Pandemic

At New Year’s 2020 none of us saw the pandemic becoming such a disruption to our lives. I have never seen illness so widespread.

So many people lost loved ones, jobs, and their way of life was seriously disrupted. We have many industries that took a serious hit. I must acknowledge all these things before going on. I don’t want anyone to think I am minimizing the pain of 2020.

Despite the terrible challenges the pandemic brought into our lives, we are resilient. The human family learned and adapted, and today life is much more stable than when the whole world shut down. Many have commented that they are sure that 2021 will be the year that COVID goes away. And I truly hope that is true. But even if it isn’t, we will manage well because we have already learned all we need to do to cope.

Earthquakes

There have been many major earthquakes in the world in 2020. I have family in the Salt Lake valley, and even though the place is riddled with fault lines, Salt Lake had never had a major quake until 2020.

Many historic buildings were shaken, and the Angel Moroni on the Salt Lake Temple lost his trumpet. The quake came right after lockdown and really disrupted life for weeks with aftershocks.

But there is good news in this. Earthquakes are now no longer something they have never experienced. Everyone knows how to handle it and have had practice in earthquake proofing. And if another big quake comes it won’t be the end of the world. Because we will know what to do, and we are already prepared.

Food shortages

Part of the fun of a pandemic and lockdown is food shortages. The strangest things were gone off the shelves. Ramen noodles ran out completely in my grocery store. That is one thing I never expected to miss either.

And Gluten free pasta was really hard to find. So now I have a stockpile if we ever run short again. But in the shortages we got used to trying new foods and eating out of the garden. I think that change was good for us.

We even did something to prevent another toilet paper shortage from effecting our family. We got a bidet! My son loves it, and I love how much cleaner it leaves you than toilet paper. Sometimes challenges like a pandemic give us new solutions to problems we didn’t even know we had.

Wild Fires

What was with all the fires this year? It seemed like the whole world was burning! Poor Australia and a chunk of the western part of America burned in 2020.

My neighbor’s 5-year-old was devastated when he realized Koala Bears were suffering. He prayed for them every night. And the whole world prayed for those who had lost everything.

I haven’t figured out a solution or a comfort to the fires. We definitely are praying they do not return with 2021. But in the process of praying for so many people in 2020 we got really good at it. So the up side here is that our prayer muscles and our faith grew in 2020. And we will be better prepared for 2021 because of it.

Quarantine

Quarantine threw me for a loop. I remember driving to the store during that time and being shocked that every parking lot EVERYWHERE was totally empty.

I was one of maybe 5 cars on the street in my large town. Prior to the lockdown my husband traveled at least 60% of the year for his job. He would leave Monday morning and fly home on Thursday night.

But when all the borders closed some of his co-workers were almost trapped in other countries. So his company changed their plans and all travel will be remote till mid 2021. It has been a HUGE change for him. But we love the extra family time we get with him home. And even though I think most of us went a little crazy in quarantine, the blessings of renewed family relationships were much needed.

Working from home

When the lockdown happened many people suddenly had to change how they did their jobs. One of the wonderful things that came out of the pandemic was the new trend of working from home.

Some of my friends worked in places that would just pass germs around in a cycle that never ended. But now they are all working remotely and are much healthier for it.

My family is working from home too. And we have never been healthier. Although the worry of COVID hangs over every person in the world, at least we haven’t been in contact with others to catch our usual colds and flu. This social distancing is a blessing for that reason. I do miss seeing people, but it makes those I get to see matter that much more.

School at home even in 2021

And finally, one of the hidden blessings of 2020 for our family has been school at home. I have known for years that my son would only truly thrive if he schooled from home. But I was afraid of failing him as a teacher, so I never tried as hard as I should have. With 2020 and schools needing to close, and when they opened they were only at partial capacity, homeschool became our answer.

To read more of Abby’s articles in her Living in Harmony column, click here.

We really gave long term homeschool a try and found it to be exactly what he needs. For the first time in his life, he hasn’t burned out before the semester ended. He is excited about school and reminds me of lessons.

His stress levels are much lower, and I am not having to medicate him for his ADHD. We just work around it and take many breaks. It is amazing to see him thrive.

Many are speculating about what 2021 will look like. But I think that even if 2021 is exactly the same as 2020, we will be ok. Because the lessons we have learned and the changes we have made will make us stronger for anything it may throw at us.

Abby Christianson

Abby is capable and caring. She is learning more about Autism and parenthood every day. Having completed training to be an RBT (Registered Behavior Technician) for ABA therapy she is beginning to understand her son. And even though she is the first to admit she makes a lot of mistakes, she is so grateful to be on this journey. She comes from a family with many autistic members. She invites us to join her, as she shares her adventures. She wishes to emphasize that Autism is a difference not a defect. If you or a family member have autism, Abby wants you to know that the challenges can be overcome, and there are blessings in autism. You or your loved one are not sick or broken. Together we will teach the world this new language.

We had big, extended family Christmas parties on my dad’s side of the family when I was a boy. He had three sisters and their families were large just like ours. That’s where I came to know and love my cousins. For the most part, I have great memories of the Christmas dinners and Santa Claus visits. We would get all dressed up for these activities. There were literally dozens of us at these family get-togethers. Though most of my cousins were considerably older than I was, they were accepting and friendly and made me feel important and loved. I was a pretty small kid back then, but I always felt included and valued.

These get-togethers have continued off and on throughout the years, and they still happen even today with an annual Stucki Cousins Family Reunion. While most of my earlier memories of these parties occur at Margaret and Lynn’s (my aunt and uncle on Dad’s side), I remember that one year we held the event at the distribution center in south Salt Lake. That year, Kim, Jeff, and I dressed up like Alvin and the Chipmunks and performed. Santa Claus would make his appearance and distribute gifts to each of us children. I was young enough at the time it was all magical and mysterious. Somehow, I think I knew my Grandma Stucki was behind all of it. One year we did it at our house, and I was the ten-year-old jolly old man. 

Mom and Dad used to dress me up like Santa when I was a child to deliver the family Christmas gifts to our friends as well. I’m not sure I really liked doing that, but my family was persuasive and our friends complimentary, so I couldn’t refuse.

Life had been hard for several years and the abundance we were accustomed to diminished some. But though some might feel that we were in dire straits, we never wanted for the essentials. I think Mother and Father handled the pressures so it didn’t trickle down to the younger children. Certainly, the older children knew the challenges we were facing, and I’m certain I was not oblivious to the need, but perhaps I did not comprehend the magnitude of our predicament. Castle Valley for us was a fresh start, and it happened to fulfill a lifelong dream for my mother and what she and Dad wanted for our family. So rather than a rash decision, the move was an answer to countless prayers and one of the great blessings in my life.

We had worked through the summer (and for a good part of that time lived in a tent!), but after a while we built and moved into the bunkhouse. That was a lot better. It was down below where it was much cooler during the hot summer. We built a truck-top kitchen and started a bathroom facility, so we were moving up in the world. I never thought of it as destitution. It was an amazing adventure and our choice. But when I think about it now, it’s nothing short of amazing that Mom and Dad and all the kids went for it. When school started, we found ourselves still living in the bunkhouse. The fall brought cooler nights and eventually freezing temperatures. The cabin home was coming along, but it wasn’t going to be finished by Christmas. Yet as it was completed, the roof was installed and we moved into the partially-finished home. We had our own shower for the first time in six months! It was wonderful.

We had always had so much for Christmas in years past, but this year was going to be different. Mom and Dad were giving everything to secure the farm, build a home, and pay for improvements. It left precious little for gifts. We knew that and had accepted the fact that there would be no Christmas presents this year. We already had so much anyway—perhaps not in worldly measures, but in love, family, good land, food, and the truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Mom and Dad sincerely appreciated the bounty the Lord had given us and taught us to recognize and thank the Lord for all our blessings.

To read more of Walter’s articles, click here.

