the conference was helping clients overcome pornography addiction. During the lectures and workshops of the conference, my husband learned many important things to help those he counsels with sexual addiction issues. But one of the most startling facts shared at the conference was the new target market for porn companies are the 7- to 12- year-olds! Nothing beautiful, "artistic," nor entertaining about that!

This fact was shocking to me. It is more than appalling. I don't know how those who work for that industry face themselves in the mirror each morning. Most historians will tell you that a country that immerses itself in sexual promiscuity eventually self-destructs, whether internally or through external stronger forces.

My husband also shared with me that an additional report stated that the original funding for picture-capable cell phones came from pornography companies. And it makes sense (at least to them); pornography can be so addicting that if you bring porn to the young, they become the porn companies' customers for a lifetime.

So in the midst of all of this, what is a parent to do? Here are three suggestions:

1. Understand What Pornography Is.

Here is a simple definition of "pornography":

"Pornography is any material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings."

Regardless if some people call it art or entertainment, this definition of pornography could not be clearer!

2. Understand the Lord's Perspective On Pornography.

The Lord speaks to us through his servants and prophets (see Amos 3:7). Elder Richard G. Scott clearly states:

"Whether it be through the printed page, movies, television, obscene lyrics, the telephone, or on a flickering personal computer screen, pornography is overpoweringly addictive and severely damaging" ("The Sanctity of Womanhood," Ensign, May 2000, 36-38).

Our most recent prophet President Gordon B. Hinckley, prior to his death, said:

"Stay away from pornography as you would a serious disease. It is as destructive" ("Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry," Ensign, May 1998, 49-51).

Links are also listed below for these two powerful discourses from God's servants. They provide a start to help understand the Lord's perspective and rationale on the dangers of pornography.

3. Make Use of Fasting, Scriptures Study, Prayer and Service.

As we work with our children, it is essential we arm them with the very real and effective tools of Fasting, Scripture Study, Prayer, and Service. We can help them find their power to overcome anything when they (and we) make use of these aids given us from God.

4. Get Help When Stuck.

A friend once told me that only the strong seek help. His comment stuck in my mind and has continued to register through the years. Truly, those who care will seek aid when they are struggling with anything, for they recognize the possibility of a brighter day. Church leaders are there to help anyone who struggles. The church has set up its own gentle 12-step program to help those who find themselves in the clutches of sexual addictions. The world is so much brighter when we are free of the chains Satan would bind us with.

It is urgent, given the conditions in the world today, to help our children understand the importance of getting help with struggling with anything, even (and especially) pornography. Because at times, experiences will broadside us when we least expect it. My husband, through counseling many clients, now has the perspective that most people on this earth will at some time or another be faced with a pornographic image. That's when we immediately turn off the computer, walk away, and immerse ourselves in the things of the Spirit to renew our souls.

We can help our children find joy in this world as we follow the Lord's plan and keep ourselves free from the entanglements that some would like to ensnare us with!

Additional Resources:

"You Can't Pet a Rattlesnake," David E. Sorenson, Ensign, May 2001, 41.

"Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry," Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, May 1998, 49.

"Breaking the Chains of Pornography," Ensign, Feb 2001, 55.

"Strengthening Marriage: A Resource Guide for Couples," www.providentliving.org.

Addiction Recovery Support Groups, www.providentliving.org

As a new male member of the church, you may have learned that you are to be the head of the household. If this hasn’t been a part of your marriage in the past, it may seem complicated to you to understand how to do this in light of the way the missionaries taught you to treat your wife. This is because many people confuse being the head of the household with being the boss. They picture an autocratic man controlling every decision, every action. This is not at all what the church means when it tells men to take their place as the head of the home.

“The priesthood places upon the fathers the responsibility of being the head of the family and the home. What does being the head of the family mean? It is a priesthood power, and the Doctrine and Covenants, section 121, makes it clear that all priesthood responsibilities must be exercised “only by persuasion, … by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned” (D&C 121:41). Holding the priesthood does not mean that a man is a power-broker, or that he sits on a throne, dictating in macho terms, or that he is superior in any way. Rather, he is a leader by authority of example. Paul’s counsel to the Ephesians included, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Eph. 5:25). As Christ lifts us all, so must we, rather than put down women or anyone.

