This comparison recently came to mind as I was recovering from a media experience.  We had gone to see a movie that was entirely too much.  There was too much noise, too many flashing images, explosions, violence,.. you know, your typical Friday night movie at the cinema.  Then my mom invited us to go see a production of Savior of The World  (a musical production about the Savior.) What a huge difference in those two experiences!

Listening to sacred music fills my heart with light.  It makes me happy, and sometimes I even get choked up.  I feel tenderhearted and emotional.  I feel grateful and humble and completely at peace.  I feel the love the Lord has for me and it expands in my heart and I feel greater love for my fellow men. It is the exact opposite of what our movie experience gave me. And I realized how much the world and the Lord are opposites.

We got a friend’s Christmas letter in the mail recently and she mentioned that her family was very blessed with a great array of opportunities, but that in all those good choices she was working hard to seek the best ones.  And I knew that I had that awful media experience because I wasn’t choosing the best.  I was settling for just the ‘ok for the moment’ kind of choices.

Making Choices

In November of 2007 Dallin H Oaks, a Mormon General Authority, talked about choices.  In his talk he said:

Elder Dallin H Oaks

“A childhood experience introduced me to the idea that some choices are good but others are better. I lived for two years on a farm. We rarely went to town. Our Christmas shopping was done in the Sears, Roebuck catalog. I spent hours poring over its pages. For the rural families of that day, catalog pages were like the shopping mall or the Internet of our time.

Something about some displays of merchandise in the catalog fixed itself in my mind. There were three degrees of quality: good, better, and best. For example, some men’s shoes were labeled good ($1.84), some better ($2.98), and some best ($3.45).

As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all.

Consider how we use our time in the choices we make in viewing television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, or reading books or magazines. Of course it is good to view wholesome entertainment or to obtain interesting information. But not everything of that sort is worth the portion of our life we give to obtain it. Some things are better, and others are best. When the Lord told us to seek learning, He said, “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom” (D&C 88:118; emphasis added).”

If you’d like to read his whole talk here is a link: http://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/11/good-better-best

To read more of Patty’s articles, click here.

Elder Oaks is so inspiring.  And he’s right!  This world of ours has so much to choose from. And I have to admit that it’s a daunting task to seek for the best choices.  But I can’t imagine a more worthy goal.  So join me. Together we will seek for the best, forgoing those things that are just cheap thrills.

And we will seek for things of a better world, reach so we can live closer to God, and choose the life the Lord wishes for us; A life of joy, peace, and softness like that Minky baby blanket.  For the Enemy disguises burlap to seem like silk.  And if we are reaching for the best we can’t be distracted by the overwhelming whirl of the world.  I’m excited for the possibilities!

Patty Sampson

Patty thrives on all things creative. You’ll often find her in the garden pretending she is a suburban farmer. She loves meeting new people, and is devoted to her friends and family. In her heart she is a Midwesterner even though life has moved her all over the country. She believes in “blooming where you’re planted” and has found purpose in every place she has been. She has a deep and abiding love for the Savior and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And she loves editing LDS Blogs because it is a constant spiritual uplift. Not many people can say their job builds their witness of the Savior.

Over the years, I’ve had various “opportunities” to help people with another priority in their lives.  One priority that wastes their time and money, and the time and money of those they love.  Their “stuff”.

I knew a woman whose house was filled from floor to ceiling with her stuff, especially lots of newspapers.  And her guesthouse was filled with the clothes of her deceased relatives.  I spent at least two days cleaning her guesthouse and didn’t make much headway.  It is my understanding that these situations are caused by mental illness or emotional trauma.  I don’t have a short solution for that.

However, there are many of us who are quite cognizant of our stuff.  I have a slightly morbid mind.  I consider the possibility that my husband and I die in a horrific car accident on a California freeway, and I think of which loved one will have to walk into my house and clear it out.  Some weeks, I look around and think, “If I died this week, my mother would be very mad at me.”  It finally motivated me to shred everything from 1999 – 2009, except the tax paperwork.  Never shred the taxes.  Even though I don’t trip over those bins very often, it still makes me feel better knowing they are now empty.

And quite frankly, maybe more of us should think that way.  You may enjoy your stuff, or it may be a burden to you, but why would you want to pass that burden on to someone else?  A blank wall and empty space encourage creativity.  Free space in a room reduces stress.  I don’t need an expert to tell me that, cleaning my house has shown me.

I knew a woman who died.  Her large family loved her very much.  However, when she died, she left a lot of stuff to sort through.  There were lots of shopping bags.  Each shopping bag would have brand new clothes she never gave to the grandchildren, cash, and family pictures.  Purses, which looked brand new, would have cash in them.  We had to go through everything.  

Her family spent weeks of their time going through her stuff.  Multiple trips to the thrift store occurred.  However, their reward was a stack of precious family pictures that now had to be sorted.  How is it fair to your family to ask them to deal with death paperwork, a funeral, a family gathering, complicated emotions, AND a more than normal amount of stuff to sort through? How much do you NOT love them?

There are some fun TV shows about valuable antiques found in attics or large properties with over-stuffed outbuildings.  These are fun to watch.  However, it’s funny that they haggle over one item while 500 other items sit in the room behind them.  You know, if they sold everything for 25 cents or offered one bulk price for the entire lot, they’d probably save time and make the same amount of money.

