One of the hardest questions for me to answer is, “How many kids do you have?” When we’re all piled on a bench together you’ll see my husband and me with four pretty cute kids. But someone’s always missing.
Early on in the year 2000 I gave birth to our second child – a boy who we named after his father. Unknown to us he had suffered what is called a diaphragmatic hernia while still in the womb. He lived only one hour and twelve minutes.
While in the ICU doctors, nurses, and paramedics all stood around as my husband, father, and older brother placed their hands on our baby’s head to give him a name and a priesthood blessing, thus sealing him to our family forever. A few days later we buried him. My other four children have never met him in this life, but this brother is very much a part of their lives. You can ask any one of them and they’ll tell you all about their brother.
In a later appointment my doctor told me when most of the couples he works with lose a child it’s beyond devastating. He’s watched as the experience has ripped apart marriages. It breaks their spirits.
He then told me those who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints typically become stronger – both in their marriage and individually. This has much to do with what has been revealed by latter-day prophets from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church as it is also known.
One of these revelations tells us we lived before we were born. We existed with our Heavenly Father before the opportunity came to gain a body. He knew us, walked with us, talked with us, long before we entered our mortal estate. During that pre-earth life we were able to learn and grow, much as we do now. We were even allowed to make decisions about our lives here on earth. We knew there would be trials and hardships we would need to endure in order to progress quickly in this life.
The day our son died my husband and I were visited by our then bishop (leader of our congregation). Through the power of the priesthood and the laying on of hands by the bishop and my husband, I was able to receive a priesthood blessing. Through this blessing I was told that our son had a mission. He stopped here for just a moment to gain a body, and then he had to get back to a vital work taking place on the other side.
I was then told something I’d always known, but had never really appreciated before. My Heavenly Father promised me that if I were to remain faithful in His Church, I would again have the chance to raise my son during the Millennium (1,000 years of peace after the resurrection).
“When a baby dies, it goes back into the spirit world, and the spirit assumes its natural form as an adult, for we were all adults before we were born.
When a child is raised in the resurrection, the spirit will enter the body and the body will be the same size as it was when the child died. It will then grow after the resurrection to full maturity to conform to the size of the spirit.
If parents are righteous, they will have their children after the resurrection” Joseph Fielding Smith, “Selections From Doctrines of Salvation,” p. 547).
It is a blessing to me, knowing that in all likelihood my husband and I accepted to have this happen. It is a blessing to know what our knowledge of what came before this mortal life means for us here and now, especially when our son’s birthday is so quickly followed by Easter, reminding us of the blessing of the Atonement and Resurrection.
If we stay strong, if we live as worthily as possible, my husband and I will get the chance to raise our son in a time when the wicked influence of Satan cannot abound. We have been promised this many times. The inspiration of our little boy encourages both my husband and I to strive harder in our efforts to become better people. We do not want to lose that precious opportunity to raise him.
The of a child is tragic, and should certainly be grieved. I testify it is not the end of hope. Take it from someone who knows.
