Our family is in the planning stages of building a home. Since we remodeled our current home a few years ago, we have half an idea of what to expect. We are sure it will be exciting, but equally overwhelming. Every day a contractor will come to the job with the tools needed to perform his work. With the right tool and the skill to use it, they can create something lasting and beautiful.

The actual building work is horribly messy and loud. We know that we’ll step through danger zones, climb over piles of material and walk through dust-covered rooms to see bits of progress here and there. The buzz of the saw or pounding of the hammer is usually constant. There will be mistakes that will have to be corrected, pulled out and re-built. Delays are inevitable and most projects wind up behind schedule and over budget. From a shell, the home slowly begins to take shape. If it is constructed with solid materials using the right tools and the right skills, the finished product can be a masterpiece.

Mothers and fathers are building masterpieces of their own. Every day they work together to help build the human family – to raise children into moral, hard-working, smart, talented and loving people.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, (known as the Mormons), the Church leadership wrote a “Proclamation To the World” about the family to state the importance of this sacred responsibility:

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995)

Mom and Dad as builders each have jobs to do but may need different tools and different skills to build their part of the structure.

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995)

So how do Mom and Dad get the right tools and the skill to use them?

I can’t speak for the fathers, but being a mother, I know that I am in great need of certain tools: I need the tool of teaching, listening, and evaluating progress. I need the tool of increased patience, and an understanding of what motivates a toddler or teenager. I need the ability to correct someone while ensuring they know they are loved. I need to know when to get involved and when to pull back. I need the tool of good example, because all eyes are watching (all the time). I need a selfless heart, ready to support and lift others. I know that I’ll need to use a different tool with a different child.

No matter what your background, every parent has gaps in their parenting abilities. There will always be a tool or skill I am missing and know I need, but don’t have. Whether we had great parenting mentoring or none at all, we are always learning new things as parents.

In my search, I’ve found that one of the best resources to gain the tools and skills for this construction project are the scriptures. In the words of apostle Henry B. Eyring,

“Often the answers will come as you study the scriptures. They contain accounts of what the Lord did in His mortal ministry and the guidance He has given His servants. They have doctrine in them which will apply in every time and every situation. Pondering the scriptures will lead you to ask the right questions in prayer. And just as surely as the heavens were opened to Joseph Smith after he pondered the scriptures in faith, God will answer your prayers and He will lead you by the hand.” (Henry B. Eyring, “Rise to Your Call,” Liahona, Nov 2002, 75–78)

Our learning as parents is line upon line, precept upon precept (Isaiah 28:10). We don’t learn it in a day, but over a long period of time and usually through hard experience!

Another way to add to our toolset is prayer. A mother I know was having trouble with her teenage son. She was out of ideas and didn't know what else to do. She prayed about it and her answer was a complete surprise. She was counseled through prayer to be nice to his friends - to talk to them when they came over and feed them when her son was entertaining them at her house. She said it was something she would have never thought of, but tried it. Because she built the relationship with her son's friends, she strengthen the relationship with her son. This simple piece of counsel solved her problem.

The construction of a human life is indeed messy, hard work. In this hard-hat area we call family life, we may need to re-frame something that we’ve built that is unstable. We will have to be careful where we step. It will take time to step back and see the frame slowly take shape. We will need to periodically check the blueprints and renderings to remind ourselves what the finished product should look like, and that it is worth the expense in time and sacrifice. Our Creator has given us the grand opportunity to help create and build this human life. We are starting with first-rate materials! He will surely support us in the worthy work of caring for His spirit children. In the end, our foundation can be strong and our tools and skills ready for the task at hand.With His help and endowed with this miraculous power, mothers and fathers will have helped to construct a living masterpiece.

“It can’t hurt.”

“Try it just this once.”

“It’s not like taking one drink/puff/shot/etc. will make you addicted.”

Heard these phrases before? Odds are you have, or will, at some time of your life. Yet caving into any of the phrases, these pressure-filled persuaders, can cause us to become vastly off course.

My husband, a bishop in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed the Mormon Church), was directed to put together a talk (sermon) to give to the ward (local congregation) on many different subjects. All of these subjects came back to one main theme:

Are we doing all that is necessary to keep us in alignment with God’s eternal plan?

In our search for stories and other things to help keep the flow of the talk, my husband came across a perfect example of what happens when we find ourselves even a little off course. This was related through another talk given by a modern day apostle by the name of Dieter F. Uchtdorf.

“In 1979 a large passenger jet with 257 people on board left New Zealand for a sightseeing flight to Antarctica and back. Unknown to the pilots, however, someone had modified the flight coordinates by a mere two degrees. This error placed the aircraft 28 miles (45 km) to the east of where the pilots assumed they were. As they approached Antarctica, the pilots descended to a lower altitude to give the passengers a better look at the landscape. Although both were experienced pilots, neither had made this particular flight before, and they had no way of knowing that the incorrect coordinates had placed them directly in the path of Mount Erebus, an active volcano that rises from the frozen landscape to a height of more than 12,000 feet (3,700 m).

