I am seeing free will (with a high level of frustration and intense, unrelenting determination) in action. The emotional display of fireworks ranges in intensity with different personalities, but the desire to progress is universal.

Our children learn new things every day: how to put on their shoes, ride a bike, do a math problem, spell a word, date, drive a car. Every day, the driving force of free will gives them the motivation to keep moving forward. Struggle goes with the territory of new experiences.

Most people I know are comfortable with their own free will. They love the ability to make choices and learn from their decisions. For most parents, free will is like fire. It is both thrilling and scary. It is thrilling because we know our children need free will to grow. Freedom to choose is exhilarating and empowering. Without free will, we would still be spoon feeding them at 9, tying their shoes at 17, and carpooling for the remainder of our days. With free will comes learning and progression. If the fire of free will is contained and directed, it can be a rocket of progression.

This unbelievable gift is described by the ninth prophet called in these modern times, David O. McKay:

“Next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that life is God’s greatest gift to man. … Freedom of choice is more to be treasured than any possession earth can give. It is inherent in the spirit of man. It is a divine gift. … Whether born in abject poverty or shackled at birth by inherited riches, everyone has this most precious of all life’s endowments—the gift of free agency; man’s inherited and inalienable right” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay, “Chapter 22: Agency and Responsibility,” 205).

Democratic countries are founded on this inalienable right. Slavery was abolished because of this right. Many have died to retain the right to remain free.

Free will, also called “agency,” is powerful — and this is why parents also find free will a bit scary. Children combine free will with inexperience and immaturity. That same fire, unrestrained, can burn out of control and create severe damage.

My husband was in charge of a large youth group who spent time in the summer reenacting a pioneer trek. He watched as some teenage boys grabbed hard reeds and were hitting each other on the back for fun to see if they could make welts appear. The leaders were discussing this not-so-smart behavior and one leader commented, “In our family, we call this green brain. A youngster’s brain is green when displayed on a brain scan. As they grow, the color changes. Their brain is fully developed by their 20s and the scan shows a totally different color.” She looked over at the boys. “Definite green brain,” she said.

With choice comes a balancing tagalong: responsibility.

As President Brigham Young, the second prophet of the restored Church, said on one occasion:

“If Brother Brigham should take a wrong track and be shut out of the kingdom of heaven, no person will be to blame but Brother Brigham. I am the only being in heaven, earth, or hell, that can be blamed. This will equally apply to every Latter-day Saint. Salvation is an individual operation. … When salvation is sent to me, I can reject or receive it. In receiving it, I yield implicit obedience and submission to its great Author throughout my life, and to those whom he shall appoint to instruct me; in rejecting it, I follow the dictates of my own will in preference to the will of my Creator” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, “Chapter 40: Salvation through Jesus Christ,” 294).

Our children are free to choose, but have the responsibility of owning the consequences. It is important that they know choice is not the end destination, but the vehicle that moves us forward.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks noted:

“Few concepts have more potential to mislead us than the idea that choice, or agency, is an ultimate goal. In mortality, choice is a method, not a goal” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Weightier Matters,” Ensign, January 2001).

Our challenge as parents is to allow our children to use the vehicle of choice, point them in the right direction of obedience to commandments of God, and let the fire of free will propel them to success and safety.

This article was originally published in March 2008. Minor changes have been made.

Jenny A

The actual building work is horribly messy and loud. We know that we’ll step through danger zones, climb over piles of material, and walk through dust-covered rooms to see bits of progress here and there. The buzz of the saw or pounding of the hammer is usually constant. There will be mistakes that will have to be corrected, pulled out, and re-built. Delays are inevitable and most projects wind up behind schedule and over-budget. From a shell, the home slowly begins to take shape. If it is constructed with solid materials using the right tools and the right skills, the finished product can be a masterpiece.

Church leadership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints wrote a “Proclamation To the World” several years ago about the family to state the importance of this sacred responsibility:

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”

As “builders,” Mom and Dad each have jobs to do but may need different tools and different skills to build their part of the structure.

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”

So how do Mom and Dad get the right tools and the skill to use them?

I can’t speak for the fathers, but being a mother, I know that I am in great need of certain tools: I need the tool of teaching, listening, and evaluating progress. I need the tool of increased patience, and an understanding of what motivates a toddler or teenager. I need the ability to correct someone while ensuring they know they are loved. I need to know when to get involved and when to pull back. I need the tool of good example, because all eyes in the home are watching—all the time! I need a selfless heart, ready to support and lift others. I know that I’ll need to use a different tool with a different child.

No matter what your background, every parent has gaps in their parenting abilities. There will always be a tool or skill I am missing and know I need, but don’t have. Whether we had great parental mentoring or none at all, we are always learning new things as parents.

In my search, I’ve found that one of the best resources to gain the tools and skills for this construction project are the scriptures. In the words of Henry B. Eyring:

“Often the answers will come as you study the scriptures. They contain accounts of what the Lord did in His mortal ministry and the guidance He has given His servants. They have doctrine in them which will apply in every time and every situation. Pondering the scriptures will lead you to ask the right questions in prayer. And just as surely as the heavens were opened to Joseph Smith after he pondered the scriptures in faith, God will answer your prayers and He will lead you by the hand” (Henry B. Eyring, “Rise to Your Call,” October 2002).

Our learning as parents is “line upon line, precept upon precept.” We don’t learn it in a day, but over a long period of time and usually through hard experience!

Another way to add to our toolset is prayer. A mother I know was having trouble with her teenage son. She was out of ideas and didn’t know what else to do. She prayed about it and her answer was a complete surprise. She was counseled through prayer to be nice to his friends — to talk to them when they came over and feed them when her son was entertaining them at her house. She said it was something she would have never thought of, but tried it. Because she built the relationship with her son’s friends, she strengthened the relationship with her son. This simple piece of counsel solved her problem.

