During our 43 and a half years of marriage, we’ve made an annual trip to Idaho to see loved ones. Our youngest daughter and her husband live there now, so we continue the trek. There are fences now. Little by little through the years, fences appeared. I remember one particular fence that went up with a gate between two yards so that the children had easy access to their friends.

Idaho is still beautiful and, frankly, one of my favorite places. It isn’t quite the same as it was when I first saw it, though. I miss the wide, open spaces right in the middle of the towns. I miss the feeling of togetherness and community. Some of the friendliest people I’ve ever met, I met in Idaho. Now that there are fences, however, that sense of neighborhood community isn’t quite the same.

Why do we put up fences? We tell ourselves it is because we like our privacy. We like to keep our personal property safe and secure. We want to protect our children. There are lots of reasons we put up fences.

There are other fences we build. We build imaginary fences around ourselves—you know, to protect our self-esteem. We build fences to protect us from having to confide in our neighbors. Some fences keep us from being compared to others. Some help us to be alone in our misery. Other fences protect us from having to explain our quirkiness or to be scrutinized by others.

Fences can be a good thing when we need a private moment. Too many fences, though, can stifle a sense of community, keep us in the dark, and prevent us from living up to our full potential. Fences are built to keep people out. How can we develop relationships and love for others through a fence? How can missionary work progress through a fence? How can we spiritually progress without the help of others? How can we minister?

If it seems impossible to rip out your fence, consider cutting down a portion and building an unlocked gate. That will allow you to keep a portion of your privacy and still be accessible to others. That’s the first step. The next step is to voluntarily walk through the gate on a regular basis and meet those on the other side. Learn to love your neighbor, one day at a time. Baby steps. We are all progressing by baby steps—and that’s okay as long as we keep putting one foot in front of the other. We will eventually get there.

To read more of Tudie’s articles, click here.

Ponder about the fences in your life and how you can remove them. Pray about it. Be humble. Let Heavenly Father work through you to achieve His purposes. It’s all voluntary. He will not force you to do it. That is not His nature. You must be willing to break down the fence on your own.

Those of us who are introverts have trouble ripping out our fences. I’ve found that with every board ripped from my personal fence comes a blessing. Isn’t that the way it always works? As we progress spiritually, there are always unexpected blessings.

I hope during this current worldwide pandemic that we are not increasing the number of our fences. The longer we are shut in, the easier it gets to be lazy in our relationships. Please take a few moments out of your day to ponder how to enrich your relationships. Do you have boards that need to be removed from your fence? Don’t anchor your personal fence in cement. Whatever fences you own, make them easy to dismantle. As you remove each board, let it stand as a testimony of your willingness to love and serve others.

Tudie Rose

Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.

How do we show Love?

My son’s smoke detector collection. He loves them!

As he talked about how much he loves smoke detectors, my eyes were opened to what they mean to him. He shared that he shows his affection for smoke detectors by learning about them, and playing with them. Then he talked about how he shows he cares for for his friends in the same way. When you are friends with someone you learn about them and spend time with them. His message was especially meaningful for me since it was literally out of the mouth of a babe.

So, then I had to ask myself, how am I showing my devotion to the Lord? Do I spend enough time learning about Him and His life and teachings? Do I remember to spend time with Him in regular prayer, and in serving His children? It still amazes me how the simple messages from children are often the ones that sink the deepest into my soul.

It’s a commandment

The first commandment God gave us was to love the Lord with all our hearts. And then He commanded us to love one another, emphasizing that it was of similar importance. I find it significant that the great God of the universe, when He could have given His children any piece of His wisdom, chose to focus first on the importance of love.

President Thomas S. Monson, the president of the LDS Church, said:

“We cannot truly love God if we do not love our fellow travelers on this mortal journey. Likewise, we cannot fully love our fellowmen if we do not love God, the Father of us all. The Apostle John tells us, “This commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.” We are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father and, as such, are brothers and sisters. As we keep this truth in mind, loving all of God’s children will become easier.

 

Actually, love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love. The sick He healed; the downtrodden He lifted; the sinner He saved. At the end, the angry mob took His life. And yet there rings from Golgotha’s hill the words: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do”—a crowning expression in mortality of compassion and love.

 

There are many attributes which are manifestations of love, such as kindness, patience, selflessness, understanding, and forgiveness. In all our associations, these and other such attributes will help make evident the love in our hearts.”