As the pilots flew onward, the white of the snow and ice covering the volcano blended with the white of the clouds above, making it appear as though they were flying over flat ground. By the time the instruments sounded the warning that the ground was rising fast toward them, it was too late. The airplane crashed into the side of the volcano, killing everyone on board.

It was a terrible tragedy brought on by a minor error—a matter of only a few degrees” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “A Matter of a Few Degrees,” Ensign, May 2008, 57–60).

Again he relates what getting just a bit off course can truly mean.

“Even small errors over time can make a dramatic difference in our lives.

Let me share with you how I taught the same principle to young pilots.

Suppose you were to take off from an airport at the equator, intending to circumnavigate the globe, but your course was off by just one degree. By the time you returned to the same longitude, how far off course would you be? A few miles? A hundred miles? The answer might surprise you. An error of only one degree would put you almost 500 miles (800 km) off course, or one hour of flight for a jet.

No one wants his life to end in tragedy. But all too often, like the pilots and passengers of the sightseeing flight, we set out on what we hope will be an exciting journey only to realize too late that an error of a few degrees has set us on a course for spiritual disaster” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “A Matter of a Few Degrees,” Ensign, May 2008, 57–60).

We could probably take a little sniff, or puff, or drink, and we’d be done with it. It would not have hurt us in a moment. There is, however, another ending to the story, one those who try to pressure us into doing something wrong tend to gloss over. You could take one drink, and feel the need to drink for the rest of your life. You could take one puff, and spend your days using close to a thousand dollars a year or more to keep up the habit. You could take one sniff, and find yourself one day desperately entrenched in a life of crime just to support the very thing that has taken over your existence.

Essentially, you could find yourself vastly off course, with little or no hope of finding your way back.

When others begin chirping in your ear to just give it a try, think about whether or not you really want to take that chance. More often than not you’ll be giving away basic freedoms. Your life will be dominated by the very things those 'friends' promised wouldn't hurt you.

When speaking to my youth girls about standing strong in the face of having to make a choice, we talked about things you can say. This is a vital step in protecting yourself, in staying on course. It’s only when you’ve prepared yourselves ahead of time that you can truly help yourself to say no, and stick to it. Things like, “Can you promise me I won’t become addicted? Can you promise me this won’t hurt me if I try it just once?” You might be surprised to find it’ll stop the person just long enough for you to make an escape.

When we make the right choices, when we stand by those things that God would have us do, we will not find ourselves vastly off course. If we cave in just a little, it’s possible (not to mention easier) to make a course correction early on through repentance. Once we recognize the need to make conscious decisions to stay on God’s path, we will remain in alignment with Him.

Back when Joseph Smith, the man who restored Christ's Church, first started translating the Book of Mormon, his good friend, Martin Harris, began bugging him to take the first 116 pages to show his wife and a few close friends.

Joseph went to the Lord in prayer and asked this favor. The Lord told him no. Martin wasn't satisfied, and begged Joseph to ask once again.

The answer came back the same.

Martin still wasn't satisfied. Joseph wanted to make his friend happy, after all, Martin had freely given much money and time to Joseph because of his faith in the work. And so Joseph went back to the Lord. Finally the answer was yes, but it came at a price.

For three weeks Joseph waited for his friend to bring back the manuscript. As time stretched on and on his worry increased. At last his fears were confirmed when Martin came and told him the pages had been lost, stolen from his home. As described by Joseph's Mother:

"He [Harris] took up his knife and fork as if he were going to use them, but immediately dropped them. Hyrum, observing this, said ‘Martin, why do you not eat; are you sick?’ Upon which Mr. Harris pressed his hands upon his temples, and cried out in a tone of deep anguish, ‘Oh, I have lost my soul! I have lost my soul.’

"Joseph, who had not expressed his fears till now, sprang from the table, exclaiming, ‘Martin, have you lost that manuscript? Have you broken your oath, and brought down condemnation upon my head as well as your own?’

"‘Yes; it is gone,’ replied Martin, ‘and I know not where.’ …

"‘Then must I,’ said Joseph, ‘return with such a tale as this? I dare not do it. And how shall I appear before the Lord? Of what rebuke am I not worthy from the angel of the Most High?’

"I besought him not to mourn so,..." continues his mother. "But what could I do to comfort him, when he saw all the family in the same situation of mind as himself; for sobs and groans, and the most bitter lamentations filled the house. However, Joseph was more distressed than the rest, as he better understood the consequences of disobedience. And he continued pacing back and forth, meantime weeping and grieving, until about sunset, when, by persuasion, he took a little nourishment.

