“I don’t need to prepare for it, think about it, or date because a soul mate will know me and love me without me having to do anything about it.”

Not many people say this out loud. I’m pretty sure many don’t even realize they are doing this –either because they believe they are the exception, or, more often than not, they word it differently. Here are some other ways to say the same thing:

1. “I refuse to change myself in any way for someone else.”
2. “When it’s supposed to happen, it will happen.”
3. “There’s nothing I can do about it if the men won’t ask me on dates” and the flip side, “Women need to do the asking, too. Isn’t this a modern society?”
4. “If it’s not perfect during the first date, I’m not going to waste my time.”
5. “True love shouldn’t have to take so much work.”

Let’s take a look at each one.

“I refuse to change myself in any way for someone else.”

This isn’t a bad thought if the intentions are pure. We shouldn’t be changing who we are for others, especially our core beliefs. We are unique individuals with tastes, talents, opinions, and experiences, and if a person expects us to change important things about our uniqueness, we have a very good reason to be wary and refuse!

But this isn’t always what people mean. It is being used as a defense mechanism against improvement and growth, as well as against making forth the effort to work in a relationship. It is also used as an excuse for rude, mean, cruel, selfish, and abusive behavior.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know that we were sent to the Earth to progress. We are here to learn and grow! With the help of our Savior, we are supposed to change. We want Him to change our hearts! That is the best way to change, anyway. We don’t want to change for someone else –we want to change for Him. The beautiful fallout of this change is that it will also bless the people around us, including (and especially), our chosen companion.

Also: why would someone else want to be married to a person unwilling to progress? If you want a great companion, you need to be a great companion, too.

So, if you are a kind of a jerk, you need to change. If you are selfish, work on changing! If you find yourself not knowing how to work hard, support others, serve willingly, etc. etc. and so forth, you might want to pray for the ability to change. And then get to work.

“When it’s supposed to happen, it will happen.”

This is also true –sort of. Finding a marriage partner can definitely have timing involved. Heavenly Father does guide us to be where we need to be a lot of the time! But there’s a catch –we need to be following the Holy Ghost. We can’t be in the right place at the right time if we aren’t obeying promptings, dear reader. God cannot steer a parked car!

Sometimes this means we have to do things we aren’t excited to do, like go to a dance, take a job out of state, or move out of one apartment into another one. Sometimes this means transferring schools, quitting a job, going back for more education, serving a mission, or getting up the nerve to ask that person out on a date. Elder Rasband said in our most recent General Conference (October 2017):

When we are righteous, willing, and able, when we are striving to be worthy and qualified, we progress to places we never imagined and become part of Heavenly Father’s “divine design.” Each of us has divinity within us. When we see God working through us and with us, may we be encouraged, even grateful for that guidance. When our Father in Heaven said, “This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man,” He was talking about all of His children—you in particular.

“There’s nothing I can do about it if men won’t ask me on dates” and “Women need to do the asking, too. Isn’t this a modern society?”

Both of these statements represent the frustration many people feel when they are making attempts to find a marriage companion. We cannot control other people, and I know, especially for women, waiting to be asked out on a date can be very frustrating, especially if they have done some asking, themselves. Men, I know, can also feel frustrated when they feel they are spending a lot of money and time on women who don’t seem interested and would like to see the favor returned occasionally.

So, what can a man or woman do about this?

Simply put, do all you can. Continue to ask people out on dates. Plan group dates where individual couples will still have time to talk to one another. Consider planning dating events, go to dances and other events where you can meet people. Keep trying! But if even that feels too hard, you can at least keep working on yourself.

In a devotional address given at BYU-Hawaii on September 7, 2006, Elder Eric B. Shumway said:

Regardless of your present dating prospects, you can spend this precious time of preparation developing qualities that will prepare you for marriage. This is a plea to sincerely prepare, to seek to acquire the personal attributes that will sustain a happy marriage.

You can still prepare for marriage even if you feel you have no opportunity. When you show God that you are willing to improve yourself, follow promptings, and put forth some effort, you can be assured that you are doing all that you can. Elder Shumway also suggested these things to work on as you search for a spouse (numbers added):

1. First, love God with all your heart, might, mind, and strength… 
2. In looking forward to marriage, do not assume a wait-and-see posture. This is not just a period for marking time or treading water. Seek to become a happy, productive person in your own right. If you have been unsuccessful in love or hurt or betrayed or ignored, break away from complaining and self-pity. Fill your life with all the things that will improve the head, the heart, and the hand…
3. Cultivate a cheerful attitude and the ability to laugh, even at yourself…
4. …Become an expert in friendship: respectful, loyal, and fun. Be quick to lift others and to forgive offenses. 
5. As you prepare for marriage, develop a sense, even a passion, for order in your life…
6. Practicing consistent acts of service and kindness… Many of us serve, but are we willing when it is inconvenient? Serving in our families is seldom convenient… 
7. A most critical preparation for marriage is striving for moral purity, reserving sexual intimacy only for a covenanted loved one in the sacred bonds of marriage… 
8. Live worthy of the temple’s promises. Go back to the temple regularly…

“If it’s not perfect during the first date, I’m not going to waste my time.”

Many first dates flop. Not all go well, this is true! Blind dates turn out weird, embarrassing moments can occur, and the conversation can be stilted or forced. First dates are just hard all the way around! But the problem with this statement is that it’s simply unfair and doesn’t allow room for compassion or forgiveness. Marriage is the essence of compassion and forgiveness. If you can’t even give that to a first date, what makes you think you can do it for an eternity?

Here are some real-life examples from happily married couples who had a rocky start to their relationship:

The first date was totally awkward. Then after we were engaged I almost called it off because I wasn’t feeling “butterflies.” That would have been such a huge mistake.

I was not very interested in dating him. Not my “type” at all! I tried to set him up with my best friend. Things were very awkward for a while because I knew he liked me but I didn’t want him to. He became a good friend, and I grew in love with him. Now he is my perfect “type.”

The first date was unremarkable. I didn’t even think he was that cute! But after each subsequent date, I would tell myself that he was the most interesting person I had ever met so I would give him another chance. 10 years later….