The construction of a human life is indeed messy, hard work. In this hard-hat area we call family life, we may need to reframe something that we’ve built that is unstable. We will have to be careful where we step. It will take time to step back and see the frame slowly take shape. We will need to periodically check the blueprints and renderings to remind ourselves what the finished product should look like, and that it is worth the expense in time and sacrifice.

Our Creator has given us the grand opportunity to help create and build this human life. We are starting with first-rate materials! He will surely support us in the worthy work of caring for His spirit children. In the end, our foundation can be strong and our tools and skills ready for the task at hand. With His help and endowed with this miraculous power, mothers and fathers will have helped to construct a living masterpiece.

Jenny A

via magic mum

There are usually fights over the seat by the window or who gets to sit by the baby. In the rush of entry, elbows and backpacks collide with unintended body parts. Someone is perpetually carsick. One of the kids decides that this is the optimal time to play the recorder. Our teenager rolls his eyes at the music selections I choose for the younger children. Someone is always touching someone else. And so it goes…

Why do we choose to live this way? Low expectations and poor habits, I guess. One day, I took a fresh look at our car rides and decided that we needed to make a big change. We knew better and could do better.

I thought of the scripture about being “steadfast and immovable” and always abounding in good works (Mosiah 5:15). Making the change would take parenting determination, a standard of high expectations and kid participation and commitment. It was a challenge, but I knew we could do it.

With a trial and error of solutions, we first learned what did not work. We tried an assigned seat rotation created by Mom. The fights over the seats were gone, but the kids grumbled about the imposed seat sentence.

On a long car trip, we tried giving each child five tickets. When contention broke out, we would remove a ticket. The child had to have at least one ticket left to get in the pool on the first day of our vacation. Our normally sweet child lost four tickets in the first 15 minutes. Because we were looking for bad behavior, the kids seemed to perform accordingly. We followed through with the plan for the rest of the trip, but decided this wasn’t for us.

We tried pulling over when the fighting started and waiting for the behavior to get better before we continued our ride, but it needed to happen consistently to be effective. Pulling over at night, on the freeway, or on the way to school wasn’t always the safest or most convenient idea.

A friend said she solved the same problem with a bigger car. We were already at capacity in our 8-passenger car and our garage size was limited. What now? This was harder than I thought!

I decided to find answers by looking to the gospel of Jesus Christ. If there was any group that needed to apply a gospel principle, it was us.

First, I knew that we were capable of changing. We needed to repent and have a “change of mind.” One day I found myself driving the kids solo for a 12-hour drive back home from a vacation as my husband had to leave early for a meeting. Before we left, I made sure that we spent a few minutes reading the scriptures. We had a family prayer asking for peace, help, and protection. I asked the children how they would feel if Jesus Christ was in our car for the day. Would He want to be there? Would He feel happy and comfortable? This was the mental shift we needed. The entire trip was pleasant and the children were loving and respectful to one another. The mental picture of having Christ beside them elevated their expectations for themselves. They intuitively knew how it would feel to sit beside Him. They wanted to be better, just thinking of His presence.

I love the children’s song “If the Savior Stood Beside Me.” My children know this song well. Even humming a few bars can be the reminder we need when we go back to old habits.

If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do?

 

Would I think of His commandments and try harder to be true?

 

Would I follow His example? Would I live more righteously,

 

If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me? (“If the Savior Stood Beside Me” Lyrics)

I also thought of the scripture that encourages families to have order.

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; (D&C 88:119)

We needed to organize ourselves. We needed more order if we wanted more peace in the car. Were backpacks ready? Were we rushing to find shoes the morning of? Were we eating breakfast in the car as we drove to school? When we looked at the car ride as a process, we could see where it was breaking down. We were not giving ourselves enough time to prepare for the coming day and were not getting up early enough to prepare without rushing.

One thing that is unique to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the expectation that everyone contributes. Each member takes turns serving, such as teaching Sunday School, presiding over a youth group, praying or leading the music in church. It requires effort by all members, but the result is a vibrant organization that provides amazing opportunities and growth for children, youth, and adults.

The next step was to use this principle of participation with the kids. For those out of car seats, they decided that they would rotate each day of the week. They would each have a day by the window and the next day would be their day by the baby. Because they came up with the idea, they self-enforced their rules.

Finally, building love and an attitude of service was not going to happen overnight, but we decided to employ advice from a prophet of God:

And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the devil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness. But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another. (Mosiah 4:14-15)

It was not right to allow our children to fight and quarrel in the car. I prayed to know how we could teach our children to love and serve one another.

We held a family night where we practiced having a “soft answer” that turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). If someone said something mean, we asked what would happen if they responded by throwing a rock back. We asked what would happen if someone threw a cotton ball back. We practiced for a week putting cotton balls in a jar every time someone responded with a soft answer to an angry remark. When the jar was full, we had a treat the following week.

The Church’s website, ChurchofJesusChrist.org, had a children’s service idea to be a “secret service” agent. For one family night we gave dark glasses and a black folder labeled “Top Secret” to each family member. We exchanged family names and offered one act of secret service each day for a week.

Of course, practical ideas also came in handy. A friend listens to books on CD with her kids. Many times, they don’t want to get out of the car when they finish the ride. What a great idea.

The road to peace in the car has been bumpy, but worth it. The rest of our journey continues to be about cooperation, patience, love and sacrifice, which is the long haul of life. Success is now less about arriving at our destination and more about enjoying the ride. And while we haven’t achieved total peace in the car, we are definitely on our way.

This post was originally published on May 14, 2008. Minor changes have been made. 

Lead image via SheKnows.com.

Jenny A

But being constantly on alert—being concerned and aware 24/7—can leave our nerves raw and frazzled. Mothers need to take time out.

