I recall one day when my daughter was about two-years old. She was eating some lunch at the table and I was tidying up the kitchen when suddenly I heard her say, “Stupid.”
I was shocked and distraught. While most people might not consider this to be a bad word, I’ve never been one who allows name-calling. This doubly disturbed me because I couldn’t for the life of me figure out where she had heard it. So far as I could tell it hadn’t been said on any of her favorite PBS kids shows, we didn’t let her watch movies beyond Winnie the Pooh, and certainly her father and I had never said it. Right?
I puzzled over this for quite some time. One day my darling daughter and I traveled along the highway when a driver cut me off. I muttered something under my breath, not really thinking about what I was saying, until this high-pitched sweet voice called out, “Stupid.”
What?!? It was me. All me. The woman who had emphatically declared no one should ever be called a mean name was the one calling other drivers stupid. You have no idea how hard it was for me to tell that to my husband. Of course we both laughed, but it brought home the fact that I needed to be much more careful about what I say and do around my children.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Under “Teach by Example” we read:
“Actions speak louder than words, particularly in relationships between parents and children. Your actions powerfully influence your children’s behavior throughout their lives, for good or bad, because they learn adult behavior by watching you. Living the way you want your children to live has more influence than merely lecturing them about what values they should have.”
This brings to my mind the aphorism “Do as I say, not as I do.” How many of us preach and preach about how to live right to our children, yet can’t bring ourselves to live the same laws? Instead of learning that the values you are attempting to instill in them are important, they’ll learn hypocrisy, distrust, and will not respect you as they grow older.
The pamphlet encourages us to ask ourselves the following:
· How do I resolve disputes? How do I want my children to resolve disputes?
· How do I speak of others? How do I want my children to speak of others?
· How do I treat others? How do I want my children to treat others?
· What are my work habits? What work habits do I want my children to have?
The truth is these questions could go on and on, but this is a fantastic start. We need to take stock of how we are doing in our personal value systems before we can begin to help our children build their own.
The great thing is if we find something we need to work on for ourselves as well as for our children, it can be a family effort. This will bring home the fact that what you are trying to instill in your child is very important to you.
Above all, think about what sort of effect your actions are now having on your children’s behavior. It’s never an easy thing to do, but in the end it will be worth it.
