In the pamphlet “10 Ways to Teach Values in the Home” put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), we are told teaching values is one of our “fundamental responsibilities” as a parent or guardian. Therefore it is up to us to decide which values are nonnegotiable, and which ones we can be a bit more flexible with.
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For example, in our own family the value of tithing must be followed. It’s nonnegotiable. The first thing that comes out of each paycheck for my husband and I is the tithing. The first thing our children are asked to do with any money they earn is pay their own tithing. We’re tying to teach them it’s not just a good thing to do, it’s required by the Lord.
Abraham of old paid tithing (Genesis 14:20). In Genesis 28, Jacob covenants to pay tithing. In Numbers 18:26 we are even taught how much we should pay:
“Thus speak unto the Levites, and say unto them, When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the Lord, even a tenth part of the tithe.”
It’s not an easy lesson to learn (as my son will loudly declare), but the blessings that come from paying tithing are wonderful, and we want our children to know it for themselves.
Making sure the children have their room always clean isn’t a value we push. It’s negotiable. At least once a week we ask that they do a cursory cleaning, and then on Fridays they need to have the entire room picked up. It’s not a daily task in our home. This might not be the case in other families.
Take some time out to discuss which values are negotiable and which are not. Feel free to bring your children in on this discussion. Let them know what it means to have something that’s not negotiable. Seriously listen to their own opinions on what values they feel should be more flexible. When setting up the permanent values, help your children understand why it needs to be that way.
Other nonnegotiable values might be family prayer, or daily reading from the scriptures, or having Sunday dinner all together. For older children is could be a curfew set when they’re at a friends’ house, or getting to their homework right after dinner. What values are necessary for your own family to run smoothly? What values are more flexible for you?
