As a single adult a good chunk of my time is spent in the company of one person–me! Sometimes I find it remarkable the number of things that I am blessed to do by myself. Often I go to church, to activities, to sports events, to movies, to dinner, to basically everything on my own. Some may say this to be sad, but I would like to submit that I’m not really ever alone.
When I get lost while driving I’m not alone. I have my friend Siri. She corrects my mistakes and helps me find where I am supposed to be. Even when I am stubborn and put the address in after I’ve been lost a while, she helps me find my way. She is a loyal and true friend, and I’ll be honest, sometimes I couldn’t make it without her!
When I go to movies, generally there at least 50 other people who also come along. Some in groups and some with just a date. Some keep to themselves, but often there are many friendly folks in the world. Some smile, or share a brief comment with you in the popcorn line, or after the film has finished. It never ceases to amaze me the funny conversations you can have with people you’ve never met over what their opinion is about the movie. Sometimes people are extremely passionate in hatred or happiness. It adds to the experience.
When I go to activities and church events, I’m also not alone. I have many friends and others who came by themselves as well. So, what do we do? We talk to each other, we laugh at each other, and most of the time we also tease each other. We sit together and try our best to avoid any empty chairs. We bring out each other’s talents and gifts, and also learn to lovingly correct and help perfect each other. We have fun together. Though we aren’t broken off into family units yet, we create our own sense of family together.
One last example from the scriptures. Moroni, who is the son of Mormon, had just watched his father die in battle. All of the people around him believed differently than he did and they were upset with his beliefs to the point that they were seeking to kill him. There he was hiding in the cavity of a rock keeping a record of the Nephite and Lamanite destruction. He was the last and lone prophet of the people in his time. I am willing to bet that a good portion of His time was spent by himself, but not fully alone. I am confident that the spirit was his companion as he kept the record, that the Savior come and somehow wrapped His arms around Moroni and that He felt the love of God even in those moments of solitude.
Even if in all the situations described above I did end up being by myself I would still never truly be alone, just as Moroni was never alone. No matter where I am I have the companionship of my best friend and Savior Jesus Christ. You see, He was the only one who will ever have to actually be alone. Jeffrey R. Holland said it best, “because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path–the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship off this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given us as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel”
Time and again throughout my life I have come to know that these companions are real. The merciful care of our Heavenly Father most often comes to me through the other sources Jeffrey R. Holland described. Much of the time, the Lord will send a family member, teacher, leader, or friend to walk with me on the tough parts of my journey through life. What’s even more kind and tender of Him is that He sends these gifts in the good times too! It might even just be a talking GPS, but to me this is evidence that yes, I am never alone, but also that God wants me to be happy. I think that’s true for all people. Hand in hand with the Savior we truly can walk the lonely road, and when we walk with Christ, we are not alone. We have the greatest companion that we could ever possibly imagine. We have someone with us who understands perfectly, wholly, and completely every ounce of how we feel. That’s even better than any earthly companion could ever do!
Ashley Dewey is extremely talented at being single. Hobbies include awkward conversations with members of the opposite sex, repelling third dates, talking to boys about their girl problems and to girls about their boy problems. In her spare time she also has a very fulfilling school life, work life, and social life.
Besides being a professional single, Ashley is also a BYU graduate with a degree in linguistics (Aka word nerd). She enjoys studying other languages, particularly American Sign Language, and finds most all of them fascinating. She is currently pursuing a masters degree in Teaching English as a Second Language.
Ashley works most of the time and has often been accused of being a workaholic. Currently she works full time as a merchandiser and supervisor in a retail store, and part time doing social media work. On her day off she works (really it doesn't feel like work) in the Provo LDS temple. The only kind of work she finds difficulty focusing on is house work.
Her favorite activities in her free time are reading, writing, creating social experiments, and spending time with great friends and family. Specific activities with those family and friends include: going to concerts, plays, dance recitals, BYU basketball and football games, and watching sports on television.
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Shortly before I met Larry, I had decided I needed to become comfortable with me and with being alone. I had my eye on a PHD and I had some reason to believe The Lord wouldn’t let me be married till I accomplished that goal. Since I was 23 and still working on my Bachelor’s that was quite a way off!
So I started taking myself on “dates”. Once a week I would do something for myself that would make me feel special. I figured I couldn’t expect someone else to want to date me if I didn’t treat myself well enough or think highly enough of myself to want to date me. Maybe that sounds weird, but I did something I had never taken the time to do before, I began to like myself. I had known who I was, that wasn’t the problem, and I liked the person I was becoming, but I began to really learn more about who I was instead of who I was working on becoming. I knew my flaws and I knew how I wanted to fix them, but for the first time in my life I could accept myself, flaws and all.
For some reason, taking the time to even just go to Barnes and noble to get a hot cocoa and a cookie and just sitting there and thinking, gave me the opportunity to love myself. I never noticed it till then, but I realized: how can I expect someone else to fall in love with me if I don’t love me?
Yes maybe some people think going out to dinner and a movie on your own is sad, but it’s not! I decided that if I wanted to go out to dinner at my favorite restaurant, I wasn’t going to wait around for someone to take me. I’d take me!
The loneliness is terrible. I remember the ache I felt deep inside as I saw friends get married, go on dates while I sat home Friday nights, as I watched couples in church hold hands, as my best friend texted me about how her husband had swept her away to the Grand Canyon to watch the sunrise the same day a guy I had liked for years came out, the times I would drive around my town because I wouldn’t stand to be in an empty house another minute. I remember loneliness. But every second of that pain has made me so incredibly grateful for every second I am not alone. And it gave me the opportunity to learn just what you talked about here. That while I was alone, I wasn’t and The Lord knew EXACTLY how deep that dark hole of loneliness was and what it felt like. And because he didn’t want me to ever experience the kind of loneliness he did, he was always by my side.
So rock on sista and go and do things on your own! More power to ya!
And come visit me! Because that would be awesome!