Comments on: Ashley’s Dating Quest: Good News and Bad

By: Ashley Dewey

Ashley Dewey — Sun, 16 Nov 2014 16:10:07 +0000

Thanks Tristi! It is my goal to always be myself, and with practice I find that I am getting better at it. You see, in order to be yourself, you first have to know yourself. As I learn who I am and what I want to be it is much easier to exude that naturally without any concern. It is still a work in progress though, and I appreciate the advice and perspective! Sounds like you found yourself an incredible guy!

By: Tristi Pinkston

Tristi Pinkston — Sat, 08 Nov 2014 05:32:36 +0000

I saw friends of mine go through all kinds of dating rigamaroles, so I decided that when I started to date, I was going to be myself, 100%, and if the guys didn’t like it, they weren’t the guy for me. I found the guy who doesn’t mind if I dance to grocery store music, who thinks I’m cute even when I’m having a bad day, and who supports me in every single thing I do. I can tell him everything and he knows I’m giving him 100% of myself because that’s the way it’s always been. No pretending, no game playing, no trying to be on my best behavior just for him – he gets the authentic me, and he loves that. You deserve someone who loves the authentic you, so make sure you’re showing it all the time.

By: Ashley Dewey

Ashley Dewey — Sat, 08 Nov 2014 00:22:21 +0000

Thank you all for your advice! Rosie, I really like the honesty you share. Some people try to convince people that they should always be having an excellent time or it won’t work out. That’s just unrealistic! Terrie, I love the eternal perspective you always share! In the eternal scheme of things I think it’s always best to try. 🙂 Lauren, no one is good at dating! I really like your “be yourself” advice… that is something I can be! Easy to apply! Leanna, you and Travis have the kind of relationship I want. I shall practice honesty as the best policy! Thank you for the reminder! Cindy I would love to be your daughter! Your family is amazing! I’ll let you know how this works out… haha

By: Leanna

Leanna — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 22:07:25 +0000

My best dating advice is be honest. Travis and I would (and still do) tell each other “to be straight up” when we were having discussions and even if the other person didn’t necessarily say exactly what we wanted to hear, at least we knew they were being honest. I know sometimes this can seem hard because you don’t want to say something that will drive the other person away, but in my experience, being able to be honest and open is one of the aspects of my marriage that I treasure the most.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:56:04 +0000

I’d first suggest that you be yourself. Don’t try to guess what he wants, or try to conform to what you think he wants. Admittedly I’m not good at dating, but I’ve seen the results of this kind of subterfuge in the lives of others and it seldom has a happy ending. So be yourself and let him be himself, and see what happens.

By: Cindy Sorensen

Cindy Sorensen — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 15:31:51 +0000

Wow, an open-to-others response is kind of hard, but you are being so open with your thoughts… what could my excuse be? It’s been a very long time since I’ve been “dating”, and the rules are all really weird now (to me anyway), but once upon a time I did do it. DTR’s weren’t even a thing, back in the day. We dated for fun, then it either went somewhere or it didn’t. That’s kind of where I’d start with my suggestion. Let it be fun for a while before you decide anything. Or get out if it’s not fun, as you seem to have done with some of the choices, I can get behind that! I am a firm believer that your relationship should first be a happy one if it’s going to last. Second, give everyone a break like you’ve said, and don’t be too hard on either of you. We are imperfect and everyone is working on things. Later you can decide what you can live with, or not, once you’ve found out if it is fun. When it gets to that certain point DECIDE. Then live with the decision; find joy in it. Don’t need to think “what if” or keep looking around, you chose already.
And if things aren’t working out with the current choices… I’ve always loved the idea of you being a daughter of mine… don’t know how things would be with a certain candidate but, hey! may be worth a try! 🙂

By: Terrie Lynn Bittner

Terrie Lynn Bittner — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 14:59:50 +0000

I like to start out evaluation questions with the words, “In the eternal scheme of things…” So, “In the eternal scheme of things, will it matter that he has different moral standards than I do? Yes!” “In the eternal scheme of things, will it matter that he leaves his books all over the place? Probably not–we’ll trade if we end up married. I can pick up enough of this books to make the house look livable but not like a reader doesn’t live there, and in exchange, he will cope with my fried chicken addiction.” Then I make sure I have a good attitude about the imperfections. I’ve known many a widow who missed what once annoyed them, so I keep that in mind–imperfections can be charming if we treat them as such. It’s a matter of priorities–some imperfections are awful, but some are just character.

By: Rosie

Rosie — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 14:39:19 +0000

Advice on keeping a man… to go along with your post, you can’t expect everything to be perfect! Before and after we were officially dating (and for that matter, married), my now-husband and I had some dates that frankly weren’t so great. And many that were awesome! Thats part of life, being an imperfect person. In the back of your mind you have to think, “OK, so that didn’t go so great. Was that just because we’re imperfect people still learning to understand each other, or is it a deal breaker?” In my experience, often its the first.