A time out for mothers means three things to me: time to be holy, time to rest, and time to grow.

Time to Be Holy

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, time spent focusing on the things of God is one of the most important ways to take time out—it allows us to rejuvenate, prioritize, ponder, and become happier.

Prayer is a source of power; the ability to communicate with a loving Father in Heaven who has our best interests in mind. He knows our struggles, talents, and weaknesses. He knows what we are trying to do for our family to support and love them.

Prayer is the way I share my victories, ideas, and inadequacies. My days are better when I begin them with prayer. Prayer sustains me and help me focus on having a productive and purposeful day. My days are best when ended with prayer. I can report about what I experienced throughout the day. I love the description of prayer in the Bible Dictionary:

“As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7: 7-11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.”

If prayer is said to be our way to share our thoughts with God, the word of God (the scriptures) is said to be the way He speaks back to us. They give direction and guidance.

“Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” (2 Nephi 32:3)

Reading the words of God every day is centering and calming. It reminds us of the truly important things on this earth. The scriptures put prestige, wealth, fame and power into their proper perspective — unimportant and fleeting. They put righteousness, charity, obedience and character in their proper perspective as well — essential and eternal. (See Nephi 9:51)

The Sabbath day is another way to take time to be holy. I can’t do without the Sabbath day. When our Creator made the earth, He too rested on the seventh day.

What a perfect time to stop the busyness of everyday life to worship our Father in Heaven, recommit to keep the commandments, and remember the atoning sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ. We can worship, rest, spend time with family, recharge and renew for the coming week. Our family chooses not to shop or pursue entertainment or recreation on Sundays. Because of this, we spend the day at home and are able to take time to be still. What a great blessing to be still one day a week in this whirlwind of a world.

Time for Rest

Sleep is a rare commodity in today’s world. Why did we forego this vital element to get ahead and compete in this 24-hours-a-day world? When I stay up too late to get things done in a quiet house, I pay for it the next day with cloudy thinking and low energy. We are counseled to:

“..retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary: arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated” (D&C 88:124).

There is a good reason for this advice. Our Father in Heaven knows that mothers need time for sleep!

Time to Grow

With days full of service, mothers have to carve out time to become a better person. We want to and need to develop our talents, interests, and personal relationships. It seems impossible to make the time to do this, but it is needful.

The apostle M. Russell Ballard gave us this counsel:

“…find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children” (M. Russell Ballard, “Daughters of God,” April 2008).

I hope our time outs can be planned, worthwhile, and renewing. Mothers need the spiritual strength, sleep, and personal enjoyment to do all we are meant to do and all that we are so good at doing for our children.

This post was originally published in July 2008. Minor changes have been made.

Jenny A

For breakfast, my kids can have over 250 brands of boxed cereals. I can choose from bagged or boxed brands, organic brands, oat, wheat, spelt, barley or corn-based brands. My milk can be soy milk, rice milk, skim, 1%, 2%, or whole. It can be regular milk, “hormone-free” milk, or organic milk. I can have regular eggs, egg whites, eggs from hormone-free farms, or eggs from free-range chickens.

I can make waffles from scratch, choose from over 10 brands of pre-prepared mix, or from umpteen brands of frozen waffles. I can serve turkey bacon, low-fat bacon, pork bacon, “hormone-free” bacon, or beef bacon. I can serve orange juice that is pulp-free, with regular pulp, with extra pulp added, or calcium enriched. I can choose from over 35 types of fruit smoothie or if I’m traveling, drive through a fast-food place for a breakfast bagel, burrito, or muffin sandwich with another 50+ choices.

And that’s just breakfast.

Our world of prosperity has given us an explosion of choices for us and our children. Just think about the increase in choice in these areas of their lives:

Credit: A generation ago, access to credit used to be tight, which made living within your means easier to do. Our children will have access to credit and can charge many purchases freely.

Dining/Food: Dining choices were limited and most people were at home during the dinner hour. Now, we can make a meal at home, pick up a pre-packed dinner at a big box store, drive-through dinner at a fast-food place or eat out (all on our way to take our 5-year-old to soccer practice).

Activities: Organized recreation for small kids was rare. Now, we can choose between karate, baseball, soccer, gymnastics, dance, music lessons, Mommy and Me classes, science camps, girl scouts, boy scouts, or church activities. The list is endless.

Work: It was pretty common for our parents to work in the same jobs or careers for 20+ years. Any career is open to our children. They live in an opportunistic work environment where changing jobs or careers frequently is the norm.

Are our children ready? I don’t think I am ready! In fact, I’m exhausted just thinking about breakfast.

Our kids have a great challenge ahead of them. They need to be able to make decisions that our parents never had to. They need to be more wise and discerning than past generations. At a minimum, they need to maintain their sanity. At a maximum, they can achieve true peace and joy.

What can help?

First, we can know that choice is good, but that more choice doesn’t necessarily make us happier. In a favorite book of mine, The Paradox of Choice, author Barry Schwartz describes the decline of happiness in America:

“The American ‘happiness quotient’ has been going gently but consistently downhill for more than a generation. While the American gross domestic product, a primary measure of prosperity, more than doubled in the last thirty years, the proportion of the population describing itself as ‘very happy’ declined. The decline is about 5 percent. This might not seem like much, but 5 percent translates into about 14 million people – people who would have said in the seventies that they were very happy would not say so today. It seems that as American society grows wealthier and Americans become freer to pursue and do whatever they want, Americans get less and less happy.” (The Paradox of Choice, Schwartz, Harper Perennial, 201)

Our generation of parents prides itself in developing thinking, reasoning children. Most of my friends and I encourage greater choice than past generations of parents ever did. “Do you want to wear the red shirt or green?” “Would you like to play baseball or soccer?” “Would you like to go to the beach or go on a hike?” Although our children need to learn to be good decision-makers, it sometimes has a paralyzing effect. In the words of one mother describing her five-year-old:

“I have noticed that my son sometimes has difficulty making the sorts of choices that exclude one thing or another. I have the sense that it has to do with a sense of loss. That choosing one thing over another will mean that one thing is lost. Finally making the choice somehow minimizes the pleasure in the thing that is gained, though there also seems to be an accompanying relief in finally making the choice.