On our first date I was so sick I almost had to call it off and then a few things went wrong — like we went to the wrong place for the dance! On our third date, multiple things went wrong; our ride fell through and we had to walk around the mall for an hour in the cold (I was still sick). Thankfully we really clicked and made it through everything!

I would suggest that if there is even an inkling of interest, go out at least two or three times before calling it quits. Just try!

“True love shouldn’t take so much work.” 

Many people use this as a reason to break up with a potential marriage companion. True, not every relationship is going to end up in marriage, and there are many that probably shouldn’t! (Please note, too, that any kind of abuse in a relationship should never be tolerated.) But using “this shouldn’t take work if it was true love” is kind of ridiculous.

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

It’s actually the epitome of the soul mate myth.

In Part 2, I wrote that anything worth having is going to take hard work. True love –an eternal marriage –is worth more than anything else in this world. We are talking about eternity, are we not? Exaltation? Family? Then this is something that will take the most work –not necessarily the hardest work, but definitely the most.

We need to be invested! We need to practice loyalty, forgiveness, compassion, respect, compromise, humility, repentance, charity, sacrifice, and kindness. If a couple can apply these concepts and practice them regularly, they will look forward to their “hard work” and it will be worth every effort.

So, dear reader, don’t wait around for a soul mate (that doesn’t really exist, anyway). You don’t have to obsess about true love in order to make choices that will bring you closer to finding a companion you can feel good about choosing to marry. Ask God to help you, and then get to work. Remember, again, God cannot steer a parked car! Give Him something to work with.

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.

Getting over any false idea takes some time and rewiring of how we think. We need to eradicate the false ideas and then replace them with true ones. For this to work, I’d like to replace “Soul Mate” with “Chosen Companion.”

The false ideas usually consist of creating fantasies and lists in our minds (or even on paper) of what our soul mate will be (or should be). Sometimes, though, it also includes not thinking about it at all. The logic behind this is a thought process that goes something like this, “I will know it when we meet. It will be love at first sight because s/he will be everything I’ve ever dreamed of because they will match the list!” or “I don’t need to prepare for it, think about it, or date, because a soul mate will know me and love me without me having to do anything about it.”

Let’s tackle the fantasy and the lists.

(We’ll talk about the other one in Part 4.)

My first piece of advice is to re-write all of your lists. In some instances, throw them away! Just rip them up and toss them. We’re going to learn how to write one that makes sense!

The wrong list is common. Many people have them, whether or not they are actually written down. Some are simply in our heads and affect us greatly as we make dating choices. Here’s an example of what a wrong list looks like (this is a short portion from an actual female list, written when she was 15 years old. And this girl was… is… ahem… me!). This would be “The Soul Mate List” :

• He must be a returned missionary
• He will dance in the rain with me
• He will be at least 6’4″ with brown hair and brown eyes
• He will speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, play sports, and love art
• He will want a really large family (10 kids, at least!)
• He will be rich
• He will take me dancing, traveling, and to museums and concerts
• He will sweep me off my feet and be incredibly romantic

A lot of these things are not bad. What’s wrong with a tall guy who likes to dance? What’s wrong with a rich guy who wants a large family? Or a romantic guy that speaks a foreign language? Absolutely nothing! But putting them all together, it’s probably rare that this type of man exists. And even if he did –are these the things that build a lasting (eternal) marriage? Think about this: when you are both 80 years old, will it matter if he was tall? Or even romantic or rich?

Our lists need to reflect what really matters in a marriage, especially one founded upon eternity. 

Well, dear reader, it might not surprise you that I didn’t find quite what I was looking for. The truth is, I found somebody much better because he is real! My husband happens to be a returned missionary, yes, but he’s 6’0″ with blond hair (well, it’s pretty dark blond and turned brown over time) and piercing blue eyes.

He doesn’t speak a foreign language, but he does play the piano. He wasn’t (still isn’t) rich, doesn’t like the rain, nor does he really like to dance, but he also wanted a large family (we have 7 children). We travel and enjoy museums and concerts, but he’s also from California (gasp!), and when we first met, he most certainly did not sweep me off my feet (at least not until the next day!).

But he’s wonderful. And so much better than a fantasy!

So, how do we write better lists?

A friend of mine has told her children to look for two things in a person when they are considering marriage. First, is the person temple worthy? Second, does the person know how to work hard? She said these two questions are so important because in a temple marriage you need someone who will keep their covenants and know how to work alongside you.

Her list is right on the mark! And church leaders would agree with her, too.

This past August, the Ensign had an article entitled, “Inquire Well to Marry Well.” You can read the article in its entirety, here. Although this article focuses mostly on what questions we can ask in order to ensure we are marrying somebody we understand and know well (to help eliminate future divorce), it also can help us make a better list of what we want in a future spouse.

Here are those questions (with my own commentary added in parenthesis). I would call this “The Chosen Companion List”:

1. Is the person worthy to go with me to the temple?  (This is so much more important than “does she have a temple recommend?” or “Is he a returned missionary?” because neither of those things guarantee worthiness.)

2. Have I paid attention to the person’s inward character, or have I been focusing solely on the outward personality? (Or their outward looks? Physical attraction is important, but not nearly as important as what is on the inside. Inward character can also differ from the persona portrayed in public.)

3. How does the person treat the Sabbath day? (In other words, do they take prophetic counsel seriously? Does their family dynamic match with mine, meaning –will our future family have trouble establishing our own rules or traditions because of our ideas of things, like Sabbath Observance, are in opposition to each other?)

4. How does the person publicly and privately observe the commandments?  (Do they take a day off from keeping covenants? Which commandments do they believe are better than others? How do they treat sacred things?)

5. How does the person treat family members, roommates, and strangers? (Especially waiters! When you are on a date, observe very carefully how they treat those who are in service. Are they gracious and understanding? Or do they complain and berate?)

Elder Richard G. Scott said:

“There is more to a foundation of eternal marriage than a pretty face or an attractive figure. There is more to consider than popularity or charisma. As you seek an eternal companion, look for someone who is developing the essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home.”

