This morning when I woke up a scene from a favorite new movie came to mind. I have pondered this scene more then once since having seen it over a month ago, for it was quite the wake up call to me. Let me describe it to you:
This last weekend my sister was visiting with her new husband. They were planning their wedding reception which is coming up on the 12th of April. Saturday night, my new brother invited two of his good friends to come over. When they arrived, they demanded details on his whirlwind courtship with my sister. After three hours (because of so many interruptions)they had only gotten to the point in their story where they were holding hands (which occurred before the first and only date they had before getting married). We had to set up another game night to finish the story.
One cannot be strong all the time. Or at least I have not figured out yet how to be, though I am generally a happy person, and I try to look at the bright side of things. Every now and then the realities of my life come crashing down upon me. In those moments when I look at my life as it has been and compare it to the life I planned, I have my small moments of struggle. Now it isn’t as if I haven’t lead a good life, or that I haven’t been greatly blessed in my life. It’s just that as Anne Shirley (in the book Anne of Green Gables) couldn’t imagine her red hair away, I cannot imagine away that I am twenty-five, a return missionary, and an oh so, single adult.
Contention. Arguments. Dispute. Conflict. Disagreement. These words do not depict the true spirit of Christ, neither do they help to keep the Holy Spirit as a constant in one’s life.
You know, looking at the focus on the family in the LDS Church can seem difficult to those who are single. I didn’t marry until I was almost 32 years old, and it’s only been 12 years. So I was single a lot longer than I’ve been married.
There are days where I feel sorely misunderstood. Like there is no one in the world who has any idea what it feels like to be me. Everyone sees me for my mistakes and failings and not who I have become and what I can do. And sometimes I wonder if Mary Magdalene ever felt the same way.