 

I have noticed him deliberating, as if he is frozen with indecision. He literally cannot make the decision unless he is gently prodded. Most recently I noticed him doing this when given a choice between different colored popsicles.” (The Paradox of Choice, Schwartz, 143)

The author’s research shows that we spend more time and attention gathering information and making a choice than we used to. (Do I buy this white blouse or do I try three stores because there may be one I like better – and one on sale!) We have a limited quantity of time, so this becomes time not spent on talent development, relationship-building, service, or other things that bring greater peace and joy.

I cannot help but notice that the author’s advice on maximizing joy and keeping choice manageable is the same advice I find in the gospel of Jesus Christ:

#1. Prioritize

The color of our children’s popsicle won’t matter much in 10 years, but who they marry will. There are some decisions that are trivial and some that are critical. Having priorities is essential and having spiritual grounding helps find those priorities.

“Choose you this day whom ye will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15)

If we (parent and child) seek to do the will of our Father in Heaven, our priorities will be grounded in love, service, and “in doing good to all men.” If we follow counsel of the scriptures, we will spend our energy seeking for the things that matter the most.

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:” (Matthew 6:20)

Once priorities are known, the decisions that really matter become clear. The kind of birthday party they have, the car they drive or brand of shoes they wear is trivial. Decisions made in this category can be made quickly and can be considered “good enough.”

How they spend their time, who they date, the language they use, or the moral standard they choose are the weightier matters that deserve more consideration.

#2. Embrace Constraints

It sounds paradoxical, but following a set of rules is liberating. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it is not uncommon to hear about a great love for the commandments of God. I personally see them as a blessing, not a restraint. If we decide just once to follow a commandment or rule always, the finality of that decision frees up thinking for other complex choices and gives peace of mind.

Will our children decide they will not smoke each time they are offered a cigarette? Will they decide to drink before the party, once at the party, or decide not even to attend parties where drinking occurs? Will our girls decide to dress modestly once, or every time they go shopping?

If they decide only once, they can avoid the gut-wrenching or hasty decisions that come in the pressure of the moment. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the words of living prophets help to guide our children on the decisions that really matter. Here are a few examples of modern-day counsel from church leaders:

• Stay away from pornography
• Obey the Word of Wisdom
• Stay morally clean before marriage
• Dress modestly
• Marry in the temple to create a forever family

#3. Seek Wise Counsel

There are those who are qualified to help our children with their decisions. Parents, church leaders, modern prophets and scripture can all give solid counsel to children looking for direction. Of course, one of the best sources of counsel is the Lord through prayer. With His help, they cannot go wrong.

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; (D&C 9:8-9)

#4. Eliminate comparisons

Much sadness and depression in decisions comes from pride. Was our decision better than or worse than our neighbor’s? A friend of mine says, “Compare and despair.” We usually compare our worst trait with someone else’s best. C.S. Lewis’ comment on pride is even more relevant today, where there are constant social comparisons:

“Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)

#5. Model Discernment

Boy, I have a tough time with this one. While I know my overall priorities, I feel like the boy choosing a popsicle when it comes to my children’s after-school activities. “It’s all good,” I hear myself say. But being constantly overwhelmed by the ALL is not good. Our children are likely to follow our lead when it comes to decision-making. The suggestions above are probably more important for me than my children because they are watching what I do every day.

#6. Be Grateful

Finally, gratitude looks for the positive side of the decisions we’ve made. Gratitude takes our focus away from regret. Gratitude helps to focus on what we have, not what others have. And gratitude can give us a mental break from all of the decision-making we have yet to do.

I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. In this competitive, fast-paced world of expanded choice, I know that I can be confident in my decisions. The gospel helps me place my priorities in the proper order. It directs me to seek the Lord’s will first and follow the commandments. After that, I use my best (and practicing) judgment to make the best decisions I can, and teach my children to do the same. With the words of the Savior, I am ready for the decisions this life has to offer.

I may even be ready for breakfast.

This post was originally published in 2008. Minor changes have been made.

Jenny A

It’s also a week before my kids are out of school for the summer. I take a deep breath and feel a pang of anxiety, wondering if I am ready for them to be home all day long. But I know that we will quickly settle into a summer routine and all will be well.

More than that, I know that summer is the perfect growing season for my children. It is a season of long stretches of unscheduled time. There are fewer deadlines and more rest. There are no organized sports or homework. It is not a time to listen to complaints of boredom (although I am sure I will hear that, too). Instead, it is the perfect time to plant a seed of potential and watch it grow for the next three months.

In a church talk on Sunday, the speaker discussed a belief of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). He noted that there are three things that we can take with us after this life is over: our learning and experience, church ordinances, and our family relationships.

Learning lasts. In a book of scripture called the Doctrine and Covenants, it states:

Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. (D&C 130:18)

Learning becomes knowledge. Knowledge authors skill. Skill develops potential. Our children have untapped potential which is both earthly and divine. They can become anything and can do anything.

So how do we help our kids dig up that potential and get it to grow? One experience taught me what grows potential and what kills it.

One summer, I decided to follow a recommendation by a child development researcher who said that kids should become a neighborhood or family “expert” on something. This helps to develop skill and increase confidence.

Learning doesn’t have to stop with the school year.

I decided that it would be our summer project. I asked my children what they wanted to become an “expert” on, and my fourth grader chose computer animation.