Someone called my husband and dropped off two boxes of “computer equipment” in cardboard boxes on my front porch for another friend to pick up and “help someone” with.  The men talked, but no one talked to me, the wife.  So, a month later, these boxes that were now rained on multiple times were still sitting there.  I transferred them to a decent box, and put it out on the front sidewalk as “free for the taking”.  

I have a magical street where things just disappear if you put it out there.  (Things also disappear from unlocked cars – but I digress.)  However, you know it is worthless if it doesn’t get picked up on my street.  Thankfully, that heavy printer and ancient keyboard finally disappeared – so I don’t have to go to a recycler this weekend.  My children deserve my time and your stuff isn’t worthy of my time.

My time is precious and my children are aging by the minute.  Please, love us enough to know we have PLENTY.  Love us enough to throw your own trash away.

I understand it, though.  It helps you heal and separate from the item if you know the person who is receiving it.  While I was a missionary, I met a woman who believed it was bad karma to give people things that she didn’t want.  As a result, she donated nothing to thrift stores.  Things just went in the trash.  She was generous with her time and her money, not her trash.

Have you ever met someone who spent more money on the storage unit than the value of the things inside the storage unit? Why?  Furthermore, why have a garage sale so you can waste hours of a beautiful Saturday?  Donate it or dump it.  Be free. Then take a walk in the park.  Drive to the beach.  DON’T head to the store.  DON’T drive by the garage sale.  Just hit the gas pedal, and enjoy the fresh air.  Spend the time looking deeply into your spouse’s eyes, or cuddling up on the couch with your kids.  Or walking your dog that doesn’t really like to go for walks.

To read more of Molly’s articles, click here.

God said to Moses as documented in the Pearl of Great Price (Moses 1:39), “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”  So, that’s how God spends His time.  It’s funny that in the previous verse He says, “And as one earth shall pass away, and the heavens thereof, even so, shall another come; and there is no end to my works, neither to my words.”  There is no end to His works (His deeds, His creations), and there is no end to His words (His advice, His counsel).  

God doesn’t say, “There is no end to my stuff!  My garage is HUGE!”  He doesn’t say, “I spent the last 4 Saturdays moving my stuff from one storage unit to another.”  Or, “I spent 8 hours to earn $200 at my garage sale, and spend $40 of it on lunch for my family because I didn’t have time to cook.”  And somehow, we’re supposed to learn to be more like Him.

Molly A. Kerr

Molly is on a life long quest to figure herself out. Born to be and educated as an aerospace engineer she is also blessed to be a wife and a mom of two in the present, previously served as a full-time missionary, is consistently called to teach the youth in her ward, is eagerly though slowly doing home improvement as money and time allow, all while gradually learning how to be herself and find peace and balance somewhere in between.

Despite her attempts to make “the right” decisions in her life, she has learned to deal with some unexpected challenges over the last two decades. Total tornadoes, really. What she has discovered is that her career has taught her a lot about the Gospel and being a better mother, and the Gospel, when applied to challenges at the office, has made her a better professional. She has also learned that it is okay to be herself, and God still loves (and forgives) her for it.

Technically, His ministry was only three years long, yet John affirmed that “there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written” (John 21:25).

These thoughts kept running through my mind as I thought of the things I didn’t accomplish this week.  I did do some important things, but felt like the rest had slipped through my fingers like water from the tap.

Time management has been an “opportunity for growth” for me for a while. I loved Elder Dallin H. Oak’s talk “Good, Better, Best” on how to focus on the Best things rather than spending time and attention on things that are just Good, in order to really prioritize our lives.

But, even with this great counsel, I still feel a constant struggle to effectively prioritize things that are better and best—not because I can’t identify what is good, better, or best, but because sometimes I just feel weak, tired, and lazy. ☺

My husband and I move frequently and I seem to give up and then receive employment and Church callings almost instantaneously. So, my sense of free time to do whatever I want is zapped immediately.

I really laugh at this phenomenon because I figure the Lord knows that I need to stay busy so I’ll stay out of trouble—or maybe, He’s trying to help me learn to really manage my time. I’m tired of just being busy.  I want to be effective.

Usually, I just keep a running project list of things people have asked me to do and of things I expect from myself and check things off as I accomplish them. But lately, I find myself fretting over not getting big and small things done…or—let’s be honest—even started.

We’re all given 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.  It’s a beautiful plan. Every morning, we all start off on an even playing field. Then we apply our agency and choose what to do with this amazing gift God has given us.

With a little reflection, I can easily track my evident priorities.  Unfortunately, some “priorities” really aren’t what I feel or think are my priorities.  And, this is my perpetual struggle.

I love stories of the Savior’s humanness.  One time He was so exhausted that He slept through a violent storm! Fearful for their lives, His friends woke Him. Jesus arose and rebuked the wind and sea. “And there was a great calm.”

I can see Him turning to His scared, and now astonished, friends and asking, “Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?” (Mark 4:39-40).

His sleep was interrupted. His personal time was challenged. Those in the boat had the same capacity to still the storm as He did.  But, they either didn’t realize they had that same capacity or didn’t really believe in their capability.

His whole life was full of interruptions and demands on His time. People besought Him for miracles. People sought His doctrine.

He was thronged by hordes of people, most who weren’t even really grateful of everything He did for them. His followers were sifted.

The masses who hoped for free meals finally really heard His doctrine and turned away. Others visibly honored Him, but didn’t wholeheartedly follow Him. The scribes and Pharisees sought His life.  He was betrayed.

