My strength of will has served me well throughout my life. I’m passionate about what I believe in my heart to be true. That strength or passion has sometimes been misinterpreted by others as a tough skin. Some would describe me as tough or stubborn. I even refer to myself as stubborn, but it is really just passion. I feel deeply about things, and when I do, I’m vocal about it.

The irony of this situation is that I’m also an introvert. I do not like to be the center of attention. I detest when I have to be vocal about anything. The introvert in me wants to sit in the corner of the room, lean against the back wall and keep my mouth shut. The introvert in me wants to sit in a meeting and let everyone else do the talking. The introvert in me wants to let everyone else battle it out while I sit as the quiet observer.

My life is a quagmire of uncomfortable situations because I feel passionately about a lot of things. That means I often feel like the bad guy. I was always the bad guy with my kids. My passion to raise good kids made me the disciplinarian. My passion for fairness often pitted me against the school district. My passion for agency often rattled relationships with extended family members. My passion for my job at times irritated those who didn’t understand the intricacies of the justice system.

When the things I’m passionate about meet the introvert in me, my heart leaps in my throat. Try as I might—and I try very hard—passion always wins.

While this gift of passion, strength, tenacity, or whatever you want to call it has served me well in life, it is uncomfortable. It is particularly uncomfortable as it relates to church callings. It is simply not possible for me to sit silently in a ward council meeting. If I’ve got something to say, it’s out there. It’s on the table. The bishopric can agree or not agree, but my opinion is on the table. As a writer, I think better with the written word, so email is incredibly important to me when it comes to church callings. I’m sure there have been bishops who have dreaded the countless emails received from me. I’m passionate about “return and report,” and I’m passionate about “telling it like it is.”

What I wish people knew about me is that every time I hit “send” on an e-mail, and every time I lay my cards on the table in a meeting, it is uncomfortable for this introvert. It’s not easy being me. I’m not stubborn by choice any more than I’m vocal by choice. I hate pointing out the obvious. I detest being the bad guy. I feel physically ill when I have to speak up.

I feel sorry for all the bishops I’ve served under. I know I’m the bane of their existence. I’m the squeaky wheel demanding the grease. I’m the phone call they want to avoid and the email they don’t want to read. I’m even more sorry for their wives and children, as I know how much family time I squelch by pointing out the obvious and speaking my mind. If I had a choice in the matter, the ward would run on status quo, but the Spirit whispers to use my gift of passion.

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

I’ve tried to figure out why Heavenly Father would give the gift of passion to an introvert. Was it to test me? Was it to see how I would deal with the challenge? It finally occurred to me that if He gave the gift of passion to an extrovert, an egomaniac would emerge. No one works well with an egomaniac. Nothing would get done. An introvert knows when it is important to speak up, even if she/he doesn’t want to do it.

Doing the Lord’s work is not easy. We each have to recognize our talents and gifts. Then we must set out to use those talents and gifts to the best of our ability, regardless of our personality. This is our challenge. This is the test we are all given. While we may sometimes wish we could trade in our gifts for something more to our liking, Heavenly Father has eternal perspective. He knows what we need in order to accomplish His work. He also knows what we need in order to grow and to return to His presence.

To all those introverts with the gift of passion who may be reading this, keep the faith. There is a reason for everything.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

After my son was diagnosed with ADD and we finally had him on the right medication and dosage, my Mom-radar or “Mom-dar” was still on alert. Something was still bothering me, and I didn’t feel like we had completely solved things.

My son had to have dental surgery when he was two years old. The dentist asked me if my son slept well because he had the largest adenoids he’d ever seen, and he was hard to wake up. I thought he’d been sleeping okay and started checking on him at night, but I didn’t forget this comment.

More background—since my son was little, he’s always been a pretty logical thinker. He obviously doesn’t have the experience of an adult, but he tries to think through cause and effect, and reason things out based on his experience. He gets really bent out of shape if he senses even a little hypocrisy or injustice.

“There was no way to help him dig out of whatever mental corner he was in.”

However, in the last few years, there were these moments when he was completely unreasonable. There was no explanation or conversation that would bring him back to a normal, levelheaded conversation. One night in particular, we were all frustrated with each other, and we offered him one option after the other—and he kind of acted “out of his mind.” There was no way to help him dig out of whatever mental corner he was in. We even tested his blood sugar, thinking maybe this was impacting his thought processes. His blood sugar was fine.

Afterward, my husband kept wondering if he was sleeping well. Due to my husband and the previous comments years ago from the dentist, I asked the doctor once if my son should have a sleep study—when you stay overnight at a clinic and they hook you up to sensors to monitor your breathing, heart rate, and brain activity. This is how they diagnose many adults with sleep apnea. Doctor didn’t see the need. Next appointment, I was more insistent. We got a sleep study.

During the sleep study, I slept on a pull-out couch in the same room. The technicians never came in to hook him up to oxygen, so I took that as a good sign. However, somehow we were put on the low priority list (or our results were misplaced) and no one called us for four months—think of it, four additional months during the school year while my child was struggling to focus.

