“And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy. Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matthew 26:37-39).
We read a little different account in Mark.
“And he taketh with him Peter and James and John, and began to be sore amazed, and to be very heavy; And saith unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death: tarry ye here, and watch. And he went forward a little, and fell on the ground, and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt” (Mark 14:33-36).
The messages in these verses are so powerful, so intensely moving, but you may miss what lies behind them if you’re not careful.
I think the thing that strikes me most is when Christ begins to be sore amazed. He has barely taken a few steps away from His trusted friends and suddenly he feels “exceeding sorrowful,” “heavy,” “even unto death.” Before now I had never given the matter of these immediate feelings a whole lot of thought. Of course I understood that He was about to take upon Himself all of our sins, and had attributed the sense of sorrow and foreboding to that. It wasn’t until I began to study this a little deeper that one particular comment I read struck me harder than anything I had read before.
“Yet, for all the things the Savior knew, there was one thing he did not know, and, in fact, could not know because of what he was. The scriptures declare with absolute certainty that Jesus was perfect, without sin…
“Being perfect, Jesus did not and could not know what sin felt like. He did not have the experience of feeling the effects of sin – neither physically, spiritually, mentally, nor emotionally… Now, in an instant, he began to feel all the sensations and effects of sin, all the guilt, anguish, darkness, turmoil, depression, anger and physical sickness that sin brings” (Skinner, Andrew C., Gethsemane, Salt Lake: Deseret Book, 2002, p.58).
Have you ever thought of that before? Christ didn’t understand why this heaviness and sorrow suddenly came upon Him because He had never sinned. In that moment the meaning behind the Atonement changed for our Savior. In that instant He began to fully understand how sin weighs us down, hides the light of God, and binds us spiritually.
It hit Him so hard He fell to the ground. As Neal A. Maxwell, a former leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed the Mormon Church), describes it:
“Imagine, Jehovah, the Creator of this and other worlds, ‘astonished’! Jesus knew cognitively what He must do, but not experientially. He had never personally known the exquisite and exacting process of an atonement before. Thus, when the agony came in its fullness, it was so much, much worse than even He with his unique intellect had ever imagined!” (Neal A. Maxwell, “Willing to Submit“, Ensign, May 1985).
In other words, Christ knew what had to be done in His head, but experiencing it was so much worse than He could possibly have imagined. What was the first thing He said? Abba. Father. He cried out to His father. How many times do you hear a child cry out to a parent when hurt, injured, confused or scared? Jesus loved his Father dearly. He trusted His father completely. Yet at this moment He found Himself enduring something He could never have understood up to that point.
He asked for the bitter cup to be taken from Him, but never without adding that His Father’s will came first. Though He was asked to endure what no mortal could, and asked not once, but three times for the cup to be removed, He always submitted to the will of the Father. Just as important is this: after He had endured the first round, Christ knew full well what would be asked of Him the next time, and He came back. He. Came. Back.
I cannot begin to know all that He went through during those 3 or 4 hours He spent in the Garden. We all know what sin can do to us, the guilt, the sorrow, the bondage we place ourselves under when we willingly commit it. These moments for us are but a drop in the ocean of what our elder brother, Jesus Christ, endured that night. He who was perfect, who had never sinned before, who was sore amazed at the effects of sin on the entire world from the beginning to the end, came back to finish the work. He loves us, He loves our Heavenly Father, that much.
I have not even begun to touch on the intricacies of the Atonement. I cannot hope to do so in a lifetime. I do know this: no other man on this earth could have done what Jesus Christ did for us in that moment. Because He came back to finish the work, we are able to repent, to become clean again, to have the remarkable hope of one day living with our Father in Heaven again. He loves us that much. Of this, I can testify.