I can testify, with my entire soul, that having a husband who is truly forgiving, willing to work, and worthy of his temple covenants makes marriage and life better. It doesn’t matter what his eye color happens to be, nor his past athletic accomplishments! What really matters, what really makes a marriage work, is found deep inside, where work ethic, character, and devotion to God is found.

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

Now, just for fun, here are some other things you could add to your “Chosen Companion” list (if you want to get particular):

*Does he get my sense of humor?

*Is she willing to help others even if it’s inconvenient?

*Do we enjoy some of the same activities?

*What does he believe politically, and how important are those politics to him?

So, dear reader, toss your Soul Mate list and then write your Chosen Companion list! It will be better, I promise. 

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.

Satan convinces them they married the wrong person. He tells them that their previous boyfriend or girlfriend was actually their soul mate (whoops!). Or he convinces them that this new person they’ve met is actually their soul mate. He convinces people that their spouse isn’t worth their time and effort anymore, because why would they waste time with someone who is not their soul mate?!

In other marriages, there is this idea that marriage should be perfect. “If my husband/wife is my soul mate, then we shouldn’t ever argue.” or “If my spouse is my one true love, then s/he would read my mind a bit better and contemplate my needs more often.” and, a favorite: “If my spouse is my soul mate, then our marriage shouldn’t take any kind of work whatsoever.”

My non-LDS therapist said this to me (in general –I’m not quoting word for word, here):

“The longer I’ve been a therapist, the more I’ve seen that movies and books have played a huge part in the dismantling of romantic relationships. They create an unrealistic and unattainable version, and when people can’t get their lives to match that version, they think they are broken and that their relationship is doomed.

 

It makes me angry –not at the people this affects, but at the people who create it. I tell people that if they want to start healing their relationships, they need to reduce their time watching and reading the things that aren’t real.”

She is not the only professional in a marriage and family setting to lament the rise of unrealistic expectations, either. If you internet search “unrealistic expectations can destroy marriage” you will find many, many, many who agree with this sentiment.

One reason I feel so strongly about this is because it has affected my own marriage relationship, too. I have spent hours upon hours fighting (and often losing) the temptations of Satan to compare my marriage, compare my husband, and compare our love to what I have seen on TV, social media, or read about in novels.

And I watch good TV! I read clean novels! And these novels are not bad. They are not dirty or inappropriate. They are clean, sweet, and romantic.

They tell the first tiny part of a love story –the beginning. They usually all end at the proposal or the wedding. Don’t all fairy tales? But they have given me great feelings of inadequacy because they paint a picture of what I experienced at the beginning of the relationship with my husband, and then for some reason, I feel like I need to have it back.

It’s so easy to forget that marriage is not meant to be the beginning part. The passion and romance are not the end result we are seeking! It is the beginning. And being in the middle, during the refining part, it is easy to lose sight of what were are truly seeking in a marriage.

Does this mean there can’t be passion and romance in the middle of a marriage? Of course not! But the purpose of marriage goes beyond passion and romance. Marriage is so much more. It needs to have the patience, respect, and loyalty it deserves in order to thrive.

Here is another quote from President Uchtdorf (from the same talk I mentioned in the previous post) and probably the most important thing you will read in this post:

Since you won’t find perfection in your partner, and your partner won’t find it in you, your only chance at perfection is in creating perfection together. That is the secret. There are those who do not marry because they feel a lack of magic in relationships. By magic, I assume they mean sparks of attraction.

 

Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, and I would never counsel you to marry someone you don’t love. Nevertheless, and here’s another thing that is sometimes hard to accept, that magic sparkle needs continued polishing. When the magic endures in a relationship, it’s because the couple made it happen, not because it mystically appeared due to some cosmic force. Frankly, it takes even work.

 

For any relationship to survive, both parties bring their own magic with them and use that to sustain their love. Although I have said that I do not believe in a one and only soul mate for anyone, I do know this. Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate. And it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way. Once you have committed, the search for a soul mate is over. Our thoughts and actions turn from looking to creating.

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

I have constantly told my children (and piano students) that anything worth having in this life is going to take work. Anything. We value what we’ve worked for, friends. Those good grades? That scholarship? That game-winning goal? The flawless music recital? All of it takes hard work. Why in the world would marriage be any different?

Marriage, in LDS doctrine, is central to God’s plan. Central! That sounds pretty important to me and sounds like it’s worth a lot. I know my marriage is worth a lot to me, and it’s been worth all the work we’ve put into it.

So, friends, do yourself a favor: ditch the idea of a soul mate, be realistic about relationships, love others, seek for truth, and work hard at your marriage. Like President Thomas S. Monson said so simply not long ago:

Choose a companion carefully and prayerfully; and when you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Priceless advice comes from a small framed plaque I once saw in the home of an uncle and aunt. It read, “Choose your love; love your choice.” There is great wisdom in those few words. Commitment in marriage is absolutely essential. (“Priesthood Power,” April 2011)

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.

In case you weren’t aware, we are living in an epidemic of lies.

This doesn’t surprise me in the least, because Satan is the father of lies. That’s all he does. He’s been a liar from the beginning, and his whole goal is to convince us to separate ourselves from God in any way possible –and he does it through deceit.

There are myriads of lies, but today I want to focus on one in particular: The lie of the Soul Mate.

How many of you have heard the following ideas?

♥- Just make sure that you marry your soul mate. Anything less than that isn’t worth it. You deserve to be with someone who understands you completely.

♥- If s/he loved me, she would know what I want. S/he must not be my soul mate. 

♥- I don’t know my love language. I don’t know his love language, either. Does it really matter? If we are supposed to be together, shouldn’t we just realize this information?

♥- I will never settle. If s/he can’t match up to what I need and want, then it’s not worth my time and effort. 

A friend shared with me, recently, a dream she had –a horrible dream — where she died, and then her husband remarried a woman that he ended up loving more than he loved her. She said it was just awful –all of her flaws and insecurities came to the surface as she recalled how much her husband adored this new wife. She said he adored the new wife in all the ways he doesn’t adore my friend right now.

She knew it was a dream. It wasn’t real! But she couldn’t shake the feelings of inadequacy. We lamented together on some of the same inadequacies we feel in our individual marriages, and then our talk turned to polygamy.  She said, “Oh, how hard polygamy would have been!”