One evening early in December we were sitting in the single heated section of the house when there was a loud knock at the door. Before we could get up to answer it, a vehicle sped down the snow-packed driveway and off into the night. When we did open the door, a large cardboard box sat on the porch. We pulled it inside and opened it. To our surprise, there were presents and food—things like canned hams and much, much more. That year for Christmas we were the recipients of a sub-for-Santa project and because of others, we ate delicious foods, opened gifts, and thanked an unknown giver for presents we could not have purchased ourselves.

I remember that occasion with a good deal of emotion and still don’t know the benefactor. But that is not so unlike all of us that are recipients of gifts we don’t deserve and don’t really warrant on our own.

Everything we have been through, the memories bring back to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbhOALnlhfY

Walter Penning

In 1989, Walter Penning formed a consultancy based in Salt Lake City and empowered his clients by streamlining processes and building a loyal, lifetime customer base with great customer service. His true passion is found in his family. He says the best decision he ever made was to marry his sweetheart and have children. The wonderful family she has given him and her constant love, support, and patience amid life’s challenges is his panacea.

We all have baggage we carry in our hearts — grudges of old, hurt feelings that resurface now and then, raw emotion that never seems to mature into forgiveness. While we are counseled to forgive those who have trespassed against us, it can be the most difficult thing to do. This is multiplied when the pain we’ve experienced has come from someone close — a relative or a longtime friend.

In the Bible, Joseph was sold into slavery by his older brothers. They were jealous of him because he was favored by their father. They sold him and then took his precious coat, tore it, and soiled it with blood. They brought it back to their father, claiming Joseph had been ripped apart by wild beasts and was dead. Their father was grief-stricken.

Meanwhile, Joseph did the best he could and worked hard in Egypt. Eventually he was discovered to be a great interpreter of dreams and became a counselor in Pharaoh’s court. The Egyptians followed his counsel when he predicted seven years of famine would follow seven years of plenty by stocking up on food and supplies to prepare for the upcoming drought. But all the people in the lands around Egypt knew not of the coming famine. They were not prepared and many people starved. Joseph’s brothers traveled to Egypt to beg for food. They came directly to the Pharaoh’s court and pled their case to Joseph himself. It had been so long since they last saw him that they did not recognize him. Joseph knew who they were, though. His heart looked upon them in their afflictions with mercy and forgiveness. Not only did he give them the food they needed, but he revealed to them who he was and had them send for his father. The family was reunited again in love.

This is a breathtaking story of the power of forgiveness. Had Joseph remained bitter all the years he was betrayed, this story would have turned out very differently. But because he had a forgiving heart, he was able to make a terrible situation fruitful. In time, he was in a position to feed all of Egypt and his family not only temporally, but spiritually. His forgiveness softened their hearts too, and they were able to repent of their past transgressions.

I think sometimes how this story could have unfolded. Joseph could have turned to bitterness. If so, he may have missed all his opportunities to develop his talents and become the great interpreter of dreams. Egypt may have suffered for lack of food during the famine. Joseph’s brothers could have died; indeed, the entire region could have fallen. But happily, this was not so — all because of Joseph’s willingness to forgive and to move on.

In some respects, Joseph was thrown into an abrupt move himself, much like my friend. He was forced to “pack lightly” by taking only the things that mattered most. He chose to take his testimony and his forgiving heart. That made all the difference for him in his new circumstances.

We can learn a lot from Joseph, even if we are only in a figurative move in life. Each situation we face is like a chance to “make a move” one way or the other, toward bitterness and anger or toward love and forgiveness. In essence, we move with each choice either toward or away from eternal life. We choose to pack lightly or to carry every ounce of hurt and pain with us.

To read more of Nanette’s posts, click here.

What we take with us determines how happy we will be along the way. I know when I hold grudges, I feel like I’ve been carrying a 20-lb. weight in each hand high over my head — I get too tired to go on. But when I let go of anger, when I forgive those who have harmed me, I am renewed by the Spirit of the Lord. When I “pack lightly,” I have a better outlook on my situation and I have the strength to accomplish things when I lacked strength before.

We have the opportunity each day to rewrite our history. We may not be able to control the trials that come or the severity of them, but we can control how long we dwell on them. We can focus on our misery and go to bed each night feeling more miserable, thus adding to a past full of pain. But if we adopt an attitude of forgiveness in our hearts, exercising it each day with gratitude for our situations regardless of what they may be, we can make the most recent yesterday a good day. The more often we turn our hearts toward good works, the more successful we will be in overcoming emotional pain.

To anyone who is thinking of moving or who is in the middle of moving (whether that is literally or figuratively), I offer the same advice — pack lightly. Bring only the things that matter. Rebuild your life with a renewal of spirit, having forgiven those who’ve tarnished your past. Your own true worth can then shine through your countenance more sincerely, wherever your new destination takes you. Your life is worth beginning again.

This post was originally published in August 2014. Minor changes have been made.

Nanette ONeal

Nanette O’Neal loves the gospel and is very happy to share her testimony on LDS Blogs. She is a convert to the church and still feels the spirit burn strong within her heart. She graduated from Mason Gross School of the Arts with a degree in music education and has taught children and adults in the private and public sphere for over twenty years. Nanette continues to study the gospel and the art of writing. She writes weekly inspirational articles on her blog and is currently working on an LDS fantasy novel series, A Doorway Back to Forever. You can find her at NanetteONeal.blogspot.com. Nanette has a wonderful husband, talented son, and three beautiful dogs.

I do miss everyone, but most of our family lives in the same area. And we have been talking on the phone and text, so it’s not so bad. And I know I will see them when this is over. But the extra time I gained got me a head start on Christmas cards, and I loved that. And fortunately, ZOOM has made sure we all still get to visit.

Overeating on Thanksgiving

Almost without fail I overeat at Thanksgiving. But this year I didn’t! Well, a little bit. But when we gather each family brings a dish to add to the huge variety.

And everyone takes a little of everything, which means that I eat more than I would usually. This year I made everything for our small family. And without the extra dishes, we didn’t make ourselves sick.

This thanksgiving was also different because it gave me a chance to explain to my husband some of the things he usually misses about autism and holidays. My sweet son has meals at the same time every day. So, having thanksgiving dinner early, like many families do, won’t work for him.

Autism education

I did manage to get him to eat 30 minutes early, but that was a major thing! My son also doesn’t do “special” foods. He had the same thing he has had every dinner for months for thanksgiving, because that is what he enjoys, and he doesn’t like turkey, or new foods.

Usually I have to help my son, or explain my son’s behavior to every one sitting close by. But my husband is across the room with other nieces and nephews and completely misses what we are going through. So, it was nice to have just the 3 of us together at dinner tonight.

Extended family

It was peaceful in a new way too. I love our extended family, but there is always a lot of drama when we get together.

Someone has to complain about their in-laws or their exes. Then without fail someone doesn’t understand autism and causes a meltdown which is really disruptive.

And of course, someone feels like the holiday has to be totally controlled by them or the day isn’t complete. It’s hard having the extra stress of extra people.

We have had to prep my son to handle the influx of family the holidays bring. His younger cousins love him a lot and tend to mob him. It overwhelms him every time. So, we developed an understanding that when he needs space, he can take his iPad into a quiet room.

Or he can ask me to have a break, so we leave for a walk and come back when he feels calmer. Sometimes there is nothing I can do for him except leave early. And we have just had to adjust to that. Today he was happy to have his usual routine. I was happy to have a little less stress.

Dinner my way

The final part of Thanksgiving that was different, was I got to make dinner my way. My family has a tradition about breaking the wish bone.

But I prefer not to have to deal with a turkey carcass. So, I did a turkey roast, and it was much faster to prepare.

I have a sister in law who hates onions, and a brother in law who won’t touch potatoes. But I got to make mashed potatoes with chives and not worry that someone was going to be grossed out. Honestly, I love these people, but I am looking for all the good differences we had this year. And I really loved loading bananas into the fruit salad even thought my sister can’t eat them. Having dinner prepared to my tastes was a small treat that made 2020 different.

Next Thanksgiving will be better

To read more of Abby’s articles, click here.

