One cannot be strong all the time. Or at least I have not figured out yet how to be, though I am generally a happy person, and I try to look at the bright side of things. Every now and then the realities of my life come crashing down upon me. In those moments when I look at my life as it has been and compare it to the life I planned, I have my small moments of struggle. Now it isn’t as if I haven’t lead a good life, or that I haven’t been greatly blessed in my life. It’s just that as Anne Shirley (in the book Anne of Green Gables) couldn’t imagine her red hair away, I cannot imagine away that I am twenty-five, a return missionary, and an oh so, single adult.
It’s not just that I am not married. Oh, no it goes far beyond that. In my 25 years of existence (never mind the fact that I didn’t start dating till I was 16) I have never had a single relationship. If truth were to be told, I have gone on fewer dates in my entire life, then most of my friends have in a year.
This used to weigh on me very much. I used to constantly wonder what was wrong with me. Why it was that the only guys, who showed even the slightest interest were guys that I was least inclined to go out with. On the same note, the men whom I did like, never showed the least interest in me.
One night while with a friend the topic of conversation turned to this oh so touchy subject. Fighting back the tears of frustration, I asked this dear friend his opinion of what was wrong with me. I had tried to figure it out for years, and fix it myself, but no matter what improvements in my nature I made, the results always stayed the same. I was unwanted.
That night my friend looked me straight in the eyes, and told me most sincerely, that there was nothing wrong with me. I just hadn’t found the right one. Where others had told me this before, never had I was able to accept this answer. Then my friend said the sweetest thing a friend could say. He told me that he couldn’t wait to someday meet the man worthy enough to win my heart. For that man will be amazing. I asked him why he said that, and to this, my friend replied with a smile, that I deserve to be equally yoked in my eternal marriage, and God knows this.
That conversation made all the difference in my outlook of my life. Now, I have no idea how long I will have to wait for that one man who will make my waiting and preparation worth it, but that is okay. I don’t need to know. I can have peace in happiness in my life right now, by focusing on doing and being whatever God has planned for me. As long as I do that, then the rest will come in it’s own due time.
“To you single women and men who wish to be married I say this: Do not give up hope. And do not give up trying. But do give up being obsessed with it. The chances are that if you forget about it and become anxiously engaged in other activities, the prospects will brighten immeasurably.” A Conversation With Singles, President Gordon B. Hinckley
Now why am I thinking and thus writing about this today? Well I just received an e-mail from that same friend I have just written about. (He is leaving to serve a full-time mission next week.) In his e-mail he sent this little thought about how women were like apples on a tree. His cousin had sent it to him, and he felt that I needed to see it. I am glad he sent it, for when I read it I was reminded of that conversation long ago which I admit I needed to remember.
“Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.”