Thanks, you explained that well

Tanner, you pose an interesting question as I have had the sad experience of such a trust in my life–my ex-husband. I never knew about narcissism. I didn’t know about NPD (narcissistic personality disorder in its various forms) etc. We humans go into the big wide world with an innate trust even when we think we are being cautious. It’s called faith–the motivating cause of all action (as Lectures On Faith explains it). We observe people’s actions and make assumptions based on what we observe and experience. We are simply looking for the “fruits” as spoken of in scripture. We weigh things up according to our collected knowledge and experience, and process what we think is the best judgement of it all.
A smart (but less overt narcissist) is like a spider charming a fly into its web. They start off showing all their best colors, their generous nature, their compassionate acts, they “love bomb” a potential source (partner) and treat you well. The fruits seems to be obvious. We are not generally trained as human beings to figure out (if it is even possible) if someone has alternate motives, is lying, is pretending, is manipulative, etc. It takes quite some time to notice “red-flags” (and that is if you are not so blinded with love that you can see them anyway), for them to reveal themselves as the narcissists that they are. SHOCKER — they usually don’t know they are either!
Narcissists are often attracted to people with goodness, with empathy, kindness, smart and capable, etc. Because they NEED that more than anything (except admiration and accolades). They are out of touch with their own empathy, so they need yours. But they also feed off of you and slowly drain you to the last drop, giving little back in the way of renewal–but just enough to keep you there, hoping, loving, hanging on for dear life.
You see, Tanner, we do not “trust narcissists too much”. We simply do not realize they are narcissists, and when we begin to suspect something is wrong in our relationship with them, we can’t put a finger on it, don’t know what it’s called, we are so tired and gaslit by our narcissist that we also are confused, betrayed, depressed, angry, and doubt ourselves as much or more than our narc.
As to why we are attracted to them? I suppose it’s their interest in us, their appearance of confidence, and our own self doubt. Some are caught in their flattery. It comes down to them being great deceivers. They are so believable because they actually do believe themselves. The NPD one’s can even pass lie detector tests!
They project their sins upon you and then chide you for them. They evade accountability. They “word salad” you and divert your conversations. Nothing ever gets accomplished with them. NPD is a true cluster B personality disorder that I have become too closely aquainted with. And general narcissism is a threat to peace and healthy relationships, and a growing concern in our society today. There are different levels of narcissism (selfishness/entitlement behavior), and basically two kinds of NPD (Overt, and Covert. Though some switch between these over time). As far as we know, there is no real reclamation for them, mainly because they don’t believe there is anything wrong with them, don’t usually seek help for it, and won’t pay the tough price needed to help themselves.

That’s hilarious! I lived there in Fall 2012. That was a great semester for me — I loved that ward! I’m glad you’re here on the site and I hope you are doing well!

In Provo. Glenwood I think, in 2012 or 13.. It’s Sperry.

Thank you! I appreciate that. And no way! I can’t see your last name or picture, but when/where? It’s such a small world (and even smaller when you’re a member of the Church)!

True. I feel like humans tend to trust narcissists too much. Trying to figure out why that is.

It’s well written! And I think you were in one of my wards years ago.

I think it’s definitely something all of us, men and women alike, need to understand better — especially those who are in the dating realm. For so many, it comes down to self-esteem (and the lack thereof). I hope we can all grow to love ourselves more, especially as our love for the Savior becomes the central focus of our lives.

Hope you enjoyed the article and thank you for reaching out!