I want to raise independent thinkers. We encourage questions and open discussion in our home. This has led to many fascinating conversations as well as more than a few less comfortable discussions. I apologize to Sunday School teachers everywhere if this makes life uncomfortable for you. Please take my child’s questions as indication that they are thinking deeply about matters of faith. “I don’t know” is a completely acceptable answer. I want to raise my children to be faithful followers of Christ. My faith has changed how I teach my children to question.
1-Choose your sources carefully. I ask my children to consider…if their friends had questions about them, who would they want their friends to ask? If you have questions about Mormons…ask a Mormon. If you have questions about liberals, ask a liberal. If someone has questions about you, would you really want them to ask your ex about you? Would you want someone to ask your enemy about you? Learn what biases your sources have. Choose your sources carefully.
2-Ask to find out; don’t ask to catch the other person. We all know the difference. Questions only promote learning if they are founded in humility. If you don’t know…ask. Be willing, when you ask, to get an answer. The answer may be long. It may be different than you think. Ask humbly. There is a big difference between asking and demanding.
3-Patience. This is a marathon, not a sprint. There are some questions I have prayed and studied and asked about for decades. Many of my questions percolate for long periods of time. I chose to go on with what I do know. As I wait, tender mercies and small specks of revelation grow together to formulate answers and comfort me as I wait. While you wait, don’t let yourself be defined by your questions. Don’t let your questions overwhelm you. Don’t let emotions take over. Wait..The quantity of questions or the prevailing emotions do not matter more than what you already know.
My brain is still working on my questions as they bubble around in the back of my mind. Think of all the amazing historical “lightbulb” moments that happen while a person is going about their life.
I have discovered that questions can become selfish. If I focus all of my attention on my questions, I miss many opportunities to help other people. When I stay in a place of questioning, I tend to become negative and forget the more important things I already know. I need to have patience with myself and the process.
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4-I teach my children that some subjects are just too heavy for them to handle right now. I answer every possible question I can. My children know I only delay an answer when I feel it’s best for their emotional and mental growth.
5- I teach my children not to question one thing…that I love them. When we are young we learn a song “I am a child of God”. It reminds us that we are His and we are loved. Just as I teach my children that no matter what, I love them, I try to remember that no matter what, God loves me. I know too well that at some point my children’s troubles will no longer be solved by my kisses and bandaids. At some point the horrors of the world will not be solved easily either.
I teach my children that if they are going to ask the question why – as in why do bad things happen; they have to also ask the other why question – why do good things happen? To believe God loves us is the most powerful, comforting, amazing thing we can believe. The powerful, peace-giving weight of that love trumps all of my doubts and questions and worries. I let it.
Britt grew up in a family of six brothers and one sister and gained a bonus sister later. She camped in the High Sierras, canoed down the Colorado, and played volleyball at Brigham Young University. She then served a mission to South Africa.
With all of her time in the gym and the mountains and South Africa, she was totally prepared to become the mother of 2 sons and soon to be 9 daughters. By totally prepared she means willing to love them and muddle through everything else in a partially sleepless state. She is mostly successful at figuring out how to keep the baby clothed, or at least diapered, though her current toddler is challenging this skill.
She feels children naturally love to learn and didn’t want to disrupt childhood curiosity with worksheets and school bells. She loves to play in the dirt, read books, go on adventures, watch her children discover new things, and mentor her children. Her oldest child is currently at a community college and her oldest son is going to high school at a public school. She loves to follow her children in their unique paths and interests.
She loves to write because, unlike the laundry and the dishes, writing stays done. Whenever someone asks her how she does it all she wonders what in the world they think she’s doing.
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Yes. I remember Camilla Kimball saying that in her mind she had a bookshelf of questions. Over time some would get answered, but then more would appear. That feels so ‘right’ to me. Letting the questions ‘percolate’ while proceeding with a life of faith has led me to both answers and happiness. Thanks for writing on this topic.
Gloria, thanks for mentioning that. I hadn’t heard that before so I went looking. I think this might be the quote–it’s a great thing to keep in mind: “I have always had an inquiring mind. I am not satisfied just to accept things. I like to follow through and study things out. I learned early to put aside those gospel questions that I could not answer. I had a shelf of things I did not understand, but as I have grown older and studied and prayed and thought about each problem, one by one I have been able to understand them better.” — [Caroline Eyring Miner and Edward L. Kimball, Camilla (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1980), pp. 126–27]
One of the things I’ve learned over the years as a manager of a forum is, if you are going to ask a question then expect a variety of answers. People come from all walks of life and all types of experiences. This includes even answers about doctrinal or church related items. Everyone is at different spiritual places in life.
Great quote Terrie, I’m glad you found it! Thanks Gloria for referencing it.
pat, that is so true that people bring their whole life into their understanding of questions and answers.