I remember going to a movie several years ago with my mother. It wasn’t the happiest of movies. In fact I still hesitate to watch it today as I find myself susceptible to the atmosphere of the things I watch. Of course if I’m looking for a good cry it’s perfect.
In this movie one specific young man at boarding school is struggling with a desire to please his father and become a doctor, or follow his own passion for acting. He tries out for the lead in a play and gets the coveted part, but has to keep this activity a secret. In fact his father doesn’t find out until after the play is over.
I don’t know what this young man thought. Perhaps he hoped his father would see how good he was in it, how happy he was doing it, and let go of the designs to make his son a doctor. It didn’t work out that way.
After having that taste of freedom, of doing something of his own choosing, and having it promptly taken away breaks something within this young man. He can’t imagine going back to the idea of being a doctor. The thought of spending years in medical school, ‘wasting his life away,’ drives him to do something unspeakable. He kills himself.
I told you it wasn’t the happiest of movies. As we drove home my mother asked me what I thought about the choice the young man had made. I thought killing himself was drastic, of course, and yet as a young adult myself I could understand how he might view the looming years of forced schooling in something he didn’t want to do as unbearable.
My mother then told me something I’ve never forgotten.
“It’s sad, you know,” she said. “He just wasted the entire rest of his life because of a few years of going to school. After that he could have walked away. He didn’t have to be a doctor, no matter how much money his dad put into the idea.”
It was during that time I was trying to figure out for myself what I needed to do about school. I had almost finished my freshman year at college, but had felt increasingly ill at ease with the thought of going back for a second year. The problem was everyone assumed I’d go back, and I wasn’t one for disappointing others.
I spent the next few weeks doing a lot of thinking and praying. One night I came to my parents and told them how I’d been feeling, and asked if they’d be okay with me staying home the next year to figure things out. Not everyone has supportive, understanding parents, but I certainly do.
As it turned out staying home and going off to work were two of the best decisions I’ve made. A few months later I met my husband. That was more than twelve years ago.
Whether it’s where we’ll go to school, our attitude in circumstances outside of our control, or where we want to see ourselves in ten or twenty years, it is up to us to make our dreams and hopes happen. Too often we might see others talk themselves out of the idea of finding happiness in their lives. Perhaps their dreams just need to be delayed for a while.
M. Russell Ballard, an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed Mormon Church), spoke to a group of young single adults about doing the right things for the right reasons. In particular he talked of how our greatest education should be what happens as we build upon the things of the spirit.
“We cannot ignore keeping the commandments of God. We cannot excuse ourselves or rationalize or justify even the smallest things in our lives that we need to master. We must work to overcome them. ” (M. Russell Ballard, “Do Things That Make a Difference,” Ensign, Jun 1983).
Nothing worth having comes easy. If the young man from the movie I’ve talked about had only changed his attitude he might have been able to make both of the dreams happen. He could have gone to medical school, and found a way to stay involved in acting. He didn’t have to end what could have been a promising career.
I’m still working toward making my dream of having a college education a reality. Until my children are grown I’ll have to put it on hold. It’s not something I’ve given up on. I’ve just changed course for a time. Until the time I can continue this dream presents itself, I will pursue other dreams. I will be the master of my own happiness.
