Ward: a congregation. Wards are organized according to the number of active members within a specific geographical location.

Branch: a very small congregation. Branches are also organized according to the number of active members within a specific geographical location, but they are much smaller congregations.

Stake: a group of congregations. Stakes are organized according to the number of wards or branches within a specific geographical location.

Meeting house: the church building where a group of wards and branches meet for Sunday meetings and other activities during the week. It is usually shared by 2-4 wards and branches. Also sometimes called a Ward building.

Stake Center: a larger meeting house or church. It usually has a gym with a stage for performances and other activities, the chapel is larger to accommodate more people, and a viewing screen for watching televised programs. The Stake President’s office is located in the Stake Center.

Bishop: a lay pastor for a ward. Bishops usually serve for a period of about five years, sometimes more.

First/Second Counselor: all Bishops and Presidents of all the auxiliaries in the LDS Church have two assistants called Counselors. Not only do they assist the Bishop, but they have specific responsibilities dependent on whether they are the First Counselor or the Second.

Primary: the children’s program for ages 18 months to 12 years. Primary meets during the 2nd and 3rd hours in the 3-hour block on Sundays. The classes are arranged according to birth year and each class moves on in January of each year. The Primary is divided into Nursery (18 months to 3 years), Junior Primary (3 to 7 years), and Senior Primary (8 to 11 years).

The Nursery is a self-contained classroom where the children play, have a short lesson and a snack. The older children meet in their classrooms for a lesson time, then divide into Junior and Senior primary for group activities, lessons and singing. During opening and/or closing exercises, a few children are assigned talks (speeches), scripture recitation and prayer to do in front of the entire Primary.

Young Men/Women: the program for youth ages 12 to 17 years. They meet during the 3rd hour and have weekly activities. They divide up according to age and gender and then move on to their next class on their birthday. The girls are divided into Beehives (12-13), Mia Maids (14-15), and Laurels (16-17). The boys are divided into Deacons (12-13), Teachers (14-15) and Priests (16-18).

Mutual: When speaking of Young Men and Young Women programs collectively, they are often called Mutual.

Gospel Doctrine: the main adult Sunday School class.

Gospel Essentials: a Sunday School class for those who are new to the Church, whether they are newly baptized or visiting.

Relief Society: the women’s program. On Sundays, they meet for lesson time during the 3rd hour in the 3-hour block. Once a quarter, they have an activity night called Enrichment Night. During Enrichment Night, they have a short lesson then divide into workshops on a variety of topics of interest to women. They also have various satellite groups that meet weekly or monthly. The groups vary widely by each ward are designed to meet the individual needs of the ward and women.

Priesthood: the men’s program. On Sundays, they meet for lesson time during the 3rd hour in the 3-hour block. They have quarterly family activities.

Calling: a position or responsibility in the Church, such as Primary teacher or Bishop. Members are invited to serve in the Church through their Bishops and/or his Counselors by inviting them into his office and extending the request that they serve in a specific capacity. The member can accept, decline or request time to think and pray about it before accepting or declining.

Sustain: to pledge support for someone in their calling.

Setting Apart: when a member receives, accepts and is sustained for a calling, they are then “set apart” for the calling. This is done with the Bishop and/or his Counselors laying their hands on the head of the person to bless the newly called member and offer guidance specific to the member and his calling.

Sacrament: often called communion in other faiths. The sacrament is offered each week except during Stake and General Conferences. It is bread and water.

Sacrament Meeting: the worship service. Often the 1st hour of the 3-hour block, Sacrament Meeting is the time when the sacrament is blessed and offered to the members of the congregation. Announcements are made and callings sustained during these meetings. The sermon is given by the members themselves. The Bishop and his Counselors call on members of the Church in advance to prepare talks (sermons or speeches) on a specific topic. There are usually 2-3 talks each week, one of which is given by a youth over the age of 12 years old.

Rebecca W

Becoming LDS is hard

Not only do new members have “the fullness of the everlasting gospel” to learn, but they also have an entire language, lifestyle and to leave behind. We’re all creatures of habit and we all like to feel comfortable. For some, becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is like moving to another country.

It is not an easy thing to become a member of this Church. In most cases it involves setting aside old habits, leaving old friends and associations, and stepping into a new society which is different and somewhat demanding (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Converts and Young Men,” Ensign, May 1997).