I’m looking forward to things going back to “normal”. But this year, seeing how much less stress I had, I have learned a few things. Like next year I may not insist on hosting. And I’m going to make an effort not to overeat. That was a wonderful change that has to stay.

And I have learned that I have too many unreasonable expectations of myself. In years past I had to clean every bathroom, every bedroom, and every inch of the house for company.

Clearly, I can handle some changes to my house preparing routine. I miss everyone but learning how to do things differently is a growing experience that will make all the following years better.

Abby Christianson

Abby is capable and caring. She is learning more about Autism and parenthood every day. Having completed training to be an RBT (Registered Behavior Technician) for ABA therapy she is beginning to understand her son. And even though she is the first to admit she makes a lot of mistakes, she is so grateful to be on this journey. She comes from a family with many autistic members. She invites us to join her, as she shares her adventures. She wishes to emphasize that Autism is a difference not a defect. If you or a family member have autism, Abby wants you to know that the challenges can be overcome, and there are blessings in autism. You or your loved one are not sick or broken. Together we will teach the world this new language.

Background

My father served in the South Pacific during World War II. Many servicemen returned home and didn’t talk about their experiences. It was painful. There was no psychological support in those days. They were told to go home and put it behind them, and that’s what many of them tried to do. Dad never talked much about the war. There was an occasional snippet, but mostly just stories of the personalities of the men he served with and got to know. We didn’t really know where he had served, or anything about his experiences other than that he was at the Battle of Buffalo Wallow.

Long after three of us had left home, my younger sister was tasked with writing about a battle for her high school ROTC class. She asked Dad about the Battle of Buffalo Wallow. Dad was ill, and I think he knew he wouldn’t be around much longer. He opened up to her about his experiences. He pulled out pictures from a secret compartment in his closet that our mother didn’t even know he had. Unfortunately, that was the only time Dad ever talked, and we never got the whole story. We had no idea of the significance of what he had done.

Writing the Story

Years later, my sister wrote about what Dad had told her for our family history. I thought the story needed to be told publicly, so I asked her permission to publish it on my little blog. A man by the name of James R. Odrowski read the story and commented on it. His father had served with our father.

Mr. Odrowski spent years researching The Battle of Buffalo Wallow, which resulted in a book. Early in November 2020, just in time for Veteran’s Day, he sent us copies of the book. He also shared a link to actual news footage of the Japanese paratroopers involved in the battle, and he had a two-hour meeting with us via the miracle of technology to share pictures and information.

Life-Changing Information From the Story

What we learned was overwhelming! The Battle of Buffalo Wallow was also called the Battle of the Air Fields—and it was part of the Battle of Leyte. We had no idea what Dad had gone through. Dad and Mr. Odrowski’s father were with the 44th General Hospital. They were supposed to be several miles from the front line, but ended up right in the thick of the fighting. Medical units were not trained for combat, nor were they issued weapons. They were to “do no harm” and were supposed to be protected from attack under the Geneva Convention. Japan never signed the Geneva Convention documents, and attacked clearly marked hospital ships and other medical units.

The 44th General Hospital had a moral dilemma. They could procure weapons to protect themselves and their patients, or adhere to the Geneva Convention with the high likelihood that they would all die. They requested weapons but were denied. By some miracle, the supply staff managed to acquire three ambulances full of guns. It is unknown where they got them, or the circumstances surrounding that event. To make a very long story short, the 44th General Hospital was still standing when the fighting was over, and not one of them lost their lives.

Having Dad’s story not only helps me to understand him better, but it is something my grandchildren will be able to read about on their hard days to gain hope, insight, and courage to keep going.

In December, I will turn 66 years old. My Dad passed away in 1985. Yet, I am just now learning all this. We are fortunate that Mr. Odrowski’s father did talk about the war, and that his son listened and was willing to do years of research so that this story could be told. Untold thousands of stories have been lost.

My Own Story

We’ve been told that Heavenly Father wants us to be a record-keeping people. Admittedly, my own journals have been sporadic in my lifetime. However, I have written about my life on personal blogs, as well as multiple forums such as LDS Blogs. In spite of the fact that I’m a very private person, my life is pretty much an open book at this point. I hope my grandchildren will be able to read about their grandparents and glean something that can help them get through the tough days in their lives.

A Directive From a Prophet of God

“A word about personal journals and records: We urge every person in the Church to keep a diary or a journal from youth up, all through his life.

 

Would every family, as they now hold their home evenings, train their children from young childhood to keep a journal of the important activities of their lives, and certainly when they begin to leave home for schooling and missions?” (President Spencer W. Kimball, “The Foundations of Righteousness,” Oct. 1977 General Conference.)

That’s a directive from a prophet of God. You can’t get much clearer than that.

An Explanation Behind the Directive

“Not one of my children has any recollection of my grandparents. If I want my children and grandchildren to know those who still live in my memory, then I must build the bridge between them. I alone am the link to the generations that stand on either side of me. It is my responsibility to knit their hearts together through love and respect, even though they may never have known each other personally. My grandchildren will have no knowledge of their family’s history if I do nothing to preserve it for them. That which I do not in some way record will be lost at my death, and that which I do not pass on to my posterity, they will never have. The work of gathering and sharing eternal family keepsakes is a personal responsibility. It cannot be passed off or given to another.

 

A life that is not documented is a life that within a generation or two will largely be lost to memory. What a tragedy this can be in the history of a family. Knowledge of our ancestors shapes us and instills within us values that give direction and meaning to our lives” (Elder Dennis B. Neuenschwander, Of the First Quorum of the Seventy, “Bridges and Eternal Keepsakes,” Apr. 1999 General Conference).

My father’s untold story is a perfect example of lost history. We have been extremely blessed by James Odrowski and his father. We now have a piece of the puzzle. We have the hope that we too can get through life’s challenges.

Suggested Method to Begin Writing Your Story

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

“Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him” (President Henry B. Eyring, “O Remember, Remember,” Oct. 2007 General Conference).

Whatever method you use to get started, please write your story! Your children and grandchildren will someday want to know how you ever survived a global pandemic. They will want to know how you survived other challenges in your life. They will learn from your life. They will learn how to get up and keep moving when life knocks them down. If you don’t write your story, it is an opportunity lost forever.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

In recent years, it seems like Church leaders have discussed this topic a lot. How the priesthood applies to women has been spoken about in General Conference, Face to Face discussions, Church magazines, books, podcasts, and more. Maybe it’s seemed like a hot topic because my personal interest in how the priesthood applies to women has been piqued in recent years. Maybe our Church, like other societies, is realizing the suppressing effect patriarchy has had on women, and it’s doing its part to correct false ideas, teachings, and traditions. Maybe the Spirit has been guiding Church leaders to emphasize this topic more (that one’s a yes, not just a maybe!). Maybe it’s all the above and some more.

I am grateful the priesthood is now being taught in a way that includes women, beyond the old “Well, men can’t give themselves a priesthood blessing; therefore, the priesthood applies to women, too.” While that is true, it barely scratches the surface of the priesthood power and privilege of women. I think that is why the priesthood is being taught better—to empower women with truth so they can fulfill their potential. Women are teaching and being taught what our privilege and full divine potential is, and how to live up to it now.

The last few years, President Nelson has been pleading with the women of the Church to live up to their priesthood privilege:

“As a righteous, endowed Latter-day Saint woman, you speak and teach with power and authority from God. Whether by exhortation or conversation, we need your voice teaching the doctrine of Christ. We need your input in family, ward, and stake councils. Your participation is essential and never ornamental!”

This article is a piece of what I have learned from studying about the priesthood. I will not describe everything about the priesthood and women. I simply do not know it all, and it would be a book instead of an article. I will discuss a few truths I learned that have helped me understand my priesthood potential. I hope it will help other women too. 

As I’ve studied the scriptures, speeches from General Authorities and Officers, and the temple ceremonies and ordinances, I have noticed that the priesthood works differently in a family versus in the Church.