Finally, a beautiful angel of a doctor called us. She was a sleep specialist, and she was upset that no one had contacted us. I was in tears over the phone as she told me that my son did NOT have sleep apnea, but that he had a sleep disorder. She told me that he hit REM sleep about 2 hours after when he went to bed—and this wasn’t normal.

“I was elated because we finally had an answer; elated that my “Mom-dar” was right again!”

She wanted us to come in for an appointment. In the meantime, she gave me some things to try before the appointment and said that it was fixable without prescription medication. She felt bad because of the delay—I was elated because we finally had an answer; elated that my “Mom-dar” was right again! I was ecstatic that someone finally had a name and a cure for what I was seeing.

Just think of it: repeated lack of sleep or continual poor sleep does cause insanity— and we were occasionally seeing this in our child. And we didn’t need a full sleep study to diagnose it; all we needed was an appointment to be evaluated by a sleep specialist.

If I remember correctly, the doctor said about 40% of ADD/ADHD patients have some type of sleep disorder. If you ask a parent, “What time does your child fall to sleep?” and the parent says, “After I do,” or “I’m not sure,” they might have a child with a sleep disorder. If you ask the child, “What time do your parents fall asleep?” and the child confidently says, “Mom’s out by 11:00 p.m.”—red flag.

Turns out, my child has two sleep disorders. He has a delayed REM, and he has restless leg. Lack of iron is tied to restless leg, so it is an easy fix. Daily iron supplements taken with Vitamin C to help the body absorb the iron, helps resolve restless leg. When he was a baby/toddler and he crawled into bed with us, we’d send him back to bed. He would pinwheel/spin all night. Having a kid’s foot in your face at 2:00 a.m.—not fun. Now I have a different perspective about those nights.

REM delay is minimized by turning off the electronics (blue light) one hour before bed, wearing blue light blocking glasses, taking over-the-counter Melatonin, and getting extra time outside in the morning daylight. Think of it as resetting/retraining your bio clock.

My additional observation is that extra exercise also helps. Karate, soccer, baseball, or swimming lessons seem to help some. And if he can remember to complete his schoolwork, we love for him to participate in these things (but not all at once).

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

To me, if 40% of ADD/ADHD patients have a sleep disorder, then there should be a significant discussion on sleep with the learning and development doctors. Not just, “Is he sleeping okay?” There should be an automatic referral to a sleep specialist or more specific questions asked of the parents. Otherwise, you’re sending insane kids home to frustrated and tired parents—and then you wonder why there are problems at home.

Knowing there is a name for a problem and additionally, that there are ways to help the problem, is a tremendous relief for a parent. It means no one is at fault. I can identify my “enemy” (ADD and sleep disorders) and I can formulate an “attack plan” (medication, glasses, vitamins) to weaken my enemy.

If you are listening to a parent complain, do them a favor and listen carefully. Does something seem slightly off-nominal or unusual? Then maybe gently suggest that it’s time to call a doctor or a specialist; maybe its time for them to get some extra help.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

The Diagnosis

Something was wrong with my son. Someone I don’t like and don’t respect for a multitude of reasons basically twisted our arms into taking him to a specialist. He was finally diagnosed with ADD. There are three main “flavors” of ADD/ADHD – hyperactive, inattentive, and impulsive. Some people have one or the other, some people have a mixed diagnosis, and sometimes each flavor looks like the others. Sometimes ADD/ADHD is also mixed with more serious disorders. My son is inattentive. Thus, he struggles with us and his school teachers. Few others can see his challenges. I’m grateful he isn’t hyperactive since the entire world struggles with and doesn’t understand hyperactive people—especially children.

I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t think “ADD”

I was in denial, and it took me a little bit to accept the diagnosis. It was hard for me to see my beautiful, kind, athletic, handsome, and smart son as anything less than the “perfect” child I had always hoped for. I looked at him and felt he had more natural gifts than I ever had, and I saw a bright future. However, as we continued to struggle with getting things done—with homework and sometimes chapter test scores that didn’t reflect what was in his brain, I knew there was something wrong. However, I didn’t think ADD. I thought he was lazy or “too” gifted. I thought he just didn’t know how to work for something.

What bothered me is that there is no scientific test for ADD/ADHD—no blood, urine, or fecal sample. No brain scan typically. It is a diagnosis based on the observation of the parents and teachers in his life. We fill out a questionnaire, the questionnaires are scored, and the diagnosis is estimated. I could easily see how an adult’s experience with other children could drastically tweak the diagnosis. It didn’t seem like real science to me.

When Things Finally Started Making Sense

What finally “clicked” for me were a couple of things:

• • The school director said that taking the ADD medication would immediately tell us if he was ADD. If it worked, the diagnosis was correct. If it didn’t work, then the diagnosis was incorrect. Lastly, if it helped partially, the diagnosis wasn’t complete. This seemed logical to me.

• • I spent the day in my son’s classroom. The teacher said it was the best he had performed in weeks, because he obviously wanted to impress me. However, I could still see how much he was struggling to focus even when he wanted to do his best. I took a break and left campus to get some lunch. I sat in a restaurant, called my Mom, and cried my eyes out in public. He was so happy to have me there, but I could also see him struggle to focus.