Sadly, I have, on occasion, seen newly baptized members criticized and treated poorly because they may talk or act differently than seasoned members. Some weather such actions against them and lean on their belief in the doctrines of the Church. Others, however, are deeply hurt or offended and walk away. Church members need to remember that it is often a significant paradigm shift when becoming a member, and that takes time and patience.

Be accepting

New members need nurturing, and that nurturing must come from Church members, particularly those within their own ward (congregation). They need people who will accept them as they are while helping them to learn and grow toward their potential.

And everyone, especially new members, needs to see friendly faces smiling at them when they walk into the building or classroom. They need to know that they are needed and wanted. They need true friends.

As members of the Church, we have the opportunity to shape the soil in which the new seedlings, or converts, try to grow. We can help provide either a nourishing or a hostile environment. In describing a nourishing environment, President Hinckley has stated that each new member “needs three things: a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with ‘the good word of God’ (Ensign, May 1997, 47)” (David E. Sorensen, “Why Baptism Is Not Enough,” Ensign, Apr 1999).

Be a friend

After a new member joins your ward, reach out to her. Walk up to her and introduce yourself and your family (if applicable) and what responsibilities you have in the ward. Tell her that she can contact you if she has any questions or needs some support. When she does, do all you can to be kind and accepting. You never know, she might become a cherished friend.

As I reflect back on my 16 years as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I remember many blunders and offenses – either on my part or that of other members. Thankfully I have weathered the fierce winds that blew. I’m still here to tell the tale. I also remember with fondness the members who accepted me as I was at the time yet encouraged me to grow. I will always be grateful for their friendship and kindness.

Rebecca W

This article was previously published on Ty James Knight

There’s a phrase in the LDS community that’s used almost too casually these days-

“Oh he left the church a long time ago.”

Or-“She doesn’t want anything to do with the church anymore.”

We may know someone who has either talked about a family member who does not go to church anymore, we may have in our own families someone who has “left the church”, or we ourselves have decided that the Mormon community isn’t the path we feel is the right one for us.

In each scenario, the person found outside the Mormon “community” may feel ostracized or less than because of the pressures of belonging and solidarity with the doctrines and cultures of the LDS church.

Too often, I fear that the first reaction to someone experiencing doubt or anger, fear or frustration with regards to Mormonism, is to try to cover up the issue by telling them, in effect, “this too shall pass, just keep having faith.” While that advice is not necessarily bad, it can be construed in a negative way sometimes.

Things happen to everyone, hard difficult things, and faith can be shaken, often lost, never to return again. So what is to be done?

Listen. Don’t try to “fix” them.

We can recite scriptures, tell them to pray, attend church, (all good things), but sometimes the person no longer feels a desire to do that, so the mistake made is to try to push back and say “But this is the right thing to do!!”

It may be the right thing for some, but for others, what’s needed is for someone to listen.

Listen to their side of the story, cry with them, try understand what they are experiencing. Make them feel like their voice is heard.

I have had conversations on the phone with loved ones who said they no longer felt included at church, felt like a finger of shame was constantly pointing in their direction, so they, in turn, left the church they grew up in.

Was that an easy thing to do? No it was not. They felt alone, felt judged by those around them, felt the fear of not being accepted.

So when I had this conversation, I initially was going to express my thoughts to them, share spiritual experiences, but I felt like I needed to listen. I spent the next hour hearing the hurt, feeling the pain and loneliness, finding out a whole new side of the story I had never heard before.

I started to understand what they were going through. It was definitely an eye opening phone call, one that has stayed with me my entire life.

Those who have left, from my experience, didn’t feel understood, they felt preached at. They didn’t feel loved, only resentment.

Are there instances where there was an outpouring of love and support, and still the person left? Yes there have been, and you know what? There should still be an outpouring of love and kindness, understanding and charity no matter what the outcome. As a Christian I feel it is my responsibility to always show love first, no matter what.

There is power in silence, power in lending a listening ear and sometimes it is OK to have differing opinions on things. If the ultimate goal is to “change” or “fix” someone and their challenges, then we have failed.

We should love first, listen second, and always be there for them.

Ty James Knight

Yesterday in Relief Society, the lesson was on teaching and sharing the gospel.  At first I thought, ‘I don’t openly share the gospel, and since I’ve changed wards, I no longer have a calling, so I don’t teach, how will this apply to me now?’  The teacher had opened with,

“Who feels inadequate when they are asked to teach a lesson here at church? You worry about how the class will perceive it.  You wonder how well they understand what you’re trying to teach them in this lesson.  Well, Don’t!  If you come prepared, if you’ve prayed for the spirit to help you, you are not teaching.  The Holy Ghost is teaching.”

