The Mormon Perspective on Eve
One of the differences I’ve noted between the Mormons and other Christian denominations is their view of Eve. From what I understand, many churches view Eve’s choice to partake of the fruit in the Garden of Eden as inherently wicked and that thereby she introduced sin into the world and hence all mankind are born into a state of “original sin.” This is not the view held by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Because of the Fall of Adam and Eve, all people live in a fallen condition, separated from God and subject to physical death. However, we are not condemned by what many call the “original sin.”
The second Article of Faith states:
We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression
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We believe that each baby comes to earth in a state of innocence—free of the stain of sin. We believe that the infinite atonement of Jesus Christ paid the price for Adam and Eve’s transgression and thus, we are not responsible for a choice that was never ours to make. The sins of the parents cannot be answered upon the heads of the children (Moses 6:54).
In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were given a commandment not to partake of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The reason God gives for this commandment is because in the day they eat of it, they will surely die (Gen 2:17). But additional LDS scriptures shed greater light on this. Moses 3:17 reads:
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, nevertheless, thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee; but, remember that I forbid it, for in the day thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
So we understand that it was a commandment and yet it was also given as a choice with a clear consequence—death. That’s really important because they were living in the Garden of Eden in a state of immortality and innocence. Death hadn’t yet been introduced to the Garden and they didn’t have a knowledge of good and evil yet. So you have Adam and Eve in the garden with no concept of death, no concept of good and evil when Eve is deceived by Satan. If you don’t understand good and evil, how do you understand a lie? With no concept of evil, how do you comprehend Satan?
There are some who view the dialogue between Adam, Eve and God as further evidence of her wickedness. They may say that Adam puts the blame on Eve and Eve places the blame on the serpent (see Genesis 3: 8-13)—all in an attempt to get out of trouble. Nevertheless, Eve’s statement, “The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat” is simple in its truthfulness. She was deceived and she did eat. And Adam’s statement, “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat” shows the dilemma he was placed in. He had to choose between keeping the commandment to not partake of the fruit or to keep the covenant he had made to stay with her because she was now his wife—flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone.
Eve later says, “Were it not for our transgression, we never should have had seed and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth to all the obedient.” (Moses 5:11) This is another important clue to understanding their state in the garden. For whatever reason, they were unable to procreate until after partaking of the fruit. And here is another difficult choice. Adam and Eve were already commanded to “be fuitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). If they chose not to partake of the fruit, they couldn’t have children. If they chose to have children, then they had to partake.
In 2 Nephi, Nephi says:
And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.
And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having nojoy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.
But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.
Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
James E. Faust describes it this way:
We all owe a great debt of gratitude to Eve. In the Garden of Eden, she and Adam were instructed not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. However, they were also reminded, “Thou mayest choose for thyself.” The choice was really between a continuation of their comfortable existence in Eden, where they would never progress, or a momentous exit into mortality with its opposites: pain, trials, and physical death in contrast to joy, growth, and the potential for eternal life. In contemplating this choice, we are told, “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, … and a tree to be desired to make her wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and also gave unto her husband with her, and he did eat.” And thus began their earthly probation and parenthood….If it hadn’t been for Eve, none of us would be here. (James E. Faust, “What It Means to Be a Daughter of God,” Ensign, Nov 1999, 100)
Some see the “curse” of Eve as further proof of a displeased God releasing his wrath on all women who now need to suffer during childbirth because of Eve’s choice. The Lord says, “Unto the awoman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children;” (Genesis 3:16). He never claims that it is a curse. Adam and Eve are now cast out of the garden and into a world where there is opposition in all things (see 2 Nephi 2:11, 15). When I think of God increasing Eve’s sorrow (in Hebrew meaning “travail” or “pain”), I remember what Nephi says about needing to know misery in order to understand joy. And I see the work of childbirth as a blessing, not a curse. Because it is through such a great sacrifice that we understand the joy and value of children.
Where Do My Young Children Go While I Attend Relief Society?
