Every family is different. Some families have no children, some have only one, and others may be blessed with numerous children. Some families may only have one parent. Children could be raised by an aunt and uncle or by grandparents. Perhaps everyone gets along fairly well, or maybe there is someone in your family who you don’t really get along with.
Teens are encouraged to be a loving, productive member of their families in the booklet For the Strength of Youth, put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly referred to as the Mormon Church).
“Do your part to build a happy home. Be cheerful, helpful, and considerate of others. Many problems in the home are created because family members speak and act selfishly or unkindly. Concern yourself with the needs of other family members. Seek to be a peacemaker rather than to tease, fight, and quarrel.”
Your attitude toward family members greatly influences the spirit within the home. A small, silly saying posted in the kitchen of our house growing up read: when Mom ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. As much as this would make us chuckle, there was a definite ring of truth to it. I began to notice the saying was quite true of every member of the family. If Dad wasn’t happy, it was felt within our home. If my brothers or I weren’t happy that influence could be felt by the other members of our family.
The spirit in your home goes beyond the idea of being happy. As the quote above suggests, we should strive to become unselfish when it comes to how we deal with our family. Show concern. Be interested in what’s going on in their lives. Don’t tease or fight as that sends the Holy Spirit right out the door. Seek to be a peacemaker.
“CHILDREN, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3).
Honor your parents. It is a commandment. Show them the love and respect they should deserve, even if in reality it seems they don’t deserve it. Be obedient in the righteous requests made of you.
If you really want to see your family come together participate in family activities. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a specific night, Monday night, has been set aside for families to have a weekly lesson and/or activity together. If the family can’t do something on Monday (say Mom or Dad work, or family members have other duties), try for another night that works for you. Encourage your family to hold prayer together. Read the scriptures together. Find wholesome and uplifting things that will invite the Lord’s Spirit and strengthen your family relationships.
“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”).
Think about those words for a moment, especially those of you who have never known a happy home. How do you want to be treated in your family? Do you wish to be forgiven, respected, loved, and given compassion? I would urge you to try treating others in your family that way first. Even when times and feelings don’t encourage these peace-giving actions, do it. Change takes time. Important changes like these will bring out opportunities to give up at unbelievable rates. Stay strong. This sort of change is not impossible. It is realistic to think that one day your brother or your sister may become your best friend. You could even be the difference between keeping a family member on the right track, and watching them lose their way.
Friends come and go. I tell my Young Women (program for girls 12-17 in the Latter-day Saint Church) this often. It is very rare that you find someone you met in grade school still around when you turn 60. Your family, however, will be a constant in your life. They have a choice as to how they will treat you. You also always have a choice. Choose to love your family the best way you can.
