One of the best ways to help a child learn a good value system is to give them age-appropriate responsibilities in the home. From the “10 Ways to Teach Values in the Home” pamphlet put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church, we learn that giving your children responsibilities can help them “form a core of moral values. These values guide the children to do what is right, not what others tell them.”
Start off by showing your child what to do. Work with them side-by-side in the tasks assigned. Not only will you be helping them learn to do something new, but having you there will make your child feel special.
A few months ago I started letting my oldest work with me in the kitchen making dinner. She’s enjoying the process of learning some cooking basics, feels like she’s pretty cool at the things she can now do, and our relationship has grown closer as well. It’s a great time for us to talk about how things went that day.
Once your child has grasped the task, let him begin doing it on his own. Give much praise for a job well done. If you’ve taught him well, he should have done a terrific job. One warning: don’t ever, ever go in and begin redoing the job right in front of him. This will counteract everything you have built with your child and cause him to feel he’s not good enough. Could you imagine someone coming in behind you and redoing your hard work? Feel free to come back and help him again. Children love having Mom and Dad help.
One week my boys were asked to clean their room all by themselves. When they proclaimed it was done I walked in, and most everything was piled on their bed. Looking at their faces stopped me from saying anything negative. Their eyes were big and wide and hoping I’d give them the praise they deserved; after all, they had gotten everything up off the floor, just like I’d asked. Instead of telling them what they’d done wrong, I turned it around and said, “All right! Now that the floor is all clean how about we clean off your bed?” The three of us proceeded to pick everything up off the bed and put them in their proper places. We continued this process until the boys decided it wasn’t worth cleaning it twice, and tried harder to put their toys where they belonged.
All of this will not happen in a week. Or even two weeks. It may not happen for several months. Be patient. Just as it isn’t easy for adults to learn something new, it isn’t always easy for children either. Repeatedly offer praise for their efforts, and guide them with kind and gentle words.
Don’t forget that these responsibilities must be age appropriate. Not only that, they should be child appropriate. Some children develop faster than others, and what one child could do at eight-years old another may struggle with. If you see your child stressed beyond reason perhaps that one job should wait for a few months until they are more able to complete it.
Helping out in the home will harvest many blessings. Children will learn self-discipline as they put aside those things they’d rather be doing to accomplish the tasks they are in charge of. They gain a sense of what it means to be responsible and dependable. Respect of the work they are asked to do will also increase.
Your relationship with your child will strengthen as you personally guide them in their new responsibilities. Children learn so much better in the home by the example of loving parents. It is from you that they begin to fashion their self-image.
In his talk, “The Tongue of Angels” Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said:
“We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child’s faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child – always” (Ensign, May 2007)
I can tell you from experience those who grow up to be responsible, dedicated, and respectful in their work are some of the most valued people in the world.