During the time that the adults are in Sunday School and Relief Society (for women) or Priesthood (for men), children over 18 months old will be in their own classes. Children 18 months to 3 years participate in Nursery. This classroom will have a few to several teachers serving there (depending on the size of the nursery). There are books, toys, games and puzzles available for the children to play with. They may play games like “duck, duck, goose” or “ring around the rosies” or they might have bubbles to blow and soft music to listen to. There will be music time, where the children will learn fun songs and songs with a gospel theme. There will be a lesson that one of the nursery leaders has prayerfully prepared that will hopefully engage their attention. Often times, the children have a chance to draw pictures as part of the lesson or as a separate activity. And best of all, there is a snack time. It may be something like crackers or cheese or apple slices or fruit snacks. The nursery children universally love snack time!
During the time your child is in nursery, if he is inconsolably crying for an extended period of time, he will probably be brought back to you. Also, if your child needs a diaper change, he will brought to you. When he has a clean diaper, he will be ready to go back to nursery. When you are done with your classes, you go back to the nursery room and pick up your child.
Older children (ages 3-11) will participate in Primary. Primary is divided into two blocks—Sharing Time and Sunday School. Depending on the ward and the age of your child, he may have either block first. During Sharing Time, the children meet together in the Primary Room with the Primary Presidency (a president, her two counselors, and a secretary). When they enter the room, the pianist may be playing soft prelude music or the children might be encouraged to sing or hum while they wait for the meeting to begin. They sit in groups with children their own age and their Primary teacher. Children who will be participating in the meeting may be seated at the front of the room.
When all the children are there and it is time for the meeting to begin, there will be an opening song, usually chosen from the Children’s Songbook. Then the child who had been asked to give the opening prayer will step up to the microphone at the podium (if available) to say the prayer. After the prayer, another child who had been asked will say the scripture theme for that month. The theme for December is:
Jesus Christ once lived on the earth, and I have faith that He will come again. “This same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven” (Acts 1:11).
After the theme, the child who has prepared a talk on that theme will present it. Many times, a parent will come in and help the child to read or just be there for moral support.
Then there may be all sorts of fun things. They will celebrate a child’s birthday by singing a birthday song and perhaps presenting him with a small gift. They will greet any new or visiting children by having them come to the front of the room so the rest of the children can sing a welcome song to them. They may take a minute for children to share anything interesting that happened to them that week. A member of the bishopric might come in to share a brief lesson or thought with the children.
There will be a Sharing time which is instruction by one of the primary presidency or one of the primary teachers (or an entire class of children) that involve all the children. It might be a game or a story that teaches a gospel principle. Often, the children will be asked to participate by coming up and holding visual aids or answering questions. There will also be Music Time where the children learn the songs they will be performing for Sacrament Meeting towards the end of the calendar year. These songs are taught through a lot of repetition, games, and visual aids.
The other part of the time spent in Primary will be in a Sunday School type setting with just the children who have birthdays in their same calendar year. This class will usually begin with a teacher calling upon one of the children to offer an opening prayer. Then the teacher will give the lesson that he or she has prayerfully prepared that week. Depending on the age of your child, the lesson will be taken from one of the manuals listed on this page under “Related Lesson Materials.” At the close of the lesson, the teacher may call upon another child to offer the closing prayer.
What Should I Expect From a Relief Society Meeting?
There are three different meetings that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints participate in during regular Sabbath observance. Sacrament Meeting is the most important meeting of all and is where we partake of the emblems of the body and blood of Christ and renew our covenants with Him. Sacrament Meeting usually lasts for 70 minutes. But there are other meetings that happen before or after Sacrament Meeting (depending on the ward and building scheduling times). Relief Society is one of these meetings. Relief Society is specifically designed for Mormon women, ages 18 and older. Today it is the largest women’s organization in the world.
What exactly is Relief Society ?
The Relief Society was founded by the Prophet Joseph Smith on March 17, 1842, in Nauvoo, Illinois. In the days of its founding, it had two main purposes: to provide relief for the poor and needy and to bring people to Christ. The organization continues today, staying true to those original guiding principles as women in the Relief Society meet together on Sunday and in other settings as needed.
Over the years, this great society for women has evolved under inspiration, but the basic work of the Relief Society has not changed. The Prophet Joseph stated very succinctly that your work is “not only to relieve the poor, but to save souls.”
I believe the four great enduring concepts of this society are:
First, it is a divinely established sisterhood.
Second, it is a place of learning.
Third, it is an organization whose basic charter is to serve others. Its motto is “Charity never faileth.”