Familial and Hierarchical Priesthood Structures

A woman lives up to her priesthood privilege in the family, temple, and Church

We are most familiar discussing how priesthood power, authority, keys, and offices function in the Church. For example, a bishop is the presiding priesthood leader in a ward and holds some priesthood keys, and ward members work with priesthood authority in the ward by virtue of their calling or priesthood office. The Church is structured in a hierarchical way, with Jesus Christ as the head, then the First Presidency and Apostles, all the way down to you and me.

However, the priesthood is administered differently in the family and the temple. There is no single “head” of a family. A wife and husband are equal leaders in their family, and they have equal priesthood authority. In the temple, women and men officiate in priesthood ordinances. The familial (also called the “patriarchal”) order of the priesthood functions in the family and the temple.

President Dallin H. Oaks taught: 

“A most important difference in the functioning of priesthood authority in the family and in the Church results from the fact that the government of the family is patriarchal, whereas the government of the Church is hierarchical.”

Before Christ’s mortal ministry when He established His Church, the priesthood was administered primarily through the familial structure.

Why does this information matter? It means that we cannot always look to the structure of the Church to know how the priesthood functions in a family and the temple. It means that a wife is equal with her husband in their marriage and family decisions—not “the man is the head and the woman is the neck.”

My parents are divorced, and yet I have never felt a lack of priesthood power and authority in my mom’s home. I never understood why this was until I learned about the familial structure of the priesthood. Even though my mom is not ordained to a priesthood office, she has priesthood power and authority because she is a mother who keeps her covenants.

President Nelson taught:

“When you are set apart to serve in a calling under the direction of one who holds priesthood keys—such as your bishop or stake president—you are given priesthood authority to function in that calling.”

President Nelson is describing how the hierarchical priesthood structure applies to women. He goes on to describe how the familial priesthood structure empowers women:

“Similarly, in the holy temple you are authorized to perform and officiate in priesthood ordinances every time you attend. Your temple endowment prepares you to do so.”

Priesthood Power, Keys, Office, and Authority

A woman lives up to her priesthood privilege by acting with priesthood power and authority

In their book, The Melchizedek Priesthood: Understanding the Doctrine, Living the Principles, Elder and Sister Renlund compared the word priesthood to how we use the word “earth.” Earth can refer to the planet or a pile of dirt. Similarly, the priesthood includes the power of God, and the specific functions of priesthood power, authority, keys, and offices.

For example, a man can be ordained to the priesthood office of elder and be given authority to perform some priesthood ordinances. However, when this man is in the temple, he does not automatically have priesthood authority to officiate in the initiatory ordinance.

Similarly, an endowed woman who is a temple worker has authority to officiate in some temple ordinances. She is not ordained to a priesthood office the same way a man is (deacon, teacher, priest, and so on). Her authority to officiate in those ordinances is only in the temple. This is also because of the familial and hierarchical ways the priesthood is administered. 

Anyone can feel the power of God (the priesthood) working in his or her life. In her book The Priesthood Power of Women, Sister Barbara Morgan Gardner says that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon through the power of God (the priesthood) even before he was ordained to a priesthood office. Covenant-keeping members have been blessed with priesthood power as they remain worthy. (Handbook 3.5)

When I was in college, I lived with faithful female friends. I never felt a lack of priesthood power in our apartment. I did not fully understand why until I understood the distinctions between priesthood power, authority, and office. We each had priesthood power because we kept our covenants.

Those with priesthood keys of presidency unlock the authority of the priesthood for those they are stewards over. Relatively few people hold priesthood keys of presidency. (Handbook 3.4.1.1)

People have priesthood authority in the hierarchical structure because of their priesthood office, or a church calling they have been set-apart in. “Priesthood authority is the authorization to represent God and act in His name. In the Church, all priesthood authority is exercised under the direction of those who hold priesthood keys,” according to the Church’s Handbook 3.4.

A woman can feel priesthood power, and this is enhanced as she makes and keeps covenants. A woman who has been set apart in her calling has priesthood authority. She also has priesthood authority in her home, including within her marriage and family. She has priesthood authority by virtue of her worship in the temple. 

While serving in various Church callings, especially as a missionary and as a teacher, I have felt priesthood authority in fulfilling those callings. 

Presiding in the Family

A woman lives up to her priesthood privilege in the family by being an equal partner with her husband — a single woman always presides in her home

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” states, “Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness.” Unfortunately, some have misinterpreted “preside” in an unequal way.

Knowing the priesthood works differently in the family and in the Church is crucial to understanding more about fathers presiding in a family. In the hierarchical structure of the priesthood within the Church, the person who presides is the ultimate authority in that setting. However, this is not how a husband or father presides in the family.

When I was younger, my family was on vacation with my grandparents. My grandma got everyone’s attention because she wanted to have a family spiritual devotional. As she began to lead the discussion, she stopped and apologized to my grandpa, her husband, and said that he should lead the discussion because he presides.

I remember feeling bothered by my grandparents’ exchange, because I felt it was completely appropriate for my grandma to lead a spiritual discussion.

Referring back to Sister Gardner’s book (it is an incredible book you all should read!), she says that she points out to her students what the Brethren do not teach about presiding:

“President Nelson, for example, does not mention making the final decision, bossing, or even being in charge, but rather talks of love, service, help, and ensuring sacred family time. It is clear that presiding requires being like and treating others as Christ would” (104).

The Church Handbook supports that presiding is Christlike:

“Presiding in the family is the responsibility to help lead family members back to dwell in God’s presence. This is done by serving and teaching with gentleness, meekness, and pure love, following the example of Jesus Christ” (Handbook 2.1.3).

President M. Russell Ballard said about fathers presiding in their family:

“Fathers perform priesthood ordinances and give priesthood blessings, including father’s blessings to their children.”

Women, including wives and mothers, preside in their home too. It is inappropriate for a priesthood-ordained son to choose someone to pray instead of his mother. It is demeaning for priesthood-holding brethren to direct a meeting within the home of the single sister they are visiting (such as a ministering).

Women are crucial in teaching the gospel to their family. (I will discuss this more in a future post.)

Sister Julie B. Beck, former Relief Society General President, said:

“The priesthood role of fathers is to preside and pass priesthood ordinances to the next generation. The priesthood role of mothers is to influence. These are essential, complementary, and interdependent responsibilities” (Gardner, 108).

I am grateful for the women and men in my life who have been excellent examples of working together in unity to help God’s children on the gospel path. I have seen family members, friends, and church leaders do this well. I am confident the youth today have a better understanding of the priesthood than I did as a kid. Overall, I believe and hope most men in the Church are presiding righteously. However, learning more about what presiding in the family means was important to me as I studied more about the priesthood. 

When I learned more about the familial structure of the priesthood in the family and the temple, it showed me that God really has empowered men and women to work together as equals. I am blessed to be married to the most Christlike person I have ever met, and he and I have always felt equal and complementary. I am grateful to now have the information and language to be able to teach our child and others about what presiding and priesthood authority means in the family.

Increasing Priesthood Power

I am truly grateful for the renewed emphasis on teaching truth about women and the priesthood. I have learned so much, and there is still so much to learn! Learning correct doctrine is crucial because, as President Nelson said, “[G]ood inspiration is based upon good information.” How can God teach you how to live up to your divine potential if you don’t know what it is?

To read more of Kristine’s articles, click here.

While studying the priesthood, I have felt frustrated because a lot of what I learned was personal revelation. (Over time, the truths I received personally were confirmed by Church leaders, which has been exciting.) Receiving personal revelation is a lot of work. While rewarding and invigorating, it would be nice to have everything about the priesthood spelled out easily. Llearning how to increase the power of the priesthood in your life is done primarily through personal revelation.

When inviting women to draw the Savior’s priesthood power more fully into their lives, President Nelson said, “The Holy Ghost will be your personal tutor as you seek to understand what the Lord would have you know and do.”

He also taught that service, sincere prayers, fasting, scripture study, temple worship, family history work, and increased personal purity will increase priesthood power.

“Sisters, you have the right to draw liberally upon the Savior’s power to help your family and others you love.”