It strengthens us

May we all try a little harder to care for each other, and to serve God. Let us reach out and support and uplift and encourage. We are all living through struggles; it’s how we learn and grow. But enduring together makes every challenge easier. I think that’s one of the reasons God commanded us to love each other- so we could be stronger. I recently heard a quote that moved me. “Today’s trials are tomorrow’s testimony.” Sometimes the Lord’s admonition to love others is not an easy one to follow. Some people really don’t act like they want to be loved. But God has challenged us to step up and accept the challenge to be like Him.

It’s a challenge

In Matthew 5: 43-48 it reads:

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

 

For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

To read more of Patty’s articles, click here.

We can do it!

I read this scripture and I can almost hear the “I dare you,” in the Lord’s voice. In verse 46, when He says “If ye love them which love you”, I hear ‘how hard is that?’ And then I remember how much He suffered at the hands of his enemies but still chose to dedicate His life to them.

Because love really is a choice. It’s a choice we make every day. And I’m going to try harder to choose to love even when it’s hard. The whole smoke detector invasion in my house has really brought to the front of my mind how hard that choice can be. But with God’s help; and because of His example, I will endure.

Patty Sampson

Patty thrives on all things creative. You’ll often find her in the garden pretending she is a suburban farmer. She loves meeting new people, and is devoted to her friends and family. In her heart she is a Midwesterner even though life has moved her all over the country. She believes in “blooming where you’re planted” and has found purpose in every place she has been. She has a deep and abiding love for the Savior and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And she loves editing LDS Blogs because it is a constant spiritual uplift. Not many people can say their job builds their witness of the Savior.

Norma Kimokeo on Perfect Obedience

In a recent Stake Conference we heard the adage, “Obedience brings blessings, and perfect obedience brings miracles.” But what is perfect obedience? What does that mean? We know the Savior was perfectly obedient. The Savior is perfect; we are not. But we seek to follow the path to perfection, and that path is through obedience to the commandments of God.

We know that obedience is the first law of heaven. We make covenants of obedience in the temple. And, in fact, every Sunday, as we partake of the Sacrament, we covenant to take his name upon us and to keep his commandments. We covenant to be obedient.

Let’s put these covenants of obedience within a framework. When Jesus was asked, “What is the great [ie. the greatest] commandment in the law?” He answered, “[L]ove the Lord thy God with all thy heart … and the second [greatest] is like unto it… Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matthew 22:36-40). So, we understand that the essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ is based on love.

As we study the life of our Savior, our love for Him deepens. And how do we show our love for him? The Savior Himself answered, “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). We show our love through obedience.

What Is Perfect Obedience?

We can review some examples in the scriptures to help us understand what perfect obedience is, and what it is not. Perfect obedience is not blind obedience. When Adam was asked, “Why dost thou offer sacrifices unto the Lord?” Adam said, “I know not, save the Lord commanded me” (Moses 5:6). But this was not blind obedience. This was still obedience based on faith and a sure knowledge that God’s commandments lead to joy and to “the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient” (Moses 5:11).

Perfect obedience does not let us pick and choose how or when we’ll be obedient. In the Old Testament, when King Saul prematurely and erroneously offered sacrifice before going into battle, the prophet Samuel chastised him and said, “To obey is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22, emphasis added), even though sacrifice was part of the Mosaic law.

We cannot pick and choose which commandments we will obey, but even when we sincerely try to do all we can to be obedient to all God’s commandments, we may still need some fine-tuning to make our obedience perfect. In our recent Come, Follow Me studies we had some discussions about the rich young ruler who came to Jesus and asked, “What must I do to have eternal life?” (Mark 10:17-22).

You know the story: Jesus answered by listing several of the ten main commandments. The young man replied, “All these things I have done from my youth.” I love that he, like us, was already living the commandments as best as he could. But the Savior, knowing him and loving him, directed him to sell what he had, and to give to the poor, and to come and follow him. But do you see what he was really saying? The “one thing” he lacked was to fully obey the two greatest commandments, to love God (by following Him), and to love his fellowmen as himself (by giving to the poor).

Attitude of Obedience

It seems to me, therefore, that perfect obedience requires a refined attitude. There is a ‘spirit of the law’ in addition to the ‘letter of the law,’ and while we don’t make excuses for our level of obedience, we must make sure that the attitude behind our faithfulness is truly based on our love of God and our fellowmen.

Remember, the Pharisees prided themselves on how ‘perfectly’ they obeyed the Mosaic Law (in all its minutiae), yet Christ called them hypocrites (Matthew 23:23). Jesus condemned their supposed perfect obedience because it was based on pride, judgment of others, and feelings of superiority. We, likewise, must be careful in our efforts towards perfect obedience, that our righteousness does not become self-righteousness that leans toward the judgment of others. Our ‘perfect obedience’ of keeping the Sabbath Day holy, for example, may not be the same as someone else’s offering to God of keeping the Sabbath Day holy.