And I paused for a moment. And clarity came to me rather quickly: Marriage and the romantic love relationship of our time is a big lie.

Now, stick with me here. I’m not going to praise polygamy (it’s just a small part of this), nor am I going to claim that romantic love isn’t real. But our society has been so influenced by Satan, and it’s hard to see his lies surrounding the romance novels and dating websites.

I told my friend that our society has created this warped idea about love and relationships. Back in pioneer times (ahem, polygamy times), men and women weren’t nearly as concerned about finding their one true soul mate and if their passion could last a lifetime –they were trying to survive.

They looked for love and companionship, yes, but they also didn’t freak out when their love languages were inconsistent (what were those??). They weren’t looking at Myers-Briggs personality tests, color codes, or Facebook pages.

They wanted respect, honesty, love, children, food, and a home. For a lot of women in polygamy, their husbands gave them this, regardless if they gave it to more than one woman. I’m sure some women were jealous, I’m sure some men struggled, but the point is that they weren’t facing all of these pressures to find their “one true love”.

And they weren’t thinking that finding their one true love would be the end to all of their problems!

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf once gave a talk called, “The Reflection in the Water” (November 1, 2009, CES Fireside), and he had a lot to say about soul mates (and the myth, thereof):

I know this may be a disappointment for some of you, but I don’t believe there’s only one right person for you. I think I fell in love with my wife, Harriet, who is here with me tonight the first moment I saw her.

 

Nevertheless, had she decided to marry someone else, I believe I would have met and fallen in love with someone else. I’m eternally grateful that this didn’t happen. But I don’t believe she was my one chance of happiness, in this life, nor was I hers.

President Kimball said the same thing:

“Soulmates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 305)

As did Elder Dallin H. Oaks:

I’m always doubtful when I hear that someone’s waiting for the person that was predestined for them in heaven. There may be such cases. But I think most of us are looking for someone we love, whom we can stand together with and go forward with, who has same ideals and the same principles to make an eternal family.

 

I think the idea that you’re waiting until something hits you on the head as if to say “this is it” just postpones marriage and sometimes prevents it altogether. (Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting: Building Up a Righteous Posterity, February 9, 2008)

Boyd K Packer

And Boyd K. Packer!

Righteous love comes so naturally and so beautifully that it is apparent that there is a special providence about it. “They were meant for each other,” we say.

 

While I am sure some young couples have some special guidance in getting together, I do not believe in predestined love. If you desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial decision, you must live the standards of the Church, and you must pray constantly for the wisdom to recognize those qualities upon which a successful union may be based.

 

You must do the choosing, rather than to seek for some one-and-only so-called soul mate, chosen for you by someone else and waiting for you. You are to do the choosing. You must be wise beyond your years and humbly prayerful unless you choose amiss. (Eternal Love, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1973)

I think Satan is having a lot of fun with this! If he can’t get LDS people to break the law of chastity or divorce, he will prevent them from getting married in the first place. He tells us that there is only one person out there for us —and it’s simply not true! But our young people are buying it. Constantly.

From what I’ve seen of teenagers and young adults, our society currently has non-dating (why go on a date when you can hang out or just text?), cyber-stalking (why get to know someone when you can secretly find out things about them?), group texts instead of get-togethers (planning parties is way too hard), romantic novels (isn’t this what true love is like?) and T.V. shows (aren’t all relationships like this?). And movies!

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

Lots of movies. Lots and lots of movies.

And everything they read and watch is telling them that there is a soul mate out there for them. And this soul mate will be perfect. And this soul mate will be their path to happiness. And this soul mate will bring untold bliss, passion, and comfort for the rest of their days. So, they ignore the nice people around them.

They ignore the possibilities for dating and for a chance to get to know good people a bit better. They make long lists of what they want and expect and turn down dates with people who don’t match every item. Or they break up with a potential relationship because it’s not perfect. Then they wait for something they will never find.

Please join me next week when we discuss how searching for your Soul Mate can actually hurt your marriage.

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.

I should probably be specific, because no, I haven’t led armies into battle, nor have I been a standard bearer to encourage people to go into battle. I guess it could be said that sometimes I have led battles against Satan, but that could be said about all of us. But to be compared to how Moroni is described in Alma 48:17?

Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.

Captain Moroni

Yeah, I can’t claim that!

What I am speaking of, however, is when Moroni, in Alma chapter 60, writes his epistle (letter) to Pahoran, the chief judge of the time, and demands to know why the armies have been ignored. Why haven’t provisions come? Where is the support? Why the silence? What in the world is going on? If you don’t do what we need, I’m going to have to come make you do it because we’re talking about our lives and our country, here!

From there, we learn from Pahoran, in chapter 61, that life in Zarahemla is not all peachy –in fact, they were struggling greatly with dissenters and their own battles. A coup has taken over the government and Pahoran has fled for his life!

He is grateful for Moroni’s concern and he begs him to come help him. Moroni then, relieved Pahoran hadn’t failed him after all, leads his armies back to Zarahemla to overthrow the coup and put the government back together again.

We often learn in Sunday School that Pahoran and Moroni are wonderful examples in this instance (and they are) because of how they communicated one with another. There is great concern, there is straight-forward communication, but there is immediate forgiveness. It shows the strength and goodness of both leaders.

But back to how I’m like Captain Moroni: I quite often assume things when I don’t have all the information. Like Moroni, I demand answers and I’m not happy when I don’t know them.

How many times have you, dear reader, assumed something about a situation or a person before knowing all the answers? Perhaps, because of your experience and circumstances, you make these assumptions because it’s the quickest way to gain an answer to a question…

Why are they late?

Why is she neglecting her children?

Why is he not showing up to do his calling in church?

Why are they divorced?

Why don’t they have children, yet?

Why has she stopped communicating with me?

Why is he not married?

Why did she quit school?

There are a lot of answers about other people that we do not have the privilege –nor the right –to demand. But because we need the answers to form opinions or to seek solutions, we will make them up (assume) until we can learn more.

