What kinds of things can keep us from having a close relationship with someone? What kinds of things can get in the way? Prejudices, pride, anger, insufficient communication, selfishness and many other things can lead to a rift between us, and the people around us. Sadly, this is a common occurrence in the world today. It is even sadder to consider that these differences with our fellow man not only separates us from them, but also separates us from the Savior. Anger, grudges and contention chase the Spirit from our hearts.
3 Nephi 11:29— For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
As uncomfortable as these situations can make us, it is nothing compared to the emptiness that can follow from the loss of peace in our lives and the loss of the Savior who could bring that peace back. The Lord’s answer to this problem is simple and straightforward.
3 Nephi 12:23-24— Therefore, if ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto me, and rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee—
Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you.
As with many things the Savior asks of us, the path may not be easy. Some differences are easier to repair than others. But He has assured us that reconciliation is the way to His peace.
This process takes an amount of humility and self-control. When we carry the burden of hate and discontent it poisons so much of our lives. Yet, the Lord asks us to give it away to make room for His love and joy. The longer we hang onto these parts of ourselves the less of His tender mercies we are able to feel in our lives.
It may be something small: the fight you had with your spouse over how to load the dishwasher. It may be something big: the scars of an abusive childhood. The process is the same.
The Lord requires us to forgive and put away the past, just as we ask Him to do for our own sins and imperfections. Even when the sin against us seems unforgivable, He has asked us to let it go. In that process we turn over the pain, the worry, and the emotional scars to His care. The great blessing of the atonement then allows Him to succor us, no matter the state, or feelings of the other party.
President Gordon B. Hinckley has said:
“We see the need for [forgiveness] in the homes of the people, where tiny molehills of misunderstanding are fanned into mountains of argument. We see it among neighbors, where insignificant differences lead to undying bitterness. We see it in business associates who quarrel and refuse to compromise and forgive when, in most instances, if there were a willingness to sit down together and speak quietly one to another, the matter could be resolved to the blessing of all. Rather, they spend their days nurturing grudges and planning retribution. …
“If there be any who nurture in their hearts the poisonous brew of enmity toward another, I plead with you to ask the Lord for strength to forgive. This expression of desire will be of the very substance of your repentance. It may not be easy, and it may not come quickly. But if you will seek it with sincerity and cultivate it, it will come. …
“… There is no peace in reflecting on the pain of old wounds. There is peace only in repentance and forgiveness. This is the sweet peace of the Christ, who said, ‘blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.’ (Matt. 5:9.)” (“Of You It Is Required to Forgive,” Ensign, June 1991, 2, 5)
We can not affect how other people will treat us. But, we always have the freewill to decide how we will treat others, and how we will react to their treatment of us. May we learn to focus more on peace, a soft answer, and a spirit of love than we do on hurtful words and actions.