How encouraging is that? Our prophet is reminding us women that we can pull down the powers of heaven. It is our right and privilege. What a blessing and comfort! The trials you and I have faced on a personal and societal level have been difficult. I’m sure that you, like me, have seen others you love suffer. I’m sure you want to protect those you love from pain and sorrow as much as you can. Our society and personal trials are not over. It is empowering to know that we as women can work with the men in our lives to invoke priesthood power into our lives. Imagine the spiritual protection and resilience of a family whose mother and father know their priesthood privilege and use it to bless and protect their marriage and children! God wants to bless us, and He wants us all to have His help. Living up to priesthood privilege is all about inviting God’s infinite power into our lives.

Kristine Hoyt

 “For there is a time appointed for every man, according as his works shall be.” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:25)

 

“Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.” (Doctrine and Covenants 122:9)

 

“And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them.” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:46)

My faith came to a head recently as our family faced the mortality of our dad as he fought for his life.

Testing Positive for COVID-19

My parents are Darrell and Darla Bushman. Our family’s COVID-19 story started when someone unknowingly becoming infected and unintentionally infected others. Sounds pretty typical, right?

Little Brooke caught the virus from a SPED classmate who attended school on Friday. Before her family was notified of the exposure, our family had a Sunday night family dinner because nearly all of my parents’ family was in Utah that weekend. We were only missing two sons-in-law working in other states and a granddaughter at college.

Mom sat by Brooke on the couch with grandmotherly care and attention. Brooke seemed extra tired and uninterested in her surroundings. When the gathering was over, Dannen lifted Brooke into the car, the Holy Ghost whispered to him that she was COVID-19 positive.

The next morning, Monday morning, the school called their family and confirmed her classmate had tested positive. Dannen and Claudia loaded up their whole family and went to get tested.

On Tuesday, they learned that almost everyone in their family tested positive for COVID-19. They immediately messaged the extended family the results. Only Dannen really experienced symptoms. The rest were positive and asymptomatic aside from some tasteless/smell-less symptoms.

On Wednesday, Mom began experiencing symptoms. Dad drove her to get tested that morning. On Thursday, her test results confirmed she has COVID-19.

On Thursday, Dad began feeling symptoms. He didn’t see any need to get tested since the dominoes were falling that direction.

On Friday evening, I began feeling symptoms. I’d planned to stay with Mom and Dad for just over two weeks sandwiched between a move from Hawaii to Texas. By this time, my husband had been in Texas for a month.

A few other family members had cold or flu-like symptoms and got tested for coronavirus but no one else in our family gathering tested positive for COVID-19. The only two people in our entire family who I worried about being adversely affected by COVID-19 both tested positive. The grandchild who caught the virus from a classmate has underlying medical conditions. The other person I worried about was Dad. He was in the highest mortality underlying condition category — age, type 2 diabetes, etc.

Our cousins’ uncle (who was in dad’s demographic) contracted the virus on a Saturday and was dead on Wednesday. Others we knew were sharing harrowing and fatal experiences with COVID-19. I began watching both parents with hypervigilance.

A Blessing with Promise

General Conference began on Saturday on the first weekend of October. Mom, Dad, and I lounged in the living room with fuzzy blankets and liquids for two days watching conference.

Saturday night, I felt fear for the first time when Dad stood up to walk from his chair to the bed and lost all his muscle strength. Mom and I helped him to bed and then I texted my brothers Donovan and Daylen to see if they could give Dad a priesthood blessing. While I waited for them to come to the house, my mind ran the gamut of emotions and expectations.

In the back of my mind, I expected COVID-19 to kill my dad. I knew Dad had lived a full and good life, a life made better and whole through the grace of Jesus Christ. I knew he’d lived longer than many beloved men in our family.

I knew that I believed the scriptures quoted above. I knew the Lord knows the details of our lives and when those lives are finished.

I realized that I’d asked my brothers to give Dad a blessing so I could hear the will of the Lord outside of my own chaotic emotions and desires.

A few minutes before I expected them to arrive, I told Dad what I had done to make sure that was okay with him. He said he would like a priesthood blessing.

Despite the peril of walking into Coronaville, my brothers came. They were masked up, concerned, and ready to serve. They gave dad a powerful priesthood blessing which I felt prompted to record. The blessing promised that Dad could be completely healed and said that Dad had not finished his work on Earth.

I totally believed the words of that blessing and expected Dad to begin recovering. I played the blessing for Dad a couple of times during hard days to remind him of the Lord’s promises to him.

Navigating COVID-19 Symptoms

Dad lounging in bed

Our common symptom was fatigue. The virus seriously knocked us flat energy-wise. Then Mom began bouncing back. Dad didn’t. In all fairness, Mom is the healthiest person in our family and the person I least expected to have long-term impacts (though when I first heard she had the virus, my heart dropped because I knew this deadly virus had taken so many healthy lives).

Dad began spending his days lying in bed trying to deal with severe COVID-19 symptoms. At one point he said he could feel where every bone in his body connected to another bone. We reasoned Dad was a day or so behind mom and he would back bounce more slowly. But eventually, we had to admit he wasn’t bouncing back at all. He was declining rapidly.

My sister Destinee had coworkers who kept insisting we get an oximeter to test everyone’s oxygen saturation. I had one on my phone so checked our levels regularly. I honestly didn’t know how accurate it was but since our levels were in the high 90s, we felt that was fine.

Eight days into dad’s coronavirus experience, on Friday, Destinee messaged us asking if we’d gotten an oximeter yet. We hadn’t. When I tried to check dad’s levels on my phone, I really had to struggle to keep his finger over the sensor. When we finally got a reading, his oxygen saturation level had dropped below 90. Mom’s was 97. Mine was 96. Dad’s was 88.

Around that same time, Claudia messaged to see if we needed anything. I asked if she could buy an oximeter and bring it to us. She did.

We tested Dad. Testing on the oximeter was way easier than on my phone. By then he was at 84. Mom and I were basically the same as my phone’s reading; it was a relief to me to know I hadn’t been deceived.

But Dad… Dad’s reading dropped again. The oximeter read “82.”

Mom and I talked as we looked at Dad on his bed. He’d been largely unresponsive. We knew we needed to take him to the emergency room.

The Emergency Room

I pulled the car sideways on the driveway for easier access. Mom got Dad into some comfy pajama bottoms. We tried to get slippers on his feet but finally gave up and told him to walk barefoot to the car. Then we spent the next 10 minutes on the usually 20-second journey from his bedroom to the driveway.

Dad kept becoming unresponsive as he walked. It was like he’d black out on his feet! He would take a couple of steps and then just become blank. I’d speak loudly and say, “OK, Dad, on three, we’re going to take a few more steps.” “OK, Dad, on three.” “OK, Dad, on three.”

My own COVID-19 body imploded with exhaustion. Mom was straining, too. “OK, Dad, on three.” “Good job. Two more steps.” “OK, Dad, on three.”

And then he crumpled into the passenger seat. Mom got him situated. I ran into the house to shut doors and turn off lights.

And away we went to the hospital. We hadn’t taken a moment to text the family what was happening. Less than a minute into our drive, my nephew Austin called his grandma to see how she and Grandpa were doing. She unloaded the news on him. He told his parents and the messages sprang into action. That was such a tender mercy for us to have Austin’s call at that moment.

We quickly arrived at the hospital (it’s not far from my parents’ home). We talked out a plan as we drove into the ER area. Mom jumped out immediately when I stopped. I unbuckled Dad and asked how he was. He made some wry comments. I told him I loved him.

Mom came out with a wheelchair. That surprised me. Where was the flurry of medical help? We got Dad into the wheelchair and mom wheeled him into the hospital to triage.

Waiting all alone at the ER

I parked and then went into the empty hospital lobby waiting area. I could see through the doors to where Mom spoke to triage and Dad sat in the chair. He looked so stony. He didn’t move at all.

I didn’t know what to expect, but Mom went with Dad back to a room. I was surprised. I still sat all alone and picked up the messaging thread to update everyone.