Levels of Obedience

Let me point out one other comparison as we seek for perfect obedience. I think there are levels to our obedience which we can refine and perfect. I compare them to the three kingdoms of glory. We have telestial obedience, terrestrial obedience, and celestial obedience, or, perhaps, perfect obedience.

• ‘Telestial obedience’ is based on fear, or retribution—we obey because we fear the consequences if we don’t obey; we fear getting caught; we fear the embarrassment or punishment that might follow.
• There is also ‘terrestrial obedience’ which is based on reciprocity. We obey because we expect the promised blessings. This is a little better… Some may even say it’s based on faith in God’s promises that all blessings are predicated on obedience (D&C 130:20-21). But it’s not the highest level of obedience.
• ‘Celestial obedience’ is based on love. “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” Celestial obedience, or perfect obedience, is based on the two greatest commandments: the love of God and the love of our fellowmen. It is manifest in the ministering that we do for others.

Perfect Obedience Brings Miracles

To read more of Delisa’s articles, click here.

“Obedience brings blessings, and perfect obedience brings miracles.” I am far from perfectly obedient. But I want to perfect my obedience, or at least continually improve it, because I love God, and I love our Elder Brother and Savior, Jesus Christ, and I love the Holy Spirit. I also love my husband and my family. It’s been over 20 years since my husband left the Church, and I don’t know if my obedience will ever result in the miracle I dream of. But that’s okay. I obey because I love…

I do see the blessings I already enjoy because of my obedience to the gospel—the blessings of peace, hope, and direction. Peace from knowing about the plan of salvation and the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and that everything we go through in this life is for a purpose and for our learning and growth. I have Hope in the promises the Lord has made to those who faithfully obey His commandments. And I have Direction in knowing how to act in spite of whatever challenges come my way. In my heart, I cling to those three things—Peace, Hope, and Direction.

I leave you my testimony that obedience brings blessings, especially when our obedience is based on our love of God and our fellowman. Those blessings include happiness while we are here on Earth, and joy in the eternities.

Delisa Hargrove

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have moved 64 times and have not tired of experiencing this beautiful earth! I love the people, languages, histories/anthropologies, & especially religious cultures of the world. My life long passion is the study & searching out of religious symbolism, specifically related to ancient & modern temples. My husband Anthony and I love our bulldog Stig, adventures, traveling, movies, motorcycling, and time with friends and family.

King Benjamin

I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

 

I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

 

And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

 

And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.

 

And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?

I understood that I am forever in His debt, but I wanted to be more aware of His abundant blessings, if that makes sense. I wanted to see so I could be more grateful.

The Lord sent me a visual in the form of Roxy Kimokeo. Roxy is one of the most giving women I’ve ever met. She freely gives her time, energy, talents, and gifts. I don’t naturally think of gift-giving the way Roxy does. I’ve learned a lot from Roxy about showing love this way. But I still have a long ways to go to make it a part of my nature.

Once when we met for a temple session, Roxy gave me a warm loaf of homemade bread. I snacked on it on the way home and for the next couple of days. Her thoughtfulness was so delicious.

The next time we met at the temple, Roxy gave me another loaf of homemade bread. I took it with gratitude, but I also realized I should have remembered her genuine kindness and have been prepared with something for her. But I didn’t think of it.

The next time we met at the temple, I had a treat for her. But she had bread AND another fun thing. I laughed because I realized that even though I brought something, and was so happy to bring something, my gift totally paled in comparison to hers. She “immediately blessed me.”

This continued nearly every time we met. Her thoughtfulness was always present through various ways of expression while I mostly hadn’t thought of expressing love that way. I felt overwhelmed by her consistency and my inconsistency or even lack of thought altogether.

As I recently read Mosiah 2 again during President Nelson’s Book of Mormon reading challenge, I realized that Heavenly Father taught me through Roxy’s ever-present kindness how I am literally showing up before God every moment—completely unprepared and unthinking. I’m always grateful for His gifts, and I internally promise to do better, but continue to fail to complete even a basic “gift” to Him.

And yet, He continues to give me breath from moment to moment. He sustains my life so I can try again.

The Lord on every hand reminds me of His atoning grace, which redeems and enables. He repeatedly asks me to accept that gift, to believe that His gift is for me. I do not deserve that gift. I’ve never brought anything to our relationship to be worthy enough of that gift, nor can I ever. I’m ashamed that I haven’t done better in accepting and internalizing the gift in the limited capacity I do have.

To read more of Delisa’s articles, click here.