• • His teacher shared a classroom with his previous teacher. She said she listened to his previous teacher all year asking my son to focus, again and again and again.

• • Our HMO is known to have a weakness in handling learning disabilities and mental health. So, I took him to the leading specialist in the region to get a second opinion. I finally felt like someone listened to me, and I could get educated answers based on his many years of experience. He told me that my son was taking far less medication than recommended, and that even at a full level there was no risk of addiction.

• • I remembered that even as a toddler, I used to put my hands on both sides of his face, and turn his eyes to look into mine in order to get his attention. In fact, when I’m distracted and he wants my attention away from my computer, he sometimes does the same to me. When I remembered this, it was like “Ah ha! Nothing I did, or fed him, or said to him caused this.” I still remind myself of this when I need to cope with “Mommy guilt.”

• • The learning doctor asked him to remember three simple things. Then she talked to him for a few minutes. Then she asked him to tell her what those three things were, and he couldn’t remember. Lights went off again in my head. He can’t remember to do three instructions around the house. My other child can. Other children I have met can remember three things. Often my son can’t. He struggles with papers, tests, and reports that ask “What three things was Teddy Roosevelt known for? What were the three reasons that the pilgrims came to the Americas? Name the three ….” Multiple choice, true or false, he can ace it. Remembering a set of things, however, puts him at a disadvantage.

• • I finally realized that it wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about my hopes and dreams or my own pride. This was about my son. It was about providing him every tool he needed in order to succeed; it was about giving him a way out of the mental prison he was in. This was about helping him, and it wasn’t about the world thinking I’m a horrible parent.

It’s Not Just “Boredom”

My son’s ADD isn’t about the normal boredom that we all experience, and it isn’t his laziness or our bad parenting. As it was described in one of the many classes we’ve taken, his mind is literally operating at two different speeds and both are seemingly out of sync with the rest of the world. The medication puts his mind in sync.

“He can also be hyper-focused on something he really wants weeks from now.”

He can also be hyper-focused on something he really wants weeks from now. For instance, buying a new video game or a friend’s party or a field trip or getting Mom to take him to Target on Saturday will consume his thoughts for weeks. Because of this, we try to avoid telling him about some things in order to ease his distraction levels.

He also has some aspects of impulsiveness. Most kids will stop talking when they are in trouble with Mom and Dad—MOST kids. No matter how much trouble he’s in—if he’s thinking it, it comes out of his mouth. There is no editor. So, he just digs himself into a deeper and deeper hole. We are working on this one as well. We are working on our patience and his ability to be a self-editor.

He’s stubborn naturally—but when the ADD is winning, he’s illogically stubborn and abnormally self-absorbed. Thirty minutes after taking his medication, he’s the sweetest, most caring and helpful kid you’ve ever met. He’s the son I know and love.

ADD Medication

The ADD medication can stunt a child’s growth and reduce their appetite, so most parents try to administer the medication only when needed for school. His medication gets him through the school day, but is pretty much worn off by the time he has to do homework. He has to personally fight with himself to complete one assignment each night (and this really manifests as fighting with everyone in the family). And if his teacher has criticized or berated him, making him feel hopeless, or his set of assignments grows too large, also making him feel hopeless—you can forget it. Panic sets in. He has a meltdown because he doesn’t see a way out—like college-level meltdowns my friends and I used to have.

As you can imagine, we don’t skip school for vacations, and I schedule doctor’s appointments as close to the end of the day as possible, as putting him behind in schoolwork just isn’t an option. I’ve been working with him on coping through these near-panic situations. He personally prevented himself from panicking and worked his way out of a hopeless situation recently. I was really happy about it; I counted that as a win in my book.

We don’t see evidence of his ADD medication affecting his athletic abilities.

September through October, when the school year is just starting, he does pretty well. But then tiredness sets in and the rest of the year is a struggle. Having Christmas breaks doesn’t help. He basically operates at less than optimal when it gets to be mid-November through the end of January, impacting two out of four academic quarters. There are times during the summer or holidays when a pill is needed just for family sanity, and I think there is no shame in this if it keeps peace in your home. When he’s playing sports, we can’t see any clear evidence that taking his medication helps or hurts his game play.

Practicing Patience: Thank You

Teachers, thank you for not giving up on these kids. Just remember when you’re struggling with a child like my son that the parents get the child AFTER work (when both parent and child are tired) WITHOUT any medication.

However, we could still see that something else wasn’t quite right. My Mommy radar was still sending off alarms. I’ll explain more in Part II.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

Dad used to say that the only thing he had to leave us with was his sense of humor. If he had been a multimillionaire, he couldn’t have left me anything more valuable. Laughing at life, and at myself, has kept me alive and kicking. It’s awfully hard to find the silver lining sometimes without the ability to laugh in the face of adversity.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught in one of my favorite General Conference talks of all time great lessons on how to face adversity. I highly encourage everyone to read it. One of the things he taught was that we should learn to laugh.