"The next morning, he set out for home. We parted with heavy hearts, for it now appeared that all which we had so fondly anticipated, and which had been the source of so much secret gratification, had in a moment fled, and fled forever." (History of Joseph Smith by His Mother, Lucy Mack Smith, ed. Preston Nibley, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1954, pp. 128–29.)

Joseph lost the power to translate after that. He went for quite some time humbling himself and repenting. It was not an easy time for him, or for Martin.

Because of the choices these two men had made, the first book in the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ, the Book of Lehi, was lost. But this was not as dire a situation as we might think.

The Lord in His infinite knowledge knew this might happen, and so He directed Lehi's son, Nephi, to keep another sort of record of the same years. While we have lost a great account with the missing pages, we still have everything the Lord's deems necessary in the words of Nephi.

Today, I'm delighted to sit down with author, Liz Adair and discuss her thoughts on writing and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Liz was born in the Southwest sixty-six years ago but has lived in the Pacific Northwest for the last thirty-four years. She has seven children (four biological, three adopted) and seventeen grandchildren. Liz has been married for forty-five years to a wonderful man.

She taught school for several years and was a stay-at-home mom for a decade and a half, during which time she and her children ran a specialty bakery. Now, Liz works with her husband in healthcare construction management, and will probably continue to do so for several more years.

Liz has been writing seriously for about twenty years and has published five books with another coming out this fall. She just finished a stint of four years teaching early morning seminary, but has just been called as choir director for her ward.

Candace: As a very well-known author in the LDS Fiction market, will you please share with us what drives you to write?

Liz: I don't know that I can explain it. It's just part of who I am. I dream in narratives. If I see a beautiful sunset, my way of appreciating it is to try to put it in words. To spare bystanders, I do this mentally. Writing is simply an extension of that facet of my personality or character or being--whatever you call it.

Candace: Elder M. Russell Ballard, a living apostle, charged Mormons with battling the onslaught of anti-Mormon sites on the internet. He asked us to blog and gently but firmly set the record straight. Will you please share with us your thoughts on this and what you’ve done to answer that call?

Liz:know, I'm not much of a crusader. I don't do well with programs, because I can't stay the course with a program. I peter out. I'm much better at being who I am. I am a writer. I write, and I write as genuinely as I can. I have five blogs that I contribute to regularly. One is connected with yourLDSneighborhood, www.sezlizadair.blogspot.com where I write about things under the heading of service.

Another blog I do is about family history, www.familywriters.blogspot.com. I love family history and use it in my fiction writing all the time, and this blog is an expression of that.

A third blog is a pure, factual, family history blog, www.ronnietootie.blogspot.com. My brother and I use it as a means of identifying old family photos and getting down family anecdotes, a project we've been going to get together and do for years, but never accomplished until we decided to do it via blog. It would be of interest only to our family and, perhaps, historians, but it's there so anyone who wanders by can take a gander.

The fourth blog I participate in is one made up of LDS writers, www.anwafounder.blogspot.com. This is the forum where I would be most closely following Brother Ballard's admonition. We speak very openly there, because we're speaking to each other, about our faith in Christ and how it colors everything we do. We demonstrate by our postings and our comments the love we have for our Savior and our commitment to each other. It's a very warm, comfortable place on the internet, and we've had people stumble onto the site and comment about how they can feel the positive spirit of the site.

The fifth blog, www.lizadairwrites.blogspot.com is a place where I can log the progress of my new book, Counting the Cost, as it comes out this fall. However, I'm doing it for a secondary reason, one perhaps more important than the first. Several months ago I made a promise to myself that I would make an effort to review books written by my fellow LDS authors and post them on the internet None of the other blogs lend themselves to that purpose, so this fifth blog will be my forum for book reviews.

Did I set out to follow Brother Ballard’s counsel? No, but in my own serendipitous way, I’ve managed to set a parallel course.

Candace: What is your favorite scripture and why?

Liz: My favorite scripture is almost a throwaway line, a fragment of 1 Nephi 16:29, “…And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things.”

I’m a pretty ordinary person, but I’ve had some experiences where small, ordinary things done by small, ordinary people have brought about great things in other people’s lives. It seems that if we just keep putting one foot in front of another, doing the best we can, the Lord will magnify our efforts, and the good we do will reverberate around and extend far beyond what we could have done on our own.

Candace: Who is your favorite prophet and why?

Liz: I’m a very fickle lover of prophets. My favorite prophet is generally the one I’m studying right then. I love Joseph Smith because he translated the Book of Mormon and was so steadfast in defending it. I love Isaiah because he’s a poet and uses language so powerfully and gave us such beautiful windows on the coming of the Messiah. I love Thomas S. Monson because he’s our prophet today.

Candace: Will you please share with your conversion? All of us, whether we are born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or not, have a moment of conversion, please share?