Did He feel His time was wasted? I may, or may not, sometimes feel self-righteous about how my time given to others is received.

Jesus did good as He passed by, anyway.  Most people in the stories seemed to approach Jesus for help.  I’m curiously interested in the folks Jesus approached.

Even Jesus’ disciples judged the sinfulness of the man born blind. Jesus said the man’s infirmity existed so “that the works of God should be made manifest in him” (John 9:3).

How had the man spent his lifetime of 24/7s?  Begging and being unjustly judged.

Jesus healed the man who promptly found himself again accused and judged. This time by the Pharisees. But, the man had found peace. He knew his capacity.

He was asked to judge the Savior.

“[O]ne thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see. Since the world began was it not heard that any man opened the eyes of one that was born blind. If this man were not of God, he could do nothing” (John 9:25,32-33).

 

The community initially shunned the man because he was blind. Now, they cast him out because he could see.

Jesus found him again. I love this. He came to the man in his blindness—his confusion of purpose, his self-doubt, in the midst of a barrage of judgement and condemnation—and He healed the man. The man, reborn in a sense, went forward. He was fearless.

He sees.

Jesus found him again and asked the man if he believed. “And he said, Lord, I believe. And he worshiped him” (John 9:38).

I believe. Does how I spend and manage my time prove that?

Elder David A. Bednar taught that “the enabling power of the Atonement of Christ strengthens us to do things we could never do on our own…. [T]he enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be good and to serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity.”

To read more of Delisa’s articles, click here.

And so, I have hope.  A woman with an issue hoped in the Savior’s redemptive and enabling power. She touched the hem of His garment and He healed her. “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole” (Matthew 9:22).

I am a woman with an issue—a ‘time management and lots of things to do’ issue. As I reach to Him in faith and ask for His Grace, I know He will comfort me and strengthen my capacity. If I am ready to change, I will be changed.

I know His Grace can strengthen, redeem, and enable you, too.

Delisa Hargrove

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have moved 64 times and have not tired of experiencing this beautiful earth! I love the people, languages, histories/anthropologies, & especially religious cultures of the world. My life long passion is the study & searching out of religious symbolism, specifically related to ancient & modern temples. My husband Anthony and I love our bulldog Stig, adventures, traveling, movies, motorcycling, and time with friends and family.

I did something I rarely do. I woke up when our dog woke up Anthony to go outside. (In this household, I’m the “parent” that typically sleeps through everything.) Then I couldn’t go back to sleep because I started thinking about the book I was reading before going to bed—The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines. They’re stars of a HGTV show called “Fixer Upper” from Waco, Texas.

Chip and Joanna Gaines.

I love the show. My friend loaned me the book a few days ago and said she loved it. The book is basically the autobiographical story of their lives and how their marriage and business came to be. It’s an easy and fun read. I only had about 60 pages left when we went to bed.

After I woke up, I thought about my two main takeaways from the book. One was was of their living example of one of my favorite scriptures “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers.”

The other was how Chip Gaines really epitomized one of motivational genius Zig Ziglar’s maxims “You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” I don’t know that I’ve noticed a life story depicting that so clearly. And I easily saw the impact that Chip’s lifetime of freely giving had on his life and the life of his family.

I couldn’t stop thinking about their story and long enough to go back to sleep. So I got up and finished the book. I found their story extraordinary, the miracles and hand of God in their lives profound. And I loved that they called their experiences miracles and acknowledged the hand of God.

Needing a Helping Attitude Adjustment

And at 3:00am, I started reflecting on my life.

I love my quiet time.

I like helping others, but at the deepest level, I’m a pretty selfish person. I idolize my time—even if I’m not doing anything with it. I crave the solitude of no demands and no one needing me. I love “non-committal” service which slingshots me out to others and back again.

I’m not proud of the fact that I began to look at some service opportunities as annoyances—like the daily request for other church member’s phone numbers. I mean, we all have easy access to the same directory via an app on our phones or even the church website online. But yet, people ask me for other people’s numbers pretty much every day.

It’s amazing how quickly little requests like these add up to time consuming disturbances in my work day as I try to accommodate needs that I think could be easily solved by the person asking for help. And realizing that they were easily solving their need by asking me to do the work for them felt pretty frustrating.

So I prayed for a helping attitude adjustment. What could I do? The first thought that came involved being a better steward of my time. If I worked in an office, I wouldn’t be so available/responding to my phone so often. I don’t have to be immediately accessible during my workday at home. I felt like the Lord gave me permission to not be constantly accessible.

I prayed for an attitude adjustment.

The second thought that came reminded me that just taking care of requests would take much less time than stewing about how much time it took me. Sometimes I’d listen to voice mails or read texts during a work project time crunch and that triggered me. I’d find myself growing more and more agitated. When I helped the person, it wasn’t actually a big deal at all, but for some reason I’d made it an emotional mountain.

The next few days after praying for help and receiving these and other thoughts, my life was INUNDATED by requests—I need phone numbers, please help me post something on Facebook, I’m experiencing these crises and life events and need help and/or a listening ear, and I need someone who has [fill-in-the-blank] or can do [fill-in-the-blank] or where can I get [fill-in-the-blank].

Being A Good Steward

The first day, I implemented the “I’m not checking my phone during this time frame so I can get some work done” policy. It was just a couple of hours, but I’d gotten so much accomplished!! I felt so happy and productive. I get paid by the job and loved seeing my pay bucket filling so quickly. It also testified to how distracted I really was during my typical work day by being constantly on-call for helping.