The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Come What May and Love It,” Oct. 2008 General Conference).

The best memories of my childhood were the moments of laughter. Dad had a loud, infectious laugh, and Mom laughed right along with him — except that her laugh was silent as her belly jiggled up and down. These are wonderful memories that I wish every child could experience. No matter how bad things got, my parents could laugh. They not only found the silver lining, they cloned it and sewed it into the lives of their children.

“Over the years I have learned a few things that have helped me through times of testing and trial . . . The first thing we can do is learn to laugh.” – Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Some of the darkest moments of my life have been turned around while laughing. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

Finding the silver lining isn’t always easy and, like everything worthwhile, it requires practice and patience. Sometimes the silver lining is simply looking at our stressed-to-the-max selves and thinking, “I’m a total disaster, and I look a mess, but I’m alive and kicking.”

Lately, I’ve been very blessed. I’ve had ups and downs in my life like everyone else, but for the moment, I’m at the top of the roller coaster. I know that there will be challenges in the future as we are getting older. For now, I’m counting my blessings and feeling grateful for this peaceful time in our lives. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments of temporary insanity. While there may not be any big crisis in our lives at this time, there are still those little frustrating moments when I want to scream.

I’m technologically stupid, and there are times when I want to throw my computer out the window. This morning when I couldn’t connect to my internet server, I did everything I was taught to do. I unplugged the modem and the router, waited 30 seconds, and reconnected them. After doing that several times unsuccessfully, my blood began to boil. I knew that if I called my son-in-law, he would come to my rescue, but I didn’t want to bother him. It’s only been a couple of weeks since he came over and installed a new bathroom fan for us, and he is a busy man. I called my internet provider, but they have changed the phone options, and I could not get through to a technician.

My husband left the house because he had something scheduled, but I think he was also glad to escape the tantrum he knew was brewing. As I sat there by myself, I began to see myself in a different way—in my pajamas, hair in full on “bed head” mode, red faced, and fuming. I began to laugh at myself.

It’s funny when you laugh at yourself; you begin to think more clearly. I realized what I needed to do to bypass the internet provider’s circular phone message and connect myself with a human being. As usual, my technical problem was more complicated and weird than the norm, and even the technical helper was stumped for a bit. Eventually, however, the problem was solved.

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

The number of problems that can be solved if we calm ourselves with laughter and find the silver lining is truly amazing. The silver lining for me was that I have a good internet provider who employs technicians who don’t give up — but it was the laughter that calmed my heart enough to find my way to that technician. The other silver lining — if I couldn’t fix it myself, I knew my son-in-law would bail me out. I just needed to take a step back, relax, see the good in the situation, laugh, and think logically.

Laughter is often how I find the silver lining in my problems. Laughter is not a bad thing. After all, “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Nephi 2:25)

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

The abject sorrow that comes with death, the bereavement that follows the passing of a loved one are mitigated only by the certainty of the Resurrection of the Son of God that first Easter morning (Gordon B. Hinckley, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1995-2008), This Glorious Easter Morn, Apr. 1996 General Conference).

All of us will grieve the loss of loved ones. It is part of our mortal experience. I’m old enough to have mourned the loss of a number of loved ones, young and old. My grandparents, parents, my husband’s parents, my stepson, my husband’s nephew, and aunts, uncles, and cousins on both sides have all passed away.

As a matter of fact, today marks the 33rd anniversary of the baby I lost by miscarriage. While the experience is not always the same, President Hinckley was right; the only thing that eventually eases the pain is that perfect faith in the resurrection.

Each Easter as I study about and ponder that first Easter morning and the resurrection of Jesus Christ, I’m filled with joy and wonder. The knowledge of resurrection is both comforting and empowering. I take comfort in knowing that we will all be resurrected and made whole. There will be no pain, nor suffering. Our imperfect bodies will be perfected. Empowerment comes with knowing that if my family is obedient to our Heavenly Father’s commandments, we will live together once more.

Empowerment comes with action to make that happen. I don’t have to sit idly by and wonder what may or may not happen after death—I can participate in making a loving eternal home for my family.

I am humbled and awe struck by the sacrifice of my Savior, Jesus Christ. The love that He has for us is incomprehensible. As a writer, it is frustrating there are no words in my vocabulary to describe how His love makes me feel—or how it affects my life.

The older I get, the more understanding I gain. The more understanding I gain, the more the Savior’s sacrifice affects the everyday decisions I make. That first Easter morning is both a comfort and a constant reminder to me that I need to keep my focus on Jesus Christ and follow Him.

Death is a part of living, as is birth. None of us escapes either. Grief is a part of losing loved ones, and does not mean a lack of faith. Grief is a natural part of love. In that grief, however, we can feel comfort in knowing that Jesus knows our pain. He suffered all pain so that He could have the necessary compassion for us. The comfort He gives is a direct result of the suffering He endured for us.

Heavenly Father has provided a way for us to overcome death through the atonement and sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We can be comforted through the same process. We can be healed of our grief.