Liz: My conversion story starts before I was born, when my Uncle Curtis met the missionaries and listened to them. This was a very unlikely beginning, because, as my Uncle Buck used to say of his brother Curtis, “He was wild as a snake.” Curtis had been a cowboy, but had married and was now working construction. He lived through the lot from my mother, and as he joined her every morning for coffee, he’d say, “Lucy, be a Mormon!” Curtis gave up coffee and set his baptismal date, but before he could be baptized, he was hit by a car on his motorcycle and was killed.

Seven years later, missionaries knocked on my mother’s door. She had been having troubling dreams of her brother, and when she realized that these young men were Mormons, she told them about Curtis and how he died before baptism. They told her about the temple ordinances, and as they helped her fill out the paperwork, they taught her the gospel, and she was baptized when I was seven. She was troubled by dreams no more.

My mother was a person of profound faith who had been actively teaching me about God long before her conversion. In the face of a disapproving family and an uninterested spouse, she clung to the Gospel and made sure we attended church, no matter how long the drive or how bad the roads.

I’ve always had a testimony of Joseph Smith, of the restoration of the Gospel, of the Book of Mormon, of the Plan of Salvation, but I remember with singular clarity the moment everything snapped into focus around the Savior. I was about thirty-six, doing the usual Mormon Mom thing with Primary and Young Women’s values and Duty to God and all the programs that fill our lives as we raise families. I was trying for yet another time to have a consistent personal scripture study time, and was reading the Book of Mormon at the dining room table. I had read it several times before, but had always been looking at the language or the geography or cultural clues, and, all of a sudden, I realized that there was hardly a page where Christ’s name wasn’t mentioned. Hello, Liz? Another Witness for Christ? It was so elementary, but my busy life had been focused on all the minutia of the programs of the Church, and I had forgotten the central figure. I say I forgot, because when I was about nine, I had a profound personal spiritual experience calling me to Christ.

That study session at the dining room table was a life-changing experience. Whereas before, I did things because I was a Mormon and had a testimony of the Church, I now do them because I have taken upon me the name of Christ. As a Mormon, I set my sights on the Celestial Kingdom; as a Christian, I become uncomfortable when people talk about rewards for righteous living. I only want to please my Savior. I only want to be what he would have me be.
I’m not saying that the programs of the Church get in the way. They’re a great teaching tool and lab experience to prepare us to understand about the Savior and his mission. It just takes some folks longer to graduate than others. But, I think that’s all right, too. We all mature at different times.

Candace: Will you please share your personal testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ?

Liz: I don’t know that I can say it in words that haven’t been used so much they may sound trite. He’s the way. He’s the truth. He’s the light. His words require faith to follow, but in exercising that faith, you find that there’s power in meekness; people do respond to a soft voice; it is better to give than to receive; we do need to reach out to the weary and support the hands that hang down.

I believe that he took upon himself the sins of the world, my sins, and paid the price in suffering required for those sins so that I should not have to. I believe he knows my name, knows the desires of my heart, and will be my advocate with our Father. I believe he will come again as he has promised. I look forward to that day, and hope to do my part, my small thing, to help bring it to pass.

Candace: Christians across the globe face an ever-increasing battle against those who would destroy and erase all that our Savior has done for us. What would you say to them, given the chance?

Liz: Keep the faith. Your little candle of light may be small in the grand scheme of things, but it’s capable of kindling others, or lighting the way to the next small candle. Keep it lit. Hold it high.

Candace: Please share your testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the hope it brings to every human soul.

Liz: I have a friend who had a personal relationship with the Savior long before she joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She is a student of the Bible and studied in college to go into the ministry. It was interesting to talk with her as she read through the New Testament in the first few years after her conversion. “Why didn’t I see that?” she would ask. “It’s right there!”

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is like your genealogy, your family tree. You know where you fit. You know where you came from, why you’re here, where you’re going, and that’s comforting. Hope comes with a knowledge of the atonement. About the time you get to be my age, you realize you’re not going to achieve perfection; it just ain’t in you. But, you realize that’s all right, because our Savior will do for you what you can’t do for yourself, as long as you do the best you can and keep trying.

Candace: You stand, as it were, on a world stage. In that circumstance, what message do you have for this troubled world?

Liz: When I look at this old world with all its suffering and inequities, I remember the story of Alma in the Book of Mormon, when he led his people into the wilderness, heading for Zarahemla, and they fell into the hands of Amulon and his followers. Amulon had an ax to grind against Alma, and he made slaves of Alma’s people and made them, even the women, into beasts of burden. Forbidden to pray aloud, the people prayed in their hearts, and the Lord heard them. Though they weren’t delivered right away, the Lord made them strong so that they could bear the burdens they were forced to carry. And when the time came, they were given a way to escape.

That’s my hope and my prayer: Whatever our burdens, we can be made strong to bear them. I pray for this for the innocents of the world.