That touched me, because even though I have sometimes felt inadequate teaching the 9 year olds in my previous ward, I was still always able to get through the lesson and get the point across.  And at the end, they seemed to understand.  I did notice that lessons that I didn’t spend as much time preparing, the class didn’t seem to run as smoothly that day.  I always knew that it was because I hadn’t prepped for it the way I should have, but never connected the two.  

In my previous ward, on top of teaching the 9 year olds, I was involved with Activity Days.  Activity Days is an activity group for girls that are 8 through 11.  They meet twice a month, and work on Gospel based goals.  Just to name a few, one is memorizing the Articles of Faith.  Another could be that they focus on a talent, focus on serving others, learning how to cook so they can cook for their family, etc.  There are also a list of standards, called, “My Gospel Standards,” that list standards that the girls are asked to follow. They are all good and honest things.  

While I was participating in Activity Days as a leader, I would bring my 6 year old daughter along, so she could somewhat be a part of it.  There were also my teaching partner’s little girls that she would play with too.  Well, early on, I had bought a poster of the gospel standards for my daughter.  Last night at bedtime, she proceeded to read the whole list, with minimal help.  She didn’t quite understand the meaning of all of it at that point, but she understood the basics.  It made me so happy to see her reading that.  Because I’m thinking that may reinforce some of the things I try to teach her every day.  

Prayers were said, and then it was Articles of Faith practice time.  She’s memorized the first two, which is great, and then we were reading the third.  I had them all up on my phone, and she proceeded to read through to the 8th Article of Faith.  

I was on cloud nine!  Not only was she being an excellent reader, she was interested in learning the Articles of Faith!  To be perfectly honest, we do not have a set schedule on Family Home Evening, because I can’t get her to sit long enough to listen to anything.  

So, often times, she’ll listen to ONE quick story in the Book of Mormon stories book, or I’m trying to tell her about something in the car on the way home from Grandma’s after school.  I have to sneak in little things about the gospel every chance I get!  Usually it’s at bedtime, but we do our Articles of Faith, she says her prayer, and then I usually try to quickly tell her about something.  Last night, I knew that my little sneaky ways were paying off!  

Shower time is my reflection time.  This morning as I took my shower at 3:30 am, I thought back to the lesson in Relief Society.  I am a teacher, and I do share the gospel with others.  Friends, this is our calling on this earth too.  Teach your little ones the gospel.  I know we all get caught up in life, and we focus on what we can, when we can.  Trust me, I am the queen of, “Let’s just focus on today.”  But then in the same breath, “Oh my gosh!  What are we going to do about (insert necessary trial here) next year?!”  

If you would like to read more of Maya’s articles, please click here.

Slow it down friends.  Take time with your Littles, take time with your spouses.  Take time with a friend that may need you at that moment.  Be patient, and loving.  I know I am not perfect.  We all make our mistakes.  Just remember to be the best kind of teacher you can be for your little ones, and share the gospel with them.  

They will follow in your footsteps, and as little children like to share what they know, often times you will find that they will share the gospel with their friends.  Seed planted.  SCORE!  If it doesn’t happen that way, their example can be another way that we all can plant that seed.  

Don’t forget to #LIGHTtheWORLD!  I love you all!

Maya Oak

I’m a Supermom and wife who works full time. I love cooking for my family and friends. But most of all, I love the Gospel and my journey back to it!

Your first day back will be easier if you’re with another person. If your home and visiting teachers are still visiting you, tell them you’re coming and ask if you can sit with them during Sacrament Meeting.

If not, you can call the bishop and ask that someone be watching for you when you arrive Sunday morning. Someone will gladly join you for the day and shelter you through your return.

If you’re on your own for the day, do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable. Remember that you’ll be more aware of yourself than others will. Many people may not know you and think you’re new. Others may act surprised to see you. Treat this as something fun. I knew someone who returned after decades away. She took pleasure in quietly seating herself behind or next to someone she knew and waiting for their shocked reaction when they saw her. This game took away the nervousness of wondering how people would take her return.

Most people will be genuinely happy you’re back. smile and say, “It’s a long story, but the important thing is that I’m here. So tell me, what’s changed while I’ve been away?” This will distract them so you don’t have to answer.

