Probably four or five years ago, it was Jacob 4:12 where he says “. . . for why not speak of the atonement of Christ, and attain to a perfect knowledge of him, as to attain to the knowledge of a resurrection and the world to come?” This was after the first time I had read The Infinite Atonement by Tad R. Callister.  Never before had I felt more weight from this one little verse than I did at that point.

Last year, it was 2 Nephi 9:51, which is now the license plate on my Hyundai Elantra (well, it actually says “2NE9 51”), especially the part where it says, “Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted…” (That one hit me so hard that I actually also used it for the URL of my website, www.thatwhichperishethnot.com.)

Well, another one hit me super hard today. It was part of an answer to prayer for me about having confidence in myself and my ability to receive revelation properly. It is Doctrine and Covenants 121:45:

“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.”

Let’s dissect why this verse is one that every missionary… heck, every member… no, every person on earth should memorize this scripture. What the Lord promises us in this verse is of eternally pivotal and of monumental importance.

What We Need to Do

First, the Lord gives us a few instructions. All of them are pretty loaded if you think about them carefully enough. As charity is the pure love of Christ (and seeing that we mortals have a pretty hard time loving absolutely everyone) the command to be “full of charity towards all men” feels like a tall order as it is. Yet when you know how wonderful it is to feel absolute, unquestionable love for someone right to the core of your soul and then realize that everyone deserves that kind of love, it becomes a constant struggle to match what you know with what you feel. Nonetheless, the promises given if we achieve that level of feeling and action for others is monumental — and I’ll get to that here in a bit.

The next little phrase, “and to the household of faith,” to me, speaks volumes. What is “the household of faith”? This phrase appears in the verse we are dissecting as well as in Galatians 6:10. Both uses seem to imply a respect for sacred things, for the truth, for God’s glory and His plan for His children. To me, this is a reminder of the ever-present conundrum of being in the world but not of the world. Learning to love all men like Christ does and yet also unflinchingly loving the Lord and His plan in a world where so many don’t is a balance that takes most of us a lifetime to achieve.

Then the Lord adds on one more assignment before getting to the promises associated with these instructions: “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly.” This reminds me of what President Nelson said in April 2017 about “reach[ing] up for the Lord’s power in your life with the same intensity that a drowning person has when grasping and gasping for air.” In the same talk, he said, “It is mentally rigorous to strive to look unto Him in every thought. But when we do, our doubts and fears flee.” He’s got the mentally rigorous part absolutely right! When I asked Siri to define “garnish,” she gave the food version and the legal version. The legal definition is to “seize (money, especially part of a person’s salary) to settle a debt or claim.” In my mind, the “seizing” definition seems to fit more given the “unceasingly” part of this instruction. To have virtue seize our every thought every second of every day is something mortal weakness makes so difficult! BUT — and it’s a big but — let’s now consider the ramifications and results of continuously shooting for this lofty goal.

The Promises

To read more of Paul’s posts, click here.

In Truman Madsen’s first lecture on Joseph Smith, “The First Vision and Its Aftermath,” he described Joseph’s and Sydney Rigdon’s responses to having visions:

“In 1832, emerging from the vision on the three degrees of glory (Doctrine and Covenants 76) with his companion in the vision, Sidney Rigdon, the Prophet looked strong, while Sidney looked like he’d been through the war. To this the Prophet, with a certain humility as also perhaps with a little condescension, said, “Sidney is not as used to it as I am.” But after the First Vision, he was feeble. It was difficult for him to go home. Similarly, in his 1823 encounter with Moroni, the repetitive encounter, he was left weak, and his father sent him home. He couldn’t even climb the fence, though he was usually a strong and vigorous boy.”

The Book of Mormon also says that Lehi was exhausted from the vision he had at the beginning of the book. So when the Lord gives as a promise to us if we meet the above conditions, “. . . then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God,” think about that for a minute. Who among mortals, even including prophets, has testified of standing in the presence of God without feeling utterly inadequate and unequal to the task, constantly needing to plead with God and realizing that without Him we are nothing? And yet He promises us that if we are full of charity for all men and for the household of faith and virtue garnishes our thoughts unceasingly, our confidence shall wax strong in the presence of God. I can hardly imagine standing in His presence and feeling utterly confident in my standing before Him. I mean, I know that one day if I keep my covenants that will happen, but thinking about that now? Take a few moments to allow the gravity of that statement to sink in. That’s what He promises us!

And then the last promise, which is equally amazing! “. . . the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.” The two definitions I found for distill are:

“Purify (a liquid) by vaporizing it, then condensing it by cooling the vapor, and collecting the resulting liquid.”

and

“Extract the essential meaning or most important aspects of.”

Both create pretty strong imagery when applying them to that last promise. It’s like the quintessence of everything good and holy seeping into our bones and sinews. I’m picturing one of those scenes in a Disney movie where someone is transformed with beams of light coming out of them from everywhere. Almost gives me the shivers with how awesome that would be! And it’s real!

There certainly are many aspects of living the gospel that are, dang it, just plain hard! But for me, when I consider the rewards God promises us for striving for those ideals, the sheer power of those possibilities is vastly more than enough to make me want to “reach up for the Lord’s power in [my] life with the same intensity that a drowning person has when grasping and gasping for air” to be filled with such charity and have my thoughts garnished with such virtue.

It’s a tall order, but an order worth working to fill every minute of every day.

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

For the last few days (i.e., the first few days of our marriage), yes, there has been the typical twitterpated expressions of “I love you. I love you more! I love you most!” with the “Get a room, you two!”-frequency of kissing and cuddling. But having been married twice now, with Lorraine’s passing in October last year, and having now been married to two empaths (myself being one as well), I believe there is something much deeper and more wonderful that has come much more quickly in both relationships than many couples experience. God has blessed us in our courtship and marriage with something that I wonder if most couples only dream of.