Like a gardener who gives a plant basic elements to grow, I stood back and watched in amazement as he downloaded a free 30-day trial for the software, then bought the product with his own money, spent hours on online tutorials and mastered the Macromedia Flash product over the summer. His learning and endurance was shocking to my husband and me. He was willing to sacrifice everything he had to offer to learn this new skill.

The next summer, I asked the kids the same question. This time, I suggested that my son continue his Flash skill and learn to build websites. I bought an online class for him and offered to hire a tutor. I asked him to build me a website. He said he would, then sat down and played computer games for the next two weeks. Clearly, I had done something to kill the seed of potential.

Like the five elements for a plant — dirt, sun, air, water, and time — I learned that there are also five elements for the growth of potential.

A Supportive Environment (Dirt)

A supportive home environment is like dirt for potential. Parents don’t create the seed of passion-driven potential, but we can help it grow. Instead of ignoring or putting off the dreams, we can say “yes.” Asking questions and listening seems to be the right approach to get the seed planted at the right depth. Questions like: “What are your interests? Tell me about them.” “How do you want to go about learning that?” “What can you do to help us fit that in to our schedule?” and “How can we help?” work well.
 

Ownership (Sun)

Ownership is like the sun. Our Father in Heaven knows our need to make choices. Our earthly existence is based on this principle of agency. It is through these choices that we progress. We must remember that our children are doing the learning, not us. When we ask “Don’t you really want to learn about…?” or say “That looks cool. Can I learn it at the same time?” or “Tell me all about it. I want to hear every single detail.” we are standing over them, blocking their light or are asking them to move over because we want to grow. When we encourage them to take ownership, they are in full sun.

Sacrifice (Air)

Reaching for their goal by sacrifice is the air they need to grow. When we want it so badly for them that we reach for them or over-help because we don’t want them to fail, we take away their air and smother them. We can give choices and allow them to define their own purpose. Because they have purpose, they will willingly sacrifice time, energy and money to develop their potential. Surprisingly, when they have purpose, it doesn’t seem like sacrifice or work to them.

Recognize Their Progress (Water)

When we recognize their progress, it is like pouring water on the seed. It encourages and fosters growth. If we show no interest or say nothing, we are drying them out. When we over-praise and say, “That is the most incredible thing in the world I have ever seen. You are an amazing genius,” we are over-watering and flooding them out, weakening their root structure. When we say, “Wow. Smart thinking. Your initiative is impressive. I am interested in what you are learning. Tell me about it,” we are watering at the right amount.

Time

Just like a plant, potential needs time to grow. They need uninterrupted time to dig deeply into their subject. Summer is ideal. When we are rushed or over-scheduled, they have no time to discover their passion. Likewise, if we offer non-stop entertainment, they will always be distracted. Without time to think, they can never consider or discover their potential. And when we watch over them constantly, it’s like pulling up the plant to see if the roots are growing.

With these five elements, our children can grow the seeds of potential. They can grow and learn. Their new skill prepares them for service – they have something they can contribute.

Their new knowledge and skills can be combined with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to help them achieve both their earthly and divine potential. They can use their skills and knowledge to serve God and their fellow man.

Sheri Dew, former counselor in the Relief Society (Mormon women’s organization), tells us the importance of understanding our potential. We all have a divine mission and purpose, and no one can take our place.

“The Lord knows who we are, where we are, what our mission is, and what we need in order to accomplish that mission. Not only has He known us for a long, long time, He has loved us for a long, long time. We are here now because we are supposed to be here now. No one else can have the influence or do the good that we were prepared and foreordained to have and do. No one else can fulfill our individual missions.” (No One Can Take Your Place, Dew, 207)

This summer, I look forward to seeing something small grow into something miraculous. In my garden and at home, I am looking forward to this year’s growing season.

Jenny A

Most mothers know that their work is important. Of course it is. It is a basic belief of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons) that mothering matters deeply.

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

So why is contentment in mothering such a rare commodity in today’s world? On a radio show, I hear a TV producer say that she would go completely crazy if she had to stay home full-time with her kids.

Another friend’s husband jokes that his wife needs to get back to work after the birth of their second child to “do her part” to support the family. A neighbor says she looks forward to going back to work on Monday because the weekend with her young children is so exhausting. A friend repeats the oft-heard question, “But what about YOU?” implying that mothering isn’t personally rewarding.

It’s true that the laundry pile and meal preparation can feel tedious. And some days I wonder if I’ve made a difference taking my son to cello or if my daughter really cares who makes her a sandwich. Finding a rare moment to myself usually involves locking the bathroom door (often to hear pounding on the other side). Yes, becoming a content mother can be a true struggle.

But I know mothers who are content. They do not live problem-free or perfect lives, but they are happy, satisfied and joyful. They take satisfaction and pride in their work. They are confident and at peace with their choices. I want to know their secrets because I want to love being a mother. I want to feel content and fulfilled while I’m living every busy minute of mothering. I have watched and tried to learn from the wise mothers around me. So far, I have uncovered four secrets that only content mothers seem to know:

Secret #1 – Content mothers know what they do

A CEO describing his job would say, “I run a corporation.” He would not sheepishly answer, “Well, I answered a lot of email today.” Content mothers know that they are co-partners that create, sustain and develop human life. There is magnificence, power and eternal glory in this statement. Our first mother, Eve, was hailed as the “mother of all living”. (Genesis 3:20)

Without mothers, creation of all living ceases. Our Creator gives us the privilege of creating the most renewable, the most vital, the most productive and the most regenerating resource on earth: human life. He graciously gives most of the human family this opportunity to share His creative power.

He does not ask us to pass a test, earn more than 50K per year or have a Bachelor’s degree to be a mother. He gives this honor and gift freely, wanting most of His children to participate in the creative process. And because He gives it so freely, it seems common. We easily forget its miraculous significance.