Easter gives us something else—hope.

The joyful news that He is risen does not change the contemporary world. Still before us lie work, discipline, sacrifice. But the fact of Easter gives us the spiritual power to do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice. —Henry Knox Sherrill

The spiritual power that Mr. Sherrill refers to is hope. We have the power to hope for something better than we have here. We have hope that we will live with our Heavenly Parents, and we have hope that we will be with our families forever. We have hope that our pain is washed away and our bodies renewed and perfected.

It is that hope that gives us the willingness to do the work. Mr. Sherrill refers to work, discipline, and sacrifice. I love that he puts the burden of eternal happiness right where it should be—on us. We must do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice.

All those verbs belong to us; not the Lord. He has done his part. He has atoned for our sins and suffered the cruelty and agony of the cross at Calvary. It is our responsibility to meet Him the rest of the way. If we aren’t willing to do our part, we can’t very well complain about the end result.

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances. —Robert Flatt

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

As an imperfect mortal being, I make a lot of mistakes—just ask my children. Sometimes I feel like I’m 60 years old going on 15. I want to be so much further along in my spiritual development than is the reality. Easter gives me hope. The atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ is something that I think about daily, because I make mistakes daily.

I know that if I just have faith, I will also have power to pick up and start again. The resurrection does give my life meaning and direction. Heaven knows my need to start over constantly. That’s the beauty of Easter morning. It brings hope. We hope not only to be reunited with loved ones, but for comfort in our grief, guidance in our lives, endurance in our pain and suffering, and determination to keep trying.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything—except what is worth knowing. — Oscar Wilde

I admit to spending more time than I should following links on the internet out of total curiosity. Some of the time spent is well worth the time and effort in the interest of education. However, far too often the time spent is mindless clicking in order to procrastinate doing things that would be a far better use of my time. There is far too much curiosity about the lives of other people, as well. If I spent half the time I spend scrolling through pictures of what people eat for breakfast studying the scriptures, listening to good music, and making my home a place to invite the Spirit, I’d be a much better person. I don’t think I’m alone in this.

We seem to be most curious about people. Curiosity is a good thing if it is used in the right way. We are all curious about the lives of those people close to us. There is validity in the idea of listening to people talk about their lives in the interest of friendship, good will, and being a good neighbor. There is also a point to shut it down. When you find yourself interfering and applying peer pressure to convince someone to adapt to the way you would do things, there is a problem. This unquenchable thirst to know everything about other people’s lives can be addicting and damaging when it escalates into trying to fix everyone.

While social media is the perfect temptress of the busybody, it also happens in everyday face-to-face conversations. It happens at work, at school, in the community, and even in our homes. We all seem to think we know everything there is to know, and that everyone else needs to follow our lead. Newsflash: If we were perfect, we wouldn’t be here.

Latter-day Saints (members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) are faced with a double-edged sword. We are tasked with the responsibility of being good member missionaries to spread the good news to our neighbors. We act like we know how to fix people’s lives—and for good reason. If the gospel principles that we teach are followed, lives can and will be fixed. The problem is that we often forget that others have agency—God-given agency that even God won’t take away. Sometimes people just don’t want to be fixed. Sometimes they just want us to be their friend and accept them with all their foibles. Don’t we all?

We must be careful that our insatiable curiosity to know everything about people is an honest curiosity. Sometimes we focus in on the faults of a person and apply pressure to correct that fault when that little flaw isn’t even worth knowing about the person compared to all their good character traits. If we overlook the little things, we often find precious jewels below the surface. You can’t see the gem stones within until you brush off the dirt that doesn’t matter.

In the various callings that I’ve held in the Church, I’ve often been associated with members whose spouses are not attending Church, or sometimes the spouse is not a member. We should be making friends with the spouses and setting a good example. In the interest of being good missionaries, we should invite them to join in our activities. It is not our place, however, to fix them. Latter-day Saints love people, and we want to share the goodness we have with others—and that’s as it should be. Sometimes others don’t want to share in that goodness—and that’s perfectly okay. We can still be friends.

Recently, a member of the Church who is not currently attending asked a question on social media about how to reassure her spouse that just because she had dropped out of Church she wasn’t giving up on her marriage, and still loved him. The question was totally ignored, and the reaction was to try to reconvert her to the gospel. I found myself stepping into the conversation and answering her question to deflect the peer pressure. This person has obviously used her agency and made a choice. Religion is a very personal thing. We need to respect her decision. We also need to remain her friends.

At some point, she may very well resolve her issues and return to Church, but not if she is bantered and bullied by peer pressure. My curiosity about this person is to know her good qualities; not the things that are none of my business. If I get all wrapped up in her decision to leave the Church, I will miss the fact that she is a good wife who loves her husband and wants to reassure him that she still loves him. By learning this one thing about her that isn’t worth knowing, I could derail what is worth knowing about this new friend. I can be a missionary by being a good friend, listening, answering questions, and setting a good example. It is not my place to tell her how to run her life.