Liz, thank you so much for taking the time to express your thoughts and beliefs on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is my prayer that your words will touch the heart of someone seeking just what you had to say.

It is every parent’s dream to have a child that self-governs – one who makes good and correct decisions when choices are put in front of them. Is it just a dream or can it become a reality? Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons) believe it can.

Parents in the Church are counseled to teach their children “correct principles and let them govern themselves.” (Joseph Smith, as quoted by John Taylor in Millennial Star, 13:339.)

Self-governance? This free-sounding approach may give some parents a panic attack. (What? I just watched my child walk into the middle of the street. Yesterday he refused to eat his vegetables. Tomorrow I know he will hit his brother when I am not around. My child hardly appears ready to self-govern!)

But gospel principles are not about the child making just any choice, they are about a child learning how to develop the skills and the conscience to make wise and good choices.

Our son had half-heartedly agreed to help another Boy Scout with his Eagle Project. He mentioned the project to my husband and me, but noted that none of the other boys were going to help and that he didn’t want to go. The project involved getting up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning and digging trails for 4 hours on a hot summer day. For the boy to finish the Eagle project, he had to have a team of people helping.

Saturday morning came, although we had forgotten about the event. His Scout leader called at 7:25 a.m. to say he was on his way over. My husband went to wake our son (who is not a morning person). He let our son know that the scoutmaster was on his way. Our son promptly pulled the covers over his head and announced there was no way he was going. The Scout law popped into my husband’s mind and he kindly recited, “A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.” He left the room, went upstairs, prepared a bowl of cereal and a bottle of ice water for our son. Five minutes later, our son came upstairs, dressed and ready to go.

This hallelujah parenting moment was a stand-out experience for us. It was one of those times that confirmed that the hard work we were doing was working, even just a bit. (I have to confess I'm glad I was not the one answering the phone that morning!)

Church apostle Boyd K. Packer explains: “When one understands the gospel, it becomes very clear that the best control is self-control.” (Boyd K. Packer, “Agency and Control,” Ensign, May 1983, 66)

But how can parents help their child make the transition over time to become self-governing? We can’t control them. We can’t be with our children always as they go to school, play with friends and eventually move out to begin their own adult lives. It won’t happen in a day, but if there are three principles at work, a child can learn to govern themselves.

We Can Teach Truth

“Children do not learn by themselves how to distinguish right from wrong. Parents have to determine the child’s readiness to assume responsibility. … While we are teaching them, we have the responsibility to discipline them and to see that they do what is right. If a child is besmudged with dirt, we do not let him wait until he grows up to decide whether or not he will bathe. We do not let him wait to decide whether or not he will take his medicine when sick, or go to school or to church. …

“Parents also should teach their children early in life the glorious concept and fact that they are spirit children of God, and choosing to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ is the only way to enjoy success and happiness here and eternal life hereafter. They must be taught that Satan is real and that he will use all agencies at his disposal to tempt them to do wrong, to lead them astray, make them his captives, and keep them from the supreme happiness and exaltation they could otherwise enjoy” (Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God, Deseret Book, N. Eldon Tanner [1973], 87).

We must teach truth. The scriptures tell us we are responsible for teaching and correcting our children and will be accountable for doing or not doing it.

For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not. (1 Samuel 3:13)

We teach through lessons and we teach as opportunities present themselves. Mostly, we teach by example.

We Can Give Opportunities to Choose

Even for the youngest of children, we can allow choices that are age-appropriate. When we give choice, we may need to hold our breath and step back to give the child a chance to see how the choice played out without prematurely stepping in to evaluate, correct, or pronounce a consequence.

“For the first part of childhood, the most important task for children is obedience, learning to follow parental advice very strictly. However, as children grow older, they gradually must pay more attention to the task of learning to act independently. In the beginning, parents personally show three-year-old children exactly when and where to cross the street. Such guidance at age fourteen is seldom appropriate. In fact, if adolescents do not eventually pay more attention to this second task, they become in a real sense crippled, continually dependent on parents to make their decisions.” Donald K. Jarvis, “Leaving Eden: A Lesson for Parents,” Ensign, Feb 1991, 39

I believe in accountability and consequences, but I have noticed that if I give swift rewards or punishments after my children make a choice, I have not really given them the opportunity to choose. I have short-circuited the choice process by not allowing time for the child to evaluate the outcome for themselves. An immediate treat or time out conditions their behavior but encourages me-centered thinking. They are not concerned with doing the "right thing". They are thinking about how the reward or punishment affects them (good or bad for me?). I may be conditioning behavior, but I am not helping them develop their conscience.

We Can Hold Children Accountable

“We try to guide our children toward self-respect … and mostly leave it up to them to judge themselves. We have experienced the fact that one is not as good a teacher when one discovers and points out mistakes … as when one helps a child to discover for himself that he is doing wrong. When a child can comprehend his mistakes himself, the first step to change has already been taken.

