A recent thread on a favorite bulletin board of mine invited us to come in and share with everyone some of the compliments we receive. The responses were uplifting and enlightening about many of the men and women I’ve chatted with over the years.
For many it was physical appearances: their lovely skin, thick and wavy hair, or their eyes. For others is was more characteristic traits: sense of humor, an even temper, and being a good listener.
Then there were the amazing talents: poets and writers, singers and teachers, and many who could cook and bake up the most delicious things.
My favorite compliments were the little things that showed me just a bit more about their personalities and the things that set them truly apart. One woman wrote of her abilities with children, of how she somehow really understands them even if they’re not her own. A couple was complimented in the grocery store on how nicely they spoke to one another, as well as how sweet it was to see they were looking out for what the other liked and didn’t like.
One of the sweetest compliments I’ve ever received came from a friend one Sunday at Relief Society (the women’s organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church). The lesson that Sunday was on what makes us special, and our teacher invited us to mention something about another person in class.
My friend surprised me by saying every time we happened to meet I made her feel like the most important person in the world. She loved my big smile and the way I would focus right on her. I can’t even begin to tell you what those dear words meant to me.
Words hold a particular power over how one’s self-image is molded. N. Eldon Tanner, a former 1st Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, spoke on this very thing.
“…[People] tend to live up to (or down to) the statements expressed about them. An honest, sincerely stated helps to build character; criticism destroys it. Tearing down another’s reputation or character never builds or betters our own. Expressing admiration for the accomplishments or character traits of another builds us as well as those about whom we speak” (N. Eldon Tanner, “‘Nay, Speak No Ill’,” Ensign, Mar 1973).
People will literally bloom under the warm rays of a sincere compliment. One of the most incredible effects of uplifting others is what it does for us. We cannot bless the lives of others without influencing our own for good.
To be on the other side of a compliment isn’t easy for most everyone, I would think. We stammer and hide our heads and say, “No, not really.” It’s difficult to accept praise, and yet it’s not that difficult to simply say, “Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.” (It’s taken me years to learn that’s all there is to it!)
Many of us aren’t too good at giving compliments. That certainly doesn’t mean we should shy away from doing so. It just takes a bit of practice, and perhaps some goals to help us along.
President Tanner gives three fantastic ideas.
1. Write a note at least once a week to someone about an accomplishment. I am a huge fan of writing notes and letters to people. There is something so fantastic about having our best traits written down where we can read them again and again.
2. Give a compliment to at least one individual a day, in person or on the telephone. Few things are sweeter than hearing uplifting words from someone we hold dear.
3. Keep a secret record for a month of the number of times you are tempted to criticize and refrain from doing so. See if the number diminishes as you give sincere compliments instead. I would even go so far as to encourage you to give one compliment for every negative thought. What I love about this idea is you can see with your own eyes how your own way of thinking will change for the better.
The words we speak in this lifetime matter in eternity.
“… every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgement. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned” (Matthew 12:36-37).
I wanted to post this on January 24th for one big reason: it’s Compliment Day. Let today be a starting off point in making a difference in the lives of those you come in contact with. You never know when a few kind words will work to change the course of someone’s life.
