I’ve never needed many people around me. As a matter of fact, I could easily be a hermit. The only way to keep my husband closed up in the house for more than 12 hours is to give him an illness big enough to keep his head hanging over the toilet. This gives our marriage an interesting twist.
When I require quiet time, my husband understands that he must go do whatever he needs to do outside the house, and leave me to my own devices. He is also wise enough to give me a gentle nudge occasionally when it comes to certain social events. He knows that if I don’t reach out of my comfort zone occasionally, I can’t grow.
Today was one of those days he wrangled me out of the house to a social event I had no interest in participating in—yet I came away having had a really pleasant time. We actually had a choice of several different events occurring at the same time, and he wasn’t going to let me say no to everything. He let me choose which event we were doing, but it was plain that he wasn’t letting me sit and crochet this afternoon. I drug my feet right up until the last minute, but I knew there was no getting out of this one. He was firm and determined.
It was a pleasant sunny day, sitting under a big shade tree having fun and inspiring conversation with good friends. We shared a wonderful barbecue lunch and watched as the little children played together on the grass. There were several babies at the party, and we are both suckers for little ones. We watched as loving parents tended to their babies’ every need. It filled my heart with wonder and awe as we admired these little ones straight from heaven.
We came home and spent a quiet evening together, and he didn’t even say, “I told you you’d have fun.” He just let me enjoy the moment. I was pushed out of my comfort zone by a loving husband who knows exactly what I need when I need it. That’s what marriage is all about. It’s about doing what is best for your partner and guiding your partner to be a better person. It’s not about changing your spouse; it’s about guiding or helping your partner to live up to his or her potential.
Remember that you are each other’s therapists. No counselor or outsider knows the two of you better than the two of you do! You know each other’s likes and dislikes and strengths and weaknesses. A good therapist listens attentively; provides new perspectives on situations; compliments on progress; is patient, kind, and nonjudgmental; and helps us think things through in ways that allow a better solution. Superficiality dooms relationships because such a shallow level of communication does not create positive emotions and feelings between spouses (Douglas Brinley, Ensign (Jan. 2012), “What Happily Married Couples Do”).
To read all of Tudie Rose’s article on marriage, click the picture.
I love that quote. That’s exactly what my husband was today—my therapist. He knows me better than anyone. He knows my strengths and weaknesses. He knows what I need before I do. He is willing to challenge me to do things that I may not be comfortable with, but that will make me a better me. Today he realized that I needed to get out and get some fresh air and sunshine. I needed to be around people who love me and take me at face value—the good with the bad. I needed inspiring conversation with people with whom I feel comfortable being honest. I didn’t know that I required these things, but my husband knew because he is observant and attentive to my needs.
My husband knows that if I’m ever going to feel comfortable around people, I must make the effort to attend social functions. He is patient and kind because he knows this is not easy for me. It does not come naturally. He appreciates me for who I am, while at the same time stretching me and challenging me to develop my talents. In the beginning of our marriage, I was not able to carry on a conversation at any social event, preferring to find a quiet corner and just observe. It was years before I was comfortable enough to venture into conversation with others in a social situation. With my partner’s help and patience over many years, I can now comfortably converse with almost anyone. In order to do that, however, I must be willing to leave the house and actually attend a social function—and that’s when he gives me a gentle nudge.
Marriage sometimes means guidance. I’m grateful that I married someone who is willing to do that for me. He takes the time and makes the effort to help me be a better person. That’s what makes him a wonderful companion and my best friend. He guides me in directions I would not otherwise venture on my own.
Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.
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