To Oppose Or To Contend?

Last weekend we had General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Attending or watching conference is a time to feel inspired and united with saints all over the world. It is an amazing feeling to imagine households and stake centers filled with people in various time zones and countries listening to the prophet. In the midst of the inspiration and unity, we have an opportunity to raise our hands to show we support and will follow our leaders. Following the handbook of instructions Elder Uchtdorf asked “Any opposed?” He waited, following the instructions, and for the first time in 30 years, 5 people opposed.

My first response to the opposing voices was less than charitable. Thanks to the instant world we live in I was able to immediately post my reactions on the internet to the world.

From the moment I saw people respond to my comments, I decided to step back a pace and think about why and how I respond the way I do.

Whenever I have a differing opinion or difficult situation, or harsh words directed towards me, I think of Pahoran from the Book of Mormon.  Pahoran was a Governor, who was unable to provide for the army fighting to defend his country. A fraction of Pahoran’s own people had taken over the capital city and he was in hiding. Not knowing the situation, Pahoran’s army captain, Moroni, wrote a plea for help which went unanswered by Pahoran. Insistant, Moroni wrote a second letter. A passionate, insulting and threatening letter. How Pahoran responded in the midst of his difficulties amazes me.

1-Pahoran listened to understand

Pahoran waded through the insulting phrases, and instead of choosing to be offended, Pahoran saw Moroni’s desperation and love for his army. Pahoran dug through point after point in which Moroni questioned his character and loyalty, and saw Moroni’s fealty and determination. Pahoran chose to ignore Moroni’s threats and focused instead  on his offer to reclaim the government. He found common ground with a man who was insulting him.

Pahoran read to find what he and Moroni had in common and tried to understand Moroni. He refused to take offense. Instead of contending he gained a strong ally.

2-Pahoran didn’t react, he chose to respond

Pahoran had the grand advantage of letter writing… time. Instead of having instant access to communication with the world, Pahoran had to write a letter by hand and find a person to deliver it. I have always wondered what Pahoran would have tweeted had he the opportunity. Would he have quoted Pahoran’s insults for all to see? How many people would have responded to “Can you think to sit upon your thrown in a state of thoughtless stupor?” (Alma 60:7) Pahoran was calm when he responded, so he could respond to who Moroni was instead of what Moroni said. What would the general public’s response be about Captain Moroni?  His enemies may have mocked and laughed. His supporters may have been offended for Pahoran. Instead, all either side knew was that somehow Pahoran gained the help of Captain Moroni and took back the city.

We are not forced to ponder before we respond. Technology can tempt us to type before we think, we have to choose to respond instead of react.

How does this relate to me and Saturday and those that opposed? How would Pahoran respond?

Pahoran would listen to understand and find common ground.

Listening to someone with a different viewpoint kicks us miles out of our comfort zone. It is hard. It is MUCH easier to just shut them down, though we know it is more loving to listen. We may not be able to change any of the things they wish were different, but we can try to understand them. We can try to see who they are instead of focusing on what they said.

We can find common ground. I have had doubts and questions and issues with leaders. I have been blessed time and time again with people who have listened to me. They have frequently not been able to answer my questions, but just their willingness to honor my inquiry felt wonderful. It’s okay to not know the answers. I am not faithless because I ask different questions. I am searching for truth. Our scriptures are full of answers to questions. What would happen if nobody asked? Throughout the scriptures there are examples of people who ask questions, people who have doubts, even people who have problems with leaders. What if my questions had not been met with listening ears and attempts at understanding?

I have much in common with those who oppose.

Have I ever opposed quietly? Have I ever questioned choices and gossiped about activities or decisions made? Is that better? Is it better to gossip or whine or critique a leader instead of openly opposing them?

Am I brave enough to pray and then talk humbly with the person I have a conflict with?

Am I patient and loving enough to listen?

Pahoran would wait and patiently choose to respond.

In my waiting time I did a little research. I learned that those that opposed followed the procedure offered them by the church. The question is asked “are there any opposed?” I learned about the other people who have opposed at General Conference. I learned the most common reason for opposing at Conference is offense and disagreement with what is being taught. I learned that the response to opposing is an opportunity to speak with someone privately afterwards…an opportunity to be listened to while respecting the  privacy of the opposed.

After waiting and pondering I started hoping that the five people who opposed were listened to. I hope that in their wards they are met with understanding and a listening ear.

Is it possible that they have painful past experiences that are magnifying their current feelings? Is it possible there are cultural things we can change, or local changes we can make that would help?

Are there people in my ward or branch or among my family and friends that have doubts or questions or different opinions that have not been met with a listening ear? Perhaps it’s politics, religion, or parenting choices…we will have many opportunities to respond to differing opinions. Frequently those opportunities are forced upon us. How will I respond?

I know that by attempting to respond like Pahoran to conflicts I do not guarantee the person on the other end is Moroni. I may not end up with an ally. BUT I will have listened and learned. I will have loved. I may end up with a friend. I know that a person who is listened to and loved is in a space to make the best decisions possible. Maybe not today or next week.

I also learned that by stepping back and considering my response I could meet the situation with gratitude. What really was the immediate consequence of the choice to oppose? Many members voiced their support for the prophet vocally. We sang the hymn “We Thank Thee, O God for a Prophet” with greater spirit.