This whole time, since we met on leap day up to now, after our sealing in the Payson Temple, Collette and I have prayed for and been enabled by God to have an amazing depth of safe, vulnerable, transparent communication, both verbal and empathic. This has allowed us to establish a spiritual and emotional bond unlike any I’ve ever heard of anywhere in or out of the Church, except my first marriage with Lorraine. (With her, the process was the same in principle, but different because of her unique different spiritual energy or “signature,” if you will.) Either way, I reverently witness of the tender mercies of the Lord in leading me to another woman who has empathic and spiritual senses that I believe are like no one else on this side of the veil.

I know Collette and I have been recipients of the blessing described in one of the final scenes in The Wedding Singer. In it, Rosie has some good advice for Robbie. She says,”Robbie, you’ll know when you meet the right girl, because it’s not how you feel about her — it’s how she makes you feel about yourself.” While both of those things are important, there are so many reasons why Collette and I fill both of those roles — how we feel about each other and how we make the other feel about themselves — wonderfully, beautifully, and emphatically.

One that comes to mind is a sweet, tender memory of one of the nights near the time when she first told me she loved me. We were having a deep conversation about spiritual connection and what makes us tick. At one point she began to search my eyes, appearing as if to find some part of me that mortals words cannot describe, and with wide eyes told me that for a brief moment she could see me as God sees me. She said, “Oh, Paul! You are such a beautiful man!” I could feel the charity and energy coming straight from her heart and felt her words and her heart much more deeply than I heard what she said. In that moment, I could feel the same thing about her. I knew and understood, without the slightest shadow of hesitation, the deep, exquisite, abiding power and beauty of the God-made woman she is. Since then, there have been many moments where I have been able to say, with the same intent as Julie Lee’s I See You podcast and James Cameron’s Avatar, “I see you.” It makes the marriage covenant so much easier to nurture and enjoy.

I understand twice as well now why the eternal marriage covenant is the crowning ordinance of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The true importance of eternal covenants with God, especially the marriage covenant (the only one of our eternal covenants involving three people!), is something that cannot be overstated. As the scripture on the inside of our wedding rings reads (Alma 26:16):

“Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.”

And anyone who has felt the grace of mercy of Jesus Christ as Collette and I have will never be able to say the smallest part which we feel, because His peace “passeth all understanding” (Phil 4:7). As the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, “Crazy Beautiful” by Andy Grammar, says, “Isn’t she crazy beautiful? Isn’t she strange, strange and wonderful? I think I love her more than I even understand.”

To read more of Paul’s articles, click here.

The bond we experienced on our honeymoon at Zermatt in Midway brought that even further. It’s a really good thing we are both empaths because if we weren’t, I think it would be quite frustrating having to use just words to communicate how we feel. It is with immense gratitude to God that I consider the blessing we have of empathic communication from heart to heart.

 

I’m grateful that my wife puts Jesus Christ and her covenants with Him first, even ahead of me, because when you make Christ and your eternal covenants with Him the center of your life, He enhances every righteous endeavor you make and turns it into something far better than it could ever be without Him. He has strengthened our courtship more powerfully and quickly than I imagined possible because of our vice-grip on the iron rod and our commitment to make our connection go three ways: between each of us and our Savior and Redeemer. The importance of such a covenant cannot be overstated.

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

Hamilton, Ontario

Anyways, it got to the point where I dreaded going down there because I began to feel an almost palpable darkness and evil just getting off the bus at the McNab terminal downtown. I would rush into the ODSP office building, get the paper submitted, and rush back to the terminal as fast as possible and catch the first bus back up the “mountain.” I eventually called and asked if they wouldn’t mind if I just faxed the report to them each month, which they said was fine.

The reason I mention this is because of all the times I have been the subject of a similar thought pattern for others. I remember all the times people would either avoid us, give us unsolicited advice for Lorraine’s health, or criticize us for not doing things the way they thought they would if they were in our position — and it got very draining. In retrospect, considering how alone I have felt many times since I moved to Utah County at the end of last year, that environment in downtown Hamilton came to mind… And I felt like perhaps I was too quick to want to get away from those people without understanding their why.

I have a very dear friend here with whom I got wires of communication crossed quite badly for a couple days. Yet when they were patient enough to dig a little deeper and learn more about what it means to have Asperger’s, to learn why I communicate the way I do, they were so much more understanding. It was quite a balm to hear them say things like, “I think I understand you better now” and “I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful” or “Ohhh, I think I understand now.” It was like my soul could finally breathe again!

I wonder how many times I could have felt less oppressed by the environment in downtown Hamilton if I had stopped to find out why someone had an aura of this… almost… dementor-like draining energy about them. Maybe then I wouldn’t have wanted to get out of there so fast. Perhaps I would have actually wanted to stay longer to help them get out of that rut themselves.

At the moment, I don’t remember the exact wording to this quote, but I recall using it in a blog before (which I can’t find at the moment). It goes something like this: “You should never judge someone for their actions because you don’t know their story, and you certainly don’t know what other options they even had at the moment.”

Ask yourself that next time you see someone making a choice that is clearly wrong, “Yes, that choice is certainly wrong — but why are the making it? What other options do they think they have?” Perhaps every other choice they saw in that moment seemed way more painful than the one they made. Maybe their circumstances are so different from anything you would have supposed that even you would have likely made the same mistake had you been in their same situation.

I would never use this logic to suggest that we condone or tolerate sinful, unholy, or impure choices and practices. Certainly there is no exception to the Lord not being able to have the “least degree of allowance” for sin. However, the way we respond to people’s mistakes (including our own) would change drastically if we find out why people make the choices they do by getting down to that “chewy caramel center” of what makes them tick.

To read more of Paul’s posts, click here.