Nowhere does the doctrine of this Church declare that men are superior to women. Paul said to the Corinthians, “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11). Each brings his or her own separate and unique strengths to the family and the Church. Women are not just cooks, stewards of our homes, or servants. They are much more. They are the enrichment of humanity.”-- James E. Faust, “The Highest Place of Honor,” Ensign, May 1988, 36

As the priesthood leader, you set the example of righteous living for the family. You should, when you’re available, call the family to prayer and scripture study without needing to be reminded. You should be certain Family Home Evening happens and be prepared to assist anyone who needs help with his or her assignments.

As the head of the household, you’ll honor your wife’s role and be certain she has whatever she needs to fulfill it, which includes help with childcare and homemaking. Being the head of the household does not excuse you from doing the dishes or changing a diaper. When there are children, running a home is more than one person can reasonably manage alone, especially since it doesn’t come with built in quitting times or days off.

The head of the household interviews his children on a regular basis and watches for opportunities to guide their growing up years. He counsels with his wife to understand the child’s needs and to make decisions both parents are comfortable with.

In general, the head of the household watches over the family, sets a good example, and monitors the righteousness of the home, handling concerns with love, respect, and prayer, not force. He honors his wife’s wisdom and inspiration, and helps, rather than controls. He guides his children gently, creating an atmosphere of love and trust. He follows the example of His Father in Heaven and the Savior for righteous leadership.

When I was a girl, we had Cheerio’s, eggs or oatmeal for breakfast. That was about it. When we got tired of hard-boiled eggs, we’d try scrambled or fried. Pancakes with bacon were a special treat and were reserved for the weekend when we had more time. Boy, times have changed.

For breakfast, my kids can have over 250 brands of boxed cereals. I can choose from bagged or boxed brands, organic brands, oat, wheat, spelt, barley or corn-based brands. My milk can be soy milk, rice milk, skim, 1%, 2%, or whole. It can be regular milk, “hormone-free” milk or organic milk. I can have regular eggs, egg whites, eggs from hormone-free farms, or eggs from free-range chickens. I can make waffles from scratch, choose from over 10 brands of pre-prepared mix, or from umpteen brands of frozen waffles. I can serve turkey bacon, low-fat bacon, pork bacon, “hormone-free” bacon or beef bacon. I can serve orange juice that is pulp-free, with regular pulp, with extra pulp added, or calcium enriched. I can choose from over 35 types of fruit smoothie or if I’m traveling, drive through a fast-food place for a breakfast bagel, burrito, or muffin sandwich with another 50+ choices.

And that’s just breakfast.

Our world of prosperity has given us an explosion of choices for us and our children. Just think about the increase in choice in these areas of their lives:

Credit: A generation ago, access to credit used to be tight, which made living within your means easier to do. Our children will have access to credit and can charge many purchases freely.

Dining/Food: Dining choices were limited and most people were at home during the dinner hour. Now, we can make a meal at home, pick up a pre-packed dinner at a big box store, drive-through dinner at a fast-food place or eat out (all on our way to take our 5-year-old to soccer practice.)

Activities: Organized recreation for small kids was rare. Now, we can choose between karate, baseball, soccer, gymnastics, dance, music lessons, Mommy and Me classes, science camps, girl scouts, boy scouts, or church activities. The list is endless.

Work: It was pretty common for our parents to work in the same jobs or careers for 20+ years. Any career is open to our children. They live in an opportunistic work environment where changing jobs or careers frequently is the norm.

Are our children ready? I don’t think I am ready! In fact, I’m exhausted just thinking about breakfast.

Our kids have a great challenge ahead of them. They need to be able to make decisions that our parents never had to. They need to be more wise and discerning than past generations. At a minimum, they need to maintain their sanity. At a maximum, they can achieve true peace and joy.

What can help?

First, we can know that choice is good, but that more choice doesn’t necessarily make us happier. In a favorite book of mine, The Paradox of Choice, author Barry Schwartz describes the decline of happiness in America:

“The American ‘happiness quotient’ has been going gently but consistently downhill for more than a generation. While the American gross domestic product, a primary measure of prosperity, more than doubled in the last thirty years, the proportion of the population describing itself as ‘very happy’ declined. The decline is about 5 percent. This might not seem like much, but 5 percent translates into about 14 million people – people who would have said in the seventies that they were very happy would not say so today. It seems that as American society grows wealthier and Americans become freer to pursue and do whatever they want, Americans get less and less happy.” (The Paradox of Choice, Schwartz, Harper Perennial, 201)