I looked up to see a nurse striding quickly to me. She said I couldn’t stay. They would let Mom stay with Dad, but I couldn’t stay. I drove back home.

I sat on the couch and cried. In my mind, Dad going to the hospital was a death sentence. I listened to dad’s blessing again. It rejuvenated my faith. I got up and started cleaning Mom and Dad’s bathroom to keep my mind busy.

A few hours after dropping Dad off at the ER, Mom called and said they were ready for pickup. At that point, doctors said his lungs had a little fluid but not COVID pneumonia. Dad came home with an oxygen tank, which was a new experience for the three of us. The nurse gave me a quick oxygen tank lesson as Dad got back in the car.

Dad was significantly improved! He walked by himself into the house. What a testament to oxygen’s impact on our bodies.

Trying to Manage COVID-19 Again from Home

The nurse told mom to call the oxygen company, which she called immediately. The employees are on-call, especially late on Friday nights. Mom and Dad were both trashed and it was so late, so I told them to go to bed and I’d wake them up when the oxygen guy arrived. I fell asleep while waiting on the couch. I’m half-deaf, so I worry about hearing things if I fall asleep.

Luckily, I jerked awake at the sound of the doorbell and ran to open the door. It was the oxygen guy. He asked if any of us had been exposed to the coronavirus and I was, like, “Um, yeah, we all have it.” He said every call he’d done that day had been to homes with COVID-19.

I woke up Mom and Dad and we put masks on and oxygen man gave us serious lessons on oxygen. We filled out tons of paperwork. He was there for almost two hours! But when he left, Dad had an oxygen machine and really long tubes so he could move around the house without a tank.

The ER doctor’s orders said to have Dad on 2 liters per minute (lpm). So we did and were super proud of that. Then suddenly, I felt a prompting to check dad’s oxygen saturation level. It was 82 on 2 lpm! Yikes!

Mom called the ER to see what we should do. They gave us better instructions about moving the oxygen amount as needed, up to 4 lpm. Dad’s saturation stabilized above 90 at 3.5 lpm and we all went to sleep.

Dad’s signature wave

Dad spent Saturday in bed. My brother set him up with access to watch the BYU football game and Dad watched football on a laptop in bed. He seemed to be improving.

He made a joke about living as long as the peach leaves stayed on the tree right outside his bedroom window, specifically one peach leaf. We said we’d paint a leaf on the window like in that sob story video “The Last Leaf.”

Dad is uber extroverted. Being stuck in any box for 10 days is excruciating for him. I messaged an invite for my siblings to come to say hi at his window. We bundled up the bed since it was a little chilly out and his kids and grandkids started visiting the window. Having eight kids means that even if visits are short, there are still a lot of them.

My siblings kept their visits short and usually, there were some good time gaps between them. Dad remained horizontal and not expected to entertain or do anything at all except give his characteristic wave, which is to hold his arm up with his hand flopped over.

Watching the window parade, I realized that Dad going to the ER similarly impacted my siblings, too.

The Emergency Room Part 2

Dannen and Claudia’s family were the last to visit late in the afternoon. Dad got out of bed to use the bathroom. Bathroom breaks were generally quite exhausting. When he didn’t come out as soon as expected, I volunteered Dannen to go see if Dad needed help. He helped dad get back in bed.

We checked the oximeter and dad’s oxygen was in the low 80s again. We waited to see if being in bed would help him recover, but it didn’t. We upped the oxygen to 4. Dad’s lungs didn’t respond to that. I pushed it to the machine’s limit at 5 but it didn’t increase Dad’s saturation.

We knew we had to take him to the ER again. Dad didn’t argue when we told him that news. Claudia loaded up their kids. Dannen helped me and Mom load up dad in the car. He rode with us to the hospital while Claudia closed up the house.

Again Mom ran into the hospital. This time a wheelchair came much more quickly. We got Dad and his oxygen tank out and Mom whisked him away to triage. I told Dad I loved him before he got out of the car.

When I parked the car, I realized I had forgotten to put shoes on. I knew the hospital staff wouldn’t let me in the hospital anyway, so stood barefoot peering through a window with Dannen. Claudia and her kids arrived. She messaged the family about what was happening.

Suddenly Mom came out and said they wouldn’t let her stay with Dad. What? We couldn’t believe it. Dannen went in to see if he could persuade them. Apparently letting Mom stay before was against policy and the Sunday night staff were in no mood to break policy.

We were totally blindsided as we suddenly realized we’d just dropped Dad off completely alone. We freaked out. We couldn’t drive away. We just stood at the ER door in disbelief. Cutting Dad off from people/his family/especially mom is torture.

Finally, probably since there were kiddos waiting patiently in a vehicle, we knew there wasn’t anything left to do. We went home.

The Transfer to the Veterans Hospital and COVID-19 Pneumonia

Dad being loaded into the ambulance

After an hour or so, the ER called Mom saying that Dad was being transferred to the Veterans Hospital in Salt Lake City by ambulance. That’s about an hour drive. Mom and I drove back to the hospital to give Dad their shared cell phone so Dad would have access to call. A nurse met mom to get the phone.

While driving out of the parking lot, we saw an ambulance driving in and knew it was for Dad, so I flipped a U-turn and parked where we could see the ambulance entrance. It felt like forever but suddenly the ambulance drivers emerged suited up for COVID-19. What a sight to see! Then they wheeled Dad out on a gurney and put him in the ambulance, and then they calmly drove away with our dad.

With no other recourse available, I posted my first social media post asking for prayers for Dad.

Since Dad now had Mom’s cell phone in Salt Lake City, my phone became the connection source to Dad and the hospital. My phone rang at 1:30 a.m. that first night with the first nurse check-in. I ran upstairs and woke up Mom so she could talk to the nurse. The VA hospital admitted Dad to a regular room, but because he had COVID-19 no one would be able to visit him. We were grateful for the check-in.

The Veterans Hospital staff were amazing at keeping us informed and answering questions. We appreciated all of their collective help at helping us understand the hopes and reality of Dad’s situation.

Dad’s Visitor Before ICU

On Monday morning, Dad told us he had a dream where his dad came to him. Dad said seeing his father was really comforting. Mom and I cried because we felt like that was a direct answer to our prayers that Dad wouldn’t feel or be alone. We also didn’t know if that was just a comforting moment or an omen that Grandpa was coming for Dad.

On Tuesday, a doctor called to tell us Dad was being moved to ICU because he did have COVID-19 pneumonia that was destabilizing his lungs. What a blow. We couldn’t believe it. ICU.

I think most of us thought ICU was a death sentence for Dad… But he didn’t die.

Our faith, hope, and prayers for Dad’s complete recovery continued despite the fact that we didn’t know what Dad needed to do to complete his work on the earth. We didn’t have any indication if his work would take a few days or years to complete.

The next day, a doctor called to let us know of Dad’s continual decline and his potential need to be on a ventilator. He talked to mom about medical power of attorney. He said Dad’s will was to be resuscitated as necessary and to fight for his life. We readily agreed with that.

Ventilator. The ventilator represented my deepest fear for Dad.

A Divine Hand During the Most Desperate Decline

That was the night I completely surrendered my will to God. I’d clung to the blessing promising complete healing, but I knew I had to let it go and place all my faith in the hands of God, regardless of what resulted. All.

Hundreds of friends and family were praying for Dad. I felt the power of their prayers sustaining us. It was so tangible. Mom and I were still kind of fragile ourselves and I felt strengthened from the sheer volume of support. What a blessed miracle!

I knelt in prayer thanking Heavenly Father for the prayers and positive vibes for Dad. I told Him the same thing I had prayed before — I knew Dad had lived a full and good life, a life made better and whole through the grace of Jesus Christ. I knew he’d lived longer than many beloved men in our family. I knew that I believed the scriptures quoted above. I knew the Lord knew the details of our lives and when those lives are finished. And I offered the clinging, afraid of loss, clutching-at-air part of myself to Him.