Fourth, it is a place where women can socialize and establish eternal friendships
What happens in a Relief Society meeting? Typically, when you walk into a Relief Society meeting, you will find that the Relief Society presidency (the president, her two counselors and a secretary) is setting up the room while a pianist plays soft prelude music. As you find a seat, you may strike up a quiet conversation with the woman next to you as you ask her how her week was. Or you might listen as the sister in front of you describes the reception at her daughter’s wedding. Or you might watch the baby roll on the floor across the aisle from you. Or it might be a time of quiet meditation where you ponder the atonement of Christ or pray for the desires of your heart.
When it is time for the meeting to begin, one member of the presidency will conduct while the remainder of the presidency sit near the front of the room. The woman conducting will welcome the sisters and may ask for people she doesn’t recognize to introduce themselves. Then the meeting will begin with an opening hymn. This song is usually played on the piano and the congregation is expected to sing from the hymnbook while the chorister leads the music at the front of the room. After the hymn, a sister, who was previously asked, will stand to give the opening prayer.
When she is through praying, the sister conducting the meeting will stand again and tell the sisters of any announcements. Perhaps Sister Johnson is in the hospital undergoing surgery. There is a ward party that Friday. Don’t forget the book club meeting Wednesday night. Sometimes there may be a “musical spotlight”—a brief moment when the chorister discusses how we came to have a favorite hymn, or to sing another song, or to hear a soloist. Some wards have other fun tidbits, like a “good news minute” where the sisters have an opportunity to share their good news from that week. Sister Ruiz just found out she is pregnant. Sister Murray’s husband got a new job. Sister Lee’s son made the honor roll for the first time. Sister Anton’s daughter finally moved out of the house! Or they might recognize those women who have a birthday coming up this next week.
During this time, roll is taken. I have been in wards where the secretary just marks the person there. But usually, it has been a folder or clipboard passed around at the beginning of the meeting where the sisters mark or sign their name. There may also be other sign-ups. Because Sister Johnson is in the hospital, her family will need meals brought in for the next few days—can you help?
When the announcements are done, it’s time for the lesson. There are usually a few different women who have been called to teach Relief Society. They switch off every few weeks. So the woman who is teaching today may not be teaching again for a month. On the first Sunday of the month, the lesson is given by a member of the Relief Society presidency and is a topic that she picks as being especially pertinent to the sisters in this ward, at this time. On the fourth Sunday of the month, the lesson is a “Teachings for Our Times” lesson. These lessons are picked by the Stake President from the addresses given in the last General Conference. But this is a second Sunday, so the teacher’s lesson is based on the world-wide church curriculum. This year, we are studying the teachings of the prophet Spencer W. Kimball. In 2008, we will study teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith.
The teacher will have prepared and prayed about her presentation. She has read the manual and additional scriptural resources. She has points that she wants to make that she feels are important but she will also want to involve the sisters in the room because they also have a wealth of experiences and insights. So questions are asked and discussions are encouraged, too. The teacher usually stands at the front of the room and may use a chalkboard, a dry-erase board, or other visual aids to help with her lesson.
When she is finished with the lesson, the sister conducting the meeting will stand again and close the meeting*. There will be a closing hymn in the same manner as the opening hymn and a different sister will give the closing prayer. There may be a little more socializing and talking, but usually there is another ward’s Relief Society who will need to use the room next and so the sisters leave the next Relief Society presidency to set up the room.
*The first Sunday of the month is Fast Sunday. If this Relief Society meeting had taken place on the first Sunday of the month, the lesson would be shorter and there would be time left at the end of the lesson for the sisters to bear their testimonies to each other before the closing
The Importance of Christmas Carols
So many people today are disenchanted with the commercialization of Christmas, the predominance of Santa and the relative absence of Jesus Christ, the overspending and the focus on materialism and gift-getting. But I’d like to take a moment and share with you how the “spirit of Christmas” really is the spirit of Christ and the importance that Christmas carols played in my life.
I grew up in a non-religious household. We did not attend church, except for a brief stint when I was ten, and even then I mostly worked in the nursery and never listened to the sermons or went to Sunday School. We did not talk about religion or God, although I knew that my mother believed He existed. We did not pray, not even at mealtimes, nor was I taught how or when to pray. We did not discuss Jesus Christ or His divinity, His attributes or His mission.
