I want to start by saying that I have not had the great privilege of meeting Elder Holland-one of the Lord’s apostles, but his powerful and encouraging spirit has been a guiding and comforting light throughout my adulthood.

As mentioned before in other blogs briefly, I have expressed my encounters with adversity and turmoil. The fiery furnace of opposition is felt by all in one form or another. That is how we as sons and daughters of God learn and grow.

Blessings of Conference

Jeffrey R. Holland

Shortly after the beginning of my difficulties, the church’s semi annual General Conference was approaching– something I looked forward to. It was October 2007 and the talks had left a great impact on me-more specifically Elder Holland’s talk about God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.

Before the conference started, I had a very distinct and clear impression to pay very close attention to Elder Holland’s talk. I didn’t really think anything of it, and as Conference unfolded, that same, strong impression came and with more instruction– “Pay attention to Elder Holland’s talk, not only now but every conference, his talks will change and save your life.”

I sat in awe and in tears as he so eloquently spoke of the divinity of our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, our Savior. It was as if he was sitting in the room with me, speaking directly to me as a friend.

Growing Challenges

LDS General Conference

In April of that next year is when the brunt of the failed surgeries and tests came to fruition, and again Elder Holland spoke with the authority of one holding the priesthood of God. His testimony of the Book of Mormon gave me courage and hope.

Over the next 6 months, I experienced severe disappointments and failures with my health and school, a few more brain surgeries and dropping out of school due to the stress on my body.

I went deeper and deeper into discouragement and frustration-my faith was waning and my determination diminished. My self-worth was fading into the background of a few years worth of struggle.

Ministering Angels

Ministry of Angels by Kerri Guthrie

In October of that year, Elder Holland spoke of ministering angels, and again I wept as he spoke of ministering angels with regards to family members and church leaders and promised that angels have not ceased to minister to the saints. He was fulfilling that very promise by speaking to me.

“None were with Him” was a talk given by Elder Holland in the April 2009 conference and I felt as though God had left me alone up to that point-my doctors gave up on me, I was decreasing in faith and hope, more questions arose instead of answers. I felt anger and fear, sadness and sorrow. But yet again, that conference talk lifted me out of that despair.

You can see a pattern here as I have explained my situation– The years following were the same– I had an additional number of brain operations that failed, a total of 13 more in the span of 3 years, along with 3 back surgeries.

Revelation is Real

I learned a valuable lesson in the power of not only General Conference but in the vast spectrum of revelation that occurs. Yes, there is 10 hours of instruction over the course of the weekend so answers we may be seeking will most likely be resolved from one speaker or another-but I have gained a testimony that those men and women leaders are truly inspired of God and that Heavenly Father is aware of each unique situation. In those few years, it was the worst of my life and also the best.

Elder Holland speaks in Conference.

In that time, each conference arrived and Elder Holland saved me.

He saved me from giving up, along with the encouragement of my wife and family.

He saved me from leaving a church that I had grown up in and symbolically held me up and carried me back to the fold.

He saved me from losing my faith, from giving in to fear and depression.

He saved me time and time again.

Elder Holland has been one of my ministering angels, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Ty James Knight

It all happened so fast.

I was sitting in the middle front seat of a Chevy S10 traveling back from helping a new convert, Michelle and her husband Tony move to a new home, my eyes slowly started to close due to the workload we had just performed.

Michelle was driving and my companion on splits, Elder Liljenquist, was seated beside me. The rain was coming down so hard, it was almost impossible to see anything through the windshield, but we traveled onward, following Tony in the moving truck.

I finally gave in to exhaustion and dozed off for just a moment when it happened.

I heard a loud crunch and shot up, looked to my left and saw a car facing the opposite way, pressed against our small truck. A drunk driver had tried to pass us going at speeds exceeding the limit and hydroplaned, spun out, and smashed into Michelle’s truck.

Before I had time to react, we were forced into a ditch and flipped sideways. Elder Liljenquist hit his head on the windshield, I cracked my rib on the steering wheel and slammed my head on the rear view mirror, knocking me temporarily unconscious.

Michelle took the majority of the force and we were thrown on her. She broke her ankle and sprained her knee, dislocated her shoulder, and suffered severe bruises and cuts. Amidst screams and the blistering rain and wind, I tried to come to my senses.

Tony and his daughter saw the accident and immediately turned around. We were trapped because of the position of the truck, but eventually freed ourselves by forcing the door open.

We hit the ditch going over 70 mph. According to certain laws of nature, and the amazement of the police officers that arrived shortly thereafter, we should have been thrown through the windshield and beyond, but we were spared that experience.

Neither Elder Liljenquist or I had functioning seat belts, so by that factor alone, we had Divine help preventing us from being ejected from the vehicle.

The weeks and months afterwards were a mix of slow recoveries and frequent visits with Tony and Michelle. This wonderful couple had just been baptized a few months prior to the accident.  And we worked with them to help them understand the Plan of Salvation and the reasons for trials.