At that moment, He gave me a gift. In a very tangible way, I saw something in my mind’s eye that absolutely concreted my assurance in Dad’s recovery. I knew that with the Lord’s help, Dad would recover. I texted my family in the middle of the night of my experience.

The next day, Dad’s first day on the ventilator, the nurse exuberantly told mom, “He’s sitting up in his chair!” Through the nurse, Dad communicated to mom with the nurse asking questions and Dad communicating through shrugs and eye gestures. Then the nurse put the phone next to Dad, who couldn’t talk, but just listened, and Mom talked into space for an hour.

We rejoiced! That defied all of the odds. And Dad continued to improve — some days more than others — until on October 27th, a doctor asked mom when she could be in Salt Lake City to pick up Dad from the Veterans Hospital! She said she would leave right that minute. The doctor chuckled and said to give them an hour or so and they planned a time.

Picking Up Dad from the VA Hospital

Dad being discharged from the VA Hospital

Mom drove us to the VA hospital in record time. Destinee came over from her lab a few blocks away. We three waited for Dad together.

We saw some nurses wheeling someone in a wheelchair. Was that Dad? No, it couldn’t be. The man was so frail and hunched. Our dad filled the room when he entered it.

But it was Dad! We rushed to him. His eyes followed us but he didn’t physically react at all. One nurse gave mom and Destinee loads of instructions while the other nurse helped me load all of Dad’s new gear in the car.

Then we moved Dad from the wheelchair into the car and got the oxygen tank reconnected in the back seat. The nurse spoke to Dad in Spanish. Apparently, he’d served a mission in Chile too. Of course, Dad loved that.

We buckled Dad in, said goodbye to Destinee, and Mom drove off with her BFF at her side, so happy and glowing to have him back. Dad’s vitality increased as the realization that he was actually going home became more and more of a reality.

Recovering From COVID-19

Dad’s recovery plan

Dad promised Mom he would recover and he’s challenged himself to overcome the obstacles he still faces. He’s working hard to make that happen. And it is happening, step by step and day by day.

There are several things we attribute to Dad’s steady progress.

• It was God’s will that Dad lives and finish his work on the earth.
• A multitude of prayers petitioned God for recovery and enabled divine assistance to prevail.
• Dad’s ward fasted and prayed for his recovery. That act of love brings Dad to tears every time he speaks of it.
• Dad’s siblings/in-laws sent encouraging and heartfelt messages. Mom and I read them all to Dad to help him not feel alone. They buoyed his soul during the especially trying times.
• Dad talked or listened to Mom every day. He needed that connection to her.
• Knowing that he was so loved and prayed for gave Dad the desire and strength to fight for survival. We are all so grateful for the outpouring of love, faith, and prayers.

“To Give You An Expected End”

During this same time frame, many friends and loved ones said goodbye to people they most love. Every day I deeply felt the juxtaposition of Dad’s life and other loved ones’ deaths.

To read more of Delisa’s articles, click here.

The Lord’s words to Jeremiah encapsulated what I learned from the Spirit as I floundered between joy and grief during those days… and still.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

For He does know us and part of His eternal plan for our salvation includes mortality, a mortality of varying times and seasons. Our days are known and numbered to Him and when it’s our appointed time, He brings us home — home to Him. Home to the arms of His love and to the peace of His glory. Home.

Delisa Hargrove

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have moved 64 times and have not tired of experiencing this beautiful earth! I love the people, languages, histories/anthropologies, & especially religious cultures of the world. My life long passion is the study & searching out of religious symbolism, specifically related to ancient & modern temples. My husband Anthony and I love our bulldog Stig, adventures, traveling, movies, motorcycling, and time with friends and family.

When I watch a movie, I love the climax. To me, that’s the best part. When I listen to a song, I frequently have a favorite stanza. My daughter Melanie went to Nepal recently, and her favorite part was walking through the villages, particularly the small little villages in the mountains. The culture was diverse and different. Blessings, prayers, and passion were all exciting and memorable. Amy finished aesthetics school at the top of her class. She has pursued many areas and continues to investigate the opportunities and deceptions of today’s world. And Emily is well into her cosmetology profession. Her clientele has grown rather remarkably. She told me the best part of cosmetology school was getting treatments done for free. Certainly for those still in training, graduation is definitely an exciting part, and life after their preparations is just the beginning. There are lots of favorite parts, actually.

My hobby involves attempting to capture life’s experiences for my benefit and those in my family and extended family. That way we can cherish our memories many times throughout the years — even for the rest of our lives. And my sincere hope is that I can capture the best part of our experiences. Then my posterity will continue to learn about and enjoy the memories left for them to absorb and grow. We all benefit from this activity.

It is true that many of us enjoy great blessings of every kind. Compared with the world in the past, and many parts of the world today, our abundance is unheard of and likely unimagined. The “windows of heaven” are not just figurative. The promises of our day are definitely coming true right before our eyes.

So I feel that we are pretty lucky to be part of these times and enjoy the luxuries so abundant in our day, but even then I am sure our ancestors felt that way as well when they were alive.

What’s the best part of family history?

For me, I think getting to know past family members is exciting. Learning about them and the way the faced their challenges is inspiring to me. I love my ancestors for the hard lives they lived so that my family and I benefit greatly today from their many sacrifices.

Expressing appreciation to loved ones is important now, and someday I am sure we will have an opportunity to share our thanks with those that have blazed the way before us. One day expressing our appreciation to them in person will be real and significant, but it is important today that we recognize and acknowledge their gift. What a loss it would be to fail to enjoy because we failed to look.

To read more of Walter’s articles, click here.

Admittedly, I have been somewhat critical of many of the Israelites who, after they were blessed with freedom, later died from the bite of fiery serpents because they would simply not look. President Dallin H Oaks provides a thorough explanation of the event. Moses revealed the antidote was to look at the brass serpent lifted up on a pole, and they would be healed. The scripture notes that the Lord had prepared a simple way by which they could be healed, yet “because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished” (1 Nephi 17:41). How much like them we are when we fail to acknowledge God’s hand in our lives? Often, we simply need to look to live in appreciation of the bounty that we have been given.

Grandchildren are the best. Seeing so much joy between cousins and watching new mothers and fathers learn the ropes of parenting is fascinating. They do a great job with the grandchildren who are young, similar, and amazing. I want to help them learn interesting stories and facts about their predecessors. They will soon appreciate and admire the efforts even if they don’t see it now.

Hardship will befall us. Challenges are certain to impact your life. Doing what is right will help us prevail. This plan meant for us to have help. Family, friends, associates, and Church members are tasked with taking care of each other. We receive numerous blessings from both sides of the veil—I attest to that—especially when we help those who cannot help themselves. We do not have to face struggles alone.

The truth is that the Kingdom of God is well-organized and immensely strong throughout the world today. We know that as we align ourselves with the gospel of Jesus Christ, the outcome is sure and the great plan of happiness will all be fulfilled in our behalf. Jesus Christ is already victorious and by following Him, so are we. He is the way, the truth, and the light. Through Him we can experience true enduring happiness and eternal joy as families. That is the amazing grace of Jesus Christ.

And that really is the best part.

Walter Penning

In 1989, Walter Penning formed a consultancy based in Salt Lake City and empowered his clients by streamlining processes and building a loyal, lifetime customer base with great customer service. His true passion is found in his family. He says the best decision he ever made was to marry his sweetheart and have children. The wonderful family she has given him and her constant love, support, and patience amid life’s challenges is his panacea.

That statement draws a lot of attention. Some parents are afraid of their teenagers, while others enjoy the time their children are in their teens. It takes courageous parents to guide their teenage children through the pitfalls and bumps in their early life. Teenagers are hanging on the eve of adulthood and it’s their last-ditch effort to fulfill what they consider being “themselves.” Many have passions about what they do and it shows in their actions. Others pass through quietly and contribute thoughtfully. One thing is for sure: there is a lot more activity with a house full of teenage children than with a house full of two-year-olds. Reflection and words of wisdom can help parents understand their teenage children so life runs smoother and safer, especially those families with Christian ethics. Here are a few ideas!