We never talked of Heaven or Hell. My mom was a very tolerant, loving, and accepting person and believed that all people were mostly good and I had the vague impression that after death, we would all live in a nebulous state of happiness. As a result of these ideas, my home was not a home where moral standards were set or right and wrong were taught.
Until I was 16 (when I began talking to the Mormon missionaries), the only knowledge I had of the gospel of Jesus Christ was through Christmas carols. Silent Night taught me that Mary was a virgin at Jesus’ birth and how the shepherd’s came and heavenly hosts sang.
Once in Royal David’s City taught me that Jesus was born in a lowly stable.
Angels We Have Heard on High and Hark the Herald Angels Sing taught me that angels came to the shepherds to bring the gladsome tidings of His birth and that the Shepherds rejoiced and went to Bethlehem to see the Babe.
Away in a Manger and O Come All Ye Faithful taught me that Jesus Christ was God and yet was making his appearance in mortality with a body of flesh.
With Wondering Awe tells the story of the wise men following the star to come and adore the Christ child.
And Joy to the World and O Holy Night describe the purpose for all this rejoicing. Christ is born to take away the sins of men.
In addition to learning the gospel through these songs, I came to understood that all people who call themselves Christians believe these things and rejoice in them. And because these songs were sung over and over again all season long, I had them committed to memory just like almost every other child. For the formative years of my life, the Christmas carols were the only form of scripture study I had, but I had memorized them all and loved them and proclaimed my belief in the Savior each time I sang and was strengthened in that testimony every time I heard someone else sing.
And all the Christmas movies that focus on being together with families or Christmas miracles, even if they aren’t obviously teaching religious principles, still touched my heart with the Spirit of Christ. Whenever I would tear up at the beauty of a Christmas miracle or service anonymous given to someone in need, it was the Holy Ghost affirming to me that this is what Christ would do. I knew that those wonderful, soft, warm, happy feelings I felt were somehow related to Jesus Christ.
In his talk, “The Power of Hymns,” Merrill J. Bateman lists some of the roles of church music. It acts as a form of worship, builds unity and a community of saints, teaches doctrine, and facilitates the bearing of testimony. This was my personal experience with the Christmas carols, the only form of religious instruction I had as a child. It was very powerful for me and because of that, I try to include hymns in our home as often as possible.
In addition to listening to the radio stations that play only Christmas music this time of year, or listening to our own private music collections, the LDS Church has a wonderful tool available for home use. It’s an interactive music player where you can see the words and music and control the parts, tempo and key or just print it out. You can also just download spiritually uplifting songs here for free.
Mormon Women Serve Missions, Too!
You may be familiar with the idea of clean-cut, clean-shaven young men in dark suits with name tags being missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That’s probably because there are over 40,000 of them right now serving in areas all over the world. But you may not have known that women in the church serve missions, too. They make up about 13,000 of the Church’s proselyting force.
Unlike the young men who generally begin their missionary service at age 19, a woman is eligible to begin her missionary service at age 21 and will serve for 18 months. Because the church does not pay its missionaries, young women usually begin saving at an early age in order to be able to provide for their own living expenses. Depending on where they live and where they are called to serve, the new missionary will attend one of 17 Missionary Training Centers (MTCs) around the world. There they will immerse themselves in scriptures and doctrine, learning how to trust the Lord, to teach and possibly even learning a foreign language. After 3 to 8 weeks of training, they leave the MTC and head to the corner of the world that they will come to know and love over the next year and a half.
M. Russell Ballard has said:
A full-time mission is totally appropriate for a young woman, if that is what she wants to do and she is worthy. Holding the priesthood comes with the obligation for young men to carry the message of the Restoration to the world. Young women are invited to participate in missionary work as it is appropriate to their circumstances. If they have prospects for marriage, that is a higher calling. But young women who are in a position to serve make great missionaries. They are good teachers, they have empathy, and they can relate particularly well to women. I don’t think that we have a mission anywhere in the world where the mission president wouldn’t be thrilled to get more sister missionaries.