“I remember once how we asked our son, after a transgression, to set his own punishment. He decided that he should not be allowed to watch television for one month. That seemed to us to be considerably too severe, but how happy we were to hear from his grandmother that while visiting her he had insisted she was wrong to encourage him to watch a certain television program, even though his parents would never know. I don’t think there can be a greater joy for parents than to see a child handle himself well in a difficult situation” F. Enzio Busche, “‘Provoke Not Your Children’,” Ensign, Mar 1976, 41)

At times, our children may need direct or pointed correction. The scriptures help us to see it can be done in a positive way:

"Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. (D&C 124:43-44 )

We can follow it up with love and encouragement for their progress, so the correction doesn’t become mere criticism. Our children can know we have their best interests in mind. They can know we love them and want them to succeed.

Self-control is tough to achieve and may take years to develop. Since I am still working on this goal, I can have patience with my own children who are 30 years or so behind me. Hopefully, my children can get there with parents who teach truth, follow-through and love unconditionally.

A friend of another faith attended a Sunday service for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). She was surprised to see (and hear) so many children of all ages in attendance. At her church services, small children were tended in a separate room until the services were over.

We know our children are “an heritage of the LORD…. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them…” (Psalms 127:3-5)

Our quiver and our pew are full, which sometimes brings its own challenges. We’ve had a three-year-old son escape from our pew and run down the aisle with the taunt, “You can’t catch me!” We’ve had hungry, fidgety and crying infants. We’ve had siblings argue over the crayons and paper that were intended to keep them occupied.

So why would we go to church weekly for the last 13 years with children in tow? Our small, wiggly children are asked to sit still during a service that would seem beyond their attention span, but we (and other members of the congregation) are willing to overlook the potential cry of a baby or the occasional whispering chatter of a toddler.

There are four things we hope to teach our children by bringing them to church:

1. Love for our Father in Heaven and the Savior, Jesus Christ

"We want our children in [sacrament meeting]. We also want them to learn reverence, which is a form of love for the Savior. We want our children to understand that this is a worship service for Jesus, where we show him we love him." ( Report from the 161st Annual General Conference, April 6–7, 1991 W. Mack Lawrence)

By attending church every week and taking the sacrament, we renew the promises and covenants we made at baptism – our way of showing our love to our Savior. When our children are baptized at age 8, they also can renew these covenants each Sunday.

They learn to love the Savior by learning His doctrine. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are Sunday classes created just for children, called Primary. They sing songs and have a lesson on a gospel principle. They go to individual classes with lessons targeted for their age. They meet with their families in sacrament meeting, where the sacrament is passed. They learn more about the Savior’s life and teachings. They learn stories from the scriptures. They learn about God’s commandments and His love for His children. They can try to be more like Him because they know Him.

2. Repentance
One day after a particularly rowdy Sunday meeting, my husband gathered the family together to teach the importance of the sacrament. With a jar of clear water, he had the kids add drops of food coloring until the water was black. We talked about how we make mistakes during the week. We work on repentance every day, but on Sunday, we also take the sacrament and renew our baptismal covenants. The kids added bleach and watched the water become clear again. It brought home the purpose of going to church every Sunday – it helps us to repent and move forward.

3. Respect for the Savior and for others
When we teach reverence during church, we teach respect for the sacrament and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The children learn respect for others as they go to Primary classes, listen to speakers, and try to stay quiet so other people in the congregation can enjoy the meeting.

"Worship services are a tremendous opportunity for children to learn about self-control and respect for the rights and needs of others. These sacred gatherings are occasions for all of us to work together to help children learn to feel and desire the ministrations of the Holy Spirit. Then as they grow they will gain a deep, abiding love for the Savior, a love that will sustain them on the strait and narrow path back into His arms." (Joan Hughes and Helen Hughes, “Teaching Children to Worship,” Ensign, Jan 2007, 24–27)

4. How to Feel the Holy Ghost
We want our children to learn to recognize the feelings and presence of the Holy Ghost.

"Even very small children can experience the beautiful, sacred, tender feelings bestowed by the Holy Spirit, and all children have a need and a right to do so. For our children to feel the Spirit, they need to take part in sacrament meeting and be tranquil enough to sense the whisperings of the still, small voice. It is not always easy, but we can teach our children to “be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10).(Joan Hughes and Helen Hughes, “Teaching Children to Worship,” Ensign, Jan 2007, 24–27)

We are trying to follow Christ, who invited the little children to be with Him.