Most of the lessons Christ and His prophets taught were always followed up with the phrase “that they may…” or “that ye may…” For example, in 2 Nephi 1:22, 2 Nephi 10:25, Mosiah 18:9, Alma 34:24-25, 3 Nephi 17:3, 3 Nephi 27:20, D&C 45:72, and so many more places in the scriptures (like the sacrament prayers), we are told why the Lord commands us to do certain things. And if we truly understood why people makes some of the bad choices they do — I mean really understand the background behind each choice — it would be much easier to approach the problem the way Christ would and be a more effective instrument in His hands to help Him deliver that person from their sins and pain.

Just remember that the next time you think anything like “Oh, they should know better” or “There’s no excuse for that” or “If they had the gospel, they wouldn’t be make such dumb choices,” dig down to that caramel center and I almost guarantee you there will be come context you are missing that you couldn’t possibly get any other way. I know everyone who has ever done that for me has helped heal my soul immensely — and often their own as well in the process.

Give it a shot!

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

There is a part in that book that makes me especially thankful that God loves us so much that He doesn’t treat us fairly. The author begins it like this:

“Since Christ and I are one in the gospel covenant, and since in a covenant partnership it doesn’t matter which partnership does what,” [think of this sort of like being a cosigner on a car purchase] “Christ can answer the demands of justice for me, and I can then receive the benefits of mercy from him. This is an arrangement that satisfies both justice and mercy. Yet some people are so addicted to the law of justice that they have difficulty accommodating the law of mercy and grace” (p. 103-104).

He goes on to illustrate that if life were actually completely fair, there would be no cosigner (my wording, not his) on the rewards of eternal life, and we would always get exactly what we deserve. Earlier in the book, he clarifies that if justice was implemented by God in full force, repentance wouldn’t exist and neither would forgiveness of sins or anything else good that comes from Christ.

He continues:

“No, sometimes the gospel isn’t fair, but that is actually part of the good news. It isn’t fair—it’s merciful, and thank it is so, for no human being can stand acquitted before the demands of absolute justice. From the perspective of fallen, imperfect mortals like ourselves, being judged by justice alone is our worst nightmare.”

So wait a minute—if God is both perfectly just and perfectly merciful, how are justice and mercy both served? Alma 34:16 answers that question by explaining that because of Christ’s Atonement, “mercy can satisfy the demands of justice, and encircles [us] in the arms of safety.” And who is the embodiment of mercy? The Lord Jesus Christ. The partnership between Jesus and Heavenly Father is a divine partnership between justice and mercy. The Father must be enact justice to the fullest extent. Just look at the following scriptures:

• 1 Nephi 14:4
• 1 Nephi 15:30
• Alma 42:1,13,22, and 25
• Alma 54:6
• 3 Nephi 28:35
• D&C 10:28

From these verses, it is pretty clear that the Father cannot budge from measuring out justice completely and entirely upon us or He would cease to be God.

That’s where Jesus comes into the picture. He is the enactor of mercy. Something that really makes me even more appreciative of that fact is the following quote from Believing Christ:

“Now here is an odd thing about the nature of mercy: by definition, mercy can only be mercy if we don’t deserve it. For if we deserve something, then it becomes a matter of justice that we receive it. So it ceases to be a matter of mercy. Thus, in this sense at least, to give or to receive mercy is always somewhat unfair. But one of the great beauties of the gospel, some of the best news of all, is that Jesus Christ does not mind this unfairness. He is willing to suffer unfairly and compensate justice himself out of his own person in order to extend mercy to weaker beings like us” (p 109, emphasis added).

That phrase “if we deserve something, then it becomes a matter of justice that we receive it” explains perfectly how Christ’s Atonement satisfies justice. The fact the Christ suffered unfairly by choice means that in order for justice to actually be served, He must be compensated for what He did. He does deserve us returning to the Father’s and His presence if we repent and choose to live so that we can receive all the blessings that flow from Him because of His Atonement. Him receiving us back on those conditions serves justice because He deserves it. He utterly refuses to take anything else as compensation. If He doesn’t get what He asks for, justice is, in principle, left naked and exposed as unfairly expecting something that isn’t deserved.

To read more of Paul’s posts, click here.

There’s a reason why the Book of Mormon teaches us that “in Christ there should come every good thing.” Justice demands that because we have all sinned at least once (because even once is too much for justice), we never return to the presence of God, but the reason mercy even qualifies as a good thing in the first place is because Christ is good! And and since He is the one offering it, life doesn’t need to be fair — it only needs to be the perfect balance of justice and mercy, which it is. That person who hurt you or offended you to whom your bishop was more merciful than you thought he should be? What if it was you in their place? Would you want the bishop to actually be fair to you? To deal out justice in full measure? I doubt it. Christ knows how to keep that balance better than we do and is more than capable of teaching that balance to His ordained judges in Israel.

I can’t begin to describe how thankful I am that life isn’t fair, but that Christ is. I love Him and pray that more people qualify to become His reward in the eternities as time goes by — because in the end, that’s all I want to be: His reward. I want to be someone about whom He can say to justice, “If you don’t give me him back and allow me to exalt Him, I will be robbed of my reward and all of creation with go back into outer darkness and the entire plan will be frustrated!”

If I live so that I can receive that blessing because He deserves to give it to me and I don’t receive it, the entire plan is frustrated? Now that sounds awesome! Thankfully His plan is never frustrated. What a wonderful and foolproof safety net! Thank the Lord life is never fair.

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

I write this with an entirely new perspective on that issue, with the passing of my wife, Lorraine, just over a month ago (Oct 25, 2019). Lorraine and I share a connection and a commitment to each other that I have seen in few other couples — let alone friendships or other relationships — in this world. During her mortality, we knew more than each other’s preferences, hobbies, hopes, dreams, testimonies, quirks, and such. We knew each other’s heart so well that on more than one occasion, we got about as close (I imagine) as anyone in this world can get to sharing feelings with each each other without actually opening our mouths. That has changed to a more direct form of spirit-to-spirit communication since she passed, and that certainly has its benefits (as it is easier than doing it from mortal to mortal), but I have learned a few things firsthand now that have helped me understand the value of human connection on an even deeper level.