When I went to check my phone during check-the-phone time, my phone had totally blown up. Someone had called me every 15 minutes for an hour and a half. So many people needed so many things. Some had texted and messaged and emailed the same thing because I hadn’t responded as quickly as they felt I should. I felt suffocated and claustrophobic.

I kind of laughed because I knew I’d been seeking help and an attitude change for this exact situation. So I took a breath and said a prayer. I felt empowerment. I really do like fixing things. I think I just expect that other people would find some measure of joy in self-reliant fixing of their own problems/discovering those easy solutions, like looking on the directory for a phone number.

Instead of seeing just the request, I focused on the person.

With the Holy Ghost’s prompting, instead of seeing just the request, I focused on the person. Oh, I really love her. I love her laugh or [fill-in-the-blank]. I’m so glad she trusted me enough to come to me with this need. Wow, it only took 30 seconds to send her that number. Glad I knew where to find it and could send it to her. I hope I can help her again sometime.

I went through the list and an hour and a half later, turned off my phone again and went back to work.

We’re Here to Help Each Other Learn and Grow

As I followed this routine—make time for work, make time to serve–I’ve noticed the incoming requests have subsided. There are still some phone blow up days, which usually coincide with my busiest work project days, but I’m better equipped to approach those needs and now instead of feeling frustrated, have learned  to embrace the very frequent days when I work until after midnight because I served others during my work day.

I’m so grateful to everyone who helped me learn what I needed to learn. Without each and every friend who “participated” during this lesson phase, I wouldn’t have learned my personal, specific, lesson. I’m also grateful for answers to prayer that help me be a better, happier, more productive me. I’m still not perfect in this regard, but I’m better than I was and I know where I want to be.

Incidentally, I still get daily requests for phone numbers. Now I try to think, sweet! I love getting blessings for serving someone when it only takes me 30 seconds to do it! Thank you, friend!

Because “You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” And, if they just want a phone number, how easy is that?

To read more of Delisa’s articles, click here.

The last paragraph in The Magnolia Story is:

“Don’t quit, and don’t give up. The reward is just around the corner. And in times of doubt or times of joy, listen for that still, small voice. Know that God has been there from the beginning—and he will be there until … The End.”

I’m so grateful for “the Lord thy God [who will] lead [me] by the hand, and give [me] answers to [my] prayers.” He’s so invested in our lives, my life, that He sends guidance when I seek direction and counsel on the most obvious and simplest things—things that to Him probably seem like asking for a phone number in a directory I already have.

Delisa Hargrove

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have moved 64 times and have not tired of experiencing this beautiful earth! I love the people, languages, histories/anthropologies, & especially religious cultures of the world. My life long passion is the study & searching out of religious symbolism, specifically related to ancient & modern temples. My husband Anthony and I love our bulldog Stig, adventures, traveling, movies, motorcycling, and time with friends and family.

“I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden.
I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

When should I stop to play with my own children?

I had always struggled between the “Mary” and the “Martha” syndrome.  When should I clean my house and let the children go off to play and when should I stop to play with my own children? It’s a tough one but I needed to keep what is truly important in the front of my mind.

It’s difficult to make time choices every day but we do whether we realize it or not otherwise time slips by and it’s later than we think.

When I lived in Alabama I would go outside and do some work in the yard work. After some weeding in the front flower bed and edging with the weed eater on the side of the house, I would tackle the weeding of a rose bush I had planted a few years ago.

I hadn’t realized the time had gotten away from me and those weeds had grown so fast over my low growing bush that I could barely see the bush itself.  With the blossom season upon us, I didn’t want to miss those beautiful pink blooms popping everywhere. Time slipped away and now the weeds had over taken it and I had to save it from the invasion.

my struggling rose bush was growing

After pulling the weeds away, it was amazing to find how well my rose bush did.   I was very pleasantly surprised how my struggling rose bush was growing so well even with those quick growing weeds all around and over it. It was just growing like crazy. I thought all those weeds would hinder the growth. The bush looked as if it wouldn’t have grown at all.  It looked as if it would have been smothered.  But it flourished and grew anyway.  New shoots had grown all over and I actually had to cut it back.

I had to reflect on this idea because humans are so very vulnerable to trials and challenges and time slipping away. We meet bumps in the road or rapidly growing weeds and it discourages us from going any farther.  We let time slip away in the “busyness” of life and look back to find that it’s a lot later than we thought.

How many times have we had the weeds of life come upon us and try to smother us and we just keep growing?  How many times do we let those challenges in our life overtake our great attitude and we flounder with the thought of “I can’t get through this” and then realize months down the road that it wasn’t as bad as we thought it would be.  Many times we let unimportant setbacks ruin our day of other wonderful accomplishments.  I’m guilty as well and need to take a lesson from my own rose bush.

To read more of Valerie’s articles, click here.

Thomas Monson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints said it well: “Time is a gift, a treasure not to be put aside for the future but to be used wisely.”

Time choices are tough at different seasons of our life but with some thought we can choose wisely. We come from a godly heritage which helps us to make good choices with courage and dignity which in the end will come back around to lift us up.

Valerie Steimle

Valerie Steimle has been writing as a family advocate for over 25 years. As a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she promotes Christian living in her writings and is the mother of nine children and grandmother to twelve. Mrs. Steimle authored six books and is a contributing writer to several online websites. To her, time is the most precious commodity we have and knows we should spend it wisely.
To read more of Valerie’s work, visit her at her website, The Blessings of Family Life.