"And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them. "(Mark 10:13-16)

Are our children too young to learn these lessons? I don’t think so. Even our 11-month-old folds his arms on his own when we have family prayers. Every Sunday is a drop in the bucket of our child’s experience. My older children show me that bringing them to church, even as babies, was a very good choice. It isn’t easy, but it is worth the effort. We know that if we hang in there, we will be able to say as the apostle John did:

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." (3 John 1:4)

The Book of Enos, found in the Book of Mormon, is very brief—only 27 verses contained in one chapter. I was once challenged to read it every day for a full month. It seemed an odd challenge to me. How much could I learn from a mere 27 verses, so short it’s often covered in lessons with several other books? I went to work though, and after a few days, my mind and heart were suddenly opened. While the first few days, I saw nothing new, after a few days, I found myself noticing things that had escaped me before. Enos became real to me and I began to think about him as an actual person. He was real, but after a full month, I knew his reality in a new way. Questions arose in my mind about the things I read. I began to ponder the small mentions that had previously not seemed worth my thought. I began to apply his life to my own.

From this experience, I learned to read scriptures in a new way. I was accustomed to setting a daily reading schedule—so many chapters a day. On busy days, I raced through the reading in order to meet my deadline. Who had time, with an ambitious reading schedule and a checklist of chapters and verses to cross off, to stop and ponder, wonder, or read the same 27 verses thirty-one times in a row?

I now discovered the value of slowing down, of making my goal to be one of reading daily, but not of specifying how much I would read. Some days I read one verse and thought about it all day. Sometimes I flew through chapters, but other times I slowed down and read thoughtfully.

Lately, I’ve slowed down even further. As I’ve begun doing the Book of Mormon blog, I’ve had to go slowly and evaluate each verse for potential lessons. I’ve had to research. What have church leaders said about this story or topic? What message can I extract from it that might help another? How do I explain it to someone who has never read it before, who isn’t even a member of the church?

At the same time, I began reading the Book of Mormon in Brazilian Portuguese. I am barely beginning to learn Portuguese, so this is a very slow process for me. I have the Portuguese version open next to the English version. I also have a translation program or two open on my computer. Verse by verse, I work my way through the book. Because translation isn’t an exact art, I sometimes have to stop to think about the meaning as I try to guess what the verse is before checking it.

Between these two methods, I am reading the scriptures more slowly than I ever imagined, and thinking more. You can get the same effect by keeping a scripture journal. As you read the Book of Mormon, record your thoughts and questions. Follow the links in the articles to learn more about the topic. When you reach the end of the book, where you’re challenged to ask God if it’s true, your journal will help you to notice when you felt the spirit, and what impact the book might have had on you.

Slow down…the book will be here forever. Savor it slowly. Try reading Enos for a month and see what happens to you.

As we traveled in the car one day my 7 year old son asked me, “Mom, are there any guys who used to be bad guys, but then wanted to be good guys, and then became prophets?” Not exactly your average, everyday question.

I frantically searched my brain and came up with one name: Alma.

The Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ, relates the story of a man named Alma the Younger (his father was also named Alma). In his youth he was wicked, choosing evil over good, and persuaded many to turn their backs on the Lord’s Church. His father prayed night and day for something to happen that would cause a change of heart in his son. His prayers were answered.

An angel appeared before him and his friends, who just happened to be the king’s sons. They were immediately called to repentance, and Alma was a new man (Please read Mosiah 27 for a full account). He became a righteous prophet for the Lord’s Church.

Alma had three grown sons, who had all worked with him in ministering to the people. There comes a point when Alma decides it’s time to counsel with his boys, and so he takes them aside one by one to talk.

First is Helaman. Alma begins by bearing his testimony and sharing with this mighty son his own conversion story. He encourages his son to discover for himself if these things are true, to gain his own testimony. Alma encourages Helaman to keep up with the record of the people, to study the scriptures, and then to act upon those things he’s studied. Last he tells his son to counsel with the Lord, to keep the commandments, and promises that as he does so, his life will be blessed (comprising Alma chapters 36-37).

Alma then takes his second son, Shiblon. Shiblon had been through much in his life because of his work as a missionary. Though we don’t know details, we are told he was persecuted, yet showed great faith and dedicated to the Lord. Alma tells his son he had found great joy in this, his son. He again relates his conversion, and then gently reminds his son to remain on his course of righteousness (Alma chapter 38).

Last, but certainly not least, Alma calls for his son Corianton. In this son he had been given much reason to mourn, for though he started out attempting to accomplish the Lord’s work, he quickly fell into iniquity. Because of this choice an entire people were not given the chance to hear the word of God.

Alma was able to relate to this son in an important way – he could tell his son he knew what would happen if he didn’t change his ways, and he wanted to see his son make a change for good. As he states, “I would not dwell upon your crimes, to harrow up your soul, if it were not for your good. But behold, ye cannot hide your crimes from God; and except ye repent they will stand as a testimony against you at the last day” (Alma 39:7-8).

And so Alma begins to show his son exactly where he needed to start. Though I won’t go into it all now, I will say Corianton did make a change, and he became a very righteous man.