(M. Russell Ballard, “How to Prepare to Be a Good Missionary,” New Era, Mar 2007, 6–11)
In addition to these young sister missionaries, a woman may decide to serve a mission later in life, too. She may be part of a missionary couple with her husband, if she is married or as a single senior sister missionary if she is not. There are many types of missionary service available to these sisters. They may enjoy a service mission or a mission that focuses on “health, welfare, or other needs.” They may serve close to home, volunteering as needed in their area. Or they may travel to the other side of the world to serve.
Regardless of their age, mission, or type of service, the missionary experience for women can be some of the most challenging work that they undertake in their lives. It can also be the most rewarding.
Christmas: Thoughts on Mary During the Birth of Christ
I have seen countless depictions of the birth of Christ via paintings, books, Hollywood movies and Church productions. But there is precious little detail about His actual birth. And as a woman who has given birth seven (going on eight) times, I can’t help but think of Mary at that time and try to identify with her and try to imagine what she must have been thinking and feeling.
Surely she must have known that there was a chance that her baby would be born sometime before they returned to Galilee from Bethlehem for the census. Imagine that journey that probably actually took place in the spring rather than in winter. The average temperatures at that time of year range from the 50s to mid-60s. There is usually not much precipitation but the humidity is at about 60%.
In many of the media productions, Mary is already in hard labor by the time they arrive in Bethlehem. But in Luke 2:6, the account just says that “while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.” The distance between Galilee and Bethlehem is about 80 miles. That would have taken at least a week to travel. And there is Mary, heavy with child. I imagine that she might have had the common ailments that women today suffer in late pregnancy, sciatic nerve pain, heartburn, fatigue, Braxton hicks contractions. I imagine that she might have switched between walking and riding. Walking would have been difficult with the uterine pressure she might have been feeling, and the loose ligaments in her hips from the hormone relaxin. Walking would also have increased the frequency of contractions. It probably would have been hard for her to catch her breath because her lungs couldn’t expand all the way. So perhaps she rode part of the way. But sitting bareback on a beast of burden wouldn’t be comfortable for long and so I imagine that she would have opted to walk again.
However her labor started, it’s clear that at some point in Bethlehem she was in hard labor. She and Joseph must find some place to deliver the Christ child. The scriptural account (Luke 2:7) says nothing more than that Mary “brought forth her firstborn son” and that she “laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” Bethlehem must have been packed with people coming to be counted for the census. I have no doubt that most rooms were taken. In addition to those difficult circumstances however, it must not have helped that Mary was probably obviously in labor at that point. The Hebrew laws regarding women with “issues of blood” (see Leviticus 15:19-23)and specifically regarding the state of uncleanness after giving birth (see Leviticus 12) would have made it necessary for everyone she came in contact with–or anyone who had even touched something that she touched–to ritually wash themselves, being unclean until evening.
And so they ended up in a stable, more like a cave than a barn, with the animals. Mary and Joseph were probably much more used to the smell of animals and being in close proximity to them than a city girl like me. But no matter how much privacy that stable provided, I can hardly imagine that she would have been comfortable in there with flies buzzing around and being on a stone or packed dirt floor no matter how much straw could be piled up around and underneath her.
And what did Joseph do? Would he have followed the strict Hebrew law regarding the touching of women with an issue of blood? Or would he have gone against convention and attended to her needs anyway? Were they alone, just the two of them? Or were there midwives (Ex. 1: 15, 17-21) available that they were able to call upon to attend Mary? Surely Mary might have been apprehensive—as any first time mother might be at the time of delivery. And here she was separated from her friends and family and delivering this precious babe in a stable. Was she full of faith and wonder and awe? Or was she mostly concentrating on the intensely physical and instinctual work of delivery?
I imagine that like most mothers, she was completely wrapped up in the baby after He was born. She might have touched His face tenderly and held her finger in His hands. She must have breastfed Him soon. Every mother thinks their own baby is beautiful and special. But she knew that He was even more so, different from every other baby. The scriptures tell us that Mary “kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19). This paints a picture of a quiet and contemplative Mary. How much did she understand of His life’s mission? What is it like to read the scriptures about the sufferings that your child will experience (Isaiah 53:5)? What did she think when Simeon blessed her, but prophesied that a sword would pierce through her own heart (Luke 2:35)? Could she imagine that she would witness His death on the cross (John 19:25)?