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

Instead of being busybodies, getting all the dirt on people, and then trying to fix them, we would be better missionaries if we lived our own lives, tried to see the good qualities in others, and set a good example to all we meet. Let your insatiable curiosity be satisfied with the gems within; not the dirt on the surface. Learn how to discern what is worth knowing and what to brush aside and forget.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord (Luke 2:11).

I love celebrating Christ’s birth. I love teaching my children and grandchildren about it. It seems to me that the Spirit works hard on me during the Christmas season. I find myself doing a lot of self-analysis.

Earlier this month when I began decorating my home for Christmas, the thought kept coming to my mind “What does Jesus want me to be?” Notice that I didn’t say, “What would Jesus do?” There’s a difference. I couldn’t stop thinking about this for several days. What (or who) does Jesus want me to be?

Becoming more like Jesus

At first I thought about my attitudes and actions. I have a long way to go in the process of becoming more like Jesus. I must learn to control my thoughts from being cynical and critical if I am ever going to have any degree of success in becoming more Christlike.

All too often my mind drifts to a better way someone else could have done something. My way to do things is always the right way in my own mind. I’m a very independent woman, which has served me well. Unfortunately, in maintaining some of that independence I’ve developed some bad habits. Sometimes I don’t see the bigger picture. I forget that others have skills different from my own that can enrich and build if they are only given the chance without my cynicism.

What does Jesus want me to be? That question took on a more practical aspect when I received a message from a head hunter who had seen my resume on LinkedIn and thought my skills were perfect for a legal secretary job at a local insurance company. She asked if it was the right time for me to come out of my hiatus or temporary retirement from the legal field. I spent a good deal of time that night thinking about what Jesus wants me to be in the literal sense.

My Mission

Since I quit my job four years ago to spend more time with my husband, I’ve consecrated my writing skills to God. While it would be nice to be paid at some point for my writing, the last four years writing for various LDS sites, and editing for one, has been an experience I would not trade for anything. I was not able to serve a full-time mission for the Church, so I feel this has been my mission.

I made the decision months ago to quit writing for LDSBlogs (and other LDS sites) for a while. Terrie Lynn Bittner, who was the editor for LDSBlogs until she passed away earlier this year, had been encouraging me to write a book. She even suggested that I turn the marriage articles I wrote in 2014 for LDSBlogs into a book. My goal for 2016 is to seriously look into doing just that.

As I have reread those marriage articles, I’ve realized that I have a very important decision to make. Will I take out the majority of the LDS quotes and write for a larger audience with the possibility of making a small amount of money as a new author? Will I write for an LDS audience and seriously hamper the possibility of any financial gain?

There is nothing wrong with making money from my writing. Heavenly Father certainly knows our financial situation since I quit my job, and He knows that we have two aging vehicles which will eventually need to be turned in to buy one reliable used car with a hopefully small car payment. He has repeatedly given me the answer that it is not the right time to go back to work in a legal office. What I need to know now is whether it is the right time for me to try to make a little money from my writing, or if I should continue to consecrate my skills to building up His kingdom. I don’t have the answer to that question yet, but I’m working on it.

What does Jesus want me to be? He wants me to be a better person. He wants me to look inside myself and find out who I really am. He wants me to discover my divine nature. He wants me to stand tall and defend the Church. He wants me to realize my potential.

Conference Insights

In my insomniac state this week, I’ve been reading the October 2015 General Conference talks in the November Ensign and highlighting them. Nothing has stirred my soul more than President Russell M. Nelson’s plea to the sisters of the Church.

The kingdom of God is not and cannot be complete without women who make sacred covenants and then keep them, women who can speak with the power and authority of God! . . . [W]e need women who know how to make important things happen by their faith and who are courageous defenders of morality and families in a sin-sick world. We need women who are devoted to shepherding God’s children along the covenant path toward exaltation; women who know how to receive personal revelation, who understand the power and peace of the temple endowment; women who know how to call upon the powers of heaven to protect and strengthen children and families; women who teach fearlessly. . . . Sisters, do you realize the breadth and scope of your influence when you speak those things that come to your heart and mind as directed by the Spirit? . . . We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve. . . . [S]tep forward! Take your rightful and needful place in your home, in your community, and in the kingdom of God—more than you ever have before. . . . [R]ise to your full stature, to fulfill the measure of your creation, as we walk arm in arm in this sacred work (President Russell M. Nelson, A Plea to My Sisters, Oct. 2015 General Conference).

What does Jesus want me to be? Elder Nelson pretty much laid it on the table for me. I love that our inspired leaders speak plain truth. There’s no sugar coating it. It’s right out there staring me in the face.

Next…

As I begin my journey apart from my weekly column here, I take with me so much. I had never written a weekly column before, and it was not an easy task for me. There was a ton of self-analysis the last two years writing for LDSBlogs. I hope to submit a random thought from time to time as the Spirit moves me, but as I begin looking into the possibility of a book, I won’t have the time for a weekly column. LDSBlogs provided me an outlet to learn about myself as I perfected my writing skills and gained confidence. It doesn’t get better than that.

