The end of 2007 is finally here. Personally, I could not be more relieved. I survived! This past year was one of the most difficult years for me and by extension, for my family. Although I am filled with hope and anticipation for a better year next year, I know that at the same time I am truly grateful for the trials and tribulations I faced this past year. What was the lesson I learned from all of the adversity I dealt with this year? I learned to not take my faith for granted, and that everything that is important in life takes a lot of consistently hard work to maintain. But in the end, the reward is worth it, and the alternative is unacceptable.
When I was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormons) almost six years ago, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. Up until then, I had struggled in life because I had no moral compass to guide me. When I learned about the gospel of Jesus Christ I finally felt like I had direction in life. I was overjoyed when I received the Gift of the Holy Ghost as my constant companion after I was baptized. I thought that I would never feel alone or lost again. For the first couple of years after I was baptized, I soaked up everything I could to learn more about the gospel because it made me so happy to do so. The more I learned, the more clearly I felt I saw the world and my place within the world. Upon reflection, learning more about the gospel wasn’t my downfall, but having a false sense of security in my path to righteousness was. When we relocated to our new house, we did not attend church regularly. At first, it happened innocently enough, but in truth, we did not put forth enough effort to make going to church a priority. We fooled ourselves into thinking that our faith alone would be enough to sustain us. It wasn’t.
And others will he [the devil] pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well-and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell. (2 Nephi 28:11)
In retrospect, I know that much of the adversity I dealt with at the beginning of the year was unfortunately, self imposed. Though many of my friends tell me that I am too young to experience a mid-life crisis, it is what it felt like I went through. It was not my intention to go off my rocker, so to speak, but that is exactly what happened when I did not anchor my life steadfastly to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I confess to the world that I took for granted what I knew to be true, and disregarded my better judgment.
I spent the last half of 2006 and the first half 2007 in a great depression. Two years of inactivity away from the church took its toll on me, and my family suffered through it. It seemed like I fell right back into the old patterns of self destruction that I had prior to my conversion. By not turning to the Lord consistently when I was in need, I began to depend on the comforts of the world. I essentially made room for the Adversary to slip into my life. I had unknowingly turned my back on Heavenly Father.
Once I let Satan create that initial foothold, a great deception began in my life. The spirit of contention filled my home and I struggled greatly in my relationship with my husband. Though we were on the brink of divorce, I was in denial. I was too prideful and bitter to realize that I was being selfish in my ways. I am so thankful that my husband was able to recognize that there were evil forces at work within our home. He made a stand against Satan when he turned to Jesus Christ for help. He humbled himself and sought out the counsel of the Bishop in our ward. It was a make or break situation. I either accepted the offer to seek out marriage counseling, or we would cease to be husband and wife. I would lose everything that was truly important to me. Faced with that reality, I reluctantly agreed to marriage counseling.
At the first session, I was resentful for being there, but that resentment quickly faded away when our counselor asked the question, “So why are you here?” When I began to explain why I thought I was there, I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. I did not make sense. For that moment, I glimpsed the person that I had become. It wasn’t me. At that same moment, I turned to look at my husband and I saw the man that I loved. Despite the way that I had acted for those months, my husband truly wanted to save our marriage, and me. That one act of courage and forgiveness was enough to wake me out of my spiritual slumber.
After a lot of hard work and effort, my husband and I are now closer than we have ever been in our seven years of marriage. Having survived this year and recognizing the pitfalls that brought us to the near breakdown in our marriage has given us the gift of not taking things for granted, especially in our faith.
What happened to me could happen to anyone. There were many mistakes that could have been avoided, but I failed to recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost because I was not living my life how I knew that I should, and I was not doing my part. Having knowledge of the gospel isn’t enough to defend against the Adversary. We have to constantly work at it, live by it, and be humble in the fact that we have weaknesses. We also have to humbly seek help and forgiveness from our Father in Heaven, through Jesus Christ, to help us guard against Satan preying upon those weaknesses.
Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, being led to glorify God. (Ether 12:4)
