When was the last time you went on a family outing – without it being an assignment? In other words, NOT because of a recital. NOT because of a ball game. NOT because of a church meeting.
No, we’re talking a spontaneous, or planned, jaunt together–like getting in the car and driving somewhere just for fun. Hmmm. If you’re anything like me, it’s probably been a while.
In a world that turns quicker and quicker, it’s seeming harder and harder to find time just to be with each other. Isn’t it sad that the people who matter most to each other (at least, this is what families often find out at a funeral – that they really did care after all) seem to spend so little face-to-face time together.
I come from a family that was really good at this. I thought it was normal and peaceful. For example, one Christmas my father rented a stunningly beautiful condo at a luxurious ski resort. We were all excited to go and spend time “together” as a family. In fact, this would be one of the first times for my new husband to interact on a daily basis with my family.
Oh, I thought it was a glorious time. My father and brother went off to prowl the scenic beauty of the mountain side, while my mother, my sister and I found unique nooks in the three-story condo to read whatever fascinating book we had in grasp at the moment. It was so quiet in the place you probably COULD have heard that proverbial pin drop!
In all my sereneness, I hadn’t notice my poor husband floating from room to room, ghost-like and ever so lonely. It was only later when I’d commented on what a lovely time everyone had that I discovered a completely new perspective.
What I’d perceived as peaceful and idyllic, he’d found cold and lonely. What I’d found satiating and pleasant, he’d found strange. And in fact, the only time we’d united as a family during that week was in the evening, when we’d sit around snacking on yummy foods and regaling each other with the tales of our day (or the books we’d read).
At first I felt offended when my husband shared his perspective that our “togetherness” during the vacation wasn’t as “together” as I’d perceived it. In fact, in its physical separateness, he felt emotional loneliness. That was when I realized that perhaps I didn’t hold the “corner on the market” of viewpoints. Perhaps outsiders to my family would find our ways of interacting odd. I don’t know. I come from a family that values literature and solo hikes in the outdoors.
My whole point, though, is that while I’d thought we were spending great heaps of hours in togetherness during this family vacation, in reality we were spending it apart in singular activities. I found it most satiating; my husband did not.
I learned that whereas there are times for private solitude, my husband taught me that
Today’s family is not much different. Everyone may be home, but one person might be on their bed in one room, ears clogged with their iPod earbuds. Another child might be playing the PlayStation. Another is watching TV. Mom might be reading a book and Dad working at the table. Is everyone together? Well, yes, physically. But is everyone together emotionally? That you will have to decide.
But for me, I must go back to my original question. When was the last time the average family actually participated in a joint, “unassigned” activity? Yes, I’ve learned that even these are fun.
My poor husband may have been astonished long ago at my perspective on family togetherness. But I’ve now hopefully learned a thing or two – away from the iPods, the TVs, and yes, even the books.
