Genealogy Dilemna: Sorting Out Multiple Marriages
Filed under: Genealogy, Family History & Temple Work, Intermediate Family History
The past week I worked to sort out the life of a man who was associated with four women. Because these relationships resulted in children, I wanted to be certain I had the proper children assigned to the correct parents. Internet searches complicated the matters, since different researchers gave the children to different parents, and some of the women had other spouses over time, and children from those relationships as well. If you’re facing a similar problem, there are a number of steps you can take to organize the families correctly.
Begin by listing all the spouses for each person you can find. You need the spouses who are not your direct line as well.
You also need the spouses of the non-direct spouses. For instance: Man A had children with Woman B, Woman C, and Woman D. You’re not sure yet which ones he might have actually married. Woman C is your direct ancestor. However, Woman C had an additional husband, and Woman D had two additional husbands. You need all the husbands and wives involved in this story and all the children resulting from each relationship, even though technically, many of them are not related to you in any way. Otherwise you run the risk of missing a child or assigning him to the wrong parent. Read more
Getting the Most Out of Your Genealogy Vacation
Filed under: Genealogy, Family History & Temple Work
I just returned from a week in Kentucky. I was visiting, for the first time, the place where my grandfather was born, and where my ancestors lived from the 1800s to the time my grandfather moved out of state. I had one week to get as
much as I could from the visit.
I was helped by the fact that the town was just over two square miles total and everyone is pretty much related, one way or another. Because of this, the town boasted a wonderful genealogy library and historical society. I planned to center my week around that library. Read more
Let Us Be Men
Filed under: Becoming More Christlike, Finding Happiness, Men & Priesthood, Service
The term “real men” is a popular one to bounce around, but the definition of a real man varies from culture to culture, even in the same country. Too many people equate true manhood with being rough and tough, liking freedom, doing as he pleases, and even being immoral. The Mormons have a different idea of what true manhood means.
In 2006, D. Todd Christofferson gave a talk in General Conference, a semi-annual international conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, on the subject of true manhood. He said:
“Though he will make some sacrifices and deny himself some pleasures in the course of honoring his commitments, the true man leads a rewarding life. He gives much, but he receives more, and he lives content in the approval of his Heavenly Father. The life of true manhood is the good life.” D. Todd Christofferson, “Let Us Be Men,” Ensign, Nov 2006, 46–48
Elder Christofferson told the story of his mother, who had a dangerous surgery that caused her great pain when she used her arms for quite some time afterwards. One day his father took her to a shop and asked the shopkeeper to demonstrate a new machine that ironed clothing. It utilized peddles operated by the leg, not the hands. She was shocked when he purchased it and paid cash. She was extremely worried because it was very expensive and she was concerned about how they were going to manage after having spent so much. He eventually admitted that he knew what she had tried to hide—that when ironing, she had to go into the bedroom and cry until the pain subsided, and so he had quietly gone without lunch for a year to save the money for the machine.
Elder Christofferson said that this was a true man—one who took care of his family even when it meant great sacrifice. A man makes his family and his responsibilities to God his priority in life, and everything else is secondary. This means that while his peers may be out playing, he may find himself hard at work during the day, and then come home to chores, helping his wife with her responsibilities, and playing with his children. For a real man, one who honors his role as a servant of God, this is not a hardship, even if it is sometimes tiring or frustrating.
Mormons are old-fashioned in some aspects of gender—meaning they stay with what God taught us men and women should be. The Family: A Proclamation to the World says of a man’s role:
By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.
Notice that it says men and women help each other in their duties. This means a Mormon man will often be found
washing the dishes or changing the diapers, even though it might be primarily the wife’s role. A real man isn’t embarrassed to be found doing this, nor does he feel that a long day at the office protects him from the responsibilities of the home, because he knows a mother is putting in a much longer day than he is. Parenting is a two-person job.
Men who have doubts about his role as a real man is counseled, Elder Christofferson says, to turn to the Book of Mormon for advice. When Jesus Christ visited these people, he asked
Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am (3 Nephi 27:27). This scripture tells us that a man who wants to understand his role in life should look at the Savior to see what sort of man He was. We know from many stories told us in the Bible that Jesus Christ was very respectful of women. He included many women among His friends and followers. He respected their ability to learn and He taught them individually. He didn’t save all the learning for the men, as we see in the story of Mary and Martha. This example shows us that a man should respect his wife’s intelligence and treat her as an important person, his equal, just as Jesus treated the women in his world as equals.
Jesus refused to allow his apostles to send children away who had come to see Him. Even though he’d worked a very long day and was tired, he put aside his need for rest and spent meaningful time with children, teaching them and building a relationship with them. His example tells fathers and other men what their attitude toward children should be. Although Jesus did not have children of His own, He demonstrated that a man’s children should be a priority, no matter how busy or tired they might be. He also demonstrated the responsibility to teach children the gospel.
Throughout the scriptures, Jesus is shown to be kind and gentle, not afraid to cry or to show compassion. At the same time, he had the courage to stand for the right against everyone, regardless of the cost to himself. He stood up for the downtrodden and those rejected by the world. He served those who were good and those who were “bad.” He defended the gospel without hesitation and refused to water it down to be politically correct or in tune with the times.