Look around for friendly and familiar faces. If you don’t see anyone you know, choose someone to sit with. You’ll be happier if you don’t sit alone your first day. Introduce yourself, but don’t feel you have to tell your story right away. If they ask if you’re new, say, “I used to come to church here long ago. I’ve been away a long time.” Then be prepared to start asking them about themselves to deflect attention from your own story.

The success of your first visit is really up to you. You can’t control anyone else’s behavior but your own. I move a great deal, and I’ve learned that how I feel about a ward depends a great deal on how I choose to feel. If I walk into a ward and start watching for all the things they do “wrong” or count the number of people who greet me, I go home feeling I found a bad ward. If I go in determined to be happy, I notice all the great things and remember all the nice people.

To read more of Terrie’s articles, click the picture.

Then when I think about my day, I remember a wonderful ward. I can see almost any ward as good or bad, depending on what I choose to focus on. This can be difficult when you’re returning, because you may already be sensitive and watching for problems, but try to train yourself to see the good. It’s there, but sometimes the good people are quieter than the others.

After you return home, pray about your day home. If you can, talk to another church member about the experience. She can answer your questions and help you understand what you experienced and learned. Then commit yourself to continuing to attend church and return to full membership.

Terrie Lynn Bittner

The late Terrie Lynn Bittner—beloved wife, mother, grandmother, and friend—was the author of two homeschooling books and numerous articles, including several that appeared in Latter-day Saint magazines. She became a member of the Church at the age of 17 and began sharing her faith online in 1992.

Primary Sharing TIme

Today during sharing time in Primary, the teachers were reading the words to the ninth verse of “Follow the Prophet.”

Now we have a world where, people are confused.

If you don’t believe it, go and watch the news.

It made me choke up a little bit, because that statement is truer today, then when that song was written in 1989.   It makes me so sad that people are so lost, and so confused.  The violent crimes that are committed against children, animals, and every day normal people, make me sick to my stomach.  I avoid listening to the news most days because it is just too sad to hear. Not to mention the political side of things that are going on.  

During conference, our living prophet and his apostles speak to us.  Their talks, which could be compared to a sermon, are inspired by our Father in Heaven.  For me, there have always been one or two talks that hit home for me.  But, all of the talks are wonderful!  They give us insight on how to raise our children, how to strengthen our testimonies, how to serve others, or endure our trials.  

Whatever the topic may end up being, there will always be something that stands out to someone, and teaches us what our Father in Heaven wants us to know.  I love that we have this opportunity to hear what our Heavenly Father wants us to hear, and learn.  

Thomas S. Monson speaking in LDS General Conference.

I have also recently listened to a talk from a licensed clinical social worker about the reason we were all chosen to live on the earth during this time.  One reason we are here is to bring the gospel to others in a time that people are unsure of the path they need to choose.  As a member of the LDS church, I have a hard time sharing the gospel with my words, but instead, I usually try to portray Christ like love as an example of my faith.  

I help others by offering any assistance I can give; I enjoy smiling at the strangers in the store, or making sure I am not in the way, or even offering to help reach for something, or load their groceries onto the belt. I do this regardless of their origin or religion, and not for anything other than; I’m trying to be like Jesus.  I love the example that he led while he was alive here on earth.  I enjoy showing kindness to all I meet.  It brings me joy to know that I may have made that person feel special or important in that moment.

Everyone has a purpose.  Someone may be having a bad day, and they might just need to be shown a little kindness to help their day.  Or even to help bring awareness to the little things in life.  Mother Teresa once said,

“Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house.  Give love to your children, to your wife of husband, to a next door neighbor…Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.  Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.”

Mother Teresa

While Mother Teresa was not a member of the LDS Church, her acts of loving kindness emulated Christ like love.  I love to read about her, and compare what she believed by her actions, and how she even learned to pray, to our beliefs in the LDS church.  They are quite similar, and I know that she gave her life to serve the Lord, and be as an instrument.   

Our living prophet, Thomas S. Monson has also been chosen as an instrument of the Lord.  He has asked all of us to live a Christ like life.  One way to do that is show Christ like love.  This is an unconditional love.  Those are words that our Father in Heaven has asked President Monson to share with us, and to continually impress upon us.  

