Contention. Arguments. Dispute. Conflict. Disagreement. These words do not depict the true spirit of Christ, neither do they help to keep the Holy Spirit as a constant in one’s life.
One verse that comes to my mind every time I think ‘contention’ can be found in the Book of Mormon. We can read in 3 Nephi 11:29,
“For verily, verily, I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.”
Within this verse, one particular word jumps out: anger. It is one thing to disagree, or dispute something when done in the correct spirit. It is quite another when anger steps in to play.
During my first year of college I had five other roommates. We were all fairly good friends. Some of them I had known from high school. At one point during our year together we thought it would be funny to have one “Argument Day” during the week where we could just have a chance to vocally vent and get lots of frustrations out by pretending to be mad at each other.
I know. Not the most brilliant of ideas. But we were only eighteen at the time. We promptly settled on Thursdays, and for the first few weeks it turned out to be more of a joke than anything. We even tried to outdo one another when it came to odd insults. Phrases like, “Well, I can’t stand it when you brush your teeth too loud” would abound.
My good friend Cynthia and I were trying not to giggle as we hurled odd assortments of insults at each other. Cynthia was besting me quite easily. I’ve never been good at confrontation, and this was no exception. My brain was frantically trying to come up with something good to say. Before I could completely think it through I yelled, “Well, at least I didn’t fail our last Psychology test.”
You see, Cynthia had a hard time with tests. She was brilliant in her homework and could answer any question in class, but when it came to tests she constantly struggled. I knew this, and before I’d always tried hard to help her do better. Yet in a moment of desperation I said something that hurt my friend. Though she tried to laugh it off and quickly yelled something back, I knew I had crossed a line.
“Argument Day” didn’t stick around too long after that. I think everyone realized even though we were just pretending, it was still a dangerous toy to play with.
I grew up knowing how vitally important it is to treat others with kindness. It is a valuable key in helping to build up the kingdom of God. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the Mormon Church, gave a beautiful talk titled “The Virtue of Kindness.” In the April 2005 General Conference he said:
“Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women I have known. Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends. It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes. Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years.”
I testify this is wonderfully true. I can also testify the opposite is sometimes true. Embarrassed with my actions, it took a few years before I asked my friend for forgiveness. She had completely forgotten the incident and instantly forgave me. I was so grateful the Lord had erased that memory from her. I am also grateful it has not been wiped from my own mind. I have used it as a reminder, as a warning, of what hurtful words can do even in play. Since that day I now focus on using only the kindest of words.