Honestly, I don’t believe that it is possible to completely understand the full value of things like looking into the eyes of our loved ones, hearing their voices, and experiencing their hugs until those things are taken from us. This is from a journal entry of mine from Sep 2, 2019:

“To be totally honest, I really miss hearing Lorraine’s voice and getting her input on what I’m doing. She can look at me and focus on me, but with the emptiness of her expression, it just looks like she isn’t even understanding a word I’m saying. She can’t lift or even move her fingers, hands, arms, head, or neck. At the moment, all she can do is raise her eyebrows up and down. Sometimes I think she’s doing it to try and communicate, but once every few hours I will notice her doing it for no apparent reason whatsoever, so I’m trying to trust that Heavenly Father is in control and is in all of the final details from the recovery, especially since her most recent [priesthood] blessing she got said she would recover from this [non-verbal, barely responsive state]. But I won’t lie: it has been hard over the last 48 hours. After she opened her eyes a few days ago for the first time in almost a week, my gratitude for being at least able to look her in the eye[s] grew a lot. Now I just wish I could hear her voice again.”

I’m not sure whether it was more painful to have any ability to communicate with or understand Lorraine taken from me by means of illness or by means of death. A part of me thinks it’s easier in one way because now she can at least communicate with only my spiritual perception limitations as a barrier on her end, but another part of me feels like I would prefer to hear her voice and look into her eyes, even if that means there’s the barrier of mortal language and its limitations with spiritual connection. It’s kind of a happy and a sad trade-off. Either way, I know I’ll be overwhelmed with joy when I can have both of those kinds of connection in their fullness when Lorraine and I can reunite physically.

What I know for sure is that we frequently underestimate the value of deep, beautiful, meaningful, loving, nuanced, face-to-face connections with each other as mortals. In his autobiographical book The Message, Lance Richardson said the following:

“Some of the grandest experiences of my visit [to the Spirit World] were my opportunities to exchange greetings with others. Because in their world, they do not wave ‘hello’ or shake hands; they hug. A spirit can feel another spirit just as we feel flesh to flesh. And so they embrace one another. And when they embrace, an amazing experience occurs. It is as if each spirit can transfer a feeling and synopsis of their life to others. Suddenly one knows and understands another more deeply and thoroughly than could ever be possible through verbal communication. It creates an instant bond of closeness and friendship to build foundations for loving one another more perfectly. Oh, how I missed those hugs when I left.”

In another part of the book, that appreciation was manifested for a form of connection far more muffled by mortality. Lance was in a barely-conscious state, but heard his son — who didn’t know if Lance could hear him — talking about football. When the nurse told his son that he needed to leave for a while, he said, “Dad, I love you. And I am not going to let anything take you away. I promise! I don’t care what happens, I’ll keep you. OK, dad?” Lance was so overcome with emotion himself that he was actually able to cry a single tear, which ran down his cheek. His son’s response?

“‘Dad, we saw that! You cried, you cried!’ he shouted. ‘You really are there!’ Then he paused a moment again, knowing he had to leave. ‘Oh, Dad. I love you so much. Please come back to me.'”

Please, never underestimate any small sign of the beauty of human connection. It means more than you can possible imagine. Lorraine and I experienced almost all extremes of that spectrum, from being able to communicate almost clearly, spirit to spirit, to being limited to mere micromovements. Every last tiny piece of loving, deep connection between us is worth more to me than all the rest of God’s creation combined. It is supposed to be so, and I’m glad it is. God put that intense longing for connection in us and allows us to hurt when it is taken away because it teaches us its sacred, holy, and beautiful nature. It’s why things like charity, forgiveness, kindness, humility, faith, virtue, knowledge — feel free to recite the rest of D&C 4 if you wish — are so important: because they are all ways we can have those healthy connections with each other and with our Father in Heaven.

Nurture them, cherish them, desire them with everyone — and whatever you do, never underestimate them.

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

Here it is:

There are quite a few variants of this, but the overall message has both a good and bad part.

The good part is its implication that we are spiritual lightyears away from being anywhere near as powerful as God; therefore, He can do wonders for our good, regardless of our weaknesses. The evidence of this is so staggering and obvious that I feel no need to explain it any further here. However, there is one part of the meme that may cause us to forget how valuable and powerful we are with our gift of agency.

In the six month anniversary episode of my podcast, I mentioned the following: Of all the things that Satan failed to acknowledge in the pre-existence — and this is why his warping of the Father’s plan wouldn’t have worked — there is one thing that is perhaps the most important. It is the fact that even if we were to actually be perfect in every thought, word, intent, and action, if it isn’t accomplished by our own choosing, that internal change that happens when we do choose the right by our own will and choice wouldn’t happen. Even if we had lived a life as perfect as Christ’s, it still wouldn’t have produced the change in us necessary to make us like God — and this is key — if that life is lived by force. Righteous acts absolutely have to be done by our own will and choice, or their eternal efficacy is diluted.

We can each choose our eternal path.

With this in mind, what is the Father’s plan for His children? “To bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man[kind]” (Moses 1:39). Eternal life as defined in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is to live in exaltation with the Lord forever in family units. That was His plan from the beginning, and we know from the scriptures that many of His children will not choose exaltation.

I’m not suggesting that we are more powerful than God, but that, as I talked about in “Fruits, Not Roots,” God is bound by the laws of justice and mercy, so He cannot violate justice by granting exaltation to those who choose not to repent and therefore do not qualify for the blessings Christ made available to them.

That’s how powerful and valuable agency is. Jesus knew that agency would be a fatal gift for some, but He also knew that any possibility of our being saved from the our weakened mortal condition or becoming like Him could only be brought about if we were able to choose on our own. We of ourselves are certainly not more powerful than God, but because justice prevents Him from exalting those of His children who do not change through repentance, our choices can result in His original plan for us not coming to pass on an individual basis.