I invite everyone to sit and listen to General Conference on Saturday April 1st, and Sunday April 2nd, when our prophet and his apostles will address us for the first time in 2017, to share what Heavenly Father would like us to hear.  Take notes, jot down questions to ask someone in the church, whether you are not a baptized member, or you have become an inactive member of the church.  The last two lines in the 9th verse of “Follow the Prophet,” are:

We can get direction all along our way.

If we heed the prophets—follow what they say.

If you would like to read more of Maya’s articles, please click here.

Friends, I bear my testimony to you that I know Jesus lived on this earth, and gave his life for all of us.  He knows every pain, every ounce of anguish we endure.  He knows our joys, he knows our sadness.  I know that our Father in Heaven has appointed a living prophet for today which is a mouthpiece for Him.

We just need to listen to our Prophet, and pray to our Father in Heaven, and we will be guided to the right path.  I leave this with you in the name of our beloved brother and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Amen.  I love you all!

Maya Oak

I’m a Supermom and wife who works full time. I love cooking for my family and friends. But most of all, I love the Gospel and my journey back to it!

This can make it difficult for people who got an initial confirmation of the truthfulness of the gospel but who still have questions or doubts about certain aspects of the faith. It can also make it hard for non-Mormons to take our conversions seriously. In truth, conversion is a life-long process and sharing that story along with our initial conversion can help people better understand the role of faith in becoming and staying Mormon.

Blind Obedience?

Thomas S. Monson, Mormon prophet

When Mormons talk about testimony, the issue of blind obedience sometimes comes up. This is an issue close to my heart, because I worried about it in the beginning. I’d known since I was ten there had to be a prophet somewhere, even though I didn’t know who he was. I started investigating the Church when I was sixteen and learned they had a prophet. This was both exciting and scary.

Somehow, the idea of an abstract “must be one somewhere” prophet and one with a name and a face was very different. I’m a person of strong opinions, as people who know me are aware, and the idea that someone else could tell me what to believe was unnerving.

When I started meeting with the missionaries, who were wise beyond their years, they taught me how to pray to find out if what they were telling me was true. When I reached a point where I believed them because I now trusted them, they insisted I pray, anyway. They told me I wasn’t supposed to trust them–I was supposed to trust God. That’s when I realized that if I really believe God knows everything and is the source of truth, I did need to ask God.

Once I had an answer from God, it was no longer blind faith–it was believing based on proof that something was true. At first, I prayed about everything. Eventually, I realized my prayers always confirmed what the prophet said, so what I really needed was to pray to know if the prophet was really the prophet.

The missionaries assured me I could still–and should still-pray if I heard something I wasn’t sure about, even when God had confirmed the authority of the prophet. So, for me, it isn’t blind faith–it’s trusting in God. I don’t pray about everything, anymore, just as I don’t have to touch a hot stove every time to know it will burn me. I do, though, pray when I’m not sure.

Having a Doubt Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Have a Testimony

When I listened to people sharing their testimonies that they knew without a doubt the gospel was true, that made me nervous. When I started, I hadn’t actually been able to get an answer to the question of whether or not the Church was true.

I did get an answer when I asked if I should become a Mormon. I presumed God wouldn’t want me to join a false church, so I took it to mean it was the true church, but you might say I was hoping it was true. Eventually, I moved up to believing, and finally to knowing.

However, I didn’t know every part of the gospel was equally true. Some doctrines were easy for me to accept. Some I struggled with. Once in a while, I’d come across something I did not expect to find, especially in the earlier days before the Internet and LDS.org made it possible to go look it up and confirm what I’d been told.

I think it would be hard for me to be Mormon if I just had to take someone’s word for things—even the prophet’s word. It is comforting to me that the Church is sure enough to tell us we can ask God personally. If they were lying, they would not do that, and I’m always a little worried about churches that instruct members not to pray about their faith—or ours. I once read a blog post by someone attacking the Church who said that if you just went by prayer answers, everyone would be Mormon, but that’s not what you should do. I had to laugh—I wondered if he knew he’d just admitted that God would tell you the Church was true if you prayed about it.

Most of us have faced moments when we read something by an anti-Mormon or heard the prophet say something we didn’t know was doctrine. Sometimes there are bits of the Church that just don’t fit what we would like to be true. (Since we’re not perfect, we don’t always understand the bigger picture of the gospel.) This isn’t apostasy and it isn’t bad. God anticipated this and it’s why he taught us how to pray for a testimony.