Parents Can Lay the Foundation

Children between the ages of 13 and 19 keep homes very invigorated (and keep their parents young!) since during adolescence, great changes take place in body and mind. Parents should pay particular attention to what their teens do instead of turning a deaf ear to their activity. Granted, a two-year old will try to please his parents, and for the most part, they go along with clothing choices, foods to eat, and bedtime rules. But a teen causes parents to think through religious beliefs, moral judgments, and why we should eat nutritious food for lunch instead of potato chips and soda pop.

Teens who are grounded in righteous endeavors typically will be more successful in this difficult world. Words of wisdom could never be truer from the late Elder David B. Haight, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, in a talk he gave in 1979. He said:

“Though the world is becoming more wicked, the youth of Christ’s church can become more righteous if they understand who they are, understand the blessings available, and understand the promises God has made to those who are righteous, who believe, who endure. All of our youth are entitled to and need this knowledge to combat the forces of deception that would lead them captive into darkness.”

Teens might think their parents are too strict with high morals, but adolescent children know where they stand and that their parents care enough to enforce sensible values.

Teens Need Attention, Too

Some might consider teenagers very immature, but there is a fine line between immaturity and just being fun. A common characteristic of teenagers is the fact that many times, the whole world revolves around them and any negative situations they experience will go down in the history books as the worst occurrence of their lives (even if they were the cause of it). Yes, they are the “drama queens and kings” of life, but their perspective is an interesting one. Granted, some of our teens have had to endure some pretty awful experiences that did go down in the history books as the worst ever — for example, the Columbine High School shootings — but for the most part, teens overreact in their quest for adulthood.

Parents need compassion and fairness in dealing with the lives of their teens as well as attention to the details of their lives. They are not done with parenting a child after 13. This is where the courage to be a good parent comes in handy, as we are entrusted to train our children to put their best foot forward. From another Latter-day Saint Church leader, President David O. McKay, “What must the Lord think, then, of parents who, through their own negligence or willful desire to indulge their selfishness, fail properly to rear their children, and thereby prove untrue to the greatest trust that has been given to human beings?” The teenage years can be some of the most difficult for a child and parents can be a great source of strength during those demanding times.

Don’t Let Age Fool You

To read more of Valerie’s articles, click here.

Even though adolescents are old enough to take care of their physical needs, they are not always old enough to take care of their emotional needs. Ideally, parents should be home when their teens are home. Be there before school and after if possible. (Many parents, of course, need to work to provide for their children; if it is not possible to be home with them as often as you’d like, make sure to carve out special time to be with each child individually.) That gray area of life between childhood and adulthood takes a good listening ear and the foresight of a prophet.

Recent studies have shown that depression and suicidality is increasing in adolescents. During the teenage years, there are such feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness that sometimes it’s hard to know how to handle life. Additionally, there are often many external difficulties like parents divorcing, separation of family, or a death of a loved one. It’s no wonder teens have a hard time coping! From another Church leader, President Ezra Taft Benson, we learn, “The family is the most effective place to instill lasting values in its members. Where family life is strong and based on principles and practices of the gospel of Jesus Christ, these problems do not as readily appear.”

Teens in their own right could be a great influence for doing good or a bad influence for getting into a lot of trouble. With the help of parents, Church leaders, teachers, and friends, the life of a teen can be a positive experience for everyone involved. As everyone should know, teenagers are fun.

This article was originally posted on MormonFamily.net in 2011. Changes have been made for consistency and clarity. 

Valerie Steimle

Valerie Steimle has been writing as a family advocate for over 25 years. As a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she promotes Christian living in her writings and is the mother of nine children and grandmother to twelve. Mrs. Steimle authored six books and is a contributing writer to several online websites. To her, time is the most precious commodity we have and knows we should spend it wisely.
To read more of Valerie’s work, visit her at her website, The Blessings of Family Life.

At 8:20 am, my parents and I met my sister and her two little girls up American Fork Canyon. I wanted to go for a morning walk in a beautiful setting and my sister had great ideas of where to go. We parked near a gurgling river nestled in the canyon floor and headed out on an easy asphalt path.

My sister wore a light jacket and shorts. My dad wore jeans and a polo shirt with no jacket.  My mom wore a light jacket, pants, gloves, and earmuffs. I had athletic pants and the warmest of the gifted jackets. My family said they weren’t really cold. However, I was really cold.

Walking Along the Path Together

Trusting that a brisk walk along the canyon trail would warm me up, I set out with my family.

What a glorious setting! Fiery reds and oranges splashed color along the path. The river’s song matched our lighthearted footsteps. Sunshine began dancing on the canyon walls overhead highlighting the bursts of color with its warm vibrancy.

American Fork Canyon

And still, with a beautiful, brisk walk, I felt very little change in my body temperature. Whenever I pulled them from my pockets, my fingers felt totally frozen. Everyone else, including the little girls, were fine.

I stopped verbally comparing myself to the others though I occasionally checked to see if the little girls ever had goosebumps. They never did. I knew I experienced a different journey.

Finally, after winding up and down the path, and on the return trip, I felt heat building across the trunk of my body. Though not warm enough to unzip my jacket, I happily exclaimed that I was warming up!

Soon, we made it back over the bridge to the little parking lot. We all enjoyed our little 1.76-mile walk and I tried to convince everyone to do it almost every day I’m here.

Every Person a Different Journey

“In a forest of a hundred thousand trees, no two leaves are alike. And no two journeys along the same path are alike.” ~ Paulo Coelho

Probably because my husband and I are in the middle of another move, which is a time when I reflect on my life’s journey “compared” to other lovely life journeys, the walk proved very instructive.

Even though we all walked along the same path with the same beginning and conclusion, a lot of things vastly differentiated our walking experience.

Our Individual Journeys

For instance, Dad, who has some bruised ribs and muscles, decided to wait for us along the path after a steep incline. He walked alone along the river and then climbed the hill and sat on a perfectly situated rock and awaited our return. He tailored the walk to his need and had a great time.

Mom spent most of the walk entertaining granddaughters in the stroller. She ran ahead and made funny sounds as the girls squealed with laughter. She managed the shoes that were flicked out of the stroller along the way and answered every call for her attention. She had a great time.

The girls mostly spent their time in the stroller—the seven-month-old sat placidly, enjoying grandma’s antics. The 18-month-old spent most of the walk wanting to get out of the stroller to walk by herself or push her baby sister. When the time came that she was able to exit the stroller, she bounced out and immediately took position by her mom to push the baby. She babbled happily as she walked along doing big girl stuff. Their squeals of delight said they had a great time.

My sister, familiar with that path, pointed out upcoming scenic things, pushed two kids up and down hills, perpetually told one daughter she couldn’t get out, and then very patiently walked slowly as that toddler helped. There’s really not a slow bone in my sister’s body, so I love seeing how she’s willing to slow down as a mom for her kids’ benefit. She had a great time.

I spent my time photographing every new, colorful tree, craning to see the rugged canyon walls, and listening to the river. I loved the girls’ laughter and the sunlight dancing through the trees. I smelled all the amazing forest and the occasional fire smells. I loved being with these loved ones I don’t see a lot. I loved experiencing new places I haven’t really discovered before. And even though I was cold, I had a great time.

Same Start Point and Same End Point but a Different Journey

We left from the same point. We returned to the same point. And while we traveled together, laughed together, and helped each other, ultimately our experienced journeys were all very different. We just let them be without expecting anyone to have someone else’s journey or forcing our expectations on someone else (aside from necessary parental precautions). We all were ourselves and we all had a great time.

And isn’t that just the way our journeys through life should be?

Delisa Hargrove

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have moved 64 times and have not tired of experiencing this beautiful earth! I love the people, languages, histories/anthropologies, & especially religious cultures of the world. My life long passion is the study & searching out of religious symbolism, specifically related to ancient & modern temples. My husband Anthony and I love our bulldog Stig, adventures, traveling, movies, motorcycling, and time with friends and family.