A popular trend in society these days is that of being offended. Offense culture is being taught in colleges, it is being glamorized in social media, and broadcast on the nightly news. It is almost as if we are being told we have to choose a side.

But that is not so. There is another way.

What is the opposite of offense?

It is forgiveness.

Choosing to be offended places you in a box. It impedes progress. It requires you to actively deny the atonement. For yourself, and for others.

Choosing to forgive breaks down barriers. It accelarates progress. It requires hope and faith in the atonement. For yourself, and for others.

Choosing not to be Offended in Marriage

How does this apply to marriage?

Here is a sampling of one such choice from my own married life.

Our first anniversary was approaching. A first anniversary is almost as exciting as the wedding day.

Right?

Wrong!

Somehow that failed to cross my husband’s mind. Even after many reminders of the date night I had planned for us, and several hints that he should plan something too, things still went awry.

• He showed up late to pick me up from work, pushing back our dinner reservations.
• Instead of spending the afternoon working on homework, he enjoyed several hours of video games.
• In order to make up for time lost on homework, he opted to spend the evening at the library instead of eating our dinner or participating in the various activities I had planned.
• When he returned from the library, I gave him the opportunity to choose what he wanted to do—spend time with me or something of his own choice. He chose video games.
• At 2:30 in the morning, when he came to see if I was still up and waiting for him, I sleepily informed him he could spend the night on the couch.

This is an anniversary that will live forever in my heart and mind as the worst of the worst. If it gets any worse than this, I am in trouble.

I chose to be offended for many years. I put myself in a box. In fact, I really liked being in there. No effort was required.

Can you imagine how much effort it would have taken to actually climb my way out?!

To forgive him?

If forgiveness is such a hard gift to offer ourselves and others, how come Christ has commanded it of us?

“I the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10).

When Jesus atoned for our sins, he didn’t just atone for the sins committed. He atoned for the hurt they cause. He has already done what is necessary to take away our pain. When we forgive someone, we accept that he already suffered our anguish, and we can be unload our burden.

After much study, I have come to this conclusion. You can guard against being offended. You need not even place yourself in a position of judgment reserved solely for Christ.

5 Steps to Overcoming Offenses

Here are 5 steps to help strengthen yourself against the canker of offense.

1. Know your worth: Gain a testimony of your divine heritage. Know you are a child of God. Own it. Believe it. Be it.

2. Understand the Intent of the Speaker: Did the “offending” party really mean to be “offensive”? Sometimes we make judgments too quickly. Give the speaker the benefit of the doubt. Ask for clarification.

3. Swift to Hear, Slow to Wrath: Sometimes we are told things we don’t want to hear, but need to hear anyway. Just think, would you rather have someone tell you there is spinach in your teeth or not?

4. Don’t Seek Revenge: It is natural to want to get even. It may take monumental effort, but think back to step 1—You have divine heritage. Own it. Believe it. Be it. Children of God are peacemakers.

5. Seek Reconcilliation: We may yearn for the offending party to make the first move towards repair, but sometimes we have to make that first step. Forgiveness is a restorative that lightens burdens and heals hearts. In fact, Christ commanded us to:

“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matt 5:44).

So don’t believe the hype. There is room for forgiveness. Christ descended below all things and suffered for all offenses. He did this for us, so we could live in peace and joy.

Related posts:

Forgiveness and Offense When They Fall Letting Go of Tragedy: Forgiveness and the Atonement from Jesus Christ Neither a Borrower Or Lender Be