Now the interesting irony to this is twofold: You are powerful enough, because of your ability to choose, to distance yourself from God forever, but you are also powerful enough to ensure your own exaltation and therefore “bring to pass… [your] eternal life” alongside Jesus Christ.

I love Marianne Williamson’s poem where she starts out:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.”

There is a good reason it should both frighten us AND give us immeasurable hope! We are, as has been rightfully parroted for millennia, our own worst enemy, but we can also be one of own greatest allies (Christ being our single greatest ally).

The wonderful part about agency is that it is a powerful gift — and because of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice, repentance is one of the ways we are allowed to use that power. It is in that sense that we really do become our own best friend when we side with our Savior by choosing to realign ourselves with Him, utilizing the very power that comes through Christ to draw us back to Him when we’ve messed up.

You really are that powerful! Don’t be afraid of it; be thankful for it! Allow it to be the gift that enables eternal joy with your Heavenly Parents and family. You certainly are not powerful enough to disrupt God’s plan as a whole, but you are powerful enough to either go permanently off course or do things that only bring you everlasting joy because of our Savior. That much is completely within your control.

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

There was a study done a few years back that showed the #1 most common factor in poverty in the United States is a fatherless home. In fact, in the same study, results were gathered for homes with single mothers and single fathers, and in each category, the single-mother homes showed a rate of poverty that was more than 10% higher than in single-father homes and almost double in the ‘never-married’ category.

According to “The $100 Billion Dollar Man,” a study done by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD)’s study, “The most recent data available show that 55.2 percent of WIC [the government’s Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children program] live in father-absent households.” This same study also revealed that “The most recent survey [2003] of family composition of Head Start households … found that 53.6 percent of Head Start households have a father absent” (emphasis added). For those who don’t know, Head Start is a program run by the Department of Health and Human Services that provides comprehensive early childhood education, health, nutrition, and parent involvement services to low-income children and their families.

This study also found that 48.2% of the entire budget for the Head Start program has gone to single-mother homes.

A third study, “Drugs, Guns, and Disadvantaged Youths: Co-Occurring Behavior and the Code of the Street” reads, “Analysis of the inmate sample shows absent father to be the only individual-level disadvantage variable significantly explaining drug trafficking, gun carrying, and co-occurring behavior both before and after code-based beliefs variable is entered in the model. Before the inclusion of code-based beliefs, having an absent father made an inmate 279% more likely than inmates living with their fathers to simultaneously deal drugs and carry guns. Including beliefs in the model generated some mediation of absent father’s effects on co-occurring behavior, but after such inclusion, even inmates with absent fathers were 267% likelier than inmates who did live with their fathers to have trafficked drugs and carried guns simultaneously” (emphasis added).

Why do I mentioned these statistics? Firstly, as disclaimer. It’s not to compare men to women or fathers to mothers. Neither role can possibly be more important than the other, according to “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” Aside from that, I include those statistics for two reasons. One is echoed in this article: that there is a war on men which is diminishing their self-esteem and their sense of inherent value as sons of God. The more important reason, which I want to make the focus of this article, is why we need more righteous fathers who are good examples of what manliness means so more of God’s children are not a part of those statistics.

I read a Facebook post, if I’m remembering correctly, probably a year or two ago where a single mother wrote about what it was like caring for her son without his father there. To paraphrase what she said, “I can teach my son or my daughter, what it means to be honest, kind, strong, patient, or any other number of virtues that all people, men and women, should have. What I can’t teach him is what it truly means to be a good man, simply because I am not a man. It’s that simple. I can’t teach him how a man should treat a woman, at least not by example, because I am not a man. Do I wish his father would have stuck around for that and been the example he should have been? Of course, but my point here is to emphasize the real value of a man in his child’s life.”

It went something like that, although the wording is probably different from mine. But the point is the same. In my recent podcast episode with David Warwick, he talked about a situation when people in his immediate family were hurt badly by a neighbor who was physically bigger than him. When he got the call about what happened, his proper fatherly example (something he had prayed to attain) ended up providing an excellent example of what it means to be a peacemaker to his children.

I believe it is completely accurate to say that the value of a righteous father is as incalculable as a righteous mother in their respective different responsibilities.

On one of our family trips up to Piney River Ranch (an amazing place, by the way), I remember spending one Sunday visiting a local ward. At that time, I was an Aaronic priesthood holder. The young men’s organization in that ward was small, so they had to have all the deacons, teachers, and priests meet together in one room. I was somewhat shocked by the cavalier attitude of many of the young men toward their Aaronic priesthood duties, but even more surprised at the Young Men leaders’ lack of example. They ought to have encouraged these young men to know their priesthood duties so well that they could talk about it at a moment’s notice. At that point, the priests quorum in my home ward was reciting the purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood.

Let’s see if I can remember them off the top of my head all these years later. (This could be a little embarrassing, but here I go!)

1. Become converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ and live by its teachings.
2. Serve faithfully in priesthood callings and fulfill the responsibilities of priesthood offices.
3. Give meaningful service.
4. Prepare and live worthily to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and temple ordinances.
6. Prepare and live worthily to serve an honorable, full-time mission.
7. Obtain as much education as possible.
8. Give proper respect to women, girls, and children.

Okay, now I’m going to look them up and see if I got them all right…

It’s a little embarrassing, considering the purpose of this article, that I forgot the one that says “Prepare to become a worthy husband and father.” Hey, it’s been 15 years since I’ve recited those purposes even once, so that’s still not too bad, I guess! (Keep in mind that I’m sure the ward I visited has probably grown and improved over the last 15 years, but the experience is noted to illustrate the good things I was taught about manliness growing up.)

The main point I want to make with this article is this: How on earth can we possibly — and justifiably — expect men to become and be viewed as the good sons, husbands, and fathers we need them to be if we keep pitting women against men (and vice versa)? It ain’t gonna happen unless we learn the view men the way Elder Christofferson taught in his talk, “Fathers“:

David Blankenhorn, the author of Fatherless America, has observed: ‘Today, American society is fundamentally divided and ambivalent about the fatherhood idea. Some people do not even remember it. Others are offended by it. Others, including more than a few family scholars, neglect it or disdain it. Many others are not especially opposed to it, nor are they especially committed to it. Many people wish we could act on it, but believe that our society simply no longer can or will.’