I don’t know the answers to these questions about what Mary was thinking or feeling. But I know that asking the questions helps me to understand her a little better and makes the story of His birth come alive to me. When I look into the sweet faces of my own babies it breaks my heart to think of the trials and temptations and sufferings that they will face. It makes me want to try even harder to love the Savior and to be more perfect so that I can make my burden of sin as light on Him as possible.
What is it like to be a Mormon woman?
Sometimes people get Mormons confused with the Amish. They are under the false impression that we don’t use electricity (watch me blog!), that the women must wear dark, floor length skirts, or cover our heads at all times. Because most people know that we do not drink or smoke, they often wonder if that means we also discourage other things like dancing. Sometimes people are under the false assumption that Mormons still practice polygamy and they think that Mormon women are oppressed and kept at home barefoot and pregnant, with no education.
I can’t speak for every woman who is a member of the Church of Jesus Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But this is what my experience has been as an LDS woman.
The prophet has encouraged me to get an education—to learn things that are personally satisfying and enriching and also things that will be economically useful if it’s needed. I have been counseled that marriage is ordained of God and that the commandment to multiply and replenish is still in effect. And once the children arrive, I have been taught that it is the main duty of mothers to nurture their children and that this is best accomplished through staying at home with them and not working outside the home except in special circumstances.
The men in the church are taught to respect and revere women. The prophet condemns the abuse of women mentally, verbally, physically or sexually.
We condemn most strongly abusive behavior in any form. We denounce the physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse of one’s spouse or children. Our proclamation on the family declares: “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. … Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs. … Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations” (Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).
We are doing all we know how to do to stamp out this terrible evil. When there is recognition of equality between the husband and the wife, when there is acknowledgment that each child born into the world is a child of God, then there will follow a greater sense of responsibility to nurture, to help, to love with an enduring love those for whom we are responsible.
No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to hold the priesthood of God. No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to be a member in good standing in this Church. The abuse of one’s spouse and children is a most serious offense before God, and any who indulge in it may expect to be disciplined by the Church. (Gordon B. Hinckley, “What Are People Asking about Us?,” Ensign, Nov 1998, 70)
Women are encouraged to dress modestly. Generally this means that skirts and shorts should come to the knees, shoulders should be covered, and that our clothing should cover more than it reveals. The purpose of modesty is to show respect for our God and ourselves. And within those guidelines, we are free to choose whatever styles and colors we like.
It is true that we do not drink alcohol or use any type of tobacco. But it seems that Mormons love to dance! There are stake dances for the youth, dances for the college students, and even for the adults from time to time. Anytime you see Mormons dancing you are likely to see whatever the latest dance fads are as well as swing and ballroom styles.
Each ward usually has social activities for children, youth, and adults. I love the feeling at ward activities when babies are passed around so moms and dads can eat. Being an LDS woman means that almost anywhere in the world you could go, there is a social network set up where you can find friends, love and assistance. We celebrate birthdays, Easter and Christmas in our various ways around the world. Each country has its own holidays that its congregations observe, too.
Being a Mormon woman means that we are called upon to bring meals in to people who are sick or to families who have just had a new baby. It means visiting other women from month to month and sharing our testimonies and strengthening experiences with each other. It means making quilts and school kits to donate to those who need them and being part of an incredible world-wide organization that relieves suffering.
A Mormon woman tries to be frugal and self-sufficient. This might include baking her own bread, sewing her own clothes, budgeting well, being a savvy shopper or trying to have a 3-month supply of food and necessities on hand in case of difficult times or natural disasters.
It means avoiding objectionable movies, music, and books and being careful and watchful with the internet in our homes. Sometimes our standards put us in awkward situations. But those are often the best teaching moments when we get to share why these things are important to us and how the gospel gives us peace. And sharing those thigns bring us joy.
A Mormon woman has opportunities within the church to lead and teach and instruct. We attend our Relief Society meetings and strive to be a little bit better every day. We try to study the word of God and apply it in the difficult situations we face daily. We try to develop a personal relationship with God through personal prayer. And then turn around and teach these things to our families through family prayer, family scripture study and family home evenings.
Sometimes being a Mormon woman means crying a bit when you feel like you just aren’t doing as good a job as you should. There are heartaches and struggles and pain. But there is also the pouring of our hearts out to God and relying on the Atonement of Jesus Christ to wash away our sins and make our weaknesses strengths and turn our sorrows to sweetness. Then we get up off of our knees and dig back in with all our might, feeling known and comforted.