Content mothers know that human hands can create art, buildings, and businesses, but mothers build a human life at its core. Both parents teach, but our Father in Heaven has designated mothers to be special teachers in the lives of their children.

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”(The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

With unique nurturing abilities, a mother’s daily influence teaches a child to speak, read, eat, love, listen, share, work, and act with integrity. We teach respect of self, of others and of property. We teach basic beliefs about religion, ethics, self-perception, and how to find happiness.

Content mothers know that we can fix a broken bridge after an earthquake, re-start a failed business, or re-paint a work of art if it gets damaged. But once we build our human family, we cannot re-create it or recapture our time. Our early work is permanent and not easily repaired. We have created a living, vibrant being from the ground up and the impact of our work is multi-generational. Once our children are grown, what we have done during the teaching years is in their hearts and minds forever.

Content mothers believe the words of 9th LDS Church President, David O. McKay:

“The home is the first and most effective place for children to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self-control; the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home.” (Family Home Evening Manual 1968–69, p. iii.)

When mothers really understand the significance and impact of what they do, they are quietly confident. They know that they are a moral leavening agent, lifting others around them. They are content because what they do matters immensely. Mothers have created the foundation for the human experience.

“When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?” (Neal A. Maxwell, “The Women of God,” Ensign, May 1978, 10)

Secret #2 – Content mothers don’t compare

Looking at the mother next door will always make us feel that our life is not exciting enough, or personally enriching enough or financially rewarding enough. We will never be “enough” when we compare.

Content mothers do not try to “outdo” other mothers. They know that comparisons are at the core of pride.

“Pride is essentially competitive in nature….Would we not do well to have the pleasing of God as our motive rather than to try to elevate ourselves above our brother and outdo another? (Ezra Taft Benson, “Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989, 4)

Content mothers feel the natural pull of comparisons, but consciously reject them. In daily life, they avoid the common mistake of using business standards to compare or measure their value. Jobs make measuring “results” easy. The business world values revenues achieved, products manufactured, efficiencies gained.

When mother come from the work environment into the home to raise children, it can be easy to try to compare mothering value to business values – they are measurements we already know. But business metrics cannot capture the value created by mothering.

Mothering measures service rendered, love given, time spent, relationships forged. Content mothers know that results can take time to measure. Mothering has a here-and-now impact on the human family in breadth, depth and length while also extending to the eternities.

“After all, to do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all man-kind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a successful statesman.” Success in an occupation—even a lofty one—is only temporary, President Smith concluded, whereas success as a parent is “universal and eternal greatness.” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1939, p. 285.)

I once asked my sister how she measured her mothering success when she could not guarantee how her children would turn out. She answered simply, “I measure my success by how I am becoming more like the Savior, Jesus Christ every day.” My sister is a content mother who doesn’t compare.

Secret #3 – Content mothers know the basics

Content mothers know that fatigue and hunger make both kids and moms cry. They know that sleep, diet and exercise must be a priority to function (at all).

In their families’ schedule, they follow the advice of apostle Elder Dallin H. Oaks to prioritize and be wise in their scheduling choices.

“We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 104–8)

They know they cannot “run faster than they have strength.” (Mosiah 4:27)

Secret #4 – Content mothers know what brings happiness

Content mothers reject the loud and constant cry of the world that personal fulfillment comes through work or projects outside of the home. They know that there are enough circumstances (death or illness of a spouse, divorce, economic hardship, etc.) that will require outside work.

Extra support from family members and God is required for these mothers who have an added burden. They know that outside care may be a necessity, but they do not fool themselves into thinking that outside caregivers can offer the same level of care, development and love that they can.

Content mothers continue to educate themselves. They learn a language, play an instrument, create a web site, write a book, get a degree, teach a class, volunteer, or do a hundred other things. They enjoy and use their talents and bless the lives of their children in the process, but they know when to pull back if their family needs them. They know life is not to be lived in one day.

Content mothers control their days. They know they can ignore the dishes for a week if they want. They can also teach a four-year-old the name of every bone in the body if they want. The knowledge of their autonomy has power, and content mothers know “If it is it be, it’s up to me.”

Content mothers know they need feedback, but they will not see a “mother of the month” plaque in the living room in July. There will not be a bonus in August or a raise in December. They will not ask their children for a performance review unless they want to hear, “Good job, Mom. We want more candy.”

Content mothers ask spouses for support and encouragement, but create their own report cards to measure their progress. They use prayer to get feedback and direction from the only source that really matters, a loving Father in Heaven.

Most of all, content mothers follow the example of the Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28)

Like Christ, they know that men and women of true personal greatness give unending service at great personal sacrifice.

These women are smart, savvy and wise. I look to their example and notice that when I bring children to the earth, I have created a legacy. By teaching them, I have learned true and correct principles. By treating them with an increase in love, I have become more Christlike. Through my service, I have begun to refine myself. As a content mother-in-training, I look to the words of 15th LDS Church President, Gordon B. Hinckley for inspiration:

“God bless you, mothers. When all the victories and defeats of men’s efforts are tallied, when the dust of life’s battles begins to settle, when all for which we labor so hard in this world of conquest fades before our eyes, you will be there, you must be there, as the strength for a new generation, the ever-improving onward movement of the race.” (One Bright Shining Hope. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2006 pg 18)

Jenny A

“Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday.” (I Am a Child of God)

Finding ways to lead and guide children is the goal of parents in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known as the Mormons). When kids aren’t behaving in the way we’d like, sometimes we feel less like leading and guiding and more like pushing, pulling or forcing. But this is not the way shown to us by the Savior, Jesus Christ. The example of the Savior was one of mentoring leadership, I read a great book recently called Nudge; a book that discusses choice. The book shows that people need to make choices, but also understands that they can be influenced and led in positive directions to choose good things. The authors understand human nature and know that people can be fallible.

