Finding Peace

My third decision (you can read about decisions one and two by clicking on their respective links) comes right around the same time as my decision to embrace motherhood. After I decided to go “all in,” I was presented with an opportunity to pursue something I felt passionate about.

 

Following passions is not a bad thing, but I was torn in my decision to pursue it or focus on my motherhood. It’s a balance (and battle!) I admittedly am still fighting today. However, at the time, it was bringing me lots of confusion because confession: I am an all-or-nothing kinda gal. When I do something, I either give it my 100% or I don’t. Simple as that. So while I did have the thought of doing both (pursuing this opportunity and focusing on motherhood), the thought of giving it 50% was just not in the cards. What is that scripture—”You cannot serve God and mammon?” Yeah, I felt a little something like that. So here I was, faced with two decisions I couldn’t choose between. I was so torn.

 

One day while driving home, stuck in my confusion, I had a thought to reach out to someone in my ward. I didn’t know her that well so I thought that was a little odd. What would she think? I had just moved into the ward; I couldn’t show my crazy yet! But the feeling was undeniable. I messaged her and asked if we could talk. She happened to have that morning to talk and I had some free time because both of my kids were in school… (Don’t you love it when that happens?) So she came over and I let out the tears and the frustrations. She was so loving and so kind. She held my hand while I cried. We talked about the many options I had, but as we talked through each one, none of them felt right. Then she said the magic words that would change my life:

 

“Krystal, I can’t decide for you, but if it doesn’t bring you peace, it isn’t for you.”

 

Wow. Something so simple and so profound. And so much truth! As she left, I pondered over what that meant for me and in my life. With that revelation, it was easy to make my decision. I chose to focus on my motherhood. That’s not to say pursuing a passion is wrong by any means. I just needed to know if it was the right thing for me and for our family. I ultimately was faced with the question of pursuing something that would bring me temporary happiness and instant gratification, or something that would have many days of frustration and tears, but be eternally rewarding. It was a no-brainer, and since I made the decision to walk away, I have not regretted it one bit.

 

The opportunity came and went, and I was still standing, still alive, and guess what? It opened a whole new door for me, an even better one. Since I didn’t have this opportunity taking up my time, I turned to filling my time with my kids, my family, and my home, and it was how creating a Holy Home was born. Learning to recognize what peace was, and Who it came from, led me to what now is my true calling.

 

My friend taught me something else that day that helped me then and helps me today. Satan can mimic a lot of emotions. I think that’s why sometimes it’s so confusing for us to know when we get a “good thought” in our minds who it’s coming from. Satan can cause things to look enticing, attractive, and good. Don’t get me wrong; there is a lot of good out there, but we have to know what is best — and in my experience, if we want to know what is best, we need to know if it brings us peace, because that is the one emotion Satan can’t mimic. Peace only comes from Jesus Christ. In 1 Corinthians 14:33, we read: “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…”

 

I am so grateful for this decision and the lessons I learned. The day I found and understood peace, not only did I avoid something that wasn’t right for me, but I came to know my Savior more. I learned only He can bring us peace. I learned to listen to Him and His voice, and because of that, I learned He had something much better in store for me. It truly was life-changing for me. It changed the course of my thinking. I now use this principle for a lot of my decisions. Months later, I would be faced with a much larger decision… A life-or-death decision. But because I learned this as a way God communicates with me, I would be able to use it in making the next major decision I would have to make.

 

If you are struggling with a choice, I invite you to ask yourself if it brings you peace — peace to yourself, peace to your family, peace to your soul. And ask yourself what peace looks like to YOU. Your feeling and vision of peace may not be the same as mine, so in addition to asking, find out what it looks like for you. One of my favorite songs is “Peace in Christ.” My favorite lyrics say:

 

He give us hope
When hope is gone
He give us strength
When we can’t go on
He give us shelter
In the storms of life
When there’s no peace in earth
There is peace in Christ