But every time I meet with Him, Jesus offers that most precious gift again. Receive. Believe. Use. When I do, it’s as delicious and satisfying to my spirit as Roxy’s bread is to my taste buds. His fruit is delicious. His grace is eternal.

What a blessing to have a friend who teaches me so much about our Savior. I see His hand and love through her perpetual thoughtfulness. And I want to not only receive both of their gifts, but give in turn as they do.

Delisa Hargrove

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have moved 64 times and have not tired of experiencing this beautiful earth! I love the people, languages, histories/anthropologies, & especially religious cultures of the world. My life long passion is the study & searching out of religious symbolism, specifically related to ancient & modern temples. My husband Anthony and I love our bulldog Stig, adventures, traveling, movies, motorcycling, and time with friends and family.

As she moved to a standing microphone center stage, subdued spotlights hit the stage.

She stood, firmly planted. Acknowledging that we neared the end of the concert, she said, “As we wrap up this evening, there is one song I have to sing to you because God is my rock… and I love Him with all of my heart and I love all of you.”

Totally juxtaposed to her wildly glittery outfits and neon lights, she stood in that subdued spotlight and began to sing.

O Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power throughout the universe displayed

 

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

 

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And lead me home, what joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow with humble adoration
And then proclaim, my God, how great Thou art

 

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

Her voice filled the arena with absolute power. I felt like her voice penetrated every cell in my body. Everything seemed to stop and worship with her for those few moments.

After I recovered from the initial awe of the impact of her voice and that song, I continued to feel and just watched. Here was a daughter of God who knew who she was. She worshipped her Father through the spiritual gifts and talents He’d given her and she’d developed. She stood there on that stage giving glory to Him. I worshipped with her.

I thought how delighted the Heavens must be with this beloved daughter who overcame so much and still stands and witnesses of God in her life.

A fleeting comparison thought crossed my mind. It basically sounded something like “Well, my offering isn’t that good…”

Instantly, I saw students in my seminary class standing individually on stage in the power of their gifts and talents. Some looked less comfortable than others, but each of their lights shone as brightly as the singer’s voice. I could see the beauty in talent diversity and the opportunity to shine on stage, and in life, with the talents and spiritual gifts the Lord gave them individually. I believed it for them. I could see it for them.

But could I see it for me?  I put myself on stage and felt it. I felt insecure in the lights. I felt vulnerable with thousands of eyes staring at me anticipating some gift that would glorify God.  What if I couldn’t? What if I wouldn’t?

Share Your Gift and Shine Your Light on Your Stage

We all are light and have light.

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

 

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

 

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

We all have a uniquely special gift and purpose.

Behold thou hast a gift, and blessed art thou because of thy gift. Remember it is sacred and cometh from above—

 

Behold, I do not condemn you…perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

 

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

 

Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven.

To read more of Delisa’s articles, click here.

We are all standing on a stage right now looking out into the arena. Each of us has the choice to share our gifts and let our light shine. Are we holding back and barely reaching the first row? Or are we filling the room with our light and gifts?

As we stand bravely in the grace of Christ and fill the room, we invite others to worship our Father in Heaven with us!

And when I think of God, His Son not sparing
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to take away my sin

 

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Delisa Hargrove

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have moved 64 times and have not tired of experiencing this beautiful earth! I love the people, languages, histories/anthropologies, & especially religious cultures of the world. My life long passion is the study & searching out of religious symbolism, specifically related to ancient & modern temples. My husband Anthony and I love our bulldog Stig, adventures, traveling, movies, motorcycling, and time with friends and family.

The mental image burned in my mind of the laboring mother on a metal and the woman quietly offering support.

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. (Matthew 25:35-36)

…And I was a mother on a metal chair in Haiti, and ye provided support and comfort…

The following are Lila’s thoughts in her own words.

Providing Support and Comfort

Samuel in Haiti

This picture was part of Samuel’s adoption paperwork and had obviously been stapled many times.

I’m only sharing this because of a story that involves him at around this time.

Tonight on social media, I saw a picture of a woman in Haiti. She’s laboring, trying to deliver her third child. She’s sitting outside on a metal folding chair, in the dark. Another Haitian woman stands beside her with her arm around her, trying to be of comfort and support.

It made me remember a time I was in Haiti. The adoption process took almost three years, but we were allowed to visit throughout the process. James went with me the first time we met the kids, but after that, I traveled to Haiti by myself every 6 months.

On one of those trips by myself, Samuel became horribly sick. It had been a long day. The kids were asleep and I had been asleep for maybe an hour when Samuel woke up screaming for me. (Mama Blan! Mama Blan! which meant “White Mama!”)

I picked him up and he was hot to the touch. I gave him some medicine and held him, but he just cried.