Elder Christofferson continues by teaching ways that fathers can dispel this myth by teaching that fathers are meant to “lead out in making [teaching the gospel in the home] a high priority,” “demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in day-to-day living,” and “lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families.”

I firmly believe that real manliness and true godhood are epitomes of one another and that if we want to see more men become honest, virtuous, holy, masculine, loving sons of God, we need to believe that that is exactly what they can be and encourage them kindly to measure up to that standard. Of course, the term “masculinity” is often biologically indicative of great physical strength and such, but the real measure of manliness is more about wisdom and the ability to know when and how to use that strength — physical, mental or spiritual — to bless the lives of others.

To read more of Paul’s articles, click here.

That is true manliness and it will only manifest itself fully in the men we value in our lives when we expect it from them and encourage them to acquire it. Phrases like “Oh, just let them do their dumb guy thing” and “Women are so much stronger than men” are not only untrue, they are some of the most dangerous and corrosive ideas tossed around today by society as whole.

You want to see true manliness in your son, brother, or father? Believe that he can be like that and let it reflect in your actions.

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

This article contains a list of things I’m thankful for not because of something that was taken from me, but because I have them at all. I was going to title it “All the Small Things,” but I included the six things in this gratitude list because of blessings we’ve had and extra good things the Lord has given us… So this one’s about being thankful for all the… things, period (see D&C 78:19).

1. The Reminder to Be Thankful in All Things

Even seemingly mundane things like eating, showering, shopping — heck, even paying bills or dealing with bad traffic! — can be an act of thankful worship to God for making those activities possible in the first place. It might seem kind of weird with something that feels so common, like taking a bite of a donut or putting the car in park, to think “Thank you, God, that I am able to do this; that Thou gave me the means to get this food and the body to eat it” or “I thank Thee that Thou blessed me with this car and inspired its inventors to include brakes and mechanisms that allow me to safely park and lock it so I have higher chances of it not being stolen, and have a ride back home to my family.”

Thoughts like this might seem to some like trying too hard, but isn’t that the point, to reach for God with such great force and constant effort that our faith and love for Him becomes so strong He cannot withhold His greatest blessings from us? The reminder to be thankful for everything in and of itself is a sign of His mercy to us.

2. The Still Small Voice

Today I was taught in a gentle way by Heavenly Father about an area I need to improve on. I was reading in Hearing the Voice of the Lord by Gerald Lund and on page 139, it says:

“…we must take care that we don’t assume that the more direct forms of revelation [visions, supernatural miracles] are of greater value and meaning to us. It is easy to almost covet the more dramatic forms of revelation, thinking that they validate our closeness to the Spirit and therefore our personal righteousness.”

This was a helpful reminder to me to not put more value on those more direct forms of revelation than the less direct forms. What God reveals to us is far more important than how He reveals it. My wife has had experiences with visions. I have not. She has physically seen what it’s like on the other side of the veil. I have not. But, nonetheless, the Lord has still used less direct means to reveal to my heart and mind some things about my future and my life that have been just as mind-blowing and spiritually transformative as what my wife has received, and I am truly thankful for His teaching me about those things.

3. The Lord’s Correction

Speaking of the correction I received from the Lord through that book, that’s something else I am thankful for: chastisement from Him.

“Whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth . . .” (Hebrews 12:6)

 

“I would not dwell upon your crimes, to harrow up your soul, if it were not for your good.” (Alma 39:7)

I’m reminded of a part from the movie Ratatouille in the conversation between Remy and his dad. Remy’s dad shows him the rat poison and the traps in the window of the store, and the conversation goes like this:

Dad: When all is said and done, we’re all we’ve got.

 

Remy: No

 

Dad: What?

 

Remy: No. Dad, I don’t believe it. You’re telling me that the future is… Can only be more of this?

 

Dad: This is the way things are. You can’t change nature.

 

Remy: Change is nature, Dad. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide.

Change is most definitely an essential part of God’s plan and almost all of that change is going to mean repenting and fixing what the Lord tells us to fix, with Him helping us along that path. I am thankful for the things He tells me I need to improve in myself, because then I’m aware of how to become more like Him.

4. Scripture

And I’m not just talking about the Standard Works.

“Whatsoever [the Lord’s servants] shall speak when moved upon by the Holy Ghost shall be scripture, shall be the will of the Lord, shall be the mind of the Lord, shall be the word of the Lord, shall be the voice of the Lord, and the power of God unto salvation.” (See Doctrine and Covenants 68:4)

According to this, anything the prophet, apostles, or members of the Seventy teach in general conference, as well as our patriarchal blessings, are also scripture! Drawing on the third point I just mentioned, I am especially thankful for something that the Lord used to correct me that actually came from my own patriarchal blessing.

I am thankful for the reminder He gave me recently to draw upon specific sources for spiritual strength in moments of difficulty. I hadn’t been doing it as well as I should have been, which explains a lot about a few problems that weren’t resolving the way I wanted. Now that He has so kindly reminded me of how I was falling short, I can remedy that problem and, thanks to that reminder from my blessing, I can do what I should be doing to qualify more for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.

5. My Computer

The laptop I’m typing this article from was a gift from God. He used creative means over the months my wife has been in the hospital to give us the means to buy it, including one helpful friend who has been such a blessing to Lorraine and I for a long time now. When I look back on how many things the Lord engineered over the last few months to allow us to afford it at the perfect time (since our other one is on its last legs), it’s kind of mind-blowing! Also, I have felt since it came in the mail that this is also a means for me to finish making restitution to God for the times throughout my life that I spent waxing and waning in and out of an addiction that required access to the internet. This is a chance to make this blessing from God purely a tool for the Lord’s work.