My brother and his family were arriving from France and somehow, they got stuck at customs. Could have been the crying baby, but who really nows?!

Anyway, if you ever want to witness pure joy for a small (parking) fee, the international arrivals gate at any airport will do. For the first time in who knows how long, families and friends are reunited. Maybe even strangers are meeting for the first time.

But the joy and delight and sheer relief of seeing someone that you love walking towards you is palpable. I must admit, I was crying myself. And I didn’t even know any of these people.

THINKING BACK

So of course, being me, it got me to thinking about how I show love to people that aren’t even far away.

Does my husband know that I love him by my actions? I will admit, it has been quite some time since I have rushed towards him with my arms open and my smile wide at the first glimpse of his handsome face at the end of the day. Come to think of it, have I ever done this?

And what about my kids? Do I get giddy tingles when I hear their little voices giggling (read: arguing) first thing in the morning? Or have I sat in endless snuggles with them on the couch while watching a movie? It’s actually more possible that you would find me sneaking in one last load of laundry instead of catching up on hugs and kisses.

Well, I will admit it, in hind sight, I guess I could do a lot better job of showing off my love instead of saving it for some special occasion. Because, lets face it guys, we all hope for some special occasion but they rarely ever happen on their own.

Someone has to plan them. And that someone might as well be me.

Or you.

Or us.

HOW DO I SPEND MY TIME?

As school looms right around the corner, I have been doing a lot of planning for various events.

• The actual “back-to-school” day
• Re-buying lost school supplies
• Putting together agendas for various PTO meetings
• Church calling prep
• Organizing rides to and from football practice

And the list just goes on.

Look at how I am spending my time? I mean, it looks like I am being efficient. Kind of. My calendar looks like a rainbow, all filled with obligations I am responsible for. Outside of the home.

But no where on my list of things to do have I scheduled in down time. Or time to sit and snuggle with loved ones. Or even a really hot date. Because it is really hot here in Texas right now—108 degrees Fahrenheit. And that’s not counting humidity.

So, if I pull out my trusty math skills and add up all that time spent serving others and spreading my attention around like thinly spread butter, I can easily determine where my interests lay. And, the total sum does not look good. My time is being spent outside of the home.

There has been no time scheduled in for running down the hallway full tilt towards my shocked looking husband.

And you can bet, by the end of a day filled with PTO meetings, football practice, hangry kids and homework, there will not be any dewy-eyed bed times with endless rounds of “I Am a Child of God” sung quietly to little boys slipping quietly into dream land. Bed time will have become another item on the long list of to-do’s.

PDA: PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION

Unfortunately, I cannot change my obligations at this point. But I can issue a challenge to myself. I can challenge myself to be more conscious of taking time to show love. To show the kind of love that is undeniably obvious.

The one thing I loved about that scene at the airport was that no one held back. The ones who were waiting at the gate weren’t just standing there with their eyes glued to their phones. They were pressed as close as they could be to the guard rail. Their eyes were searching the distance for just a glimpse of that someone they yearned for.

The mere fact that they battled rush hour traffic to be there was enough to set my head spinning. Rush hour traffic is love.

And finally, when their loved one was spotted, the person waiting let them know it. They waved their arms, shouted for joy, and cried with relief. What a welcome! Who wouldn’t want to come home to that outward show of love and affection?

As I waited for my brother and his family, I wondered if I would exhibit the same symptoms of love and affection when I saw them as my fellows at the arrival gate. I don’t consider myself as someone who thrives on PDA. It’s something that I usually try to avoid.

But no, I wasn’t immune to it. When it was my turn to lock eyes on a familiar face, I felt my heart begin to race. My brother hadn’t seen me yet, and still, I waved my arms in the air like I just didn’t care. I ran along towards the front of the entrance gate. I even had to hold back wild exclamations of jubilation.

They were here! My loved ones had arrived. And weren’t they a sight for teary eyes?!

At that moment, I felt such awe for my brother and his family. When we finally came together, I hugged them all tight and told them how happy I was to see them. They responded in kind. It had been a long two years since we had last met. Bienvenue from France!

STUCK IN THE MOMENTS

As we walked to the car however, I noticed something strange begin to happen. The excitement began to wear off. I was still excited to see my brother, but the stress of losing my car in the parking garage and then finding my way back home through toll roads and intersecting interstates began to deaden the excitement.

And so, I suppose, that is the way it is with life.

We become so overwhelmed with becoming “stuck” in situations of our own making that sometimes our senses become dulled. Maybe we just don’t feel like we used to. It’s hard to feel giddy about kissing your husband goodnight when you are worried about the responsibilities of tomorrow.

Those responsibilities will still be there tomorrow, but tonight won’t.

Or how about just the way we talk to one another. When we are in a hurry, already ten minutes late, and still half an hour away, do we choose the most flattering phrases? Or are we still stuck on who forgot to take out the garbage. Because that’s why we are late, right?!

It is in those moments that we really have to ask ourselves:

“What is more important right now? The person that I love or showing up late?”

Showing up late is never fun, and probably not a good idea. But I hope you understand what I am trying to say here. You don’t have to repair a relationship that has not been destroyed in the first place. At the end of the day, you are still going to be with your spouse or children or brother or friend, but the late arrival will have been all but forgotten.