Elder Christofferson’s title comes from a Book of Mormon scripture that says, in part, “arise from the dust, my sons, and be men (2 Nephi 2:21).” To learn more about what it means to be a Mormon man, read the entire talk at LDS.org or watch the video below.
What is Wisdom?
Filed under: Finding Truth, Recognizing Truth, Uncategorized
One day, while reading the Book of Mormon, I was startled by a description of the prophet Ammon that I had not previously noticed, in Alma, chapter 18, verse 22:
Now Ammon being wise, yet harmless, he said unto Lamoni: Wilt thou hearken unto my words, if I tell thee by what power I do these things? And this is the thing that I desire of thee.
Wise, but harmless. This unexpected combination of words has stayed with me since that time and I’ve often thought 
about what they mean. It could mean the historian recording the event had a sense of humor, but it’s likely there is more to the phrase than might initially be obvious. How can you be wise, but harmless? The key lies in understanding the source of wisdom. When we are truly wise, and our wisdom comes from the proper source, we are harmless to others. When we mistake the source of wisdom, we can do great eternal damage to ourselves and to those we teach. Read more
Preparing for a Genealogical Vacation
Filed under: Genealogy Know How, Genealogy, Family History & Temple Work
When times are tight, it can be hard to justify taking a vacation. Giving the vacation a practical purpose, however, can make it seem less of a splurge. You’ll get away from home, but you’ll be working hard on an important task. A genealogical vacation can be the answer to this challenge.
A genealogical vacation involves spending time in a place where your ancestors lived. It allows you to see for yourself where they lived, placing them into context. Even though things are changed, a genealogy buff with a good imagination can remove the houses, telephone poles, and cars and get a glimpse into the past. Read more
Gardening With a Black Thumb
Filed under: Living Off the Land, Preparedness Basics, Year Supply - Food
My mother was an expert gardener. I knew it was really spring when she headed outside with her marigolds each year. Somehow that gene-and all the other domestic ones-bypassed me and everything I tried to grow died. Eventually, my children grew a large vegetable garden under the guidance of a family friend, and I stopped worrying about it. We moved a great deal in the later years, and gardening was not a priority.
However, today, we seem more or less settled for a while and the gardeners have grown and moved on. Every year I talked about starting a garden, and this year I finally got brave enough to try. The Mormons are counseled to have a garden in order to increase their ability to be self-sufficient and it was time for me to get going on that part of the gospel.
I chose containers, in case we find ourselves moving again. I also chose plants that were already growing, to give myself a head start. I decided to start small, so I didn’t get overwhelmed. To my surprise, this is turning out to be fun. Maybe it helps to be older, or maybe it’s just that I have adapted a more relaxed attitude this year. My self-esteem is not at stake this time. If it fails, it fails.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
1. Start small. Grow just a few things the first year to see how it feels. If you like it, add more the next year. It has to be easy at first, or you won’t keep it up.
2. Plant things you really like, even if they’re not supposed to be easy. You’re more likely to enjoy caring for them. I picked the marigolds because they remind me of my mom, who died last year. The others are things I like. I just keep picturing chocolate covered strawberries as I work. Motivation is important.
3. Containers minimize the actual work. There isn’t a lot of weeding to do and my work takes just a few minutes a day, and less if it rains.
4. The plants I bought in peat pots survived the transplant process. You just put the whole pot into the larger pot with more soil (which I purchased to cut out the weeds) and that apparently helps them avoid shock. Do whatever it takes to increase your success. You can choose cheaper options after you have confidence, if you want to.
5. Put the containers where you can see them. My plants are near where I park my car, so I see them every time I come and go. I can also see them from my desk, where I work all day as a writer. It’s harder to forget about them that way. Often having a black thumb really just means being absent-minded about plants.
6. Do a fair amount of reading about gardening, but don’t try to follow every bit of advice. I read lots of things that contradicted each other. I just picked what sounded good and manageable, and tried it. If it doesn’t work, I’ll try a different technique next year.
7. Don’t give up if everything doesn’t grow. I started with tulips, tomatoes, strawberries, and marigolds. The tulips died practically the minute I transplanted them and the tomato plant doesn’t look great, but the marigolds-some of which fizzled at first, but came back– and strawberries are doing beautifully, at least to my untrained eye. I choose to see that as a success. After all, even though only fifty percent of my plants are thriving, that is two more plants than I’ve ever grown before. (Really, it’s more than that, since there are two strawberry plants and eight marigolds.) It’s a start.
8. Cultivate friendships with gardeners who can advise you, preferably the kind who will cheer when you produce your first less than perfect strawberry.
9. Keep a full watering can right by the plants. The easier it is to water them, the more likely you are to do it. Often, as I’m passing by, I remember to check the moisture and can water them without having to go in and get water. If I go to get water, I tend to get distracted and never return. Buy a really cute watering can if you think it will help, but for myself, I just bought one that was huge.
10. You can’t frame your first strawberry, or even save it for long, so eat it. Take a picture first, if you’d like, but then enjoy it.
Planning With a Purpose in Everyday Life
The Mormons (a nickname for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) teach leaders to plan their activities with a purpose in mind, and to start with the purpose, not the activity. While this was designed for activity planning, it’s a principle that can be applied to much of our everyday life.
Mormons are taught not to choose a fun activity and then look over the program goals to see if it fits into anything. Instead, they ask, “What do we want to have happen in the lives of the participants?” Then they select an activity that will accomplish this. Read more