6. My Health

I had a friend (a different one than in point five) who recently thought something I said in episode 40 of my podcast was kind of comical. The point I made was that I’m physically very low-maintenance, but the particular phrase she found funny was when I said I’m basically a complicated houseplant with emotions. I only need two good meals a day, four or five hours of sleep per night, and at least one hug, and I’m good to go — and that’s no matter how much physical labor I need to get done. God has blessed me with a high physical stamina. I’m stronger than I look, and I think the last time I got sick enough to be incapacitated for even one day was more than five years ago. I have even jokingly told people that if my wife and I could switch immune systems, she’d probably heal from everything naturally in a month. My health has truly been a huge blessing from the Lord.

7. Being Born in This Dispensation

To read more of Paul’s articles, click here.

When President Nelson said “Time is running out” in January, I’m sure there were varied reactions, from a mild “Oh, wow!” to great fear to utter joy and gratitude. Mine was the mostly the latter and the reason is because I know the closer we get to His coming, the more temporal and spiritual examples we will have to look to for what it means to truly be guided by the Holy Ghost constantly. I need that. It’s one of the reasons I asked my mom to buy me the book Hearing the Voice of the Lord by Gerald Lund for my birthday.

The counsel we get in the scriptures is 100% on point. I have found greater ability to recognize and follow the Spirit’s guidance better the more I am “submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love,” etc. (see Mosiah 3:19)… And look at all the resources we have to help us with that! Another quote from Tad R. Callister tells us:

“The Lord must expect much more of us in gospel scholarship than he did of previous generations, because we have so much more at our disposal.”

Living in the time period we do has been a huge comfort to me in the last few years and I am so, so thankful to God that He let me live now!

Kevin Clayson had a lot to say about gratitude in episode 19 of my podcast, “Stepping Into Freedom,” and I have personally found that following the advice he gave really does work! Being thankful for absolutely everything really is worth it!

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

King Benjamin preaching to his people

To begin, I’ll start with a few scriptures and an everyday situation (in that order). The first scripture is found in King Benjamin’s speech.

20 I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

 

21 I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

 

22 And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you. (Mosiah 2:20-22)

Much of what the scriptures can teach us are in what they do not say—in this case, what verse 22 does not say. It doesn’t say, “therefore, because ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.” It says “if,” suggesting a simple matter of cause and effect. However, the cause for our receiving blessings is not our obedience, which is supported by King Benjamin’s words. It might be tempting to say this contradicts Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21, but even in those verses it does not use the word “because.” It says “…when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated” [emphasis added]. I have learned to appreciate specific prepositions much more in the last year in the scriptures.

Christ’s sacrifice is a gift we will never “earn” on our own.

I believe that little word by could also be put “by means of”; and the if in Mosiah 2 could be accurately supplemented with because of Christ’s Atonement. I’ll explain using that everyday situation I said I would talk about.

Let’s say a man named Jimmy works hard all day at a Fortune 500 company and has to deal with hard things and annoying situations, but chooses to respond in a Christlike manner anyways. When his paycheck comes, he feels entitled to it because he did the work needed to earn it. It’s his hard-earned money, especially because he did it with a good attitude, right? I think King Benjamin would disagree, because he taught that everything we receive, no matter the means of our receiving it, comes from God. Everything in this world was given to us by God. But what about the big gifts, the ones we got with no effort on our own in this life, like our agency? Did we not earn those by choosing the Lord’s plan in the pre-earth life?

Not quite. This is where qualifying comes in. Speaking of our character, Jimmy, let’s say he has a secretary named Don. Don also works hard for his paycheck and also does it with a good attitude. Where Jimmy budgets well, prays with his wife about important purchases, and is a good steward over the money he gets from his job, Don feels that because he earned his paycheck, he alone should get to determine how he spends it. He doesn’t always make the best choices with his money, but he does still provide well enough for his family and doesn’t necessarily squander it all on useless things. Both Jimmy and Don worked the same for their money, but even though both “earned” their money, which of them is truly qualified as a person to receive it? Which of the two has grown into the gift of monetary income that God has blessed them with, as opposed to just following mankind’s laws enough to receive it? The answer, of course, is Jimmy.

I sometimes think of the blessings of eternity as a big coat that Christ gives us that is far, far too big for us. It’s something that He bought for us with His own life and atoning sacrifice. If anyone earned the blessings we receive, it was Him. He bought that coat of eventual exaltation — godhood — and gave it to us knowing that all of us have the potential to grow into it, and then He taught and showed us how to do it. He has bought and earned each of us one of those coats. He paid the entire price for it. If we don’t grow into it, if we don’t qualify for the blessings of eternity by having our very hearts and natures permanently changed to celestial condition, giving those blessings to us will only do more harm than good. If it wasn’t for Christ’s atoning sacrifice, agency would have been spiritually fatal for us, whether we had earned it or not, no matter how many good deeds we could rack up. The good we do assists us in the process, but it isn’t the same thing as qualifying.

Qualifying for something feels better than earning it, anyways. I remember buying a pair of sunglasses as a teenager and the guy at the cash register asked me, “Are they yours?” echoing the idea I had heard my brothers talk about that “fashion standards” dictate that everyone has one pair of shades that specifically suit them. That might be kind of a pointless idea from an eternal perspective, but the principle stands true for every blessing we receive from God, including even our agency.

To read more of Paul’s articles, click here.

Jesus’ Atonement was to pay the price even for that, because if we had been given that gift straight up, we would never have grown into it or qualified for it. It would have been the very reason we would have been lost and separated from God forever. We didn’t earn it and the only people who will qualify for unlimited use of agency forever are those who grow into it properly by using it correctly. To qualify is far better than to earn. We can’t actually earn anything in this life, and even if we could, if we haven’t qualified for it — if we haven’t become the kind of person who is a perfect fit for any blessing we receive — it won’t even be truly worth having anyways.