Being a Mormon woman usually means being very busy! But the work is rewarding and the personal growth is satisfying. Though there are sacrifices to be made, the blessings of a generous God are always abundant. There is so much peace and joy in being a Mormon woman.
What Type of Education is Best?
When I was in college, about half-way done with my degree, I met a girl whose boyfriend was then serving a Mormon mission. She was young, just 18. And she was just positive that when he came home in about a year, they were going to get married. It didn’t matter that the rest of us told her she should go ahead and use this time to date other boys. She was sure about what the future would hold for her. Because she believed firmly that they would begin their family as soon they were married and she would be a stay-at-home mom, she didn’t feel any urgency about going to college or beginning a career.
I have to admit that most of us other young women thought she was crazy. We were driven to further our education as the prophet has admonished. Frankly, we thought she was being foolish to put all of her eggs in one basket with the hope that a year later, she and her boyfriend would still be in love with each other after being separated for a total of two years.
Nevertheless, in the time that she had she took cooking classes and learned how to be an excellent chef. She took sewing classes and began sewing her own clothing. She learned how to knit and how to crochet. She took an interior design class. She went to seminars on budgeting and read up on child development. All these things seemed beneath the rest of us upward-bound college scholars. After all, we were getting a real education!
Sure enough, though, about a year later her boyfriend returned from serving his two years for the Lord and proposed to her almost immediately. And just as she had planned they soon had a baby join their little family. After that, I lost track of her.
But it wasn’t too much longer until I had my own husband and my own little baby with my college degree safely tucked away. I envied this other woman and the preparations that she had made for being a mother and a wife. At the time, I thought the education she was getting was a waste. But suddenly that exact type of education would have been priceless to me! They were both valuable. I am reminded of Sister Julie B. Beck’s words, “Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth.” I did not know how to cook. Because I didn’t know how to cook, our grocery budget was larger than it needed to be because the foods I bought were mostly prepared. I really didn’t have any homemaking skills at all! I was unprepared for having a baby (not that anyone is really prepared for that) and felt like the first 7 years of being a mother I needed remedial help and tutoring to make up for all that I was missing .
I realized that there aren’t really conditions on the type of education that is preferable. In my youth, I firmly believed that if it wasn’t a college education, it wasn’t really an education at all. But now I see so much the value of all types of learning and preparations. We are each different people, with different learning styles, different priorities and different paths in life. James E. Faust has said, “I do not care what vocation you choose to follow in life so long as it is honorable.” (James E. Faust, “Message to My Grandsons,” Liahona, May 2007, 54–56) The important thing is to prayerfully seek for Heavenly Father’s guidance as we pursue our educational goals, whatever they may be. Certainly, He will lead us down the path that will be of most importance to us in this life and in the life to come because we know that “whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection.” (D&C 130:18).
Respect for Manhood
I was talking on the phone to a friend several years ago. We were complaining about our husbands and laughing at what seemed to be universal faults with the sex. I was criticizing my own husband and mocking his faults and shortcomings, repeating the same litany of offenses that women on talk shows and in magazines and books seemed to encounter in their own spouses. Why are men like that? Why can’t he see my more perfect point of view and just do things my way? It’s certainly easier than what he’s doing! My friend and I laughed and marveled at the crazy ways of men.
And then I noticed that my young son was listening to me. I quickly re-evaluated my conversation and what it must have sounded like to him. I had denigrated his father and insulted him as a boy. I realized that I was not teaching him respect for himself, modeling an example of a loving wife and mother or building his self-esteem as a man. In fact, I had done quite the opposite.
As I thought more about it, I realized that the things I had said about men would be absolutely scandalous if it had been a man speaking about women. I would have been utterly outraged. With the rise of feminism and equal rights, women over the years have made great strides at commanding respect and being treated with dignity. But I wondered at how the pendulum has swung so that it was now so acceptable for women to speak of men in such derogatory terms and find it funny.
James E. Faust has said:
There are some voices in our society who would demean some of the attributes of masculinity. A few of these are women who mistakenly believe that they build their own feminine causes by tearing down the image of manhood. This has serious social overtones because a primary problem in the insecurity of sons and daughters can be the diminution of the role of the father image.