I wanted to post about this today to because as parents and leaders of youth we have been given a very valuable tool in learning how to help, counsel, and encourage our youth.

First, we are to take our children aside one at a time. Often teens, and children, are more likely to talk with an adult if it’s just the two of you. We need to bear our testimony of what we believe and what we know to be true. Those we have been entrusted with to teach in the ways of the Lord rely on our testimony for many years until they are ready to discover their own. When that time comes we need to remind them that finding a testimony comes in many different ways.

Relate your own conversion story to your teen. Let them know where you were, why you were searching for the answers, and how it all happened. Was the confirmation all at once, or did it come over time? Encourage your child to ask others about their own conversion stories.

Remind your teens to study the scriptures, but don’t stop there. Let them know they need to experiment upon the words they read, to see if they are true. Tell them it’s important to pray to the Father for confirmation or dismissal of an idea, so they will not be easily led astray.

Here’s a big one: tell your children when they do something right! I cannot stress this enough. Too often we focus on the things they do wrong. While the wrong choices need to be addressed immediately, we should always offer an extra helping of love right after.

Remember that even the good kid needs to be reminded of the commandments and laws of God.

Don’t forget that with some people you have to be patient, patient, patient, and more patient! They may not get the concept you’re trying to relate the first time. Or the second. Or the fifth. But keep going in your own faith. Let them know you still believe in them and their ability to make the correct choices.

Encourage your teens to pay attention to the clean things in this world. Remind them it’s important to counsel with righteous family members, and to turn to the Lord with all their might, mind and strength when tempted to do something wrong. If they slip up, say it’s okay. They simply need to acknowledge their mistakes, repent, and move on.

Last, but certainly not least, we need to teach them about Christ. The more they know about Him, His ways, and His purposes behind every act, the easier it will become to follow Him.

We have a responsibility to help our children and teens to follow a path that will lead them back to our Heavenly Father, and fortunately that same loving Father has given us some great guides in raising these impressionable, precious spirits.

Have you ever asked why? Of course you have. All of us ask why from time to time. We wonder why someone we love must suffer, why calamities effect so many, taking their living, their health, even at times, their lives.

I’ve heard many people say that if God truly loved us, He wouldn’t allow bad things to happen to us. Sometimes, in my darkest hours, I’ve thought the same thing.

But God does love us and He has proven it by giving us life and best of all, by granting us freedom—the freedom to choose for ourselves what we will do with our lives.

This time on earth, our mortality, is our opportunity to fulfill our creation, to learn about Heavenly Father’s plan and to choose whether or not we will be obedient. Obedience to God’s plan, is essential to our happiness and our eternal progression.

The Book of Mormon prophet, King Benjamin, explained that, “the Lord God hath sent his holy prophets among all the children of men, to declare these things to every kindred, nation, and tongue, that thereby whosoever should believe [in] Christ, … the same might receive remission of their sins, and rejoice with exceedingly great joy” (Mosiah 3:13.)

He also taught his people: “Consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness” (Mosiah 2:41.)

God wants us to be happy. He has provided a road map that not only makes our final destination one of “never-ending happiness” but provides a journey that can be full of joy and happiness. But to decipher that road map, we must first study the doctrines of happiness—real happiness.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (or Mormons) teaches that critical to our knowledge of the plan of happiness is an understanding of the governing principle of agency. Mormons believe that God sent us to earth with the opportunity to choose for ourselves what we will believe, or whether or not to be obedient to God’s commands. In his talk “Answers to Life’s Questions,” M. Russell Ballard, a leader of the Mormon Church, wrote, “A person does not have to spend much time in the schoolroom of mortality to realize that Heavenly Father’s plan does not provide for blissful happiness at every step along our mortal journey. Life is filled with harsh realities that tug at the heart and tear away at the soul” (Ensign, May 1995, 22.)

Howard W. Hunter, then President of the Church, said:

“There is nothing sad or gloomy about a person who accepts the truths of the gospel and incorporates these principles in his daily living. God wants all of his children to be joyous and glad, and we can have this blessing if we are willing to keep his commandments and live by his word in all that we do” (in Conference Report, Sept./Oct. 1961, p. 108.)

When you come to understand our Heavenly Father’s plan, you will find many of life’s questions are answered in the gospel of Christ. The Apostle John said, “If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them” (John 13:17.)

I testify that God has provided us with all that we need to know about how to be happy in this life, despite the tragedies that abound. Search the scriptures and learn all you can about the great plan of happiness. I pray that as you come to understand these truths you will be compelled, as I was, to embrace them willingly. In doing so we will find an increase of happiness, a lasting happiness, and we will have peace. Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27.)

Such peace will breath contentment to our souls and we will find that we have chosen to be happy and we will be eternally blessed because of it.