Captain Moroni did this, dear reader. He assumed Pahoran was abusing his power and using the provisions the armies needed for himself and the government. He assumed they had been abandoned. But to his own credit, as soon as he learned the truth, he repented of his assumptions and came to Pahoran’s rescue.

I think all of us do this. How many times have you heard the phrase (uttered by others or even yourself), “If I had only known…” to excuse our uncharitable behavior? Knowledge is power, and because of this, we even have laws in place that protect us when we do things out of lack of knowledge.

Even the gospel of Jesus Christ has this provision! Those who don’t know are not held accountable for their lack of knowledge. People who do not make covenants are not held to a higher standard. It just makes sense.

But what kind of excuse is that when we interact one with another in a family or even a church setting? We are too quick to assume, judge, and even condemn. We can’t possibly know everyone’s full story, so there’s little to gain in knee-jerk assumptions.

Now, let’s look at another example in the exact same story. In Alma chapter 58, Helaman talks about the same frustrations in not receiving provisions for his armies. He says:

9 And now the cause of these our embarrassments, or the cause why they did not send more strength unto us, we knew not; therefore we were grieved and also filled with fear, lest by any means the judgments of God should come upon our land, to our overthrow and utter destruction.

10 Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea, and also give us strength that we might retain our cities, and our lands, and our possessions, for the support of our people.

11 Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him.

12 And we did take courage with our small force which we had received, and were fixed with a determination to conquer our enemies, and to maintain our lands, and our possessions, and our wives, and our children, and the cause of our liberty.

Moroni waves the Title of Liberty.

What was it that Helaman chose to do? Pray to God and ask for strength. They didn’t have the answers or the solutions they were seeking, and so they asked God to give them strength and courage. And He did. He gave them peace, faith, and hope.

Once they had this courage and strength, did they receive the answers? No, they didn’t. Not until Moroni later sent his epistle to Pahoran and receive one in return did Helaman learn of the reason why they weren’t being supported by the government.

Now, dear reader, I don’t point this out to show that somehow Helaman was more righteous than Moroni –Moroni was correct, as the general over all the armies, to write to Pahoran to find out what was going on.

His response wasn’t wrong. But I think if we were to apply these scriptures to ourselves, it would be good for us to apply Helaman’s response more readily (and definitely more often!).

What happens when we have questions about things that have no immediate answer? Do we seek God, or do we seek to blame others? Do we write petitions to church leaders, or do we go to the temple to pray? Do we wait patiently or do we rally others to join us in movements to fight against prophets?

I think Helaman had no idea his experience and his choice (and Mormon’s choice to use his account) would be so valuable for us. As I read this passage recently, I realized how much more improvement I need in this area. Not just because assumptions are wrong, but because it doesn’t leave any room for charity, long suffering, and patience.

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

Our church is a church of question-asking. It was restored to the Earth because of a question! We are encouraged to be constantly asking questions and seeking answers, either through prophets or personal revelation. That’s just how we work, because that’s how God works.

Line upon line, precept upon precept… we learn bit by bit, as is our entire purpose in mortality. But each layer we build has the potential to teach us how to wait for the next layers, without losing faith in the meantime. Each layer can encourage us to have more patience with others, too, as they seek for the answers to their questions.

So, dear reader, I would encourage you, as you are seeking your answers, to have the boldness of Moroni in asking, but the patience of Helaman as you wait for the answers. Don’t stop asking, but go to God, and don’t give up. Like He did with the armies of Helaman, He gave them peace, faith, hope, courage, and strength. He will do the same for you.

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.

Love comes first.

The end.

Okay, not really the end, but honestly, love comes first. It’s both that simple and that complex, and opens a whole myriad of possibilities and has helped me to understand how God works in our lives and how the Atonement can heal us. It also has given me the key to know how God wants us to interact with one another.

For years and years, dear reader, I was convinced that obedience to laws and ordinances, understanding truth, and subscribing to that truth, was the only way to God. Repentance was absolutely a must, but if you never broke the rules, then you wouldn’t have to (you see where this is going?). Rules were to be obeyed, and breaking or bending them in any way meant there was a flaw somewhere. (Well, yeah, there’s a flaw. It’s called mortality.)

I subscribed to the school of thought that questions were to be only good questions. There was no room for doubt, anywhere. We obey, we follow, we do, we are blessed. To me, it was that simple. Mostly, this came about because I watched how many of my friends were making bad choices and not obeying the rules.

I saw the consequences of that behavior, and so, to my logical mind, that meant the way to happiness was strict rule obeying. My last post actually talked about this at length –how our choices to obey and make the choice to follow God’s commandments can bring about great joy! And it can. It does. But taken too far to the extreme, it can become Pharisee-like and ruin the whole point of everything.

Eleven years ago, I started blogging. It was wonderful to write my thoughts and make friends in the process. I perused a lot of community blogs and found myself swept up in places where rule following was taboo. I saw a lot of dissent, apostasy, doubt, questions, and ridicule towards prophets of God. It bothered me. A lot! I couldn’t understand how people who had the gospel of Jesus Christ could see things so differently. Didn’t they know? Didn’t they understand? How could they not see it as I see it?

I spent a lot of time writing rebuttals and posts to stand up against these blogs. I commented and spent a lot of my time doing everything I could to defend the Church and the prophets. I would argue, judge, and think about what to say all day long. General Conference would come around and I would look for the words from apostles that would condemn the people I was arguing with/against.

I didn’t want to hear about faith, love, etc. I wanted ammunition! How could I use scriptures and prophetic words to get my point across? How could I show that what I know to be true is really true? How could I prove it? The more I wrote, the more people disagreed with me. The more I contented, the more they fought back.

And in the midst of all this, I started to doubt. Maybe what they’re saying is true? They’re smarter than me (lawyers, writers, doctors), maybe I’m wrong? What if things aren’t quite as exact as I had thought?

I finally gave up. After about 4 or 5 years of slogging through this type of writing and blogging, I walked away. It was the best thing I ever did for my testimony, but the experience I had set me on a path toward looking at things from differing perspectives. Being thrown into the mud pit of dissent, I learned some valuable lessons, most of which led me away from the very pit I feared.