Let every mother understand that if she does anything to diminish her children’s father or the father’s image in the eyes of the children, it may injure and do irreparable damage to the self-worth and personal security of the children themselves. How infinitely more productive and satisfying it is for a woman to build up her husband rather than tear him down. You women are so superior to men in so many ways that you demean yourselves by belittling masculinity and manhood.
In terms of giving fathers love and understanding, it should be remembered that fathers also have times of insecurity and doubt. Everyone knows fathers make mistakes—especially they themselves. Fathers need all the help they can get; mostly they need love, support, and understanding from their own. (James E. Faust, “The Father Who Cares,” Ensign, Sep 2006, 2–6)
The Doctrine and Covenants reminds us to “Continue in the spirit of meekness, and beware of pride. Let thy soul delight in thy husband, and the glory which shall come upon him.” (D&C 25:14) I have found that as I try to find ways to be grateful for our differences that I am happier. I see more clearly that I need my husband’s manhood to balance out my womanhood. He has skills and talents and blessings that are gifts to our family and that are different from mine, but certainly not any less valuable. My husband always finds ways to tell our children about the beauty of womanhood and show them that they should respect me as their mother and as a woman. Now I find it very satisfying to look for ways to build up their father in their eyes and to give him deference and respect as a testimony of the high value that I place on manhood.
I have four sons who will be men someday. I want them to marry the kind of women who will love, respect, honor and serve them. That means that I need to be that kind of woman so they know what to look for when they are ready for marriage. Years from now when they have been happily married for most of their lives and have children of their own, I want them to look back on their own childhood and say, “We do not doubt our mother knew it.” (Alma 56:48)
A Widow’s Mite
Last night, my baby had a case of insomnia. She wasn’t sick. She wasn’t crying. She just wasn’t sleeping. And while I lay down with her, trying to get her back to sleep, I was thinking of the widow’s mite (Mark 12:41-44).
Jesus was sitting in the temple watching all the people come and donating money to the poor. Some of the people were rich and gave quite a bit. But the widow came and only cast in two mites, a paltry sum. But even though it was just a small amount, it was everything that she had. To the Savior, those two mites were worth more than all the other riches that had been cast in the treasury. Her sacrifice was worth more because she was able to give everything she had. The rich men who had more, could not part with it all and so their gifts were considered smaller.
Bruce R. McConkie has said, “When it costs us but little to give, the treasure laid up in heaven is a small one” (Bruce R. McConkie, “Obedience, Consecration, and Sacrifice,” Ensign, May 1975, 50). And one of the Mormon hymns tells us that it is sacrifice that “brings forth the blessings of heaven.”
As I continued to rub my baby’s back and sing softly to her, I pondered what parts of myself I am holding back from the Lord. What gifts have I been given? What blessings has he imparted to me that I am unwilling to share? I considered myself lying there in the dark, losing sleep to comfort my daughter and felt that surely that was acceptable to the Lord. But there are times when I am selfish with my time and resources–when I am more concerned with myself than I am about helping others who are desperately in need of God’s blessings. Sometimes I feel like I have so very little energy, time, money, patience or even desire to act that surely I must be one of the needy ones who requires the assistance!
I wonder if that’s how the widow felt? What exactly was she thinking when she gave up the last of her money as an offering to the Lord to help those who had so much less than she had? Was it hard for her? Or did she have so much gratitude and love in her heart that it was a simple thing to do? Did she go home worrying what she would eat for dinner that night? Or did she walk home happy and full of faith that the Lord would provide for her as he always had in the past? Surely, it must have warmed her heart to think that her money could help feed a child. She had to have felt the pleasure of God.
It also makes me think of other mites that are offered to me. How do I receive them? In particular, I am thinking of my children. They often give all of their loving to me. They surprise me by making my bed. They draw pictures for me. They pick dandelion flowers to give to me. They make a sandwich for a younger sibling. Unfortunately, many times I just notice the fact that I would rather have them pick up their toys in the living room than make my bed. I get frustrated with having to find someplace to put dead dandelion flowers or hang pictures. I only see the mess left in the kitchen with the peanut butter out and the bread spilled on the floor. And it makes me want to see things through the Savior’s eyes. My children may not be able to give me a king’s ransom yet. All they have is just their two little mites. But I should know that giving those freely is worth more than the greatest treasure in the world.