Recently, my sister reminded me of a time of freezing weather when my parents had no power for several days. They were older, and Dad’s health was not the best. We were all worried about them, but they were having a great time. They sat all bundled up and talked with each other for those several days and were quite happy. After probably 40 years of marriage, or close to it at that time, they still found lots of things to talk about.
Mom once told me that when she considered marrying Dad, the only thing she worried about was what they would talk about when they were old. Obviously, she needn’t have worried. Mom and Dad were best friends. They shared everything. To them, the big freeze and power outage was just an adventure and a memory in the making. As long as they had warm blankets, food to eat, and each other to talk to, they were fine.
If your best friend is anyone other than your spouse, you need to take a good long look at your marriage and work on that. So what constitutes a best friend? Best friends stick together through thick and thin. They sometimes argue, but always find a way to resolve their differences so both parties are happy. They forgive each other’s faults. Loyalty and trust are at the heart of their friendship. Best friends can be totally honest, even if it hurts, and still respect each other. They have each other’s back. They never talk down to each other, and they never say anything bad about each other to anyone. They share everything.
Friendships like that are not made overnight. They are built one day at a time, brick by brick. Mistakes are made, but forgiven. Hardships and adversity come, but they stick together and sail on through. Tears are shed together. Laughter and joy are shared. There are no secrets from one another, and communication is crucial.
Looking back at my parents once again, my mom and dad believed in each other. They were a team. If one of them hurt, the other did too. They laughed together and dealt with sorrow together. While they both were strong individuals, they never did anything that wasn’t a team effort.
A common mistake that I see in some marriages is the fear of losing individuality. Marriage is not for individuals; it is for couples. You are two individuals, but you are acting as one. Don’t be afraid of being a team—and don’t be afraid to be a team player. It’s not what I want and/or what my spouse wants; it’s what we want—together—as a team.
Team building requires Christ-like attributes. You must truly desire happiness and joy for your partner over your own. As you work toward your partner’s happiness, you will find joy growing in you. Always be loving and humble.
Be open to learning new things—the things your spouse likes. Ladies, attending an occasional football or baseball game won’t kill you. If you go with the attitude of “I’m spending quality time with my husband,” you might actually enjoy yourself. Gentlemen, attending an occasional play, opera, ballet, or symphony orchestra concert won’t kill you either if you go with the right attitude. The main thing is that you are spending time together. Learn to share your passions and hobbies, and to be open to new things.
Friendships have to be nourished, or they get stale. Don’t take each other for granted. Cherish every rose, every rainbow, and every spring rain together. Make each day—each moment count.
A Priceless Gift
by Helen Steiner Rice
Friendship is a priceless gift
That can’t be bought or sold,
But its value is far greater
Than a mountain made of gold.
For gold is cold and lifeless,
It cannot see nor hear,
And in your times of trouble,
It is powerless to cheer.
It has no ears to listen,
No heart to understand.
It cannot bring you comfort
Or reach out a helping hand.
So when you ask God for a gift,
Be thankful that he sends,
Not diamonds, pearls, or riches,
But the love of a real, true friend.
Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.
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