Generally, testimony emerges over time and through life’s experiences. We can compare testimony to the process of watching a photograph develop. Powerful impressions of the Spirit come like flashes of light on receptive photographic film.

Like the chemicals needed to develop the picture, certain spiritual conditions and experiences are needed in our lives for our personal testimony to develop into a certain truth and knowledge. And like a photograph, a testimony, if not carefully preserved, will fade with time (Robert D. Hales, Receiving a Personal Testimony, October 1994 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

Mormonism
To read more of Terrie’s articles, click the picture.

Praying for a testimony isn’t something we reserve for that first personal revelation. It’s something we can draw on always as a way to keep our testimonies strong, to cope with the false information and the challenges the world sends our way, and to help us grow in our understanding of gospel truths. It’s a beautiful and wonderful gift from an understanding Heavenly Father.

Let’s make good use of that gift—and make sure we let others in and out of the Church know it’s a desirable thing to do. Remember that even Nephi, already a teenager or young adult, went to God when his father shared his visions. He wanted to know for himself they were true. He got his answer and stayed strong, while Laman and Lemuel fell away because they did not bother to pray. Praying for a testimony and growing our testimony is not a once and done event. It’s something we will do all our lives—and that’s something to celebrate.

This article is filed under “Mostly for Mormons.” We are looking for a volunteer blogger who is a faithful, practicing Latter-day Saint to write this weekly blog column. Although most of this site is aimed at people of all faiths, this particularly topic is designed to be more specifically aimed at the needs of church members.  If you’re interested, click on the picture below to learn more.

Terrie Lynn Bittner

The late Terrie Lynn Bittner—beloved wife, mother, grandmother, and friend—was the author of two homeschooling books and numerous articles, including several that appeared in Latter-day Saint magazines. She became a member of the Church at the age of 17 and began sharing her faith online in 1992.

I was lost. I quit my soul-draining job. I didn’t know where to turn to. I didn’t know what to do next. In short, I didn’t know what to do with my life. People were expecting a lot from me. I had graduated from a good university in the US with honors so there was no way I was confused about my life, right?

People were anxious about my plans. They thought that I had it all figured out; they said that I’ve always been the smarty-pants. But I didn’t have plans. I didn’t have everything figured out. I was frustrated with myself.

I dug a pit of self-pity and self-doubt for myself. There were nights that I stared into blank space, not able to go to sleep. This went on for a couple of weeks until I decided that it is okay to get lost, to not know everything, to not have everything all figured out. I realized that people get lost in many ways and it is okay. What’s not okay is to stay in that state and not find myself again.

There were several realizations or gifts that helped me get through this trial.

1.Jesus never forsakes a lost sheep. When I was too confused about which path I should pursue, the Parable of the Lost Sheep rang truer than any time in my life. My hopes soared high realizing that Jesus would find me and help me find myself again. I knew that Jesus would never forsake a lost sheep. This required me to give up questioning many things in my life, trust His plans and let Him find me. In the Book of John, He said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life…” He knows the way because He is the way. There is no other sure way of finding myself than His way, is there? Finding myself again is the gift of Jesus finding me first.

2. I learned to listen to my own voice. There were so many voices around me telling me what I should do, where my career path should lead, how my life should be. These voices only caused more confusion in my head and pointed to countless paths I was not sure I wanted to take. I was pressured and frustrated because I wanted to live up to other people’s expectations of me. As I tried to listen to my own voice, I realized that the desire to improve and grow in this mortal life comes from within and this desire cannot be fueled by someone else’s expectation. I learned to make peace with myself that the only expectation that I should live up to is Heavenly Father’s expectation of me: to do everything I can to return to His presence.

3. I learned to appreciate the Book of Mormon more. While I was lost on what to do with my life, I was looking for knowledge to somehow shed light on things. I spent time reading articles from the most-renowned publications, feasting upon the words of this world’s experts. These articles gave me light, but not enough light to help me see what mattered most. That’s when I realized that when searching for truth and knowledge, why not read the “most correct book of any book on earth”? I spent my mornings reading the Book of Mormon. It did not teach me, step-by-step, how to find myself again, but it taught me principles that helped me face the trial of being lost—faith, perseverance, obedience, and hard work, among many others—all exemplified in the lives of prophets and apostles in the Book of Mormon.