It was late and I was worried we would wake the other guests staying in the guesthouse, so I carried him outside and sat down in a metal folding chair.

He and I didn’t speak the same language and I was a brand new mom—but only got to spend time with my kids every 6 months. So I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.

I rocked Samuel back and forth, enveloped in the darkness of night in a foreign country. Then I quietly started singing a song and he stopped crying.

To read more of Delisa’s articles, click here.

Right about that time, a Haitian woman who worked at the guesthouse came up, put her arm around me, and stood there providing me comfort and support.

It was a reverent experience, but one I had not thought of in years. Seeing that picture of the Haitian mother in the folding chair, laboring, doing her best with the other woman beside her, comforting her, took me back to my experience.

It served as a reminder that no matter where we are on earth, no matter the language we speak, the color of our skin, political or religious views, we are all more alike than we are different. We’re all doing the best we can in our given circumstances. Prayers for that Haitian woman as she brings a new little life to earth.

Lead image credit: workingmother.com.

Delisa Hargrove

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have moved 64 times and have not tired of experiencing this beautiful earth! I love the people, languages, histories/anthropologies, & especially religious cultures of the world. My life long passion is the study & searching out of religious symbolism, specifically related to ancient & modern temples. My husband Anthony and I love our bulldog Stig, adventures, traveling, movies, motorcycling, and time with friends and family.

Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful.

The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner’s fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process (James E. Faust, “The Refiner’s Fire,” April 1979).

Adversity is a given in life. We will all experience it. It is for this very reason that we are here in this mortal journey – to prove ourselves through our trials and tribulations. During times of adversity, some choose to abandon faith in the Lord. Others choose to remain steadfast and true. They choose to hold fast to their faith and continue to serve the Lord and their fellowmen.

Service is a big part of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We may be asked to teach Sunday school, conduct music, teach small children, lead the congregation, teach early morning seminary, or to help with the Sunday bulletin. It really doesn’t matter where in the Church we’re asked to serve. What matters is that we serve to the best of our abilities. What matters is that we use the talents the Lord has blessed us with to serve Him and our fellowmen in whatever capacity we’re asked to serve.

I’ve seen and felt the hand of adversity this year. I’ve also witnessed an outpouring of blessings through the selfless service of others.

Yesterday, I was released as the Relief Society (women’s organization of the Church) president in our ward (local Church unit). This means that as of yesterday, I’m no longer the Relief Society president for our ward. A release from a calling in the Church usually comes about when one is being called to serve somewhere else, is moving out of the ward, when personal or family circumstances change, or it might simply be time to give someone else an opportunity to serve in that position. We’re moving back to the West Coast in a week!

As the Relief Society president, I came to love each of the women in the ward. However, there is a special place in my heart for those sisters who experienced great adversity over the past year. Some sisters have serious health-related challenges. Others are struggling financially. There are problems in marriages and other family relationships. The list goes on. Each is dealing with trials and adversity in her own way. With faith in the Lord and with help from her sisters in the Relief Society, each sister continues to move forward, one step at a time.

Sometimes, serving and helping someone else does require a lot from us, but I’ve found that these times are very rare. Most times, it’s the small and sincere acts of love that go a long way in easing someone else’s load. Often times, it doesn’t cost us anything except an hour or two of our time. At times, a smile, a kind word, and a true friend is all that is needed. Someone who will listen and not judge. Someone who understands, who cares, who looks past the shortcomings to the person inside. Someone who is willing to share another’s burden, even if it is just for a few minutes.

Alma, a prophet of The Book of Mormon, taught us that to become true disciples of Jesus Christ, we must be willing to bear one another’s burdens.

And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

 

Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life (Mosiah 18:8-9).

A wonderful thing happens when we strive to serve and help others during their trials – we forget to dwell on our challenges. Our problems may not disappear completely but somehow our perspective changes. What once seemed insurmountable is not quite so overwhelming. We stop feeling sorry for ourselves.

I’m filled with gratitude for the examples of these sisters. Despite personal trials, these sisters chose to serve and help someone else. They remind me on a constant basis that each of us is our sister’s keeper. We are indeed our brothers’ keepers!

Selfless service is a wonderful antidote to the ills that flow from the worldwide epidemic of self-indulgence. Some grow bitter or anxious when it seems that not enough attention is being paid to them, when their lives would be so enriched if only they paid more attention to the needs of others.

 

The answer lies in helping to solve the problems of those around us rather than worrying about our own, living to lift burdens even when we ourselves feel weighed down, putting our shoulder to the wheel instead of complaining that the wagons of life seem to be passing us by.

