I’ve been thinking a lot lately of dating as a young, single adult, not because I am one (at least no longer single, nor as young as I used to be). It’s more because some of the young teen girls I’ve taught over the years are now becoming these young, single adults and I can’t help noticing a trend.
Apparently I’m not the only one whose noticed it, as even back in 2005 and 2006 certain leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known by the nicknames Mormons) felt inspired to speak on this very subject.
One of the most interesting trends developing even back then was the desire to just ‘hang out.’ As Oaks explains, “Hanging out consists of numbers of young men and young women joining together in some group activity. It is very different from dating” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Dating versus Hanging Out,” Ensign, Jun 2006).
While Mormon youth are certainly encouraged to just hang out, especially before the age of 16, it is not the case after they have graduated from high school. Oaks explains to young men:
“Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields to a good prospect, proceed to courtship.”
Ladies are certainly not off the hook.
“Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent…Please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious…If you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister.”
Even the word ‘dating’ can make anyone sweat. I have good news – going on a date doesn’t have to mean you’re engaged! Dates are meant to be fun, a way of getting to know someone better, and to see if it might lead to something more serious. It doesn’t have to skip straight to the serious.
Dates don’t have to be expensive. One of my favorite ‘dates’ with my husband was going up into the mountains where we can enjoy a short hike, then heading out for some ice cream after. Including gas the date cost less than $10. Yet it’s one of our most memorable.
I’m not discouraging the act of hanging out, just don’t do it too often. Now is the time to begin looking for someone special that you can spend the rest of your life with. It’s a time to see what values and morals you prefer in a mate. This is much more easily done when you have some one-on-one time together.
I really think Oaks puts it best:
“We counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football. Marriage is not a group activity – at least, not until the children come along.”