I was transferred from the area after a time and started fresh in a new town. Four months after our accident, I got some terrible news-Tony and Michelle had been in yet another car wreck a few days before Christmas-almost the same cruel fate as before.

A drunk driver was going the wrong way on the freeway and hit Tony and Michelle head on.

Tony suffered severe injuries, and Michelle was killed on impact.

I listened as the missionary on the phone explained the accident and I broke down in tears. I had a life altering experience with this couple only months before, and now she had lost her life due to the carelessness of a drunkard.

I wondered why.

Why after so much study and prayer?  This sweet couple devoted their life to the Lord and made the covenant of baptism, only to experience tragedy months afterward.

It shattered the Ward we served in, but arms of love extended to this family.

I took this experience very hard and felt such sorrow for what Tony and his daughter were going through— they lost an incredible wife and mother.

Mormon Temple, San Diego California

As the years passed, I thought often of the Plan of Salvation and life after death. Up to that point, I hadn’t lost loved ones in that kind of manner– so sudden and unexpectedly.

One day I found myself pondering the meaning of life, and I felt a very strong impression to attend the temple. I hadn’t attended in a very long time due to frequent surgeries and hospital visits.  The condition of my body at that point was such that I would struggle to focus my attention.

I was discouraged because of it and wrestled with feelings of inadequacy and shortcomings.

But I decided to go regardless.

As I was sitting in the chapel waiting, there was an organist playing hymns and I decided to read my scriptures. While reading, the Spirit entered the room, and immediately I felt a magnified peace and calm.

I knew that I was supposed to be there that day because I had the distinct impression and feeling that Michelle was watching over me. I wept.

Not out of sadness or despair, although there were times I felt those feelings.  But I wept because it was then that I knew the power of the Plan of Salvation. I no longer questioned “why” and my fear and despair were washed away through the Atonement of Christ.

He suffered and died on the cross, arose 3 days later as a perfect, immortal being, and because of that we all will live again.

The Plan of Salvation is known by an additional name– the Plan of Happiness. It is called that because this life is not meant to be experienced sorrowfully, but joyfully.

Yes there will be tragedy and loss, but because of the Savior, we all can live again with Him and Heavenly Father after this life.

“O death where is thy sting, O grave, where is thy victory………But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

This gift is one of the greatest gifts we have been given as children of a loving Heavenly Father.

We will see our loved ones again and what a comfort that is.

Ty James Knight

This article was previously published on Ty James Knight

There’s a phrase in the LDS community that’s used almost too casually these days-

“Oh he left the church a long time ago.”

Or-“She doesn’t want anything to do with the church anymore.”

We may know someone who has either talked about a family member who does not go to church anymore, we may have in our own families someone who has “left the church”, or we ourselves have decided that the Mormon community isn’t the path we feel is the right one for us.

In each scenario, the person found outside the Mormon “community” may feel ostracized or less than because of the pressures of belonging and solidarity with the doctrines and cultures of the LDS church.

Too often, I fear that the first reaction to someone experiencing doubt or anger, fear or frustration with regards to Mormonism, is to try to cover up the issue by telling them, in effect, “this too shall pass, just keep having faith.” While that advice is not necessarily bad, it can be construed in a negative way sometimes.

Things happen to everyone, hard difficult things, and faith can be shaken, often lost, never to return again. So what is to be done?

Listen. Don’t try to “fix” them.

We can recite scriptures, tell them to pray, attend church, (all good things), but sometimes the person no longer feels a desire to do that, so the mistake made is to try to push back and say “But this is the right thing to do!!”

It may be the right thing for some, but for others, what’s needed is for someone to listen.

Listen to their side of the story, cry with them, try understand what they are experiencing. Make them feel like their voice is heard.

I have had conversations on the phone with loved ones who said they no longer felt included at church, felt like a finger of shame was constantly pointing in their direction, so they, in turn, left the church they grew up in.

Was that an easy thing to do? No it was not. They felt alone, felt judged by those around them, felt the fear of not being accepted.

So when I had this conversation, I initially was going to express my thoughts to them, share spiritual experiences, but I felt like I needed to listen. I spent the next hour hearing the hurt, feeling the pain and loneliness, finding out a whole new side of the story I had never heard before.

I started to understand what they were going through. It was definitely an eye opening phone call, one that has stayed with me my entire life.

Those who have left, from my experience, didn’t feel understood, they felt preached at. They didn’t feel loved, only resentment.

Are there instances where there was an outpouring of love and support, and still the person left? Yes there have been, and you know what? There should still be an outpouring of love and kindness, understanding and charity no matter what the outcome. As a Christian I feel it is my responsibility to always show love first, no matter what.

There is power in silence, power in lending a listening ear and sometimes it is OK to have differing opinions on things. If the ultimate goal is to “change” or “fix” someone and their challenges, then we have failed.

We should love first, listen second, and always be there for them.

Ty James Knight