UPON REFLECTION

I hate to even admit this, but I didn’t even want to go the airport that day. It was another item on that long list of to-do’s. In fact, I was secretly hoping my husband would volunteer to make the trip.

But, right when I stepped into the arrival terminal and felt the energy in the air, I felt a little bit ashamed.  

Because, I knew where I needed to be that afternoon, and it wasn’t at home crossing things of a to-do list.

It was right there, witnessing the joy of reunion after reunion. There is an honesty to love that someone chooses to share without holding back or worrying about tomorrow. And I want that.

I would not have known that had I not seen it in action.

So here is what I am going to do. I am going to step away from this computer. Right now it is 9:38 at night. Tomorrow I have a closet full of clothes in my boy’s room to restore to order and a meeting in the afternoon to prepare for. I also have a book to read and review and laundry to fold and stuff under my bed for another day.

But.

But, my husband is downstairs somewhere. I am assuming he is unwinding after driving to and from football practice. I haven’t spent more than five minutes alone with him all week. And it’s Thursday. Shame on me.

To read more articles by Jessica, click here.

There is a TV show that I would really like to watch, but I know where I should be.

And it’s there with him; not worrying about tomorrow or what I could be doing with the last few hours of the day. Maybe I won’t run down the stairs with my hands in the air screaming uncontrollably my joy and excitement of seeing him after a long week of here and there’s and to-do’s and did-not’s.

I will, however, make the occasion. I will be honest with my time and with him. And I will remember that reunions should be very very sweet.

Jessica Clark

Jessica Clark is a wife, mom, writer, runner, knitter, and proud Canadian. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in Anthropology, and has been a student of people and cultures ever since. Right now she is busy studying the behavior and cultures of the people of Texas.

Thinking back the last ten years or so, I can definitely correlate the many weeds bogging down the flower bed, to the many things that were bogging down my spirituality.  I didn’t always make the best choices, based on my beliefs and what I was taught. Eventually I knew that I needed to re-evaluate my life.  The music I listened to, my food and drink, the people I associated with, etc. I needed to surround myself with uplifting and positive people.  I needed to find people that shared my beliefs, or at least respected them, to where they wouldn’t pressure me into making poor choices.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just drop them cold turkey.  It was hard!  Some of these people I had to really take a look at.  Some of them were pretty upstanding citizens.  Those are ones that I was able to stay in “contact” with, through social media or texts, etc.  I no longer go out with them or go to their houses.  But, they were the ones that respected my choice to go back to living a life that I felt the Lord would approve of.  In our church we are asked to stay away from strong drink and coffee, inappropriate talk and films.  The other people kind of teased me and said a few hurtful and negative things, when I was only trying to be honest with them.  I could have dropped them cold turkey, and maybe I should have.  But I chose to show them respect and explain where I felt I needed to be at that point in my life.  Either way, I feel good about my decision.  It’s a constant work in progress.

All in all, I feel so much stronger, and though I try to improve myself each day, it doesn’t always go as planned. I have “weeded” out most of my acquaintances and friends, as well as my movie and music collection.  I made the choice a while ago to no longer partake of strong drinks, and coffee.  For me, I am doing my best to keep my life in order by making wholesome choices, and raising my daughter to do the same.  I am being the best example I can be for my daughter. I teach her basic principles, and she learns them at church as well. I love learning and teaching my daughter the things I am re-learning. For me, it makes things go a little bit smoother at home.

Finding My Way Back- If you’d like to read more of Maya’s articles, click here.

Routinely evaluate and separate what may be holding you back from the best possible you. I’m still tweaking my routine to accommodate my crazy schedule. But what I have to remember is when I put the Lord first the rest should follow. I try so hard to be the best mother I can be to my daughter. Mistakes have been made in the past, and I am more aware of my choices than I was before. Pray to Him often, He’s always listening.  I love Him, and the blessings he gives me each day.

Maya Oak

I’m a Supermom and wife who works full time. I love cooking for my family and friends. But most of all, I love the Gospel and my journey back to it!

Learning to Rotate Through Priorities

When I was an office manager, I was the only one answering five phone lines.  It was nearly impossible to make an effective outbound call.  “Hi, I was calling for …. excuse me.  Will you hold please?”   As a mother it has been no better with my children finding all kinds of reasons why what they have to say can’t wait.

I wasn’t procrastinating on purpose, but the interruptions plus my apparent inability to recognize what was realistic led to constant frustration.  Now I can’t believe I would try to make outbound calls while I was answering all the phones or try to call people with all my little ones underfoot.  What was I thinking?

Learning to rotate through priorities (something different is most important to do each day) rather than keeping a static list of priorities (that matched my unchanging hierarchy of values) was revolutionary for me.  Just because I value it the highest does not necessarily mean it is the most important thing to do today.  I have also found other ways to “getter done” and “Eat That Frog” (a great book by Brian Tracy on fighting procrastination).

Examples of How to Beat Procrastination

One way I beat procrastination is to schedule it. For example, I put exercise on my calendar and into my life by registering for group fitness classes.  Self-care, especially exercising, seemed to be one of those things like phone calls that just never fit in or worked.  Scheduling a class helped me to prioritize it.  It legitimized that spot in time so that I didn’t give it away.

