One of the most difficult things for many of us is knowing how to act around those facing major life trials. We worry that our actions or words will bring pain instead of relief. We worry that we will be uncomfortable and that they will be able to feel that. Sometimes, these worries cause us to avoid our hurting friends when they could use us the most, simply because we don’t know what to say.
Don’t be afraid to approach someone, but keep your condolences and well-wishes short and heart felt. “I’m sorry”, “I’d like to help”, “You look nice today” and “How are you” go a lot farther in providing comfort than phrases that begin with “At least it wasn’t”, “You will receive blessings from”, “Be grateful for” or any other thought that reflects our own judgments on the situation. Even if you feel the person holds the same beliefs, or has said these words out loud in the past, they may not hold true at the moment. These statements tell the person you expect them to feel or be a certain way. When they are hurting they have no extra energy for meeting other’s perceived expectations.
Remember, that often one of the best things you can do doesn’t require you to know what to say at all. Most often it is your quiet presence, not the words you offer that make the biggest difference. Listen, be extremely non-judgmental, laugh and cry with them, hold a hand, give a hug, give them your time and your love. Avoid saying you know exactly how they feel, even if you’ve had a similar experience we are all still very unique individuals. Don’t offer unsolicited advice or solutions.
When in doubt, the most powerful words in the human language are “I love you.” Couple that with a hug or a firm handshake and you’ve given the most of the Lord’s peace and comfort that you can offer.