“Drawing on some well-established findings in social science, we show that in many cases, individuals make pretty bad decisions – decisions they would not have made if they had paid full attention and possessed complete information, unlimited cognitive abilities, and complete self-control.” (Nudge, Thaler and Sunstein, Yale University Press, 2008)

In the book, they talk about how those in leadership positions can create an architecture of choice around those they lead. Their followers can be nudged in the right direction. As parents, we are “choice architects” for our children. We can lead, guide and nudge using these principles, which are consistent with the teachings of Jesus Christ. He respected people’s ability to choose, but still said with confidence, “Follow me.” (Matthew 4:19) Twelfth President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Spencer W. Kimball, described the leadership principles exemplified by the Savior:

“Fixed Principles: Jesus knew who he was and why he was here on this planet. That meant he could lead from strength rather than from uncertainty or weakness. Jesus operated from a base of fixed principles or truths rather than making up the rules as he went along. Thus, his leadership style was not only correct, but also constant. Understanding Others Jesus was a listening leader. Because he loved others with a perfect love, he listened without being condescending. A great leader listens not only to others, but also to his conscience and to the promptings of God. Selfless Leadership The Savior’s leadership was selfless. He put himself and his own needs second and ministered to others beyond the call of duty, tirelessly, lovingly, effectively. So many of the problems in the world today spring from selfishness and self-centeredness in which too many make harsh demands of life and others in order to meet their demands. Jesus’ leadership emphasized the importance of being discerning with regard to others, without seeking to control them. Responsibility Jesus knew how to involve his disciples in the process of life. He gave them important and specific things to do for their development. Jesus trusts his followers enough to share his work with them so that they can grow. That is one of the greatest lessons of his leadership. Accountability Jesus knew how to involve his disciples in the process of life. He gave them important and specific things to do for their development. Jesus trusts his followers enough to share his work with them so that they can grow. That is one of the greatest lessons of his leadership.” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Jesus: The Perfect Leader,” Tambuli, Aug 1983, 7)

Jesus Christ is the leader we should follow as we work to lead our children back to our Father in Heaven. We can follow His great example of a willingness to serve (Matthew 20:28 and Matthew 23:11). We can know that we have a great stewardship to teach our children, but still be humble in our teaching. (Matthew 23:12) Like the song says, we can lead, guide and walk beside our children as we show them by our example the way of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Jenny A

Parents in the Church are counseled to teach their children “correct principles and let them govern themselves.” (Joseph Smith, as quoted by John Taylor in Millennial Star, 13:339.)

Self-governance? This free-sounding approach may give some parents a panic attack. (What? I just watched my child walk into the middle of the street. Yesterday he refused to eat his vegetables. Tomorrow I know he will hit his brother when I am not around. My child hardly appears ready to self-govern!)

But gospel principles are not about the child making just any choice, they are about a child learning how to develop the skills and the conscience to make wise and good choices.

Our son had half-heartedly agreed to help another Boy Scout with his Eagle Project. He mentioned the project to my husband and me, but noted that none of the other boys were going to help and that he didn’t want to go. The project involved getting up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning and digging trails for 4 hours on a hot summer day. For the boy to finish the Eagle project, he had to have a team of people helping.

Saturday morning came, although we had forgotten about the event. His Scout leader called at 7:25 a.m. to say he was on his way over. My husband went to wake our son (who is not a morning person). He let our son know that the scoutmaster was on his way. Our son promptly pulled the covers over his head and announced there was no way he was going. The Scout law popped into my husband’s mind and he kindly recited, “A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.” He left the room, went upstairs, prepared a bowl of cereal and a bottle of ice water for our son. Five minutes later, our son came upstairs, dressed and ready to go.

This hallelujah parenting moment was a stand-out experience for us. It was one of those times that confirmed that the hard work we were doing was working, even just a bit. (I have to confess I’m glad I was not the one answering the phone that morning!)

Church apostle Boyd K. Packer explains: “When one understands the gospel, it becomes very clear that the best control is self-control.” (Boyd K. Packer, “Agency and Control,” Ensign, May 1983, 66)

But how can parents help their child make the transition over time to become self-governing? We can’t control them. We can’t be with our children always as they go to school, play with friends and eventually move out to begin their own adult lives. It won’t happen in a day, but if there are three principles at work, a child can learn to govern themselves.

We Can Teach Truth

“Children do not learn by themselves how to distinguish right from wrong. Parents have to determine the child’s readiness to assume responsibility. … While we are teaching them, we have the responsibility to discipline them and to see that they do what is right. If a child is besmudged with dirt, we do not let him wait until he grows up to decide whether or not he will bathe. We do not let him wait to decide whether or not he will take his medicine when sick, or go to school or to church. …

“Parents also should teach their children early in life the glorious concept and fact that they are spirit children of God, and choosing to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ is the only way to enjoy success and happiness here and eternal life hereafter. They must be taught that Satan is real and that he will use all agencies at his disposal to tempt them to do wrong, to lead them astray, make them his captives, and keep them from the supreme happiness and exaltation they could otherwise enjoy” (Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God, Deseret Book, N. Eldon Tanner [1973], 87).

We must teach truth. The scriptures tell us we are responsible for teaching and correcting our children and will be accountable for doing or not doing it.

For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not. (1 Samuel 3:13)

We teach through lessons and we teach as opportunities present themselves. Mostly, we teach by example.

We Can Give Opportunities to Choose

Even for the youngest of children, we can allow choices that are age-appropriate. When we give choice, we may need to hold our breath and step back to give the child a chance to see how the choice played out without prematurely stepping in to evaluate, correct, or pronounce a consequence.

