Will You Be Mine?

Sometimes self-improvement can seem like a very isolated or isolating pursuit.  Especially if you are a full-time student with full-time employment, or in other ways are passionately driving toward your finish line at top speed, it can leave little room for others.  In fact, we can accidentally leave a lot of important people behind.  Sometimes I have never left, but my thoughts have been miles away–for days.

We can short-sightedly assume that others interrupting us or needing our help or attention is a nuisance, or worse, entirely unacceptable.  I have had this problem.  I used to have it so badly that when I was in a project I would lose all track of time, forget to feed myself or my kids, and yell at them if they were hungry or annoying me.  It pains me to share that.  But, I feel I must let you know that if you have had this type of problem you are not alone.  (I am also thankful to say that I did stop it immediately and no, my children were not starved or neglected –but after that my projects were both starved and neglected.)

When I am in project mode, in any hot pursuit, I am a highly focused, full-speed train headed down hill.  Most of the time, if anything interrupts me suddenly, even if I am the one not allowing myself to continue (because it is best) I have an emotional train wreck.  There is nothing I love better than losing myself in what I’m doing.  I can let go of every stress and run with the urgency that pulls me across the finish line.  I don’t feel pain.  I am not connected to anything.  I don’t need to eat.  It is an energy and action that fuels itself.  I rarely feel tired.  When I’m in this mode life flows for me with a beauty unsurpassed.  But, I don’t live on an island by myself, so–yes, I do get interrupted (often by more important things).

Even if I did live on an island by myself without eating, sleeping or being self-aware, my body would start screaming at me and mess up my bliss.  Because, as well as I like it, it is not sustainable.  Did I mention that I love to help people care well for themselves?  Well, it is not because I was born with the skill myself.  It is because I’ve had to pull my own teeth to figure it out and I hope to save you a little time, maybe even some money. (Doctors and therapists add up.)

Re-entering the real world reminds me of Tigger’s words about falling out of a tree being like falling out of bed: “Except for the splat at the end, they are practically similar.”  I’d go into a project, blissfully ignore everything else in my life and come back out to everyone in my world, including my own body, screaming at me.  It was really painful.  No wonder I like it back there in my own little world.  But, it isn’t really what I want without limits.  Like I said, it is unsupportable.

Some people can be that focused.  For instance Olympians don’t do much other than their sport.  But even Olympians have to notice and care about their body.  And, all Olympians have to have a huge team to even be able to focus so much time and effort into such a narrow area of life.

In the past, before modern agriculture machines and transportation, almost everyone had to farm or cook just to eat.  That meant a lot less time was available for developing individual skills and interests.  In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, I noticed that self-actualization is on the top of the triangle like the tip of an iceberg.  I like that cherry on top.  It calls to me and I want to not only get there, but I want to live there.  To make it there, we all need to feel physically safe, we need food, we need our other basic needs met and that, my friend, absolutely requires that we work with other people.

If you want to reach your personal potential, I think there is no other way than to cooperate well with others.  And, that can be very difficult to do (especially if you are ignoring them like I sometimes do).  All of us have needs that need to be met and these come into regular, head-butting clashes.  We absolutely must, in my opinion, find a way to get along with our teams.  My family, my church, my neighbors, my work, my other organizations, my community, and okay, yes, even my enemies, because unless I can minimize this conflict, I get endlessly sidetracked and my time wasted in a fight.

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It is really easy to blame someone else for our problems.  If he would just ____.  If she would just stop _____.  But, they need things, too, (possibly even including excitement or attention which a fight could create, even if it is negative).  I am not going to get very far if we are uncooperative.

Because self-actualization is impossible, in my opinion, without at least some cooperation, I will regularly include things I’ve learned about getting along with people.  Zig Ziglar says, “You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

So that is my valentine I’m offering you today.  Other people are crucial to your success.  Do you want someone to be your valentine?  Do you want others to cooperate and prioritize what is important to you?  Then it stands to reason that we must be there for them, too.

Receive well and give yourself away.

Namaste,

DarEll S. Hoskisson

Related posts:

Facing My Next Mountain Finding My Fire. Knowing Why. What am I? New Year, New Me (Resolutions)