I really appreciate that my husband has a sense of humor. If he didn’t, our marriage would not have survived. He loves to laugh, and he occasionally gets a bad case of the giggles. To see this great big guy giggle like a little girl is charming and quite endearing. Unfortunately, he also giggles when he is nervous, which sometimes gets us into trouble—like when he tries to look into my eyes over the altar in the LDS Temple. Obviously, when you are kneeling at the altar doing sacred ordinances on behalf of other couples who have passed on, it is not appropriate to break out in a bad case of the giggles. My husband loves doing this work in the temple, but he gets nervous kneeling at the altar. For whatever reason, if his eyes meet mine, it’s all over and giggling ensues. We make a point of looking anywhere in the room other than at each other, which I’m sure is an oddity and curiosity to the temple workers.
Laughing relieves tension. On those days when absolutely nothing is going according to plan, find something to laugh at—even if it is just the conglomeration of every bad thing that has transpired in the week. Laugh until you cry, if you must, but release the tension. I guarantee that when you collect yourself, you’ll feel much better.
It is important to know the rules of marriage humor. First, laugh with your partner; never at your partner. While it is okay to poke a little fun, it is never okay to make your partner feel stupid or inferior. Second, know when to stop. There is a time for laughter and a time to be serious. While you and your spouse will benefit from a good laugh daily, you must also be able to have serious conversation. It is important to be in sync with each other’s sense of humor, as well as when to be serious.
My parents were good examples to me when it came to having fun. Dad had a great sense of humor, and Mom loved to laugh along with him. Mom didn’t really audibly laugh, and Dad loved to poke fun of her about that. Her laugh was silent, but her belly bounced up and down, which in turn would make Dad laugh hysterically. He would imitate her belly movement, which made her silent laugh even harder. Looking back at the hard life that my parents led at times, I really admire the fact that they perfected the art of humor in their marriage.
Good humor truly is medicine to the soul. Humor can ease tension, relieve uncomfortable or embarrassing situations, change attitudes, generate love and understanding, and add sparkle to life. A properly developed sense of humor is sensitive to others’ feelings and is flavored with kindness and understanding (Family Home Evening Resource Book (1997), “Sense of Humor”, p. 197.
Being sensitive to others’ feelings is indeed important. Get to know your partner’s sore spots, and then don’t go there with the humor. If it is a touchy subject, it won’t be a laughing matter. If you make a mistake and poke fun at something you didn’t know was a sore spot, be quick to apologize and know when to stop. If you torment your spouse by pushing all the wrong buttons, that defeats the purpose of humor in marriage. The whole point is to laugh, have fun, and release tension.
Sometimes life doesn’t just throw us a bad day, but hard times for an extended period. It can be a little hard to find something to laugh at. Those are the days when you go back in your memory (or your journal, if you keep one) and look for funny moments in the past to share with each other. You will find yourself laughing all over again. You can use this with other relationships besides your marriage partner
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too. My sister and I delight in waiting until just the right moment to say to each other, “Tiny Tim got married.” We are off to uncontrollable laughter—long story that I won’t take time to explain.
Even a death in the family can be a time for humor, if done right. When I was a little girl, my grandmother passed away. The extended family all gathered at her home after the funeral to share a meal and family time. When anyone ever had a problem, they always called my grandmother for the sure cure. One of my aunts was looking for something in the kitchen and said, “Does anyone know where it is?” My uncle wasn’t thinking and said, “Call Mom and ask her.” When he realized what he had just said, he added, “But you’d better call collect.” We all had a good laugh, and things seemed just a tad better after that.
Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. —Bill Cosby
Find your sense of humor, match it up with your spouse, and then add a little humor to your marriage.
Tudie Rose is a mother of four and grandmother of ten in Sacramento, California. You can find her on Twitter as @TudieRose. She blogs as Tudie Rose at http://potrackrose.wordpress.com. She has written articles for Familius. You will find a Tudie Rose essay in Lessons from My Parents, Michele Robbins, Familius 2013, at http://www.familius.com/lessons-from-my-parents.
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