“For the first part of childhood, the most important task for children is obedience, learning to follow parental advice very strictly. However, as children grow older, they gradually must pay more attention to the task of learning to act independently. In the beginning, parents personally show three-year-old children exactly when and where to cross the street. Such guidance at age fourteen is seldom appropriate. In fact, if adolescents do not eventually pay more attention to this second task, they become in a real sense crippled, continually dependent on parents to make their decisions.” Donald K. Jarvis, “Leaving Eden: A Lesson for Parents,” Ensign, Feb 1991, 39

I believe in accountability and consequences, but I have noticed that if I give swift rewards or punishments after my children make a choice, I have not really given them the opportunity to choose. I have short-circuited the choice process by not allowing time for the child to evaluate the outcome for themselves. An immediate treat or time out conditions their behavior but encourages me-centered thinking. They are not concerned with doing the “right thing”. They are thinking about how the reward or punishment affects them (good or bad for me?). I may be conditioning behavior, but I am not helping them develop their conscience.

We Can Hold Children Accountable

“We try to guide our children toward self-respect … and mostly leave it up to them to judge themselves. We have experienced the fact that one is not as good a teacher when one discovers and points out mistakes … as when one helps a child to discover for himself that he is doing wrong. When a child can comprehend his mistakes himself, the first step to change has already been taken.

“I remember once how we asked our son, after a transgression, to set his own punishment. He decided that he should not be allowed to watch television for one month. That seemed to us to be considerably too severe, but how happy we were to hear from his grandmother that while visiting her he had insisted she was wrong to encourage him to watch a certain television program, even though his parents would never know. I don’t think there can be a greater joy for parents than to see a child handle himself well in a difficult situation” F. Enzio Busche, “‘Provoke Not Your Children’,” Ensign, Mar 1976, 41)

At times, our children may need direct or pointed correction. The scriptures help us to see it can be done in a positive way:

“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. (D&C 124:43-44 )

We can follow it up with love and encouragement for their progress, so the correction doesn’t become mere criticism. Our children can know we have their best interests in mind. They can know we love them and want them to succeed.

Self-control is tough to achieve and may take years to develop. Since I am still working on this goal, I can have patience with my own children who are 30 years or so behind me. Hopefully, my children can get there with parents who teach truth, follow-through and love unconditionally.

Jenny A

We know our children are “an heritage of the LORD…. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them…” (Psalms 127:3-5)

Our quiver and our pew are full, which sometimes brings its own challenges. We’ve had a three-year-old son escape from our pew and run down the aisle with the taunt, “You can’t catch me!” We’ve had hungry, fidgety and crying infants. We’ve had siblings argue over the crayons and paper that were intended to keep them occupied.

So why would we go to church weekly for the last 13 years with children in tow? Our small, wiggly children are asked to sit still during a service that would seem beyond their attention span, but we (and other members of the congregation) are willing to overlook the potential cry of a baby or the occasional whispering chatter of a toddler.

There are four things we hope to teach our children by bringing them to church:

1. Love for our Father in Heaven and the Savior, Jesus Christ

“We want our children in [sacrament meeting]. We also want them to learn reverence, which is a form of love for the Savior. We want our children to understand that this is a worship service for Jesus, where we show him we love him.” ( Report from the 161st Annual General Conference, April 6–7, 1991 W. Mack Lawrence)

By attending church every week and taking the sacrament, we renew the promises and covenants we made at baptism – our way of showing our love to our Savior. When our children are baptized at age 8, they also can renew these covenants each Sunday.

They learn to love the Savior by learning His doctrine. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are Sunday classes created just for children, called Primary. They sing songs and have a lesson on a gospel principle. They go to individual classes with lessons targeted for their age. They meet with their families in sacrament meeting, where the sacrament is passed. They learn more about the Savior’s life and teachings. They learn stories from the scriptures. They learn about God’s commandments and His love for His children. They can try to be more like Him because they know Him.

2. Repentance
One day after a particularly rowdy Sunday meeting, my husband gathered the family together to teach the importance of the sacrament. With a jar of clear water, he had the kids add drops of food coloring until the water was black. We talked about how we make mistakes during the week. We work on repentance every day, but on Sunday, we also take the sacrament and renew our baptismal covenants. The kids added bleach and watched the water become clear again. It brought home the purpose of going to church every Sunday – it helps us to repent and move forward.

3. Respect for the Savior and for others
When we teach reverence during church, we teach respect for the sacrament and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The children learn respect for others as they go to Primary classes, listen to speakers, and try to stay quiet so other people in the congregation can enjoy the meeting.

“Worship services are a tremendous opportunity for children to learn about self-control and respect for the rights and needs of others. These sacred gatherings are occasions for all of us to work together to help children learn to feel and desire the ministrations of the Holy Spirit. Then as they grow they will gain a deep, abiding love for the Savior, a love that will sustain them on the strait and narrow path back into His arms.” (Joan Hughes and Helen Hughes, “Teaching Children to Worship,” Ensign, Jan 2007, 24–27)

4. How to Feel the Holy Ghost
We want our children to learn to recognize the feelings and presence of the Holy Ghost.

“Even very small children can experience the beautiful, sacred, tender feelings bestowed by the Holy Spirit, and all children have a need and a right to do so. For our children to feel the Spirit, they need to take part in sacrament meeting and be tranquil enough to sense the whisperings of the still, small voice. It is not always easy, but we can teach our children to “be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10).(Joan Hughes and Helen Hughes, “Teaching Children to Worship,” Ensign, Jan 2007, 24–27)

We are trying to follow Christ, who invited the little children to be with Him.

“And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them. “(Mark 10:13-16)

Are our children too young to learn these lessons? I don’t think so. Even our 11-month-old folds his arms on his own when we have family prayers. Every Sunday is a drop in the bucket of our child’s experience. My older children show me that bringing them to church, even as babies, was a very good choice. It isn’t easy, but it is worth the effort. We know that if we hang in there, we will be able to say as the apostle John did:

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” (3 John 1:4)

Jenny A