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

Today, as we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I hope we will all ask ourselves, “What does Jesus want me to be?” If we prayerfully ask that question, we just might discover our divine nature.

Merry Christmas!

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

When you want a boat to go faster you start rowing, when you want your life to get better, you start doing! — Unknown

A few years back I wanted my life to get better. I loved the full-time job I had, but I wanted to spend more time with my husband. We were recent empty nest-ers, and I wanted us to get closer. We had been raising children for so many years, and I wanted to finally have some alone time. My husband is twelve years older than I am, and I didn’t want to wait until I was retirement age to quit working and risk not having time with him while he was still healthy. I started rowing that boat. I took a big virtual red pen to our budget and quit my job. It was a pretty scary thing to do, but it was the only thing that was going to get my boat moving.

Today, as we celebrate our 39th anniversary, I’m really glad I started rowing that boat and doing the things we love. We are not world travelers, and we don’t travel around the country in a motor home, but we are enjoying life together. We enjoy movies together, day trips, shopping for grandchildren, and many other things. Sometimes it is nice just to sit quietly and hold hands.

Our lives are not spent in boredom, as we both find plenty of things to do. It is really true that retired people can be busier than working people. I don’t know how that’s possible, but I’ve learned that it is.

Looking back, our 39 years together has meant a lot of rowing and a lot of doing. Raising children is just plain hard, and every day presented challenges that could make the strongest of couples turn tail and run. Instead, you just start doing.

The baby has a dirty diaper, the toddler is throwing up, the 6-year-old just wet the bed, the 12-year-old is up late because of procrastination to finish a report, and both parents are exhausted. Sound familiar? The only thing to do is start doing. You don’t even think about it because it’s too overwhelming. Mom grabs a fresh diaper while Dad cleans up the toddler. Mom directs the 6-year-old to change pajamas while waiting for fresh bed linens, and Dad reminds the 12-year-old to stay focused. Somehow you all get through the night. In the morning, you pat yourselves on the back for not drowning, and you keep rowing the boat.

I remember the day my son had an appendectomy. I received a call at the office that he was ill. My husband was headed for urgent care. My son had been complaining of a stomach ache for several days off and on. This would be the third trip to the doctor in a week. I was a legal secretary on a deadline and couldn’t leave the office, so I did the only thing I could do. I said a prayer and started rowing. As soon as I got my motion on its way to the court, I headed to meet my husband at the hospital.

By the time I got there, it was determined surgery was in order for a perforated appendix that had been hiding from the x-rays all week. My husband had everything in order at the hospital, as well as making sure our teenagers were caring for our youngest. He had been rowing the boat quite fast that afternoon. I was grateful to have a husband who knew how to step it up when it was needed. Together we got through the next excruciating hours while we waited to hear news from the surgeon.

The oars to our boat move a little slower these days, as we are drifting through smoother waters. It’s nice to meander through sparkling clear river water enjoying the sunshine on our faces while looking back upstream through where we have been. The river was long, windy, and sometimes mean. Our boat tipped back and forth a few times, but never surrendered to the deep. We always managed to stay afloat. When the waters were murky, we prayed for clarity. When we hit rapids, we paddled faster and with greater force. Drowning was not an option.

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

We try not to look downstream too often at where we are going, because we know there are rapids ahead. As we move ever closer to the end of our lives, we know there will be health challenges, and other trials. When those days come, we will do what we have always done. We’ll grab the oars and row. We’ll start doing what needs to be done. We’ll take one baby step at a time. We’ll keep moving until we’ve reached the end. We know that the rapids will eventually dissipate, and this time our river will empty into an ocean of beauty.

Happy anniversary to my sweetie—39 years and counting.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

This existence is not about learning to accept reality; but rather remembering your power to create it. — Michael Cummings

Years ago, I had a coworker who had a defeatist attitude. He had a lovely wife, a good job, and played in a band outside of work, but he was never happy. Nothing was ever good enough for him. He was never good enough. His life was never good enough. His job didn’t satisfy him. Even the band became a chore to him.

Since this coworker took his lunch break about the time I took mine, we often were in the break room together. I tried to be friends with him and to help him. I tried to show him the good side of his life and to make him smile. Nothing ever worked. I told him one day that if he was truly that unhappy with his life, he should think about how he could change it for the better. He ignored me. He was content in accepting his fate at this horrible life he had dreamed up to wallow in—even though he had many blessings. He was so wrapped up in his own doldrums, he couldn’t see those blessings.

This talented young man had the power to create his own wonderful reality. Yet, he chose to accept the status quo that made him so unhappy. It was sad to watch him deteriorate into a person nobody wanted to work with or be around. He alienated his coworkers. I tried for a long time to help him, but after a while it became such a depressing situation for me that I began to take my lunch to the park instead of eating in the break room so that happiness wasn’t drained from me. He became so at odds with people at work that it wasn’t long until he got into some trouble and was fired.

I’ve thought about this young man often. It is such a tragedy when we don’t see the potential in ourselves to make our lives better. We are all children of God. We have divine nature. God gave us the power to create something beautiful in our own lives. What a shame it is when we waste the potential given to us.

