Many people blame men for the reason that marriage and families are not happening in today’s world. Well to be honest with you, I think that men are only half the problem. The other half is us women. Recently a friend of mine asked a question. “Why are there so many women who aren’t ‘looking for a relationship right now’?” To be honest I don’t know too many people in this category. Most of the time whether verbalized or not women are looking for a relationship, even if they say they aren’t. If the right guy presented himself, they would take advantage of it.
However, in answer to the question, I came across a few reasons or obstacles that may be standing in their way. Some of these are actually quite understandable, while others should probably be put to rest.
Why aren’t some people looking for relationships?
One reason why some people aren’t looking for a relationship is that they recently got out of one. Sometimes young women need time to heal. This time is different for every one of them, and obviously there should probably be some type of time frame or goal in mind to get past the healing. M. Russell Ballard said, “I am so thoroughly convinced that if we don’t set goals in our life we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential.
Having that in mind, we also need to remember that each of us has to set that goal on an individual basis with God’s help.
Next, many women are scared of commitment. Change can be a frightening thing. Sometimes we become too comfortable and complacent in our single life. It is harder to date and put yourself out there than it is to stay inside and become a hermit. Commitment also brings with it responsibility for the feelings of others. Again, it takes work to keep the relationship going. Or sadly, many are looking for the next bigger or better thing that is coming along. Therefore, many miss opportunities right in front of them because they are continually on the hunt. Marvin J. Ashton said, “Commitment as a word cannot stand alone. We must always ask, “committed to what?” So, in order to fight this battle of commitment it may be wise to decide what we are committed to. We need to remember that as Thomas S. Monson once said, “Work will work when wishy washy wishing won’t.” We need to determine what we want, and then commit ourselves to go for it.
Another reason that many women struggle to be ready to date right now, is that they are procrastinating for life in the future, after graduation, or when a career has been formulated. There is a constant “I’ll be ready when..” mentality that drives them farther from their goal. They may actually believe that they are putting it off to be better prepared, or one step closer to perfection. Thomas S Monson Said, “Perhaps you are having a little too much fun being single, taking extravagant vacations, buying expensive cars and toys, and just generally enjoying the carefree life with your friends… there is a point at which it’s time to think seriously about marriage and seek a companion with whom you want to spend eternity. If you choose wisely and if you are committed to the success of your marriage, there is nothing in this life which will bring you greater happiness.” What I understand from this statement is that you will not feel any greater amount of success in gaining higher education or a better career than you will from gaining a family.
So, my fellow women. Let’s help with the other half of the problem and see if we can’t procrastinate less, and work more towards becoming as happy as possible, or in other words, become ready to date now.
Ashton, Marvin J. “The Word is Commitment” 1983.
Ballard, M. Russell. “Do things that make a difference.” Ensign June 1983.
Monson, Thomas S. “Priesthood Power“
Ashley Dewey is extremely talented at being single. Hobbies include awkward conversations with members of the opposite sex, repelling third dates, talking to boys about their girl problems and to girls about their boy problems. In her spare time she also has a very fulfilling school life, work life, and social life.
Besides being a professional single, Ashley is also a BYU graduate with a degree in linguistics (Aka word nerd). She enjoys studying other languages, particularly American Sign Language, and finds most all of them fascinating. She is currently pursuing a masters degree in Teaching English as a Second Language.
Ashley works most of the time and has often been accused of being a workaholic. Currently she works full time as a merchandiser and supervisor in a retail store, and part time doing social media work. On her day off she works (really it doesn't feel like work) in the Provo LDS temple. The only kind of work she finds difficulty focusing on is house work.
Her favorite activities in her free time are reading, writing, creating social experiments, and spending time with great friends and family. Specific activities with those family and friends include: going to concerts, plays, dance recitals, BYU basketball and football games, and watching sports on television.
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Ashley, do you think parents are doing something to encourage this “not yet” attitude or is it a peer-driven problem or even a media-driven issue? I’m noticing more and more books and television programs focus on the “fun” single life, going on into later years. It seems like the authors of most of the mysteries I read think married life is too boring for the heroine of a series, so it gets hard to find married characters.
Terrie, that is a good question. What I know is that my parents did not teach me to procrastinate or that it was too boring. In fact, thinking of all of my friends I would say that most of their parents also did not teach them those things. Parents for the most part are really gunho about the prospect of marriage. In all honesty I think that it is a defense mechanism. People say that they don’t want to get married so that they feel less badly about their lack of marital status. Unfortunately the world does try to make the single life seem glamorous. I don’t think that most people believe it though. Somewhere deep inside most people that I know sense the value of having a family. How do you teach your children about marriage?
i seriously need a man that believed in God to marry