Our generation of parents prides itself in developing thinking, reasoning children. Most of my friends and I encourage greater choice than past generations of parents ever did. “Do you want to wear the red shirt or green?” “Would you like to play baseball or soccer?” “Would you like to go to the beach or go on a hike?” Although our children need to learn to be good decision-makers, it sometimes has a paralyzing effect. In the words of one mother describing her five-year-old:

“I have noticed that my son sometimes has difficulty making the sorts of choices that exclude one thing or another. I have the sense that it has to do with a sense of loss. That choosing one thing over another will mean that one thing is lost. Finally making the choice somehow minimizes the pleasure in the thing that is gained, though there also seems to be an accompanying relief in finally making the choice. I have noticed him deliberating, as if he is frozen with indecision. He literally cannot make the decision unless he is gently prodded. Most recently I noticed him doing this when given a choice between different colored popsicles.” (The Paradox of Choice, Schwartz, 143)

The author’s research shows that we spend more time and attention gathering information and making the choice than we used to. (Do I buy this white blouse or do I try 3 stores because there may be one I like better - and one on sale!) We have a limited quantity of time, so this is time not spent on talent development, relationship-building, service or other things that bring greater peace and joy.

I cannot help but notice that the author’s advice on maximizing joy and keeping choice manageable is the same advice I find in the gospel of Jesus Christ:

#1 Prioritize

The color of our children’s popsicle won’t matter much in 10 years, but who they marry will. There are some decisions that are trivial and some that are critical. Having priorities is essential and having spiritual grounding helps find those priorities.

“Choose you this day whom ye will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15)

If we (parent and child) seek to do the will of our Father in Heaven, our priorities will be grounded in love, service and “in doing good to all men.” If we follow counsel of the scriptures, we will spend our energy seeking for the things that matter the most.

"But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:" (Matthew 6:20)

Once priorities are known, the decisions that really matter become clear. The kind of birthday party they have, the car they drive or brand of shoes they wear is trivial. Decisions made in this category can be made quickly and can be considered “good enough.”

How they spend their time, who they date, the language they use, or the moral standard they choose are the weightier matters that deserve more consideration.

#2 Embrace Constraints

It sounds paradoxical, but following a set of rules is liberating. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, known as the Mormon church, it is not uncommon to hear about a great love for the commandments of God. I personally see them as a blessing, not a restraint. If we decide once to follow a commandment or rule always, the finality of that decision frees up thinking for other complex choices and gives peace of mind.

Will our children decide they will not smoke each time they are offered a cigarette? Will they decide to drink before the party, once at the party, or decide not even to attend drinking parties? Will our girls decide to dress modestly once, or every time they go shopping?

If they decide only once, they can avoid the gut-wrenching or hasty decisions that come in the pressure of the moment. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the words of living prophets help to guide our children on the decisions that really matter. Here are a few examples of modern-day counsel from church leaders:

• Stay away from pornography
• Obey the Word of Wisdom
• Stay morally clean before marriage
• Dress modestly
• Marry in the temple to create a forever family

#3 Seek Wise Counsel

There are those who are qualified to help our children with their decisions. Parents, church leaders, modern prophets and scripture can all give solid counsel to children looking for direction. Of course, one of the best sources of counsel is the Lord through prayer. With His help, they cannot go wrong.

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; (D&C 9:8-9)

#4 Eliminate comparisons

Much sadness and depression in decisions comes from pride. Was our decision better-than or worse-than our neighbor’s? A friend of mine says, “Compare and despair.” We usually compare our worst trait with someone else’s best. C.S. Lewis’ comment on pride is even more relevant today, where there are constant social comparisons:

“Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)

#5 Model Discernment

Boy, I have a tough time with this one. While I know my overall priorities, I feel like the boy choosing a popsicle when it comes to my children’s after-school activities. “It’s all good,” I hear myself say. But being constantly overwhelmed by the ALL, is not good. Our children are likely to follow our lead when it comes to decision-making. The suggestions above are probably more important for me than my children, because they are watching what I do every day.

#6 Be Grateful

Finally, gratitude looks for the positive side of the decisions we’ve made. Gratitude takes our focus away from regret. Gratitude helps to focus on what we have, not what others have. And gratitude can give us a mental break from all of the decision-making we have yet to do.

I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. In this competitive, fast-paced world of expanded choice, I know that I can be confident in my decisions. The gospel helps me place my priorities in the proper order. It directs me to seek the Lord's will first and follow the commandments. After that, I use my best (and practicing) judgment to make the best decisions I can, and teach my children to do the same. With the words of the Savior, I am ready for the decisions this life has to offer. I may even be ready for breakfast.