10 Roadblocks to Discipleship

I’ve been thinking about the distractions and roadblocks that keep us from good discipleship. I can’t speak for anyone but myself, so let me share some of my roadblocks and stumbling stones, and maybe you can relate. Some of these roadblocks I’ve overcome, some I’ve been working on for years, and some are quite new.

 

Roadblock #1—People/Hurt Feelings

 

I wasted 20 years of gospel learning and growth when I was inactive because of hurt feelings from imperfect people. I’m not excusing the offenders for what they did, but I have finally forgiven them. Forgiveness should have come a lot sooner.

 

Roadblock #2—Tithing

 

When I finally did come back to Church, we were in debt up to our eyeballs. I had no idea how we were going to pay tithing. I had a desire to live the law of tithing, but I just didn’t see a way to do it. Most of our big expenses were coming out of our checkbook automatically, which meant very little left to live on. After making the decision to pay tithing, payday came, and we assessed the situation.

 

After the automatic payments came out of the checkbook, we had $25 left—and $12 of that had to go for our second daughter’s PSAT test at the high school. I asked my husband what we should do. He said, “I guess we should write the check.” Rolling my eyes, I wrote out the tithing check. Since it would have bounced, I set it on the wall unit and hoped someday we could actually give it to the Bishop.

 

The check sat there several days. One night I couldn’t stand it any longer. I picked up the check and drove it over to the Bishop’s home. It was too late to ring the bell, so I wrote a note telling him not to cash it until I told him, because it would bounce. I dropped the note and the tithing envelope in his mail drop. I continued to feed the Bishop hot checks for four months.

 

Suddenly, a great job miraculously dropped in my lap—and I mean miraculously. One by one, over time, we were able to tell him to cash the checks. More than a year later, as I sat in the temple, I finally understood the principle of tithing. I will never again go without paying tithing.

 

Roadblock #3—Feeling I’ve Already Failed, So Why Try?

 

Coming back to Church was hard—not because I was afraid of what or who I would find there, but because I thought I had already failed, so what was the point? I had already been a bad example to my kids. We didn’t have regular scripture study, or family home evening, etc., etc., etc. However, I did come back, and I did try.

 

Roadblock #4—Feeling Inadequate

 

Since I had already deemed myself a failure from being inactive for so long, it was easy to feel inadequate in every calling I received. I’ve had many callings since my return, and many of them have involved teaching. The only way I can teach is to teach about my mistakes and what didn’t work. To some extent, I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy.

 

Roadblock #5—Unable to Fully Grasp the Scriptures

 

I’m not a scriptorian. Heavenly Father has seen fit to throw me into multiple groups of people who have great knowledge of the scriptures. I’m sure this is His way of helping me compensate for my lack of understanding, but I often struggle with feeling “less than,” especially in light of the feelings of inadequacy discussed in #4, above.

 

Roadblock #6—Being Self-sufficient/Not Relying on the Godhead

 

I was a tiny, sickly child who fought very hard to stay alive. That gave me a stubborn streak a mile wide. My parents also taught me that when things go wrong, you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go at it again. These are wonderful qualities that have served me well, except that I often forget to include Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost in the equation. I’m so intent on solving my own problems that I forget to ask for help.

 

Sometimes I even think about asking for help, but pride gets in the way. I want to do everything myself. Age and maturity have mellowed this somewhat, but I do still sometimes struggle.

 

Roadblock #7—Ignoring and/or Misinterpreting Promptings

 

I’m 63 years old. You would think by this time I would know when something comes from my will, or my thoughts, as opposed to promptings from the Holy Ghost. I’m working on it. Sigh.

 

Roadblock #8—Hearing Difficulties

 

I’ve had a hearing loss in my left ear since I was a child. It was diagnosed at 10 years old, but I probably had it long before that. I did not have a hearing aid, so I learned to compensate by reading lips, turning my head so that my right ear catches sound, raising the volume on the television as well as music, etc. The aging process caused the hearing in my left ear to get worse, along with destroying the hearing in my right ear.

 

Three years ago, I received a hearing aid for my right ear. Since my medical plan pays $1,000 every three years for a hearing aid, I waited three years to get the hearing aid for my left ear. I have finally hit that three-year mark, and shortly after this is published, I should have that wonderful and miraculous piece of technology.

 

While I’ve learned to compensate for my hearing in most areas of my life, I have struggled in Church. I try to sit in the middle of the room for Relief Society, as well as for gospel doctrine class. Unfortunately, I’ve been unable to train the hearing adults to use the microphone. My pet peeve is someone saying, “I have a loud voice, I don’t need to use the microphone.” Yes, you do.

 

This has been a great source of frustration to me. Coupled with my lack of scriptural understanding, can you imagine how exhausting it is to try to feel the Spirit and grasp heavenly things when I can only hear one out of every three words spoken? When someone won’t use the microphone, the only option I have is to turn up my hearing aid, which also turns up the rattling papers, fussing babies, and rude chattering adults.

 

I wish I had a nickel for every Sunday I’ve gone home with a headache from amplified background noise. Do I feel the Spirit? I’m praying the second hearing aid will help. If not, I’m going to be the cranky little old lady everyone hates because the only alternative is to obediently sit in Church and hear nothing.

 

Roadblock #9—Being Put Out to Pasture

 

At some point bishoprics decide it’s time to give you the “old people” callings. You can let this be a drain on the ego, or you can magnify your calling. Sometimes you can do both concurrently. I think that’s where I’m at.

 

Roadblock #10—Realization That I’m Running Out of Time to Get It Right

 

Again, I’m 63, and I feel like a baby still cutting my teeth on the gospel. I have so much to learn and so little time. It can be emotionally draining to think about.

 

My friend had a pretty severe stroke. Often, when I visit her, she needs me to reassure her that someday she’ll remember all the things she learned about the gospel and the scriptures. I tell her that someday she will remember everything and have a perfect knowledge. After I leave her, I trade places with her in my mind. I think, “I should have been the one to have the stroke, because I don’t have that much knowledge to lose anyway.”

 

I always thought that “enduring to the end” meant gaining all the knowledge I could while I was young and then just patiently waiting around to die. The joke was on me. Enduring to the end is struggling to continue learning about heavenly things after your brain has gone to mush. I’m being obedient, and I’m trying.

 

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Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness.

 

If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually,” Oct. 2017 General Conference (citation omitted)).

 

May we continue the struggle for discipleship, conquering the distractions and roadblocks one by one, enduring to the end.