[I]f you trust the Lord and obey Him, His hand shall be over you, He will help you achieve the great potential He sees in you, and He will help you to see the end from the beginning (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, See the End from the Beginning, Apr. 2006 General Conference).

If my friend at work had been able to trust in the Lord, his life may have been very different. Since he was not able to see the potential that Heavenly Father saw in him, he was not able to progress on any level. Heavenly Father wants us to succeed, and He is there to help. If only we would just ask.

The atonement of Jesus Christ is there to heal not only our sins, but our pain. The atonement only works, however, if we reach out to Christ. He can help carry the pain and see our eternal and divine potential. It is there for the asking. We create our own reality by looking up, reaching out, and using the atonement of Jesus Christ.

How do we learn to look up? Life can be hard, and sometimes we all get pulled down. If we continue to keep our vision focused on all things eternal, we will not lose the power to change our reality into something better that is worthy of our divinity as children of God. If we read the scriptures every single day—even if only a few verses—it will help us to keep looking up.

We must express gratitude to our Heavenly Father for all our blessings. As we count our blessings, we will be drawn to look up. The reality that we want to create is our eternal home with our families. As we make progress in our attempts to create that reality, it is amazing how it affects our happiness in the here and now. Heavenly Father’s plan is a plan of happiness. Our Father does not want us to be in the doldrums. He wants us to enjoy our amazing adventure here on earth. He is there to help us in everything we do.

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

In order to look up, we need to pray—I mean really pray—not just words that bounce off the ceiling. In my opinion, talking to God one on one is the ultimate of spiritual experiences. Have real conversations with Him. Listen for His responses and for the inspiration that will come to you if you are truly in tune with the Spirit. Don’t accept the reality of this earthly life; seek always for the light and knowledge to create your own eternal reality.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not. — Seneca

I love the Thanksgiving holiday. People really do seem to sit back and take stock of their blessings. Wouldn’t it be nice if we did that every day of the year? It is perfect irony that the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday. Thursday we count our blessings and tell each other how satisfied we are with our lives, then on Friday we go out on a mass expedition to spend money we don’t have on things that don’t matter. Have you ever thought about that? Bizarre!

I’m very blessed. I have a husband who adores me—though I’ve never been able to figure out why. My children and their spouses are good people who have given me precious grandchildren. Recently, I became a great-granny for the first time. I write my articles ahead of their publication date, so today is actually August 26th. I am expecting a new granddaughter just about the time this article will be published. Who knows? Maybe we will even have a Thanksgiving baby! As you read this, it’s possible I’m sitting in a hospital room holding her for the first time. Life is truly good.

There are a lot of “have nots,” but that’s okay. I’d love to travel, but I can travel through the eyes of my sister and good friends. I don’t own a lot of fancy technology, but I do just fine. I wash dishes by hand, and there are gouges in the linoleum floor in the kitchen. There are some minor repairs that need to be made at home, but they will have to wait until a better time financially. None of those things are important, and I am content with life as it is.

As we transition from Thanksgiving to Christmas, I hope we can all keep that feeling of gratitude in our hearts. Maybe we can focus on the gratitude we have for Jesus Christ. Hopefully, we will be thinking about our families and showing our gratitude for them.

I’m not the Grinch, and I don’t want to steal anyone’s Christmas buying fun here. I will also be making purchases for my loved ones. However, they will be modest purchases. There will be some handmade gifts that I made last January and have stored all year. These items were made with love. I know not everyone has the time, nor the inclination to make handmade gifts. This is something that I personally really enjoy. It is much more pleasurable for me to give a gift that I’ve made with my own hands as an expression of my love.

I also love receiving gifts of love. A couple of years ago, some family members taught their children a couple of hymns to sing to my husband and me for Christmas. That was a lovely gift. It was gift from the heart.

Thanksgiving and Christmas should both stir our hearts to remembrance for the important things—none of which can be found in a department store at the mall. I hope as we remember our blessings that we thank our Heavenly Father for them. Sometimes our prayers end up being a long list of problems we need solved or “have nots” that we want fulfilled. Just as we want to be appreciated for the time we spend fulfilling the sugar plum dreams of our children, our Heavenly Father wants to be appreciated for the blessings he showers upon us.

You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance. — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I opened this article with a Seneca quote. Remember he said, “The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach.” Thinking about the greatest blessings being within us, maybe that means that the greatest blessings are when we serve others. Since most of us can’t go to a third world country to give service, we can serve those who are within our reach. We need not even stray far from our own family circle.

Serving others is truly a great blessing. Think about the last Christmas purchase you made, and then think about the last act of service you gave. Which was the greater blessing? The greatest blessings in our own lives are usually those blessings we are helping God bestow on others.

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

Be content with your lot. Count your blessings. Show gratitude to your Heavenly Father for all that you have. Help God bestow blessings on those within your reach. Let both Thanksgiving and Christmas be a time of gratitude. Maybe it will become such a habit after a month that we will all have gratitude in our hearts all year.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.