4. I learned to accept that I couldn’t do everything on my own. I grew up always feeling like an independent woman. I felt all the more independent when I moved to the US alone when I was 18, which is not typical for 18-year old Filipinas. I like to do things my own way. I feel like I can do things on my own. But this is not really the case.

My family has always been there to back me up when things don’t go as planned. My friends have always been there to cheer me up when things get rough. And most especially, the Lord has always been in the details of my life. All my life, I was never truly independent of anything because I did not face life alone. Accepting this fact allowed me to seek help and guidance from those who care about me. I learned to pray more fervently and more earnestly. It is during my state of being lost that I felt closest to Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, my family, and my friends.

I have wondered why I had to go through this trial. Now I realize that going through this trial was the way for Jesus to find me, for me to find myself again, and for me to learn the gift of being lost.

Guest Author

It was painful, exhausting and frustrating not knowing why my body was causing me to run to the restroom four or more times at work in an eight hour day.  Not to mention at home or on the weekends.  However it was a little better at home.  I soon found out why when I decided to try out a gluten free diet right before being diagnosed.  

I used to be a coffee drinker.  Well, I replaced that with a coffee alternative that had barley, rye and chicory.  Yeah, all gluten baby!  That equals massive inflammation and several painful trips to the bathroom.  So not fun.  I wasn’t drinking it at home, however, so that explains why it wasn’t as bad.  

Apparently Celiac Disease can cause infertility or recurrent miscarriage or pregnancy loss.  To date I have lost a total of nine pregnancies.  They all varried in how far along I was, but none were any less painful than the others.  When I had asked my stake president about why Heavenly Father allowed me to become pregnant, only to take them away from me, his answer left me slightly confused.  Being the thinker that I am, especially during my morning showers, (necessary to wake me up in the morning,) I thought about his answer over and over again.  

“They just needed a body.”

I belong to a closed LDS group on Facebook that offers support to women who struggle with infertility and pregnancy loss. This one particular woman was grieving over her second miscarriage.  I offered my sympathies and explained that no matter how many you have, they will always be emotionally painful.  I also mentioned how many I had had and that I have come to the point where I literally placed whether I have any more babies in the Lord’s hands.  I want one, and we all pray for a baby, if it be His will.  

I haven’t really been trying for a baby since my last miscarriage earlier this year, because I just couldn’t put my body through that again.  I struggle to keep my iron up, and after my d&c with this last one, less than a week later I ended up with strep throat.  I have no idea where strep throat came from, but it was miserable.  Not to mention I didn’t have any sick days left, so I went two days without pay from work.  I was so discouraged and distraught.  And having a miscarriage is in my opinion, almost as traumatic as actually delivering a baby.  It certainly takes its toll on a body.  

It wasn’t until I was carrying on a conversation with this woman who had asked me how I kept going after losing so many. I asked myself ‘How have I dealt with nine miscarriages?’  I basically told her that I just roll with it.  I have a husband and a daughter to look after.  I work full time, and I have two children that live with my first husband that I care very much for.  I was preparing for them to come spend six weeks with me in the summer.  I get to see them only once or twice in a year, so I really try to make it special.  

Well, while I was writing this to this grieving mother, I kind of realized something.  I was strong and I was an instrument!  My babies whom I will get the privilege of raising in Heaven, only needed a body.  They chose me to be their mother, but I was also trusted by the Lord to provide that body, because the Lord knew I was strong enough to handle it. And at this moment, I was showing the strength to continue to follow the Lord’s will to this young mother.  I had not crumbled and fallen to pieces.

Though sometimes I did sit and stare off into space, doing nothing.  This did not always last long, due to the fact that I had things to get done.  I had a little girl that was here, and she needed me.  I had a husband that needed laundry done, or dinner made.  Yes, he can do those things for himself, and he has when it has come down to it, but that is one way that I show my family how much I love them.  

The short of it is this; we are the Lord’s instruments here on earth.  I am an instrument in writing this, hoping that it sparks something in someone.  We are all here to support each other, and to do the Lord’s will.  We are not here to see who can have the biggest, and best toys.  We are here to fulfill our mission on making it back to our Heavenly Father.  We are here to lift one another and bear each other’s burdens so that their burdens become lighter and they can see the light through the fog, so that they can find their way back home to our Father as well.  

Whether you are thoroughly educated in the gospel or not, be an instrument and share the gospel with others.  Let others see your progress, let them see your light!  If they are not ready now, maybe one day they will be.  Just leave that door open so that they can come to you when they are ready.  If you were not able to serve a full time mission, this could be your chance to share the gospel.  