I’ve found that scheduling things is a double edged sword.  I personally feel more stressed with a lot of things scheduled.  I prefer a flexible schedule so I can respond well to everything that comes my way–sick kids, a friend in the hospital, etc.  I feel stressed if I always have to watch the clock and prefer to get lost in what I’m doing at the moment.  But for things that really matter to me, that I would choose over almost anything else because of it’s true value or importance, this works really well.

The second way I beat back procrastination is by setting a deadline.  An arbitrary deadline, meaning one that I just picked out of the sky, that is just something I thought would be good has never, ever worked for me.  Some part of me just knows it isn’t for real.  No one would really care if it got done by that particular time.  I am the kind of person who needs a real life reason for respecting deadlines over immediate and pressing concerns.  So, it seems like this would not work for me, and usually, it hasn’t!  But having no deadline hasn’t worked, either.  So much of my work is up to me that some things, especially those important only to me, got pushed back indefinitely and never got done.  I could “be there” for others and serve them, but couldn’t do the simplest things for myself.  (Remember, what stays at the bottom of the list falls off.)

The way I now set a deadline that works for me is by putting it into my weekly routine.  I set aside Wednesday after my children leave for school as my anti-procrastination day.  It is a weekly line in the sand and the category of what is most important to do that day.  On Wednesday morning I prioritize and tackle first anything that is still on my to do list from last week that can’t be deleted, delegated, or delayed another week.  If I need to delegate it, I do it right then.  I make the dreaded phone calls.  I tackle the problems too small or too large to deal with on the rest of the days when my life is busier or more distracted.  And, I do it first.  I never schedule any appointments Wednesday morning.  Everything else must wait while I clear away these roadblocks that are clogging up my list and weighing down my emotions.

Scheduling and setting deadlines my own way is a new take on an old solution.

These practices have been so freeing.

I love to feel free!

My challenge for you today is to notice what you’ve done in the past to conquer procrastination.  Has it worked for you?  If not, see if you can find a new strategy that does.

Continue to search until you find your path to this freedom.

It is so worth it.

Namaste,

DarEll S. Hoskisson

DarEll Hoskisson

DarEll S. Hoskisson loves to do hard things, but not too hard. She shares her own challenges, goals and experiences as she guides you into a realistic path of self-reflection and self-improvement. She shares tips on how to find, know and trust yourself so you can decide if other’s suggestions are right for you.

DarEll has the world a little upside down—where work is play and play is work. She actually thinks other people’s problems are fun to try to solve and lights up with a personal challenge. She loves people, harmony, and excellence. She also loves useful things like tools and ideas that make work faster, easier and more fun.

DarEll married in 1993 and graduated from BYU (1995) with a bachelor’s degree in English and Secondary Education. Since then she was adopted by 5 children and has worked with many non-profits. She is currently a certified personal trainer and group fitness instructor—leading pilates and yoga at her local YMCA.

DarEll lives in Florida where she enjoys her family, nature, her work, and encouraging people to live well.

She periodically posts her poems, what she is learning, and service opportunities on her personal blogs:

https://personalabridgements.wordpress.com and https://darellhoskisson.wordpress.com

Who loves to call, wait on hold for an actual person for over an hour, get transferred three times and then your call drops or you are lucky enough to get a machine asking you to leave a message? I think I’d rather clean my oven.

What about finding time to do something you enjoy like go to the beach, watch the sunset, relax and read a book just because, or watch your child play? I find it at least as easy to leave out the enjoyable, quiet, and relaxing times as to avoid the dirty work. It seems so luxurious and indulgent to read while the work isn’t done. But, it is never done.

So, what is the solution? How can we make time to help others, get the nasty stuff done so it stops clogging up and haunting our lists, and also make time to care for ourselves and fully experience the depth and beauty of life, nature and our relationships?

I watched my daughter at the elementary school fair. She was in line for some cotton candy. She was older than most of the kids and so was being kind and letting them go ahead of her in line. It quickly became clear to me that at this rate she very literally would never get any. It was a whole school worth of children lining up, a never-ending supply. I appreciated this lesson she taught me with her “kindness” because it taught me something about mine: Taking a turn does not hurt anyone. If she had stayed in line, all the others would have had their turn as well. Her missing out did not help anyone.

This also taught me something about my method of prioritizing. In my mind, previously, I always thought in a constant, nearly solid prioritization ranking. When any two choices came up, I would compare their relative priority in my life. For example, if I could do something for my child or something for my neighbor, and these options were in conflict,

I’d take care of the child. Or, I’d rank them based on necessity—needs before wants sort of like an ER room ranks and helps people in order of severity. My mom calls it “putting out fires.”

What is wrong with that? Is it obvious to you? I couldn’t see it.

In business efficiency classes, I’ve been taught several different ways to eliminate unimportant things from my life. Eliminating unimportant things makes time for the critically urgent or important things. But these classes just don’t apply to my life. They never have. Because for one example, they said, eliminate answering the phone. Let someone else get that message for you so you can concentrate, etc. Well, guess whose job it was to answer the phones? Yes, mine! My job as the office manager was to take care of those urgent things so other people could concentrate. That is how it is for me at home as well. Even if you can, successfully, delegate the non-urgent interruptions and prevent a lot more, I noticed something:

We all need time for not urgent, unimportant things, because even these things become important if they are totally neglected. I could give you so many examples! I need balance and that means that sometimes I need a phone call with a friend just to chat and connect. Sometimes I need to draw with my kids just for fun. Sometimes we need a vacation to explore and think and feel alive. These “not urgent, “unimportant” things also need a turn. If they stay stuck at the bottom of the list, it is certain death—like my daughter, there will be no cotton candy. Whatever is at the bottom of the list does only one thing, fall off.