 

Stretching our souls in service helps us to rise above our cares, concerns, and challenges. As we focus our energies on lifting the burdens of others, something miraculous happens. Our own burdens diminish. We become happier. There is more substance to our lives.
(David S. Baxter, “Faith, Service, Constancy,” October 2006).

This post was originally published in May 2008. Minor changes have been made.

Moira T

True story.

My brother shared this story with our family and I learned a life-changing lesson from that: You CANNOT judge someone based solely on their looks.

That tattooed young woman is my brother’s wife. She was honorably discharged from the army after being injured by shrapnel from a land mine—serving our country. She will struggle with physical deformity and PTSD the rest of her life because of serving our country.

She cannot even enjoy Fourth of July fireworks because of her unseen PTSD injuries. I’m pretty sure that she’s a real patriot. Broken? Yes. So are we all. Thank goodness our Savior loves each of us, brokenness and all.

Over a week ago, my tween came down with strep throat. Sure enough, within a few days I had it myself. The first day that I started to feel more like myself, I took the youngest two kids to the park and I went for a bit of a walk—still shaky on my feet and clutching my water bottle.

As I rounded a bend in the path, I came upon a couple that was obviously having an argument—hands gesturing and frustrated anger apparent on both faces. The woman was pushing a stroller with an adorable little boy seated in it.

It was an effort to smile because: #1. I felt horribly; and #2. They were emanating hostility. However, I did so because this was my first time out of the house and I wanted to somehow fulfill my commitment to serve as the Good Samaritan would. As I attempted to smile a greeting, the woman openly glared at me, staring at my baseball cap before slowly glaring her way down to my shoes.

Let me explain. I am vanilla. I am the most typical suburban housewife you can imagine. I like myself—I am hilarious, fun to be with, and love life … however, you can’t tell that by looking at me. I radiate the image of an average American housewife.

And this woman glaring at me was not! — Her pierced facial muscles twitched into a smirk, her heavily tattooed arms pushed the stroller and her equally ferocious-looking companion strode by her side. And she clearly was ready to judge me as lacking.

The Spirit whispered to my heart, “Say something to her.”

REALLY?!? She clearly wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. She was in the middle of an argument. What could I possibly say?

“Say something to her.”

So, I began to speak, hardly knowing what words came out of my mouth … something about how adorable the little boy was and how old was he. She stopped walking, stopped glaring, and stood for a moment, assessing me, before answering that he was four months old. Her companion looked off into the trees lining the path as she and I continued to talk about her son—clearly the light of her life as she grew more and more animated sharing all about his accomplishments.

My voice and throat would not allow me to talk for long; however, when we parted she was smiling and began to speak pleasantly in tones of surprise as her companion returned and they continued on their way.  After completing the entire circle of the path, I sat on a bench to recover and wait for my darlings to finish their play. As I sat there, I observed this same couple reach their car.  And with clear happiness in their demeanors; work together in getting the child and stroller into the car.

I am not claiming credit for improving their moods. I am not saying they would not have worked out their differences whether I had spoken or not. But I am going to bear witness that there was a change felt after we spoke—there was a comradery between mothers, a shared smile, and a feeling that the world was full of friends yet unmade.

In the parable of the Good Samaritan, the Savior’s final words to the lawyer are, “Go, and do thou likewise.” May I offer the same advice? Go. Smile.  Be pleasant to others, no matter their outward appearance—in either physical demeanor or in countenance. Do as the Savior would do in reaching out in love—in word, in deed. There is such a need for more loving words, more acceptance of what is different, and more truly Christ-like behavior from those of us who claim to follow Him.

Enough arguing. Enough noticing what is different, what divides. Celebrate our uniqueness! Celebrate the incredible diversity that the Creator of All made when He created everyone! Love each other without judgement and, I promise, you will be amazed at the incredible examples surrounding you.

To read more of Emlee’s articles, click here.

Everyone has a story of inspiration and strength—when you pre-judge, as the woman at the fabric store did with my sister-in-law, you miss opportunities. How wonderful could it have been for her to introduce her child to a true hero, a true patriot—instead of spreading poisonous vitriol?

We, as followers of Christ, MUST step up and be better. We must reach out. We must love. If we, who know the fullness of His love do not, then who will?

Emlee Taylor

Growing up all over the world gave Emlee Taylor an opportunity to see the incredible differences the Lord created in humanity; and even better, the passions we all share as members of the human race: love for family, faith, & a desire to make a difference.

Emlee lives life with passion—focusing her time now on raising four children and teaching them to recognize truth and to live true to that truth, regardless of others’ expectations. Emlee is passionately in love with her bestest friend and husband of more than 20 years. 