I finally started looking inward and upward, not outward. I began to ask questions that would improve my soul –not wondering about how to improve someone else’s soul. I started to view General Conference with focus and understanding, and the talks about peace and love began to penetrate my heart more frequently.

I started to see that no matter how much truth I had on my side, the reason why people wouldn’t listen to me is because I didn’t care about them –I only cared about being right.

I started to see that change comes after we feel loved. Love is something that purifies us and cleanses us in a way that nothing else can, dear reader. When we feel loved, we are more open and genuine. When we feel loved, we are more apt to listen. When we feel loved, we are strengthened and we are more willing to change our behavior. In essence, love transforms us. We can become who God needs us to be when we are supported by love.

It is any surprise, then, that when it comes to God, religion, laws and ordinances, that love comes first?

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. (John 3:16)

The very reason for our existence has come out of love. If we think of the plan of salvation, the whole point was because God loved us enough to create a plan where we could become like Him. Not only that, but He knew we’d have to experience sin to do it, and since no unclean thing can be in the presence of God, He gave us a Savior.

Not only that, dear reader, but Jesus Christ offered Himself! He volunteered for the job as Mediator. He loved us enough to do that for us. And then They created this world for us, and honestly, who can look at this beautiful, diverse, amazing world and not be overwhelmed by the love that must have gone into every detail?

Everything started with love.

Adam and Eve loved each other enough to leave the garden and bear children.

Moses loved God and his people so much that he went back to Egypt and stood up against his adoptive family (whom he also loved) to set Israel free.

Lehi loved God and so he took his family into the wilderness and across the ocean.
Joseph loved so much that he forgave the brothers that left him for dead and saved all of Israel.

Jesus Christ loved so much that His entire existence is to help us, heal us, guide us, teach us, and save us.

In fact, I searched the scriptures to find out if love comes first, and I found so many examples, I couldn’t write them all down fast enough. Everywhere I looked it was love, first, obedience, second. Always.

Here are a few more examples:

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. (1 Corinthians 1:13)

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. (1 Corinthians 1:2)

And except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God. (Moroni 10:21)

Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. (Mark 10:21)

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. (John 13:34-35)

But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good. (3 Nephi 12:44-45)

And no one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love, having faith, hope, and charity, being temperate in all things, whatsoever shall be entrusted to his care. (Doctrine and Covenants 12:8)

I know thy heart, and have heard thy prayers concerning thy brethren. Be not partial towards them in love above many others, but let thy love be for them as for thyself; and let thy love abound unto all men, and unto all who love my name. (Doctrine and Covenants 112:11)

and my favorite:

No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile— (Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-42)

And here are some recent words in General Conference about love:

No true teaching or learning will ever occur when done in frustration or anger, and hearts will not change where love is not present. Whether we act in our roles as parents, teachers, or leaders, true teaching will happen only in an atmosphere of trust rather than condemnation…. Love should never be withdrawn when a child, friend, or family member fails to live up to our expectations. –Elder S. Mark Palmer (“Jesus Beholding Him Loved Him” April 2017)

Thomas S. Monson

God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there. —President Thomas S. Monson

Some will argue that God blesses everyone without distinction–citing, for example, Jesus’s statement in the Sermon on the Mount: “[God] maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.” Indeed, God does rain down upon all His children all the blessings He can–all the blessings that love and law and justice and mercy will permit.

 

And He commands us to be likewise generous: “I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; “That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.” Nevertheless, God’s greater blessings are conditioned on obedience. —Elder D. Todd Christofferson (“Abide In My Love” October 2016)

President Thomas S. Monson, who has understood and lived the admonition to love, said: “I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and … lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish–and in effect save their lives.”

Sister Sondra D. Heaston asked: “What if we could really see into each other’s hearts? Would we understand each other better? By feeling what others feel, seeing what others see, and hearing what others hear, would we make, and take, the time to serve others, and would we treat them differently? Would we treat them with more patience, more kindness, and more tolerance?”

–Sister Cheryl A. Esplin (“He Asks Us To Be His Hands” April 2016)

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

It doesn’t matter, dear reader, if you have all the evidence in the world to back up your opinions. It doesn’t matter if you are right. If you don’t have love, you have nothing. If you don’t show it with love, then it doesn’t matter what you say.

This is one of the hardest things I am learning to overcome –not because I’m incapable of loving (the people who know me understand I am a very loving person), and not because I don’t understand the importance of love, but because for whatever reason, I have always subconsciously put love after rules. And it’s simply the wrong order.

Love, then obedience. Love, then rules. Love, then discipline.

Love always, always comes first.

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.

Before you start reading, please promise me you’ll read all the way to the end and especially read the end! The end is the most important part. In fact, if you’d rather just skip everything and go right to the end part, that would be just dandy! 

I’ve wasted my life because I chose to keep having children past the acceptable number. My body is a joke because I’ve used it up making and feeding babies. I’m boring because my husband was the second man I kissed and the only man I’ve been intimate with. I’m wasting my mind because I’m a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). And one that still hurts after all these years: I’m a loser because my talents are wasted at church.

I have plans for my future that include a Master’s degree, continuing to teach music, writing a book, serving a mission (or more!) with my husband, continued church service, serving in the temple, being a grandmother, and hopefully living until I’m ridiculously old, where they’ll wheel in the birthday cake to my bed in the nursing home, with dozens of people around me, lighting up the 100 candles and turning on the fire alarm and sprinklers…

Yes, life is easier when we follow Christ from the beginning! We do avoid more pain and anguish. But I also know that choosing to follow Christ supersedes every single choice we’ve ever made. EVERY SINGLE ONE. It doesn’t matter when we choose to follow Him, all that matters is that we do.

 

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

The best choice you can ever make is to choose Christ. With Him, we can repent of every mistake and sin.
We can be forgiven for every mistake and sin. We can change and become what He knows we can be, because He has made it possible.

 

I once heard the following in a talk in church (my ward). I can’t remember who said it, but it was pretty recent! I loved what they said and it has stuck with me. I think it might help you, too, dear reader:

 

Repentance wasn’t God’s second choice. Repentance has always been Plan A. 