Christ earned every blessing He gives you. The only way to have true, lasting peace in this life and the next is to qualify for them. Does the “coat” of celestial, eternal life fit you? It’s shrink-proof and will never get smaller in the wash, so the only way to qualify for it is by growing into it.

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com

Every time my wife goes through something that robs her of yet another basic human function, it reminds me to be grateful that I can still do that thing. In the following message, most of the details I will relate are things which have occurred in the last few years. Here are seven things for which, having watched my wife be deprived of, I have come to be more grateful for than I ever expected.

1. Two Legs That Work

Lorraine hasn’t always been deprived of this. She learned to walk when she was four because of many complications surrounding her birth in addition to physical abuse and neglect. Even still, she was able to walk with leg braces and crutches for most of her growing-up years. It was only when the pressure ulcers on her feet and legs began to show up on top of the lymphedema in 2010 that her ability to walk began to be severely (and slowly) impacted.

As of Fall 2017, my wife lost all ability to bear weight on her feet when her leg broke in — wait for it — the hospital. That’s a story for another day, but ever since, I have been extra thankful that I can just stand up anytime I want to go anywhere I want. There are still limits on when and where I can go because of Lorraine’s needs and how often I need to be around to help her, but you get the idea. At this point, at least until the Lord’s promise to heal her completely is fulfilled, her legs are of no purpose to her except as a source of pain. I am beyond grateful that mine still work perfectly fine.

2. My Voice

This is something else that has been taken from my wife multiple times. The most emotionally difficult part for her, I’m sure, is how much she loved to sing her whole life (and is really good at it). I mean, she was really good. In the last three years, doctors have had to put a breathing tube down her throat at least three times (though probably more), which also included a feeding tube so she can still get nutrients. Imagine the frustration of being awake, alert, and aware, but not being able to say a single word because the is no physical way for you to speak. You try to use your hands but you’re so tired that all you can do is sit there… And if no one is looking in your direction and you need an itch scratched or you just want something simple like sunshine in the room, you have no way of getting anyone’s attention. That very situation with Lorraine has made me so much more grateful for my voice and is one of the reasons I now use it to try and do as much good as I possibly can.

3. My Arms and Hands

The power of the gospel is that it makes “bad men good and good men better.”

In the last few months, Lorraine has become so weak and has lost enough muscle mass (according to a recent CT scan) that even when she is alert and awake, she has great difficulty moving her hands and arms. Lorraine used to play piano at a grade 10 level. She was really good and our shared love of piano music was one of the reasons (though a less important one) why we fell in love. I’m so grateful that I can still practice piano on a somewhat regular basis.

4. Hugs

Speaking of my arms, this one is big for me. My top two love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. We were always hugging and horsing around in my family growing up, so one of the biggest emotional challenges for me since Lorraine’s health started declining is how little I get to be physically close to her. (Being physically close can be very painful and/or overwhelming for her.) It can be emotionally empty and lonely, so every hug I get these days from those who I can appropriately hug is, in every sense, more valuable to me than all the money and possession the world could ever offer.

5. Meaningful Conversation

And I’m not just talking about discussing and rejoicing about the important things in life or venting to someone who is willing to listen. I’m talking about having the deep, meaningful conversations with people who really do see eye to eye with you on more subjects than anyone else and can empathize with you (or at least wants to) from more angles than anyone else.

Of course, no one has seen all the thousands of intricate details we’ve suffered through — and been blessed with! — like the two of us (and the same applies the other way around as well), but every moment of meaningful conversation with anyone who can empathize with even a few of the deeper things (bad or good) that the Lord has lead us through is, as the apostle Peter put it, “much more precious than of gold that perisheth.” This is especially true for me since one of my love languages is words of affirmation.

6. The Ability to Open My Eyes Every Morning and Look Into the Eyes of Those I Love

I’ve became much more thankful for this in the last week. Lorraine’s lymphedema has gotten better and worse depending on what kind of treatments she has been on with her health. During her latest hospital visit, she had to go on dialysis more than once because of kidney infections. When they are doing the kind that is supposed to also remove fluid, her swelling goes way down — but every time her swelling with lymph has gone down, it always comes back either a touch worse or spreads to a new area of her body.

7. People Who Understand and Can Empathize

To read more of Paul’s articles, click here.

Wifi has been the only connection I’ve really had with anyone outside of the hospital. No one at our apartment building has any clue what’s going on with Lorraine, so when I told one lady in the elevator the other day that things were “a little tough” and she replied, “Oh, I totally understand what you’re going through,” I almost laughed. (Darn that mortal weakness of mine!) The thing is, I don’t expect anyone to understand except God and I’m not upset when they don’t, but I get frustrated when someone who hasn’t the slightest actual clue in the multiverse what we’re going through tries to tell me they understand.

Those who ask questions to try and understand better, pray for us, don’t give unsolicited advice (or at least don’t automatically expect us to follow it), and do things like bring nice snacks and little gifts on occasion and hang around and talk with an understanding heart (whether they actually understand our circumstances or not) are the people who mean more to me than they can possibly imagine. They are always like a balm of Gilead to my soul. They are the ones that help remind me why I keep trying every day.

To be honest, I do feel a bit selfish that it took this much for me to see the true value in things money can’t buy, but now that I see it better than ever before, I don’t plan on ever taking those not-so-small things for granted ever again. Those are really the biggest miracles in life.

Paul Pulsipher

Paul Pulsipher grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Western Colorado as the second of five children and has been blessed with a rich heritage.

He has been playing piano for 30 years and has numerous compositions and arrangements. He also plays guitar, loves to sing and runs his own music production business. He is also an Eagle Scout. He spent ten years caring for his late wife Lorraine who was very ill the whole time and she passed away two months before Christmas in 2019. He remarried after some time back in the States and he and Collette now live in south Utah where he is finishing up the education he never got the chance to while in Canada. You can see his musical work here: www.pulsipherproductions.com

plpulsipher.blogspot.com