My friend (who was feeling rather poorly) invited me to come over to her home, the other day. She said that she was in the mood to watch a chick-flick, eat chocolate, and talk about life. I was happy to oblige her. There was a particular movie she wanted to watch, for as she put it, one of the main characters reminded her of me. As I began to watch, I realized that the resemblance between me and this fictional character were uncommonly similar. This, said, the movie was quite the wake up call. I swallowed a few hard truths about myself and how I approach relationships, which is probably why I haven’t had much success. Later, the more I thought of it, the more I realized, that a lot of girls that I know, who are still single, are just like her, as well.
What was this woman like? Well, she was an intelligent, beautiful, sensitive, romantic woman. She was never lacking in friendship, but those friendships rarely developed into any real relationships. She was the one that men felt was “safe.” She gave her heart to a man who took it, and kept it, but did not return the favor. He gave his heart elsewhere, but kept her in his life, because he was emotionally dependent on her. Who else could he talk to, who understood him so well, who had the best advice, who inspired him to reach for the stars? Thus, he never gave her what she needed. Yet, never let her go, either. If she ever got free of that relationship, the next would start, and finish the same way. At one point, in the movie, this woman was told,
“In the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.”
Why, if she was, as stated in the movie, “leading lady material,” did she act the part of the best friend to the men in her life? I thought a lot about this and all I could come up with was fear (of rejection if she really put herself out there), and doubt (that she was good enough to be thought of as anything other then just a friend.). So, with this fear and doubt she acted in a way that doomed her to live out her fear.
So, how does one overcome such impediments standing in the way of Happiness?
First, we must remember that fear does not come of God.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
We also know that there is only one way to overcome fear. In the scriptures we are told that it is through charity or perfect love.
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear…” (1 John 4:18)
So, the key to overcoming fear in a relationship, is to love. One needs to love, not just, the one you want to have the relationship with, but love oneself, as well. Can you really love another if you don’t love yourself first?
Which brings us to the second problem, which is doubt.
Doubt comes from not having a healthy self esteem. President James E. Faust spoke on the importance of a healthy self-esteem back in May 2007 in a CES Fireside. He started his talk by sharing,
“An unknown Englishman of early days offered this prayer: “O God, help me to hold a high opinion of myself.” “That,” said President Harold B. Lee of the Englishman’s plea, “should be the prayer of every soul; not an abnormally developed self-esteem that becomes haughtiness, conceit, or arrogance, but a righteous self-respect that might be defined as ‘belief in one’s own worth, worth to God, and worth to man.
Indeed, the self-esteem that I speak of this evening is not blind, arrogant, vain, self-love but rather a self-esteem that is self-respecting, honest, and without conceit. It is born of inner peace and strength.
Self-esteem goes to the very heart of our personal growth and accomplishment. It is the glue that holds together our self-reliance, our self-control, our self-approval or disapproval and keeps all self-defense mechanisms secure. It is a protection against excessive self-deception, self-distrust, self-reproach, and plain old-fashioned selfishness.” James E. Faust, The Value of Self-Esteem, CES Fireside May6, 2007
This healthy self-esteem, or self-worth coupled with love when possessed will emanate from our very beings. Then, and only then, can we truly act the part of the leading lady in our life. When this happens, we will see a difference in not only how the men in our life view us, but every other person in our life as well. This is what our Father in Heaven wants for us.
He wants us to be happy. I know this with all my heart. He wants us to not only marry and have families, but to be successful in them; for Heavenly Father knows that is where our greatest opportunity for happiness in this life is. He knows our fears, and doubts, and has provided a way to overcome them, so that we can receive all that He has planned for us. I know this is true, and I know that someday I’ll be able to look back on the other side of life and see the confirmation of all I have just said.