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Okay, listen up: I have some major beefs with this phrase.

Who exactly made up that “sticks and stones” quote? Because I have some questions for her (or him, but whatever). Was she having sticks and stones thrown at her? Things that seem like a bad idea to say when people are throwing things at you: “Sticks and stones may break my bones…” Uh, duh. That’s probably exactly what they’re trying to do, and now you’re just adding fuel to their fire by taunting them.

In all seriousness, though, my guess is that no one was throwing sticks or stones at anyone. My bet is that people were verbally attacking this quote’s creator and she (or he) wanted to prove that their words didn’t affect her.

And maybe their words didn’t hurt her. I commend people who are able to brush off insults or hurtful comments easily. That’s such a wonderful quality to have and I wish I were like that.

But honestly, I think that’s about the most dishonest quote in the world, besides “A penny for your thoughts,” because has anyone EVER come through on that statement? Plus, that’s the smallest amount of change you could give me. Horrible bribing strategy.

Truthfully, words are so powerful. They have the power to do so much good; the capacity to lift, inspire, and teach. Yet on the other hand, they also have the power to cause so much pain, suffering, and anguish.

Not-so-Nice Words that Changed My Life

To illustrate, I’ll tell you a story from my own life that still causes my heart to sink whenever I so much as think about it.

I was in 6th grade. His name was *Caleb (not his real name because hey, give him a little privacy!). He was so cute and funny and everyone liked him. He sat at my table in history class, and he said something to me. I remember blushing and feeling so excited that a cute boy had talked to me. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he made a comment about how I was “too fat” for him to ever like.

My heart plummeted and I had to leave the room as fast as I could so I wouldn’t burst into tears. His comment probably meant nothing to him, but it meant so much to me. It cut me to my core and knocked out a good deal of my self-esteem for many years, even after I had lost most of that baby weight.

That story still hurts my heart to this very day — and it happened so many years ago! Yet I can still remember it as vividly as though it were yesterday.

Now don’t get me wrong — by no means am I advocating holding a grudge. There’s no excuse for holding on to something for years and years and refusing to forgive. Forgiveness is essential.

We Can Forgive, But Can We Truly Forget?

We’re wisely told to “forgive and forget,” and I absolutely have forgiven Caleb, who I haven’t even seen since I was in 6th grade all of those years ago. But truthfully, I haven’t forgotten and I don’t think I ever will.

To be brutally honest, those little words that he may not have thought twice about uttering have shaped the way I see myself, even though I really, really wish I could say his words never affected me.

It’s not that I don’t want to forget. I would love to forget any mean thing that has been said about me, and I’m sure anyone who is reading this would agree. But try as you might to forget, words scar you.

But wait! It’s not all dismal. I promise this post isn’t my venting ground where I can talk about every bad thing that has happened to me, including all the times I had take-out leftovers waiting for me in the fridge, only to come home and find out my siblings had eaten them. (I know I said to forgive and forget, but come on. Eating my leftovers?! How dare they.)

While it’s true that words can cause a great deal of damage, the opposite is true as well. They can mold and shape your life for more good than you can imagine.

When I was a little girl, my grandmother told me, “Amy, you have the sweetest disposition. You are so kind and good.”

My grandmother lived with us and she said those words to me nearly every day. And I, young as I was, began to believe it. Because of my grandmother, I have spent most of my life with the belief that I am a kind person, and I’ve done my best to live up to that.

But would I feel that way if no one had ever told me that I was kind and good? I don’t know and frankly, I don’t want to find out. I’m just grateful that someone did tell me how kind and good I was, because it has changed my life and made me a better person.

We have more power than we know. We affect people’s lives in ways that most of the time, we probably don’t even realize. I can practically guarantee that Caleb doesn’t remember telling me I was fat, and if he did, he’d probably feel bad about it.

But unfortunately, I remember. I remember having to pretend “There’s something in my eye; can I please go to the bathroom?” so I could go cry. I remember when my middle school teacher said to me, in front of my entire class, “Are you stupid?!” or when another boy that same year told me I was ugly.

Thankfully, middle school didn’t go on forever. And while yes, I do remember the bad things, I also remember when Sylvia, a sweet girl I didn’t know very well, told me I should join choir because I had such a pretty singing voice. (If I’m remembering correctly, I think she heard me singing in a bathroom stall when I thought I was alone. #noshame)

I also remember when that cute boy in high school told me I was funny. I remember when a woman from my mission said that I was sent there just to help her. I remember so many people throughout my life that have helped me to feel loved and special.

As I’ve shared before, several years ago, my sister said something that impacted my life in a big way. She said, “You would never walk away from the Savior feeling bad about yourself; like you were beyond hope or beyond help.”