I’ve decided I can not leave them out. Everything needs a turn. There will always be problems and surprises that rearrange our best intentions, but if every priority takes a turn on top, it won’t be procrastinated forever. Time won’t always run out for that particular thing, and it won’t continue to mock me at the bottom of the list.

It is so simple, but so powerful.

Like in volleyball, take turns in positioning.

Figure out your true priorities, all of them, and then — Rotate.

Namaste,

DarEll S. Hoskisson

Additional Resources:

Anti-procrastination Day

DarEll Hoskisson

DarEll S. Hoskisson loves to do hard things, but not too hard. She shares her own challenges, goals and experiences as she guides you into a realistic path of self-reflection and self-improvement. She shares tips on how to find, know and trust yourself so you can decide if other’s suggestions are right for you.

DarEll has the world a little upside down—where work is play and play is work. She actually thinks other people’s problems are fun to try to solve and lights up with a personal challenge. She loves people, harmony, and excellence. She also loves useful things like tools and ideas that make work faster, easier and more fun.

DarEll married in 1993 and graduated from BYU (1995) with a bachelor’s degree in English and Secondary Education. Since then she was adopted by 5 children and has worked with many non-profits. She is currently a certified personal trainer and group fitness instructor—leading pilates and yoga at her local YMCA.

DarEll lives in Florida where she enjoys her family, nature, her work, and encouraging people to live well.

She periodically posts her poems, what she is learning, and service opportunities on her personal blogs:

https://personalabridgements.wordpress.com and https://darellhoskisson.wordpress.com

At times in my life when I realize I need to slow down, I imagine being at his feet, not worrying about anything else that’s going on in my life—just listening to him. The story of the loaves and fishes is one of my favorite stories to remember and to learn from. When the people grew hungry, the apostles were concerned there was not enough food to feed them before they could travel back home. Jesus asked for any food to be brought up to him and he would bless it. They collected only five loaves of bread and seven fishes. The miracle occurred when Christ blessed and broke the meal—there was enough to feed the entire group of five thousand, plus have twelve baskets left over.

Christ knows us individually. He knows our needs and the needs of our family. While we may struggle with what to prioritize during stressful times, he promises us that if we remember to put Him first, he will bless us with all that we need. If we give him our best, he will provide the rest, and more. The meager offering of loaves and fishes could never have fed the entire crowd without Christ’s blessing. Our meager offering to the Lord each day in prayer, in scripture study, and in keeping his commandments will bless us in ways we desperately need. He can help us organize, prioritize, and make sure the important things in life are well taken care of—first. And true to his nature, he will provide for us even more than we think we deserve.

Simplicity in the Answer—an answer that everyone can obtain

“The search for the best things inevitably leads to the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ—the simple and beautiful truths revealed to us by a caring, eternal, and all-knowing Father in Heaven. These core doctrines and principles, though simple enough for a child to understand, provide the answers to the most complex questions of life.

“There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things That Matter Most”, October 2010, General Conference).

I, too, marvel at the simplistic nature of the answers that bring about happiness. But doesn’t that make sense? If the answers were complex, then only highly educated people of the world would find the truth of the gospel. A loving Heavenly Father is not exclusive—all his children are loved equally, and all are invited to follow Christ and come back to live in His presence. Therefore the gospel message of truth should be simple; it must be simple—simple enough that the most humble can find it. Humility is not a virtue that necessitates advanced education, status, or wealth to attain.

Keep your eye single to the glory of God

“My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most.” .” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things That Matter Most”, October 2010, General Conference).

In my last article I wrote about my friend who was stopped by the police officer for driving too fast for the current conditions of the road. Often times I think of my friend and the beautiful gift she was given when the officer gave her only a warning. It saved her money, but it may have even saved her soul. What a blessing it is to recognize the spiritual angels whom God places at the crossroads of life, keeping us on track, helping us when we least expect it. And yet while there are many times when situations turn out tragic rather than favorably, the Lord is there to give us what we need in order to hold on—even for a moment, a day, a lifetime, and ultimately for an eternity. In the Atonement of Jesus Christ, all things will be made right again.

Morning Devotional
To read more of Nanette’s devotionals, click the picture.

“Brothers and sisters, let us be wise. Let us turn to the pure doctrinal waters of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Let us joyfully partake of them in their simplicity and plainness. The heavens are open again. The gospel of Jesus Christ is on earth once more, and its simple truths are a plentiful source of joy! (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things That Matter Most”, October 2010, General Conference).

I invite you in the coming weeks before Christmas to find a quiet moment where you can imagine yourself at the Savior’s feet, pondering his message and allowing his spirit to fill your weary heart. It will help settle your mind, refocus your priorities, and give you more time and energy to handle the driving hazards ahead.

Nanette ONeal

Nanette O’Neal loves the gospel and is very happy to share her testimony on LDS Blogs. She is a convert to the church and still feels the spirit burn strong within her heart. She graduated from Mason Gross School of the Arts with a degree in music education and has taught children and adults in the private and public sphere for over twenty years. Nanette continues to study the gospel and the art of writing. She writes weekly inspirational articles on her blog and is currently working on an LDS fantasy novel series, A Doorway Back to Forever. You can find her at NanetteONeal.blogspot.com. Nanette has a wonderful husband, talented son, and three beautiful dogs.