As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon), I believe that marriages are meant to be forever. Latter-day Saints are “sealed” together in marriage “for time and all eternity” in sacred temples (as opposed to “until death do you part”). This gives me a bit of a different perspective from some people. My thought is, if we’re going to be together forever, we better get it together now. I mean, can you imagine trying to work out all your issues in the next life? I’m obviously being a bit facetious here because, hopefully, we will have learned something by that time, but it is worth giving this a little thought.
I know people who are not sure they want to be with their spouse after they leave this earth, and I find that very sad. This life, in my view, is a test to learn how to live in joy and happiness after this life. If we can’t get it together now, we’re going to have an awful lot of learning to do after we leave this earth.
“Marriage provides an ideal setting for overcoming any tendency to be selfish or self-centered.” Richard G. Scott, Quorum of The Twelve Apostles, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, The Eternal Blessings of Marriage,
I personally believe that a lot of failing marriages could be saved if the partners could be selfless, rather than selfish. I, me, mine, and myself should be taken out of the marriage vocabulary. Those words are easily replaced by we, us, ours, and ourselves. Many years ago, I used to say to the children, “Please take this basket of laundry and put it on my bed.” One day my husband said, “Don’t you mean our bed?” Well, of course, that’s what I meant, but that’s not what I said. I thought about that, and then made a conscious effort to use words that reflect our marriage partnership. It was a small thing, but it served two purposes. First, I began to think in more selfless terms; and second, it set my children up to learn that marriage partners are a team.
Once you begin thinking in terms of “we” and “ours,” it is easier to set goals together that reflect the needs and desires of both partners. You will begin to think in terms of your partner’s happiness above your own—which in turn increases your happiness. It is difficult to be unhappy around someone who is joyful. If your goal is to make your partner happy, when you succeed, your own cup is full of joy. You must be willing to give everything you have to make your marriage succeed.
“Marriage is not 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn’t dividing everything in half, but giving everything you’ve got.” The Dating Divas.
The above quote is good, but it might be even be better to say that marriage has to be 110-110. Sometimes it isn’t enough to give your all; sometimes you have to stretch beyond your limits. When you stretch, you also grow.
“A selfless person is one who is more concerned about the happiness and well-being of another than about his or her own convenience or comfort, one who is willing to serve another when it is neither sought for nor appreciated, or one who is willing to serve even those whom he or she dislikes. A selfless person displays a willingness to sacrifice, a willingness to purge from his or her mind and heart personal wants, and needs, and feelings. Instead of reaching for and requiring praise and recognition for himself, or gratification of his or her own wants, the selfless person will meet these very human needs for others.” H. Burke Peterson, Selflessness: A Pattern for Happiness,
Marriage truly is about selflessness and a willingness to sacrifice. Reading the above quote, I chuckled when I got to the part about serving those we dislike. We all love our spouses, or we wouldn’t be married, but there are days when we may dislike them. Married life is the ultimate test of our character as mortal beings. Taking the “me” out of marriage and replacing it with “we,” not only makes for happy marriages here on earth, but it also lays the groundwork for eternal marriages. We want our family together forever, which means we have to get it together now. Life is a test. We need to continually strive for a better score. Using repentance and the power of the atonement, we can wipe yesterday’s slate clean and begin anew today. Each day is a gift. If used wisely, each day can be a renewed chance at a heavenly marriage.
Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.
Twitter •