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. (Matthew 7:6)

Many years ago (10? 11?), I was visiting a ward out of state. During Relief Society, the lesson was on spiritual gifts. The teacher was good and very eager to discuss the topic. She asked if anyone would be willing to share their specific spiritual gifts with the group.

It was quiet for a bit, and I decided to raise my hand. I had received zero promptings to share; I didn’t even feel compelled to share outside of my own pride. I figured, “I’ve got this one great spiritual gift –I should share it with everyone!” I didn’t think I was sharing to brag…

I shared this gift (I’m purposefully not sharing it with you, dear reader, because it would defeat the point!) and the teacher said she was a little envious, that this gift was something she had always hoped to be given. I felt a little smug. I was pretty satisfied with myself and my amazing gift! I don’t think anyone in the room felt anything was amiss –the only thing amiss was my heart.

Lo, and behold, I discovered (very soon) that the specific spiritual gift I had described to everyone, in that very moment, was taken from me. It was gone. Honestly, it felt as if something was quietly removed from my soul. I felt the absence.

I felt awful. I felt so repentant. I felt incredibly humbled.

Over the course of the next 2-3 years, I struggled to regain that gift back. I learned a lot about humility, spiritual gifts, pride, and what it means to give the glory to God. I realized that every good thing we have been given is for the betterment of mankind and to bring souls to Christ. They aren’t to raise ourselves above others!

I learned that “Pearls before swine” doesn’t always mean sharing spiritual things with evil people –it could really mean just sharing sacred things we have no right to share until we’ve been prompted to share it by the Holy Ghost. It could mean sharing sacred things with a bunch of nice people at church…

A good friend of mine recently told me that she often thinks about Mary, the mother of Jesus, when she receives sacred, personal revelation. Mary didn’t go tell everyone about it. She, as far as we know, didn’t share her experiences with very many people. She had been given the greatest gift of all time! She would be the very mother of God! What did she do with the information?

But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19)

This makes me wonder what I’m doing when I share too many things on social media, in church, or even with friends about my relationship with God, the things I learn from the Holy Ghost, and the promptings I receive. Do I share too much? Too little? Where is the line?

I’m still learning when I should share sacred things, with whom I could share them, and in what way they should be shared. I think I err on the side of sharing too much, sometimes, so it’s something I think about a lot. How many pearls am I casting? How can I be more like Mary?

Another thing I learned is that the spiritual gift I had been given wasn’t even mine in the first place. The gift was a Gift of the Spirit –a gift from God. Whether or not I brought it with me on my mortal journey doesn’t really matter, because all good things come from God. He had every right to give it to me and every right to take it away when I needed to learn not only humility, but patience, faith, and some gratitude, for good measure.

Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21)

Slowly, dear reader, I regained the spiritual gift I had lost. I believe it has returned fully, but I’m very careful about how I use it. I don’t discuss it casually with people and I try to use it in the way God had intended me to use it.

I listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost before I share my gift. I try to heed the counsel I receive from Heaven. I’m still learning, but I’m grateful for the chance I had to regain something that has become precious to me.

It made me think about Joseph Smith Jr. and Martin Harris, and how, in an effort to please his friend, Joseph ended up losing the ability to translate. It was taken from him for a very long time! I can’t imagine how frustrating and humbling that must have been for him, especially since he had known better and he knew he had been commanded to translate the Book of Mormon quickly. But like me, Joseph repented, he was humbled, and he was given back the gift of translation from God.

When I think about his experience, and how it mirrors my own, my heart swells with gratitude for such a merciful and loving Father in Heaven. He is the greatest of all, and yet He takes effort in teaching us all, so individually, the things that we need to know to become more like Him.

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

Every time we repent, we are forgiven. Every time we take a step in the right direction, He is there to help us. Even the tiniest of efforts can yield immediate and miraculous results and brings us to Christ.

Jesus Christ exemplified the humility I’ve been trying to understand in every way. He did the will of His Father without complaint. He served without expecting rewards. He healed (raised people from the dead!) and asked people not to boast of His power and strength.

He was meek, mild, loving, and oh, so humble. He gave all the glory to Heavenly Father, never once attempting to take it for Himself, even though He had been given all the spiritual gifts.

I still need to work on humility, but I’m grateful for the experience I had that showed me how important it is to give the glory to God, wait for the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and keep sacred things sacred.

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.

There is a one particular part that gives me goosebumps every single time I watch (or hear) it. In the scene, Moana is visited by her grandmother who has died. She is encouraging Moana not to give up her quest, to look inside of herself to find who she is, where she came from, and what she’s capable of doing.

Moana then sees visions of her ancestors (again), but this time, something clicks, and she beautifully and powerfully sings this:

Who am I? 

I am a girl who loves my island 

I’m the girl who loves the sea 

It calls me 

I am the daughter of the village chief 

We are descended from voyagers 

Who found their way across the world 

They call me!

I’ve delivered us to where we are 

I have journeyed farther 

I am everything I’ve learned and more 

Still it calls me! 

And the call isn’t out there at all, it’s inside me! 

It’s like the tide; always falling and rising 

I will carry you here in my heart, you’ll remind me 

That come what may 

I know the way 

I am Moana!

(Lyrics by Opetaia Foa’i and Lin-Manuel Miranda)

There is so much truth inside this simple song, truth about both our earthly and divine heritage, and I’d like to explore them both.

Physical and Earthly Heritage

Moana knew she was an islander and that her family had been living on the same island for generations and generations. But it wasn’t until she discovered who they had been before coming to the island that she understood why she felt this urgent inward call to take to the sea.

They had been voyagers! They discovered new islands, navigated by the stars, and set sail across the vast ocean, never losing their way.

Who are your ancestors? We are encouraged by our church leaders to do our family history, not just so we can do temple work for our ancestors, but also so we can get to know the people who have come before us. Who they were is important because it helps us know who we are, too. I love learning the stories about my ancestors –who were they? What did they do? Why did they make the decisions they did? Did they have love, loss, adventure, laughter in their lives?

Here’s a very small sample of where I come from:

My great-grandmother (Beatrice), whom I never met, was a musician. She was a piano teacher and a singer and one time, many years ago, and since I’m a musician and piano teacher myself, I like to think I got some of her talent.

