About 93 years ago, the First Presidency of the Church, had a growing concern about the degeneration of families across the world. So, in a formal letter to the church, they instituted Family Home Evenings (FHE)
“We advise and urge the inauguration of a ‘Home Evening’ throughout the church, at which time fathers and mothers may gather their boys and girls about them in the home and teach them the word of the Lord. . . . ‘Home Evening’ should be devoted to prayer, singing hymns, songs, instrumental music, scripture-reading, family topics and specific instruction on the principles of the gospel, and on the ethical problems of life, as well as the duties and obligations of children to parents, the home, the Church, society and the nation. For the smaller children appropriate recitations, songs, stories and games may be introduced. Light refreshments of such a nature as may be largely prepared in the home might be served.
If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them.” (First Presidency letter, 27 April 1915 — Joseph F. Smith, Anthon H. Lund, Charles W. Penrose)
Growing up, I always knew that Sunday meant attending church, and Monday night meant Family Home Evening. Come 6:00 P.M. on Monday night it was officially family time. My father always presided, and conducted over Family Home Evening (FHE.) We would take turns choosing the opening and closing songs. My father always chose someone to pray, and then the time was turned over to whoever was giving that week’s lesson. Afterwards, we sometimes had an activity and almost always had a dessert (which often was homemade pop corn.)
Looking back, I am so thankful for the institution of family home evening. I learned so much through those weekly lessons, but even more, I can see how much stronger my family is because of the time spent together. I know this is something I will continue someday with my husband and children. For, I want my future family to be strong and untied.
What about right now? I have noticed that too often, Single Adults are seemingly in between worlds. We are no longer a small child or youth to be governed, and cared for by our parents. More often than not, we do not even live under our parent’s roof, anymore. And yet, we have not married and begun a family of our own. Where does family home evening fit in with us?
There are two really good talks given which I recommend reading on the subject. One is written by a single adult and the other by a widow living alone. Both talks from the Ensign show how Family Home Evening can be done even if you are alone.
Family Home Evening for One – Judyth F. Barton
Family Home Evening for One – Bette J. Theriot
Right now, as my current calling, I have the privilege of being a member of my Singles Ward’s Family Home Evening Committee. Since some of the singles in our ward live at home and attend FHE with their families, and some choose to have a private FHE with their roommates, the number who attends the ward FHE varies from week to week. We get on average anywhere from 7-25 people who come. Yet, even if we only had three or five people attending, it would still be worth it. It is not the number of people who attend, the perfection of the lesson, or even the grandness of the activities which matter. What matters is that we do it. That we come together in the eyes of God, to teach, learn, enjoy, and come closer to each other and to our Lord.
The same blessings, I received in my family, through participation in a weekly Family Home Evening, I have seen wrought in my Singles Ward. This is because the promised blessings of God are real and are available to all of us no matter our circumstance as long as we are obedient to the commandment upon which the blessing is predicated (D&C 130:20-21).
“Family home evening is for everyone. It is for families with parents and children, for families with just one parent, and for parents who have no children at home. It is for home evening groups of single adults and for those who live alone or with roommates. . . . Regular participation in family home evening will develop increased personal worth, family unity, love for our fellow men, and trust in our Father in heaven.” (Family Home Evening, 1976 — Spencer W. Kimball, N. Eldon Tanner, and Marion G. Romney)
I am interested to know about those people who are in limbo with their marital status and ward membership status–specifically those who don’t have children but WERE married and are only legally separated with no divorce decree to finalize a marriage’s end and yet live alone. These individuals don’t have a spouse or children with which to have an FHE, nor are these individuals allowed to attend single adult ward activities because they are still, by law, married. This is a place with which I found myself on a regular basis, and to make matters worse, during that time I attended a “family ward” which almost exclusively is made up of 20-something year-old, newlywed coupled, BYU students. I could not rely on attending someone else’s FHE–especially those members in my ward who are preoccupied with their spouses and/or children for their own FHE activities. How does the Church make such people in that case feel included? If not for strong faith and loving support by my bishop and stake president as well as members of my ward outside of Monday night FHE, I probably would have skipped out on church and everything related to it during the entire duration of my separation, but not being able to spend time with people for FHE always left me feeling lonely and left out.
Hi. Has anyone gotten back to you or addressed your question? I have a suggestion based on what I experienced while I was single. We didn’t have a formally organized YSA Ward where I lived. So the single folks origanized themselves together on their own. We gathered at different friend’s houses each week and had an informal FHE or similar gathering. It was a lot of fun! I always love any excuse to gather together and support each other. I am not sure if this answers your concern. I hope your life is going well. You aren’t alone and the Lord knows your situation and He is looking out for you.
-Patty
I am not single but I am the only active member in my family. I cannot get anyone to participate in any form of family home evening with me even if it is not gospel centered. I did read the articles, as I was thinking I should do family home evening on my own at least. But when I read the articles I realized that I was doing all the things they mentioned throughout the week anyway. Although I do not have the time set aside specifically for family home evening I’m doing the gospel oriented activities that address the concerns of the first presidency at that time. it made me question why do I need to have family home evening?
However, in saying that, I still feel I need to have a specific time set aside for my own family home evening just to be obedient to the words of the prophets. Maybe I should do it in an obvious manner so my family will see me and maybe they will learn by osmosis or their hearts will be softened? At least I will be setting a good example?
I do understand how people feel left out in the church. I feel left out all the time. Church meetings are a great source of anxiety for me. But that is separate from my faith in the gospel and my relationship with the Lord. That is what I have to focus on. I do my best to reach out to others and keep the commandments. People have their agency though. As long as your attitude and actions are right before the Lord.
As mentioned before, if you are feeling left out reach out to those who are in the same situation.
Always remember, regardless of the trials and tribulations of this life, you will be blessed for eternity if you remain faithful. Some blessings will not be given us in this life. We cannot let our salvation be affected because of the actions of others.
For singles, just the fact that you’re having it on your own means that you are instituting a habit. if you do get married you already have that habit instilled in your life and it will be easier to institute the habit in the life of your future family.
Laura, I LOVE your comment. It really resonates with me right now, as I’m going through a divorce. I think you’re exactly right: sometimes we’re doing everything exactly right yet things don’t work out like we want them to at all. Maybe we’re holding Family Home Evening, trying to participate in and feel included in our ward, paying tithing, etc., and those blessings we’re so sure will come are just plain not coming. Yet I firmly believe that we will receive blessings just from being obedient, whether those blessings come now or later. Thank you for this ever-important reminder that just because we do what we’re supposed to doesn’t mean that we’re going to get all the blessings we want (or even sometimes expect) right now — but that faith doesn’t operate on a timetable.