The Book of Mormon begins with a celebration of good parents. Nephi, who was a teenager when the Book of Mormon begins, but a grown man by the time he began to record his record, wrote, “I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents…”
Nephi’s parents were Lehi and Sariah. Parenting wasn’t easy for them. Lehi was a wealthy planter, but rather than enjoy his comfortable life and the privileges of wealth, he accepted God’s call to be a prophet. He, along with others in his time, were sent to try to convince the people to repent or face destruction. The people, naturally, weren’t too thrilled to have their sins pointed out to them and Lehi’s life was in danger. He and Sariah packed up a few essentials and took their family into the wilderness to a place God promised to provide for them.
Their two oldest children, Laman and Lemuel, were determined not to be good sports about this. They lacked faith, and didn’t believe God expected them to leave their comfortable home to go on an extended camping trip, into a world none of them knew about. Their younger sons, Sam and Nephi, followed the teachings of the gospel and their parents, however. Nephi, although the youngest child at the time, was to be his father’s successor and lead the church. Sam accepted this, because he had faith, but Laman and Lemuel consistently resented their younger brother’s right to rule over them, even when instructed to follow him by an angel. Repeatedly, they tormented their younger brother, even trying to kill him at various times. After the death of their parents, Nephi led the righteous portion of the family away from the rest for their own safety, and two groups, Nephites and Lamanites, were formed.
All of this must have challenged Laman and Sariah throughout their years. Clearly they were righteous people, and Nephi honored them, calling them goodly. They must have been good parents, doing all they could to raise their children in righteousness, and yet they lost two of their children to wickedness. However, Sam, Nephi, and the two younger brothers born in the wilderness stayed steadfast in the gospel.
James E. Faust, a member of the First Presidency until his recent death, asked, “Who are good parents? They are those who have lovingly, prayerfully, and earnestly tried to teach their children by example and precept ‘to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.’” Lehi and Sariah most certainly did those things. The scriptures record numerous times when Lehi gathered his family and instructed them in the ways of God. The younger brothers also worked to help their older brothers gain a testimony. The entire family worked together to try to keep from losing their two oldest boys and to reclaim them after they were lost. In fact, even after the two groups separated, the Nephites continued to send missionaries to them in hopes of reclaiming the brothers, and later their descendants.
President Faust reassured parents that the way their children turned out is not necessarily a reflection on their parenting skills. If they did the right things, they are good parents, regardless of the choices their parents made. If they neglect to care for their children and to teach them correct principles, they are held accountable even if the children turn out well.
We lived before we were born, and so we brought with us the spirits and personalities we had there. We have agency, so each of us must choose for ourselves, even children. President Faust offered this comfort to parents whose children have chosen a wrong path:
“I believe and accept the comforting statement of Elder Orson F. Whitney:
‘The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God.”
A principle in this statement that is often overlooked is that they must fully repent and ‘suffer for their sins’ and ‘pay their debt to justice.’ I recognize that now is the time “to prepare to meet God.” If the repentance of the wayward children does not happen in this life, is it still possible for the cords of the sealing to be strong enough for them yet to work out their repentance? In the Doctrine and Covenants we are told, ‘The dead who repent will be redeemed, through obedience to the ordinances of the house of God,
‘And after they have paid the penalty of their transgressions, and are washed clean, shall receive a reward according to their works, for they are heirs of salvation.’”James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, May 2003, 61
It is heartbreaking to watch a child follow a path you know will ultimately lead to suffering and sorrow. However, even when it seems there is nothing we can do, we can pray, live righteously, and trust God to take care of the rest.
The late Terrie Lynn Bittner—beloved wife, mother, grandmother, and friend—was the author of two homeschooling books and numerous articles, including several that appeared in Latter-day Saint magazines. She became a member of the Church at the age of 17 and began sharing her faith online in 1992.