The Savior always makes us feel like we are enough. Even when He chastens us, He leaves us wanting to be better; He leaves us feeling more hopeful. He doesn’t discourage us or make us feel like we are terrible.

To read more of Amy’s articles, click here.

And if we’re commanded to be like the Savior, then surely our communications with others should be likewise. No one should walk away from us feeling bad about themselves or like they are hopeless and beyond the reach of divine love.

Everything we do and say has the potential to make a lasting impact on someone.

That’s a sobering thought, but it’s true.

At the end of the day, you never know what people will remember about what you’ve said or done. So make it good.

Amy Carpenter

Amy Carpenter is the site manager and editor for LDSBlogs.com. She served a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Denver, Colorado, where she learned to love mountains and despise snow. She has a passion for peanut butter, dancing badly, and most of all, the gospel.

You know what else is the thief of joy?

• Canker sores. I have two. On my gums. Ruining my life. (I’m obviously not exaggerating whatsoever.)
• When you’re SO excited for the guacamole you’re about to make and then your avocado is brown. (Why do bad things happen to good people?!)
• When someone cuts you off in traffic and you have to resist every urge to rear-end him or her… Only because it would also damage your car. Maybe that’s just me, though. Clearly I need to work on my road rage issues.

But seriously, comparison IS the thief of joy. Honestly, I can’t even count how many times I was feeling pretty good about myself until I got on Instagram and saw that girl’s picture of her super flat stomach or that hair tutorial clip that so-and-so posted on Snapchat. It’s cool and all, but I can barely french braid my own hair and I’m roughly 110% positive that I would need 8+ hands, approximately three million bobby pins, and a set of pliers to fishtail braid someone else’s hair. (Don’t ask me what the pliers are for. I don’t know. Because I can’t braid hair.)

And I was feeling happy with the way my apartment looked… Until I got on Pinterest and saw 8,500 hacks for making your coffee table look cuter. I can only afford so much gold spray paint before my bank account dips into numbers resembling the national debt, you know? And I was more than content with our humble little life as newlyweds until I saw those Facebook albums of all those expensive vacations other just-married couples are going on.

Why is comparing so easy to do, but so hard to overcome? Comparison is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I think, unfortunately, it’s something that most people struggle with, especially women. (I mean, maybe guys too. But I’ve never heard one guy say to another, “Man, I wish I had your complexion. Your skin is just flawless.” Maybe they compare each other’s Halo skills? Do people still play Halo? Who knows.)

Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave a fabulous talk about comparison called “Forget Me Not,” and in it, he says:

“. . . We spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.”

I love that. Comparing ourselves never brings joy and frankly, it’s just not realistic. I know so many people who look perfect on social media, but you know what? They aren’t perfect. They have so many things that they are struggling with, but you would never guess it based on their social media persona.

No one’s life is perfect. But who is going to go broadcast to the world every insecurity that they have? Every zit they have, every test they fail, every argument they have with their spouse? No one! So instead, we create in our minds these flawless people, then we’re frustrated when we can’t attain the perfection that we mistakenly think they have achieved.

Several years ago, I knew someone that said some very hurtful things to me. I cried to my older sister about it and I said, “She’s right! I’m terrible. I’m just a horrible, awful person!” My sister said to me, “Amy, you would NEVER walk away from a conversation with the Savior feeling bad about yourself. You would never feel like you were beyond hope or beyond help.”

All these years later, and I’ve never forgotten that poignant advice. It’s true – if we were to speak with the Savior, we would walk away every time feeling better. Even if we were talking to Him about something we had done wrong, I truly believe that we would walk away feeling motivated to be better rather than dismal and hopeless.

So if we would never walk away from a conversation with the Savior feeling bad about ourselves, why do we make ourselves feel like we’re awful? After all, we’re supposed to try to be like Jesus, right? And if He would never make us feel like we’re horrible and awful and disgusting, we shouldn’t make ourselves feel like that either.

I remember having an epiphany one day when I was reading in the New Testament. Matthew 22:36-39 records:

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

To read more of Amy’s articles, click here.

The typical takeaway from this scripture is that we must love God and our neighbor, but I think there is another imperative lesson that we often overlook: we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means that the kindness and love we show our neighbor should be a reflection of how we treat and talk to ourselves.

Each one of us is of infinite, unimaginable worth. It’s time we started treating others and ourselves like it.

Amy Carpenter

Amy Carpenter is the site manager and editor for LDSBlogs.com. She served a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Denver, Colorado, where she learned to love mountains and despise snow. She has a passion for peanut butter, dancing badly, and most of all, the gospel.