Taken 1933: Clementina Beatrice Ericksen and Auer Winchester Proctor and their family
(My grandmother, Enid Leone Proctor Seely, is the little girl seated between her parents)

Several years ago, I had the chance to play her piano that had been moved to a museum in Cardston, Alberta, Canada. That was special to me! She was also the doting mother of ten children! My grandmother was their youngest.

Another great-grandmother (Sarah) agreed to marry my great-grandfather (a rancher and future politician), but only if she could go to college for a year to get her teaching certificate.

My great-grandfather agreed and supported her decision. Later, she supported her husband when he wanted to move their family to Canada. She died when I was 2 years old, and although I don’t remember her, I feel deeply connected to her.

George Lewis Stringam and Sarah Lovina Williams Stringam
(Their wedding photo in 1905)

Sarah’s grandmother, Jane, came from Scotland. Her father refused to join the church when she, her mother, and siblings did. But he respected their decision. It wasn’t until after he died that her mother chose to take the family to Salt Lake City. Jane was 17 years old and they crossed the plains pulling handcarts. They were with the Willie Handcart Company, but her whole family survived.

She married, had many children, and spent a great life serving and working hard. Her grandchildren remarked that she was always clean and tidy, and she happened to be a really good influence for Sarah. I think about her often. I wonder about her life in Scotland, and since our family records end with her great-great grandparents (mid 1700’s), I have felt a deep pull to find them.

My grandfather was a rancher and starting in his late teens, he wasn’t very active in the church for a long time. Not long after his first marriage (it ended in divorce), the Stake President approached him and told him the Lord wanted him to be a Branch President.

My grandfather replied that he couldn’t do it –he had a word of wisdom problem, didn’t go to church often, and was a single father. The Stake President said he knew he could do it, and that if he did, the Lord would provide him with a wife.

My grandfather accepted the call, never broke the word of wisdom again, and shortly thereafter, met my grandmother, whom he married in the temple five months after meeting her!

My mother was their first child. I’ve often reflected how this story shows great integrity and repentance –and what would have happened had he not accepted the call? Who would my grandmother have married? My mother and my chance at the gospel is a direct reflection of his change of heart. He’s been gone for almost 19 years. I still miss him.

Woodrow “Woody” Sylvester Stringam (1963)

My ancestors came from England, Scotland, Ireland, Denmark, and Sweden. They were pilgrims, pioneers, farmers, ranchers, musicians, and their faith, strength, and determination are a part of me. I like to think they are watching me and cheering me on.

I am, after all, like you, dear reader, the result of thousands of decisions of love and faith! And even amidst many mistakes, trials, sins, and pain (theirs and mine), I can take those experiences and use them to give me the resolve to make them proud of who I am and who I am becoming.

Who are your ancestors? Where do you come from? How has your family influenced you?

Divine Heritage

I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.

Psalms 82:6

Even more important than our Earthly heritage is our divine. Every time Moana sings the words, “the call isn’t out there at all, it’s inside me!” I get chills because isn’t this true about our divine heritage? We are children of God!

Who we are on the inside is so much more important than who we are on the outside, and recognizing where we’ve come from and the potential we’ve brought with us can do more for our success than any other earthly pursuits. We can’t find that call “out there” (at all!) because it’s right here, inside of us, always leading us.

Elder Donald L. Hallstrom said:

Here on earth, we identify ourselves in many different ways, including our place of birth, our nationality, and our language. Some even identify themselves by their occupation or their hobby. These earthly identities are not wrong unless they supersede or interfere with our eternal identity—that of being a son or a daughter of God.

He also said:

We live in a world that can cause us to forget who we really are. The more distractions that surround us, the easier it is to treat casually, then ignore, and then forget our connection with God.

People sometimes talk about self-esteem and learning self-care, self-love, and self-empowerment. The intentions are good, and the purpose to to help people see they are of worth, but I sometimes wonder if those efforts put too much emphasis on the earthly self, and not enough on the divine self.

In my struggles with Depression, I have found many people willing to teach me how to exercise self-care. I don’t mind this, because I believe it really is an important part of healing. I also think too many people can overstep the bounds of service and forget to serve their own soul (a.k.a. running faster than they have strength!).

But I have found that when I have a deep understanding about who I am as a daughter of God, I don’t need to focus on myself, anymore, at least not in the way the world teaches me I should. When I realize who I am and remember it, I have real power! Who can tear me down when I know I am descended from God? How can I limit myself when God is on my side? Nobody can take that away from me, because it is who I am. Not who I think I am, but who I actually am.

Elder Ronald A. Rasband said:

In the midst of life’s greatest storms, do not forget your divine heritage as a son or daughter of God or your eternal destiny to one day return to live with Him, which will surpass anything the world has to offer.

Once we know who we are and where that call for strength is coming from, we can then turn and face the storms of mortality, knowing we won’t have to face them alone. Moana was ready to give up on her quest and go home, even while knowing that her failure to accomplish what she set out to do would have far reaching consequences to her family and island. But when she knew she had help (ancestors) and strength inside (I would call that her divine heritage!), she was able to turn and face the challenges before her.

To read more of Cheryl’s articles, click here.

This reminded me of another part of Elder Rasband’s same talk when he said this:

Generations are affected by the choices we make. Share your testimony with your family; encourage them to remember how they felt when they recognized the Spirit in their lives and to record those feelings in journals and personal histories so that their own words may, when needed, bring to their remembrance how good the Lord has been to them.

What we do will not only affect us, but those who come after us. Like my ancestors, I am a product of their faith and strength. Like my Heavenly Parents, I am a product of divine love. So are you, dear reader!

Don’t forget who you are. Don’t forget from where you come. Don’t forget to where you are going! Always remember that you are divine, loved, and never alone. Then you can sing, like Moana:

Come what may

I know the way

I am (insert your name here)!  

Cheryl S. Savage

Cheryl S. Savage has one incredible husband and seven sensational kids. Since earning her bachelor’s degree in marriage and family studies at BYU many years ago, she spends her time raising the kids, teaching piano lessons, voraciously reading, traveling, romanticizing, writing, and learning. She and her husband have moved their family from coast to coast, but currently reside in Kansas.