Walking Through Doors

Have you ever walked into a building with two sets of doors, an outer and an inner set?  There might be a small foyer in between for dropping off wet umbrellas, etc.  I am in that small foyer area, surrounded by glass.  It is beautiful outside, so I’m holding the door open with my foot.  But, I know I need to go inside.  So, I’m pushing that door open, too.  But, I can’t move at all like this.  And I hover, knowing that I’m at a decision point.  

 

I can’t choose.  I can’t.  But, I already have.  I have let go of many things I love to make room for a commitment, and now I must go forward to keep it.  Like going into that building, there will be less freedom, more structure.   I will be a beginner again. I will have to start over.  The potential calls to me.  I hover at the door.

 

I thought that I could write my blogs and teach, but I see now that although I can never stop writing and will not, that I can not keep publishing in this way at this time.  It brings a calm, sadness, one that I feel very peaceful about.  

 

It can wait.  I can do it later.  If not, it will be okay.  I let go of the door and step forward into a new life.  

 

We Have To Prioritize

 

If there is anything I know, it is that I have to prioritize.  I love hard things, and hard things take energy and focus to accomplish.  Energy and attention are my most prized, limited personal resources.  I can’t do everything, but I want to do something well.

 

Seasons

 

I’m going on a mission.  I don’t know how long it will last, perhaps until the day I die.  We never really know when that will be. But, I embrace my path because I must move forward, and I must love.  

 

My season of caring for young children is past.  It is and was my “dream that will need all the love [I] can give, every day of [my] life for as long as [I] live.”  I have loved being a parent and putting my family first.  

 

I wouldn’t change it for a second.  It has been the hardest thing I have ever done and will likely ever do, but I am not sorry.  I have loved every minute of it.  Each one of them is worth it.   

 

My children do not need me as much anymore.  My youngest is starting middle school, the rest of them are grown, and so, our family has graduated into a new era.  We walked through a door.  I refuse to stay home and cry.  I must learn.  I must make my community better if I can.  And so, I embrace a new profession that a teacher expressed yesterday as “the hardest job you will ever love.”  

 

Now

 

There is no time like the present, and we have to judge.  

 

I read that people have a hard time letting go, even if what is ahead is better.  We often resist loss more than we embrace a better future.  I feel that same tug of familiarity and comfort with all of humanity.  But, staying comfortable has never been my goal.  

 

We have to be brave now.

We have to live now.

We must love

Now.

 

I love you!  Never forget it.  Even if I never meet you, that is what this writing is all about for me–showing you I care by sharing the treasures of my life, the things I’ve learned along the way.  I hope it lightens your burdens in some way, and God willing, I will come back and write to you again some day.

 

Namaste,

 

DarEll S. Hoskisson