If you would like to read more of Maya’s articles, please click here.

Remember you’re worth, and that you are loved!

Mosiah 27:36:  And thus they were instruments in the hands of God in bringing many to the knowledge of the truth, yea, to the knowledge of their Redeemer.  

Maya Oak

I’m a Supermom and wife who works full time. I love cooking for my family and friends. But most of all, I love the Gospel and my journey back to it!

The beginning of the year started out hopeful.  But by the end of January, I was extremely discouraged.  We had lost our seventh baby together.  It was the furthest we had ever made it in a pregnancy.  I didn’t want to go through another d&c, but the doctor insisted that we do it, because of how far along I was.  Our baby was tested again for any abnormalities and we even found out the gender, again.  It was the second of our babies that we found out whether we would have had pink or blue booties.  

Our baby boy was completely normal.  He was very active while in my womb.  I’m going to take accountability and admit that I think all my children have acquired my ADHD.  They have all been so very active!  But it’s been wonderful to know that they played so much in utero, after not being able to see them play in my arms, or in my lap, or with their siblings.  Needless to say, I’ve had a difficult time emotionally handling so many losses.  

I began late last year, meeting with my Bishop and Stake President to go through the process of taking out my endowments. Though my husband is still not a member, I still feel like it is the right thing for me to do.  It has brought me full circle from where I was at the most difficult time of my life.  I am also hoping that I will be an example to my daughter.  I am trying to teach her to not follow in my footsteps in some things, but then in other things I’m hoping that she will.  

I’ve taken the temple preparation classes.  I’ve read the manual, and I’ve asked the questions that I’ve needed to.  I have taken the time to read with my daughter, and also used the Gospel Library App to use the Family Home Evening books in there.  And to be perfectly honest, I’ve even used those books to help me prepare my lessons for Sundays!  If you haven’t downloaded that App to your smart phones or tablets, you really need to!  Especially, if you have children.  It is so helpful!

The second to the last appointment with my Stake President, I asked him about my multiple miscarriages.  I asked him if it was indeed true that I will be able to raise those “angel babies” that never took a breath on earth.  He said yes!  I then began to cry and I asked him, “Why did Heavenly Father let me get pregnant, only to lose them?”  

He said in almost a nonchalant way, “They just needed a body.”  (And didn’t need to experience the trials and growth that happens here on earth like the rest of us. Their souls were that righteous.)

I nodded and said, “Oh… Okay?”

I wasn’t quite sure how to take that in yet.  At this time I was still having a very difficult time comprehending all of my losses. I was trying to decipher whether it was because I had done something wrong, and my Father in Heaven was punishing me by not allowing me to have another baby.  Maybe it was because of that time when I shouted at my daughter?  Maybe it was because of that one Sunday I popped the bread in my mouth before I had prayed for forgiveness for my shortcomings earlier in the week?  I had asked my Stake President if I was being punished, and he assured me that Heavenly Father does not work that way.  

I heard it again from a friend of mine last night.  She has lost one baby that was delivered breathing, but due to an abnormality, he did not survive more than a few minutes.  She went on to have two more beautiful babies and she would love to have more, but has not been able to.  She has been told by some that she has to prove herself to Heavenly Father, that Faith without works is dead.  While faith and works are both important, Heavenly Father does not base our worthiness for having a baby on our temple attendance, having daily prayer, and personal scripture study.  He knows the righteous desires of our hearts, no doubt about it.  Without praying and asking Him for them, He knows what is in our hearts.  

Finding My Way Back- If you’d like to read more of Maya’s articles, click here.

I believe that our job is to accept what is to be.  We are not supposed to show obedience (by paying our tithing, attending the temple regularly and attending church meetings,) only when we want something.  We are supposed to be doing these things on a regular basis anyway, and trust that if the Lord sees fit, He will give us blessings based on His timing.  

We can pray and let our Father know what we want, or what we would prefer.  But we should always be willing to accept what He decides.  I want to remind all of you who are reading this that we are ALL loved by our Father in Heaven. He loves us so much, and knows each of us individually!  Do not be discouraged in your struggles.  Press forward diligently, and be of good cheer.  

Maya Oak

I’m a Supermom and wife who works full time. I love cooking for my family and friends. But most of all, I love the Gospel and my journey back to it!